Chapter 20: Second Best

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~(Y/N)~

~Dreaming/Memory~

Crack...crack...crack. Was the sound the whip made as it hit me across the back. I shudder with each strike and clutched to the chair. My knees ready to give out any second. When the final blow came I fell to my knees and whimper softly.

"Get back to your room bitch. And don't even think about trying to run away ever again!" my father yells.

As quickly as I possibly could I make my way back up to my bedroom. When I reached the stairs I trip up the first few steps. After reaching the top steps I went to the bathroom immediately to cover my wounds.

While I was in the bathroom after poorly cleaning up after my father's mess I hear a knock at the door. Fearing it was my father wanting to beat me again I was hesitant when opening the door. Slowly as I open it I find him outside with a sad look on his face.

I go to shut the door again when his foot stops the door. He sniffles softly and pushes the door wide open, stepping in he looks down at me sadly before turning me so my back was facing him. "I'm sorry." he sob before lifting up the back of my shirt. I tense up feeling my shirt lift up but when I realized he was trying to tend to my wounds I relax a little more but not enough to feel completely comfortable.

At any moment his switch would flip and he'd be back to whipping me again. So I didn't speak, I didn't even move. "I'm so sorry (Y/N), things have been so hard without your mother around... I've been overworked trying to pay the bills, I'm just so stressed." he cries.

This was really the only times he was ever really 'nice' to me... it was always after he beat me and had time to cool down. Although that didn't make him any better it gave my body and mind a rest. "But you know, you deserve it... you're disrespectful, you're ungrateful for all the effort I put in to make sure there is food on the table every night for you." he says.

I turn to him and look down at the floor. "Sorry... dad." I mutter.

He sighs and points to the door. "Just go to your room." he says.

Quickly I do as told and run to my room before he changes his mind. Flipping the lock up I lean against the door gently trying not to hurt my back from the fresh wounds.

~Dream/Memory Over~

I shot up from the bed and go into a slight coughing fit before turning slightly. In the corner of my room with the lamp light on sat Andrew. He was in the chair reading a book with his reading glasses on, but at the moment he was glancing at me.

I lay back down and turn my back to him like before. I had nothing to say to him, as far as I was concerned I was still giving him the silent treatment for what happened yesterday.

Shutting my eyes again I try and go back to sleep, hoping this time it wouldn't be another painful memory.

~Dream/Memory~

Another rainy day at the hideout which only meant one thing. No Levi. Walking along the halls I made my way to Levi's room. Stopping at his door I take in a deep breathe and look around making sure no one saw me. Even when things had gone to shit, and we were in hiding Levi still rather stay in bed on rainy days.

The hallway was empty thankful. With my hand on the knob I twist it and push it inward, quickly I slip into the dark room and shut the door again. As assumed I found Levi laying on his bed with the covers over his shoulders.

Although things between him and I were in an odd place, I didn't want to leave him alone. Yesterday we were ambushed by Kenny's squad, we were currently in another location hiding out with Sannes. They hadn't interrogated him yet because we were waiting for Hanji.

Standing beside the bed I kneel down, he had been facing me but his eyes were shut tightly. Although I had denied him so much these past few days, deep down it was completely different. I needed to get back home, being in this time would eventually mess things up. But for now all I could think was how I wanted to stay by his side and make sure he'd be okay. Gently I lay my hand on the side of his head, his eyes quickly open and look directly at me.

He didn't tell me to go away, or to take my hand off of him. He just laid there staring at me, he let out a sigh just before his right hand came and gripped the hand I had on his head. "I didn't hear you come in." he mutters.

I slide in a little closer as my thumb gently brushes back and forth on his face. "I didn't want to disturb you in case you were asleep, I just didn't want to leave you alone today." I mutter. As sweet as it sounds, part of me hoped he didn't take it as a sign of showing affection for him. But I was beginning to care less and less if my feelings showed.

"Thank you." he mutters before turning his head up, he held my hand as his head turned. My hand covered his mouth gently only because he held it there and I felt his lips press into it as he kisses it softly. That's when something had sparked in me, even if I was upset with him over kissing me in front of everyone I couldn't stay mad at him for long.

"Hanji should be here in a few hours... do you think you'll be okay by then?" I ask softly.

Quickly he nods his head. Brining my hand off his mouth I lean over him and rest my hand on the edge of the bed. Leaning down over his mouth I watched him look at me in slight confusion, but before he could say anything I shut my eyes and press my lips into his softly. His lips were soft as always, and I was becoming more addicted to his kisses that I couldn't be alone with him without thinking about his lips on mine.

After a couple of second, before I could lose myself to the kiss I pull away but stay close to him. "Find me after you interrogate Sannes..." I whisper. After telling him that I stood up with my eyes still locked on his, he looked as if he was about to jump out of bed and tackle me to the ground.

I would've let him, but as I slowly moved away back to the door he didn't move once. I could see he was trying to restrain himself and he was doing a pretty good job at holding back, because I got out without being tackled.

I planned to confess, no matter how bad of an idea it was, there was no denying what I felt for him. I didn't want to hurt him anymore.

~Dream/Memory Over~

I woke up again but this time all that came out were tears. The hope for no painful memories had been shot down when the dream of Levi came to mind. I missed him so much that all that played in my mind for the past almost year now was my memories of him. And I knew then that even if I'd never see him again, I'd love him all my life and that I would have to put up with second best.

With that I glance back at Andrew and sniffle softly. His eyes remained on the book as his eyes scanned over the page quickly. Yeah... second best.

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