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Take Me Somewhere Nice by Mogwai
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"In his tent, Achilles grieved with his whole being and the gods saw he was a man already dead, a victim of the part that loved, the part that was mortal."

- Louise Glück

5 years ago
Seattle, Washington

Aedrienn

"Apá?" Aedrienn's entire body ached with every exhale, with every inch she tried to move.

"Apá," she whimpered again. She was sitting up now, and even though the fog from her thoughts completely vanished, panic slowly began to settle in. It was freezing, the temperature oddly low even for this time of year in Seattle. "Something's wrong, dad." Aedrienn looked down at her hands, covered in ice and dried blood. "Something's wrong." Her chest began rising and falling furiously.

"Aedrienn." Somehow, despite the car crushing his lower body, Fernando Renna had gathered enough strength to call out to his daughter. "Aedrienn, you have to relax, mija. Look at me. Look at your dad."

"I'm – I'm trying to." But how could she? It was night, and yet from the flickering of the cars broken headlights and a worn-down lamppost a couple of feet away, she saw everything in all its horror. It happened so fast. One moment, Mason was chastising her over putting her seatbelt on. The next he was –

Mason.

A scream built up in her throat. Their father was still alive. She was still alive, but Mason wasn't. She looked towards where he laid again, and his hair wasn't messy because he had run his hand through it – it was messy because a chunk of his head was missing. Split open from when he flew through the windshield. Aedrienn had only taken one semester of anatomy and physiology, but she knew what grey matter looked like in person.

God, it was everywhere...

"Aedrienn, can you move? Estás bien, mi mija?"

No, she wasn't. She'd never be okay again.

"Dad, Mason is -"

"I know. I know. Aedrienn, honey, if – if you can, I need you to -" he began coughing violently, and it wasn't because the temperature slowly began to decline. "- look for a phone. Call for help."

"Wait, dad. I can fix him." Although she hadn't suffered much physical damage herself, it still took everything for Aedrienn to stand up, her bones screaming at her to stop. She wanted to lie back down on the cold asphalt and wait for it to pass, but she couldn't. Mason needed her now.

"Think Aedrienn, think," she murmured "Yo lo puedo ayuda. I just - I just have to – owe!" She holds her head in her hands, a pain unlike anything she's ever know coursing there. It felt like her brain was melting. But she had to focus. "What would Mason do? What would Mason do?"

"Aedrienn. Aedrienn." Blood gurgled in her father's mouth.  "Aedrienn, mi vida. You can't fix him." And the next words he said were the worst words she would ever hear in her life.

"You can't fix him because he's dead."

Fernando Renna looked towards his son, one of his greatest prides, looked at Aedrienn who was desperately trying to find a way to save her brother, and sorrow entered his heart. It wasn't even for him or for Mason. He knew what was coming and that he'd see Mason again in a different world – but he felt it for his daughter who would have to endure this. For his wife and youngest son. For the fact that they would have to live a life without them.

"Aedrienn," he spoke again. "Come here. Leave him. He's gone." And all he could offer her right now was a moment of consolation before he soon followed. 

Aedrienn, hands shaking and tears falling, bent down to shut her brother's eyes, not being able to bear that life-less look any longer.

"Goodbye, Mason. I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I love you."

And that last phrase would now cease to mean anything to her. Because Mason would never hear it again. Because he'd never get to say it back.

—————

"NO!" Aedrienn's shout tore through her. "No, please!" She shoots up, fighting with her sheets, barely making it to the restroom.

It was bad this time. Really bad. Her vomit spills all over the sink, and she slumps down to the cold tiled floor. Aedrienn curls up into a ball, biting down on the collar of her t-shirt, willing herself to calm down.

"It's over," she cries. "It's not real anymore." But the words were just empty reassurances.

After a while, she gets up to clean up the mess she made and watches as the clock strikes 3:00 a.m.. Right on time, she thinks. It had been stupid of her to think those melatonin pills she took before bed would work, but after she came home from the library and saw that familiar blank look on her mother's face – as if she didn't care at all about where her daughter had been or where she'd gone – she decided she desperately needed the rest.

