Chapter 28: A Hurting Heart

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~(Y/N)~

I arrived a day later at the safe house that would hold Eren and the others from the 104th Cadet Corps. Walking up the dirt path, a wagon was parked out front, Sasha and Jean were out unpacking the supplies one by one, I walked passed them as they bickered. Heading for the door I then stopped hearing someone call to me, "Hey (Y/N)!" I turn and find Armin there too, he waves to me.

Waving back at him I send him a warm smile. Turning back to the door I open it and hold it as the three of them walk in, following behind the door shut loudly. They walked into the kitchen area where they began unpacking and placing things away into the cabinets. "Guys, did you get the dust and dirt of those before coming in?" Eren asks. Turning to him he had a bandana over his head and around his neck while clutching a broomstick.

"What? No, we didn't it's not like we had time to do it." Jean talks back. Oh yeah, Levi's made Eren into a clean freak as well... when is it he'll be here?

"Don't you understand? Levi won't be satisfied with this! Even this morning, I had to fix the sheets on your bed-

"Would you shut the hell up!! Are you my mom or some shit?!" Jean shouts back.

Then I heard the front door open, my heart began to race thinking Levi had arrived. Whipping my head back I find Historia and Mikasa both walking in with chopped wood. "Mikasa! You went to chop wood!?" Armin says in a panicked tone.

They went on bickering for the next coupleof  minutes, Jean and Eren as usual picking fights with each other. But they all became quiet when the door opened again, turning back around I found both Hanji and Levi entering. Behind them were more soldiers, my eyes shot down after getting a couple of second glance at Levi.

I quickly headed upstairs away from the group to unpack my things. Luckily this place was built for housing many people so I'd be sharing a room with Sasha. With my bag I pull it off my shoulder and head to the drawer by the door.

Grabbing a handful of clothes I shove it into the empty drawers until I took up the rest. Sliding the drawers back in I then toss my bag onto the empty bed. I walk back out to head to the meeting we were having to find them all sitting at the table. There was an open spot next to Jean at the very end... next to Levi.

Letting out a sigh I slowly approach the long table, it was a little crowded here due to having so many people. Sitting beside Jean I keep my eyes down on the table. "Alright.. A lot has happened in a short time. But that doesn't change anything, we need to plug up the hole in Wall Maria." Levi starts.

It was silent in the room, he turned his head towards Armin. "Armin, you said you had an idea about plugging up the hole quickly. I'd like to hear more," he says.

Armin nodded once, "I was thinking that we can plug it up using Eren's abilities... assuming he can harden his skin like The Female and Armored titan." Armin explains.

"Also, it'd be much easier to travel in the night, where titans aren't a threat." he then says. Hearing them discuss their plan made me want to stay longer, but thanks to Hanji and her thorough research skills she managed to find a way for me to get back home.

~Flashback~

I ran out of the building after Hanji who was still walking with Connie. When I had reached her my hand clapped down onto her shoulder startling her. "Oh (Y/N)- can you give us a minute Connie?" she asks, Connie nodded and began walking away.

"You talked to Erwin? What did you find?" I ask.

Looking past me for a second she then took my wrist into her hand and pulled me off the street. She pulled off into an alley to talk, "I looked into those books a little more and have been reaching out to the old lady. She says that if you were to follow the same steps as what we read it'd work but we'd have to add your blood into the mix." she explains.

Confused I tilt my head slightly. "What would my blood be used for?" I ask.

"The woman and book said to mix it with the ashes of the object you'll be burning, you have your object right?" she asks.

I quickly nod my head. "So all we need to do now is find a grave and I can go home sooner?" I double-checked.

She nodded her head. "There are plenty of unmarked graves at the safe house in the forest, you'll just have to go out and find one," she mutters.

"Right," I mutter, my eyes shifted to the ground. I'd have to be careful for Levi not to follow me, I was planning on telling him right before I would go but then again that didn't seem fair to him. But I know I wasn't coming back to this place again so it'd be best he knew the truth.

