I TRIED to pick Kelvin up in the morning of the days that followed, but he was always out of the house before I arrived. At first, I'd thought he was at home and ignoring me until a neighbor of his shouted at me for knocking heavily on the door continuously. He informed me rudely that he was out of the house and that I should do the same by driving out in my shinning car. He really did call my car shinning. I was relieved for the interruption because my knuckles were getting raw from knocking too hard.

I went back to the silent car rides but this time around my conscience chastised me for going off on Kelvin. He had not hurt me in anyway and my words had clearly hurt him. He wanted nothing to do with me, because he was doing a fine job avoiding me.

During closing hours, I waited for him for hours in the car but he never once showed up. I couldn't even catch a sniff of him, it was like he never existed. His perfume scent still lingering in my car was the only thing that reminded me that he really had been there. We had been friends laughing, singing and sharing donuts together. I had known him for only few days and I managed to disrupt whatever friendship we could have had.

The most eventful thing that happened to me all week was finally finishing up my project and submitting the edited version to my boss. I'd heard whispers all week in the coffee room that my boss was going to be traveling to Abuja with one of the staff. They were going to present the drawings and schematics of the earpiece to the company that would mass produce them.

I was excited, because I knew without a doubt that I was the one going with him since I worked on the project. Thinking of how exciting the trip was going to be erased my worries over Kelvin. When my boss called I and Gwyneth into his office later that week, I moon walked over there to hear him finally tell me that I was going to go with him. I stood next to Gwyneth and wiped the grin off my face to seem serious as my boss motioned for us to sit.

"Fatimah, I want you to put Gwyneth through on the project you recently finished, since she's the one going with me to Abuja," he said without warning.

My heart stopped beating and I looked from my boss to Gwyneth, my head moving in slow motion. Gwyneth was wearing a smile now; the smile I should be wearing.

"What?!" I asked dumbly, my voice coming out as a whimper.

"Fatimah put Gwyneth through. Is that so hard to understand?" He raised his hands and dropped them in annoyance.

"I understand, sir. I just thought I was the one going with you since I worked on the project," I finished in one breath.

"And you did an outstanding job, I couldn't be prouder. We have so much more to do and I don't want you with me so you can work on something else while I'm away."

"I really don't mind. I could work on the project and still go with you."

He sighed and took out a sachet of antacid to chew before replying me. Gwyneth remained by my side still wearing that stupid grin.

"I know that, but it's going to be too stressful. Gwyneth will do, you focus on this." He passed me a file of documents and I picked it up. It felt like a bomb parcel.

"That seems reasonable to me," Gwyneth said.

I shot her a menacing look and that wiped the smile off her pretty face.

"Yes, you can leave now. I've a meeting soon." My boss dismissed us and I walked toward the door holding the file that felt so heavy in my hands.

I noticed Gwyneth trailing behind me and I remembered that I was meant to put her through. As I got to my desk, I opened the bottom drawer and fished out the notepad I made all the jotting I did while working on the project. I handed it to Gwyneth.

"It's actually self-explanatory, I used simple terms and the drawings are also well detailed. There are some pieces of materials in there that should also help..."

I rambled on and on, explaining bits and pieces to her. As much I disliked her, if she didn't get all my explanations, the company manufacturing the earpiece would have to send the project back to me for adjustment and I worked too hard on it to let that happen.

"All in all, study the book. I know you've got it," I said with false bravado.

"Thanks," Gwyneth replied meekly. She looked different from her evil self, her expression was one of joy and disbelief. She even smiled at me before leaving my cubicle.

I knew I had to see Kelvin. Someone had to know how badly I was feeling, and he was the only person I knew that would care. I was certain he would be at the cafeteria for lunch so that was where I went. He was the only one I could share my sadness with.

I wanted to erupt, I worked on that damned project for months only to hand it over to Gwyneth. I should be the one going to Abuja, I should be the one presenting it, instead I was saddled with more work. I was burning with so much pain as I walked into the cafeteria. I looked around trying to see if my eyes would find Kelvin, but I didn't see him. There was no one to ask about him. I hardly talked to his colleagues in accounting.

I went back to my desk and dropped the new files on the table into the drawer, I hated looking at it already. I walked out of the office with nothing but my handbag, and I made sure to rid it of anything relating to work. I sent a message to the HR from my desk saying I was not feeling well and going home. It wasn't even two o'clock yet, but I didn't care.

I got into my car and managed to wave back at Dwayne who was at the gate post as I drove out. I couldn't return his smile, and I hoped he didn't take offense.

I got home to an empty house and started cleaning like crazy. I didn't even take off my work clothes, I just got down and scrubbed the bathroom tiles like there was something in them offending me. I dumped my dirty clothes into the washing machine and watched as they spun round and round. I dried my clothes and attacked the kitchen next. I was cleaning the already clean counter and wiping the cooker I hardly used because I was always eating take outs.

I ran out of stem while cleaning the kitchen floor and went into the living room. I collapsed heavily into the sofa and it creaked from the weight of my body. I tried my best not to think about all that happened in the office but lying down like that with nothing to do, my mind couldn't help but conjure those memories.

Why wasn't I picked? Gwyneth never worked on the project, she wasn't even familiar with it. Perhaps, it was because she was more presentable. That was it. She looked better, healthier, slimmer and smarter. Although the later was questionable, it wasn't farfetched. No one wanted an overweight person representing their company. I had to do something, I just didn't know what else to do. I searched my mind and came up with nothing. I couldn't be more efficient, because I was already too efficient therefore my work ethics couldn't be the problem.

I woke up with a start from my nap when I heard a knock at the door. I rolled over then heard a loud thud as I fell to the floor. I should have slept in the bedroom. The leather couch wasn't made for sleeping.