But once again, the nightmares came with the exact same dream. She could see Mason's bloodied face and hear her father's cries. Honestly, it pissed her off. As if she needed any reminder of it.

Knowing she wouldn't go to sleep again, Aedrienn splashes cold water on her face and makes her way to the kitchen – only to almost trip over a pile of clothes outside her door. But then she hears a groan, and realizes that the pile of clothes is actually her younger brother.

"Matthew?" Aedrienn asks, eyes blinking. "It's the middle of the night. What are you doing out here?"

"Oweeeee," Matthew winces. "Stop yelling. I have a raging headache right now."

"I'm not yelling. Why are you - " Aedrienn breaks off, and that's when she takes a whiff of the air, catching the bitter scent of alcohol.

She swallows hard. "You've been drinking." It wasn't a question.

"Nooo, I haven't." Matthew snaps, but Aedrienn could hear the slur in his words. "God, you sound like mommmm."

"Did you just get home? Where did you go and how many drinks did you have?" She ignores his previous comment, bending down to his level to inspect him with that older-sister scrutiny for any signs of injuries.

"Stop it, Aedrienn." Matthew dodges her attempts. "I don't need anything from you."

It was as if someone had wrapped a fist around her heart and was crushing it. Her relationship with her younger brother was...complicated to say the least. Matthew was just a year younger than Aedrienn, but in the last few months, it was as if he had aged several decades.

Aedrienn always thought of how hard her mother had taken her husband's and son's deaths, but who really took her by surprise was Matthew. All her life, she'd always looked up to Mason and their father, but for Matthew it was different; he idolized them. In his eyes, they were his heroes. The ones who would teach him how to work hard, how to talk to girls. How to be an honest, good man. And he had been heading towards that path, becoming exactly like the two men he loved so much. But when Aedrienn had come home from the hospital and Matthew had completely broken down in her arms, sobbing and thrashing on the floor like he used to do when he was a child, she knew he was endangered of becoming something else entirely. Now, all Matthew did was skip school. Leave the house for hours on end without any notice, and Aedrienn could only make assumptions of where he'd been by the way he always came back smelling as if he'd bathed in beer.

She first took note of the pattern a couple of weeks after the funerals and she tried to intervene, thinking the accident would draw them closer somehow, but she could not have been more wrong. Even the slight indication that Matthew was developing a drinking problem was enough to set him off. He screamed at her. Told her that she didn't know what the fuck she was talking about and to stop meddling in his life. Angelina tried talking to him too, but that only ended up with both of them yelling at each other, the first out of hundreds of screaming matches that had yet to come.

Regardless, the message had been clear: stay out of my way. But that older sister part of her that she could never really seem to shake kept nagging at her to keep an eye on him. Now all Aedrienn did was watch him from afar. Not too close to where he'd notice, but never too far away should he ever need her. Which is exactly why she set aside his rudeness, because it didn't matter what he did or what he said, she'd always be there for him.

Aedrienn finally managed to shake the remaining sleep from her eyes, allowing a clearer look at Matthew's unkept, messy appearance, and yet all she could see through that broken exterior was her baby brother. Knowing with great hope and certainty that he would come back to her one day. Whenever he was ready.

But for now, all Aedrienn could do was outstretch her arms toward him.

"Will you at least let me help you to your room, then?" she asks.

"No." Matthew tries to stand up on unsteady legs - and would've fallen face first had Aedrienn not caught him, already anticipated it. He tried to fight her as she wrapped an arm around his torso, then, seeing as there was no use, finally let himself sag against her.

Using all her strength, Aedrienn managed to get him down the hall and into his room. With Matthew being over six feet tall, it's a miracle she doesn't trip, the piles of clutter on the floor not helping her one bit. She gently lays him on the bed, making sure to position him on his side, before taking off his shoes and tucking him in.

Not expecting any sort of thank-you, she turns, then she hears her name, barely a whisper in the dark.