"I'm gonna plan a letter for Levi... explaining everything right before I go," I tell her.

Her lips perked up into a slight smile. "Good, he may get pissed but it's better he knows... I know I'll never hear the end of it." she laughs towards the end. Chuckling softly with her, I say my goodbyes and head back to the building.

I was overcome with joy and relief of finally going home, but I also felt kinda sad. I was beginning to like it here, considering the fact that I was surrounded by deadly naked humanoid monsters. I had stayed here for nearly two months and made good friends, it was going to be hard leaving them.

I made my way into the corridor with arches leading out into the courtyard. In some parts of this place, it was very pretty, unlike the new Rose where it had skyscrapers for miles with barely any patches of grass to be seen. I had almost forgotten what Rose looked like. Leaning against the frame of an archway I look out at the gardens.

"(Y/N)!" I hear a familiar voice call out.

Leaning to the side I turned my head back, it was Eren. He came jogging up to me, propping his hand on the frame of the arch where I was leaning he looked down at me with a slight smile. "I didn't get a chance to talk to you- Captain Levi kinda stole you," he says then chuckles softly.

Smiling I nodded and turned to him completely. "What's up?" I ask.

With his right hand, he began to scratch the back of his neck while chuckling nervously. "W-well I just wanted to make sure you were really okay- Hanji said you took a pretty hard hit," he says.

"Yea,h I'm okay, just a few bruises and scratches. Nothing major." I tell him, he seemed to be a little more relieved after that, which I guess gave him the confidence to take hold of both my hands. Looking down at his hands he began to pull me away from the arch. I had a bad feeling about this, confused I looked up at him and his expression was soft, yet nervous.

"I-I know we don't spend a lot of time together...a-and you are older but- I care about you! We may have had a rough start but I-

My head darted away, I saw something move from the corner of my eye. There at the end of the hall was Levi, I could tell he wasn't so happy seeing me, especially with my hands in Eren's. "I-I have to go," I mutter before slipping my hand out from his grip. Not only was I being confessed by my many great-grandfather but the guy who claims to love me was now watching the whole thing happen. Quickly taking to the end of the hall I ran into the dead end where I hid.

~Flashback Over~

"I want to test Eren's powers sooner, of course, I do also want detailed information on your titan form and hardening abilities too," Hanji says as I come back to reality.

"I especially want more information on how you can control the titans, it would definitely turn the tables... we'll have to act quickly- although I'd still like to hide Eren longer." Hanji says. We all looked over at her a little confused.

"Why's that?" Armin asks.

Hanji looked down with a sad expression. "Tell 'em," Levi mutters.

"Pastor Nick is dead," Hanji announces. The wall cultist who had information on the titans hiding inside the walls. "This morning, his corpse was found in the barracks in Trost... no one knows how he died.... But I believe he was murdered" she continues.

Hanji continued on telling us how the Military Police kept her from entering the room, and told us what the MP's told her. Then she told us that it was the two MP guards she had encountered that must've done the job but before had tortured him. I was hoping Nick didn't give any information on where we were all hiding. As the discussion went on further it made Levi start to cringe at the fact Hanji was suggesting we keep quiet for a while in hopes to keep the safe house from being found.

Levi turned to Hanji flashing her an annoyed glare. "Do you really think they'll give up if we just sit here and waste time? Sooner or later they're going to find this place, if we keep running they'll only keep coming... I get you feel guilty about Nick but it's really clouding your judgment.... How many of his nails were removed?" Levi then asks changing the subject.

"Huh?" she asks wondering what was so important about that.

"You said you saw it right? How many?" he asks once more.

Hanji shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, I only saw for a second but it seemed like they were all removed," she answers.