"Ouch," I shouted as I felt pain in my arm when I tried to sit.

I rolled and shifted as I struggled to sit upright. I glanced at my left wrist when I got into a sitting position, the wands indicating the seconds and minutes glowed and I realized it was dark. My body was weak and exhausted when I stood. I remembered my afternoon activities and knew I shouldn't have cleaned so hard. My aching body seconded it.

The knock came again and I moved towards the door, turning on the light on my way. I hardly got visitors, I didn't have close friends so no one knew my apartment. I peeped through the pigeon hole and saw Kelvin pacing outside. Ugh! I opened the door, and Kelvin dragged me into his arms when he saw me. My arms were pinned by my side so I couldn't push him away or return his hug.

When he finally let go of me, I laughed awkwardly. "Whoa! What was that for?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeeeaaa," I dragged out.

"Thanks heavens. Dwayne said something was wrong with you, what's the problem?"

Okay, I didn't realize Dwayne was that intuitive. He must have noticed my mood as I drove out of the office, or the fact that I left after lunch which was unusual. I remembered we were both still at the entrance so I opened the door wider and let Kelvin in. He sat on the sofa I just fell from and I sat on the matching single seater.

"So?" he prompted, seeing as I wasn't ready to talk.

"How did you get my house address?" I asked the most obvious question.

"I got it from a guy in the HR department. I know it's against the rules, but Dwayne made it seem like something was really wrong."

"I wasn't feeling well, that's all," I lied. It was difficult telling him the truth now that I saw him. I hadn't seen him in weeks, and I couldn't tell if he was still my friend or not.

"How do you feel now?"

"Better. I took some aspirin." I rarely took drugs, and I didn't have aspirin anywhere in the house.

"Great, I was worried. I've not seen you in weeks."

"Two weeks," I said before I could stop myself.

"I had nothing to do with that." Kelvin leaned comfortably into the sofa, his long legs sprawled out.

"I tried to apologize. I came to your house every morning and waited at the office every evening, I wasn't even sure you worked there anymore."

"Of course, I do. I have to be there for six months before I can change jobs, which isn't the point. You didn't want to see me so I made myself scarce."

"I just told you I tried to see you. Why would I do all that if I didn't want to see you?"

"I wouldn't know." Kelvin shrugged and I sighed. He was obviously not making apologizing easy. I wasn't aware that he was that mule headed.

"Well, I wanted to see you to apologize."

"Yea?"

"Yea! Why are you asking like that?"

"I know you're not used to having people around you, for reasons I obviously know nothing about. I could tell that you did that on purpose, maybe you don't realize it but you self-sabotage."

"I don't. That's absurd anyway," I replied firmly.

"You do. I don't know what you've conjured in that pretty head of yours about me being your friend, but I know you tried to take control of the situation by saying all those things so you'll be the one hurting me and not the other way around."

"That's not true."

Kelvin raised his eyebrows in question and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever. You can either deny or accept it, it's up to you." He took one of the throw pillows and positioned it on the arm of the sofa, he was lying down flat with his face turned to me.

"I'm sorry for how I made you feel."

"Apology accepted. For the record, you're an asshole."

I threw a pillow at him but he ducked it, grabbed it and stacked it behind his head.

"What have you been up to? I've missed you," I said in a rush.

"I'll pretend like you truly mean that. I'm seeing one of the girls from the office," Kelvin said.

I became breathless, it felt like I'd been hit by a bus. "What?" I asked in astonishment then cleared my throat. "I meant who?" I retracted trying to school my expression, I didn't want him to see how affected I was. I took a pillow and placed it in my middle like it would protect my heart from further breaking.

Kelvin didn't look like he noticed my disappointment. "Just someone. Not from the office really but the law firm down its building. She's really nice, you'll like her."

I breathed in relief. If she wasn't in our office, it wouldn't be that bad. "I'm sure I will." I was still thinking of something else to say when Kelvin's phone shrilled breaking the silence.

Kelvin sat up and leaned backwards, his fingers digging into his back pocket for his phone. "Hey, babe...Yea, I'll be there...Alright," He ended the call and turned back to me. "I should get going."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yea, just my girlfriend," Kelvin said beaming. "She needed something."

It must be good to have someone you could call just like that when you needed something. Kelvin stood and walked towards the door, and I walked behind him. He stopped and I almost stumbled into him as he turned.

"I don't have your number," he said.

I called my digits and he punched it into his phone. I took that little moment to devour the planes of his face. I had not seen him in so long, so I tried to memorize every curve and arch. I shifted my gaze to the spot behind his shoulder as he glanced up.

"I'll call you when I get home. Call me if you feel any type of way." He took my hands and peered into my face, and I nodded.

"See you on Monday."

"And you too. Bye."

I slumped back into the sofa when he left, hugging the pillow his head was resting on few minutes ago.

Fool. I called myself that over and over again for deluding myself into thinking our friendship could blossom into something more. I liked him, like really liked him. He was the first person I'd felt safe with in a long time. He was too good to settle for someone like me anyway, I tried to console myself with that. How could he? Even I could see that for myself.

Everyone around me was progressing one way or the other, and I was a twenty-six-year-old, dark skinned lady stuck in a body that made everyone stop to look at me wherever I went. I was attracting a wrong kind of attention, I wanted something different, admiration maybe. Instead, I was getting unsolicited advises from strangers on the dangers of obesity.

I took Maltesers from the kitchen and munched on the round chocolates as I looked out of the window of my apartment. I tried to distract myself with the hustle and bustle happening in my street as I watched people walking in and out of the ATM gallery across my building. The Maltesers felt like dust in my mouth after a while. I went back to the kitchen, spitting the content in my mouth into the sink and throwing the pack into the bin.

No more.