"Aedrienn, I'm sorry." It was Matthew, eyes barely opened and completely disoriented. "I'm sorry. I hear you crying all the time. Mom hears you. I want to help you but I'm too much of a coward to say or do anything."

She stills, questioning if she was actually hearing him correctly. She doubted even he knew what he was saying.

"Hush," she says, fixing the sheets around him in order to distract herself. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"But it does," Matthew responds back, a crack in his voice. "It does matter because it should've been me in that car."

Aedrienn tries to leave, but Matthew grabs hold of her arm. "Mom told me to go with you and dad to the store but I didn't want to. So Mason went instead. It should've been me."

"Just...go to sleep, Matthew." He was crying now, and all Aedrienn could do was tuck him in tighter. "It'll be alright. You'll forget about this in the morning." God, she hope he did. She wouldn't be able to handle it if she had to have this conversation all over again.

Exhaustion must've finally found him because in a second Matthew is out cold, the only trace of his sadness now a streak of dried tears on his face.

Aedrienn takes one last look at her little brother and shuts the door behind her. Upon stepping into the hallway, she wraps her arms around herself. Her house always seemed to be in a cold state, but this time her discomfort was caused by something else. She kept going over her brother's words.

I hear you crying all the time.

Mom hears you.

Her stomach churned with uneasiness. At first, when the nightly episodes began, she'd wondered if Matthew and her mother could hear her screaming at night, but days had passed and neither of them mentioned it. She admitted it had stung a little at first, but she suppose she should be grateful that they chose to ignore her instead of insinuating she needed help.

His last sentence though, that's the part that truly hurt her. 

It should've been me.

She understood where this came from. Ever since she woke up in the hospital, there had been gaps in her memory. Things of her past that she couldn't really make sense of. Unfortunately for her, the accident was not one of them. To this day, she could still recall the events leading up to that moment. It had been just a normal Saturday. Mason had flown into Seattle to visit them and all the Renna's had spent the entire day together. Then Angelina told Fernando and Matthew to run to the store for some ingredients she needed for dinner. Matthew refused, and that's when Aedrienn and Mason offered to go. The rest was history.

Aedrienn carried a lot of guilt from that night, even though she knew in her right mind that there was absolutely nothing she could've done to save them. And yet it weighed her down as if she had been the one who crashed the car. She could only imagine how her mother and Matthew felt. Because although they didn't mean it – although they could've never known this would happen – in the end, they were the ones that sent them.

Still, she could never blame them for it because this was life. Awful things happened all the time. How can anyone stop the hand that deals us these kinds of fates?

Aedrienn walks back to her room and sits down at her desk, opening her laptop to start working on some assignment there really was no need to work on yet. She threw a glance at the tall bookshelf along her wall. Maybe there was something she could read tonight instead? She flew through at least twenty books in the last three weeks, might as well keep adding to the list. Aedrienn skims over the titles of books, trying to get a sense of what she wanted to read next, but something else catches her eye.

There, on the middle shelf, is a small, glass picture frame. She picks it up, inspecting the portrait inside. The edges of it were worn out. Creases formed across the image, a testament of the years it had endured.

In the picture, baby Aedrienn sits in a high chair. Her bright smile displays a single, pearly white tooth as a slightly younger version of her father raises a plastic spoon, feeding her what looked like mashed sweet potatoes. She stares at it for a long time, confusion clouding her thoughts. Aedrienn typically liked to keep her bookshelves clean and void of clutter, so how could have this gotten here? Who could've put it here?

The question is quick to leave her mind though, not caring about how she'd gotten it but only that she had it now. She knew her mom had dozens of photo albums, all filled with various pictures of her and her siblings through various stages in their lives. She's flipped through those albums at least a hundred times, and yet this is the first she's ever seen of this one.