Levi let out a hum before turning forward, his eyes glanced over to me for a mere second before they drifted over to Eren. "Most talkative people will spill after just one being removed.. But non-talkative won't give in no matter how many nails are removed... but it seems he didn't give in until the very end." Levi says muttering to the end.

"It's likely he didn't reveal anything... that being said we have two choices either run before we get stabbed in the back or kill those who are stabbing us in the back." Levi suggests, then he turned to Hanji again seeing what she would choose considering she wanted to remain in hiding.

"Hanji?" he calls.

"Both," she answers.

"Hmm... Erwin would have said the same thing." Levi mutters.

~Time Skip~

It was late in the evening, Connie, Eren, Historia, and Mikasa were making dinner, while I was walking around cleaning the place a little more thoroughly. Sasha and Jean were out keeping watch, in the main room I swept the floors and wiped down the table before setting it.

After pushing in the chairs to the table I felt my arm being grabbed. Turning I find Levi standing there with his hand wrapped around my upper arm just above my elbow. "We need to talk," he says. Setting the broom against the table I pull the bandana off my face letting it hang around my neck as I follow him.

Leading me out the back he stood out on the back deck. It was dark out and quiet with only the faint sound of crickets chirping. Sitting on the bench he sat down beside me, there was a long silence between us. If we need to talk then what does he want to talk about? He knows I'm leaving- is this about Eren?

"I know we've had our differences... you can be a pain in the ass sometimes, and I hoping I'd convince you not to go- but that would be selfish of me considering I've already been pretty selfish with you." he starts.

I wanted to tell him, tell him everything. "Levi-

"Please let me get this out." he interrupts. Nodding my head silently I pivot to the side slightly, our knees brushed against one another. "I'm not the type of man who deserves good things- I've done things I'm not proud of, and I've lost a lot of people I care about but with this-" stops and places his hands gently on top of mine that had been laying on my thigh.

"With you- I can't bear the thought of losing you, you've been a complete mystery and I haven't taken the time to get to know you. Even then I still fell, as much as I tried to prevent it." he mutters. His cheeks were red, and his face contorted in pain from explaining this to me, I knew he wasn't one to openly share his feelings- he also wasn't the type of man to be so vulnerable towards anyone. With my free hand, I clap it gently on top of his.

Leaning forward my forehead gently knocked into his as we sat there silently. I knew this news was bothering him, but I couldn't stay here. I could tell it was hurting his heart knowing he'd lose me, and I had wished I could prevent his developing feelings too. Then this wouldn't be hurting so much. "I hate that you deny it... for once I'd just like to know that you feel the same... it would bring me a lot of relief," he mutters.

"I can't... it'll only make things worse... and you won't be able to let me go," I mutter. With that I quickly took my feet and rushed back inside- it was rude of me to leave him out there while he was in that state but I didn't want to do something that would make this harder than it needed to be.

~Levi~

She ran off again, leaving me to my thoughts of endless pain. She was never mine, to begin with, and now she was proving that fact more as the days grew closer to her departure from the Scouts.

I couldn't stop her, no one could. She was holding back in fear of hurting me and herself, I wanted to keep her here. It wasn't safe for her to go out when the MP's might snatch her- then she'd be their next victim to die of torture, and I couldn't bear that any more than her going home.

She had kept this never-ending wall between us with only a few cracks that I could see through. She was just a complete mystery. Standing up from the bench I brush myself off and exhale softly before walking up to the door.

Twisting the knob I push the door inward and enter quietly. From where I was standing I could see all the way into the kitchen due to the open floor plan of the place. And from there I saw (Y/N) and Jaeger standing side by side smiling at one another as she helped him prepare dinner. She would glance back and forth between the cutting board and Eren as they talked. How I hated the sight more than my hatred for titans.

I walked across the room over to the flight of stairs leading up to the second floor, where I would remain upstairs until dinner was ready. Maybe I'm the idiot here... trying to deny the fact she doesn't have feelings for Eren when it's obvious. It's not me she wants- it's him.

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