She lets out a laugh - a small one - but a laugh nonetheless. Angelina and Fernando both had different ways of parenting their children. With her mother, it had always been a little more formal. Strict but not overbearing. Serious yet loving. Her father, on the other hand, never withheld anything from them. Her father – always so easygoing and kind and selfless with his family. During her pre-teen years in middle school, a time when she was just starting to be aware of boys and for whatever reason would be so grumpy and annoyed all the time, she remembered how Fernando would sit with her and wouldn't leave until he got a smile out of her. Would always use calm, soothing words when speaking to her because he knew how sensitive his little girl was. She wondered what he would say to her now? What he would think if he could see how cold his family has become without him and Mason.

The laugh didn't last long, and for the second time tonight, Aedrienn cries.

"Stop it, Aedrienn." She furiously wipes at her eyes, feeling a flash of irritation. God, she was so sick of crying. She was sick of feeling sorry for herself and for not being able to make herself get over this. "Enough of this," she scowls herself. "Enough."

Matthew was right – she didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. What she said to Matthew about how it'll all be alright was a complete lie. How could she help Matthew or her mother when she couldn't even help herself? How could she ever expect to become more than the broken shell of a girl she was now? She wasn't doctor material. She wasn't even a good daughter or sister.

She was nothing.

She could hear her father in her ear now, his voice a distinct, sweet memory, asking her what was wrong. Why she was so sad. She speaks to the emptiness and loneliness in her room, knowing full well the words will never reach him.

"I'm tired. So tired," she whispers. "And I can't sleep or think or breathe or do anything."

In silence, in despair, Aedrienn breaks.

And breaks.

And breaks.

—————

In an angry fit, Aedrienn slams down her backpack onto the desk of the study room she just entered.

"No puedo creerlo. Absolutely unbelievable," she murmurs. "Does he not know we have a project due?"

It was Friday once again, and a whole entire week had gone by since she'd last seen Elias. When he had missed Monday's class, Aedrienn tried to brush it off, assuming that something must've come up. But then he missed Wednesday's lecture too, and now today. Aside from the semester project they had due, there were also in-class worksheets that they were supposed to complete in pairs, and so all this week, Aedrienn had to do them by herself.

"I knew it," she says to herself. "I freaking knew he was going to be irresponsible."

That's why she was here at the main UW library. She finished with all her classes about an hour ago, and since she wasn't ready to go home just yet, she decided to rent out a study room. She hoped if she kept herself busy enough, it would distract her from all the events that happened last week. The party, her mom, her encounter with Rosie, and especially that drunken conversation she had with Matthew and the picture frame she found in her room afterward. She was overstimulated and just needed a moment of peace and quiet.

Soon enough, Aedrienn finds her rhythm and feels a swell of pride at the progress she's made. She got a week's worth of assignments done, giving her time to work on her application for the lab.

It was one of the only things she looked forward to these days. UW was one of the best schools in Washington, known for its many diverse and sophisticated STEM programs with the most brilliant board of science directors. For a student to work in one of their labs was the highlight of their undergrad career. Aedrienn had done research before, but there was this one specific lab she's been dying to get into. The lab consisted of medical research that specialized in heart trauma and congenital defects in patients. It's been around for thirty years at the school and gave birth to some of the most advanced medical knowledge doctors around the world use in their everyday practice. It's run by none other than the famous Dr. Henry Edward and his daughter Dr. Victoria Edward, two of the most respected doctors the university has ever had.

Her research portfolio and essays that came with the application were just about done, and again, Aedrienn fell into her work rhythm, so much so that she didn't realize someone had barged into the study room until they had dropped something heavy onto the table and practically gave her a heart attack from fear.

She gasps loudly, holding a hand over her racing heart.

"Are you crazy?" she sneers at the intruder. "You can't just barge in here like that. You almost scared me half to death."

"Eat," Elias Luca simply says, the neutral look on his face indicating he was in no way concerned about having scared her.

"What?" Aedrienn asks, still trying to collect herself. "What are you talking about?"

He points to the white plastic bag he had placed on the table. "You've been in here for more than four hours and not once have I seen you come out."

Four hours? Aedrienn glances at the clock in the corner of her laptop screen and sees that it's 5:00 p.m.. Her mouth opens in shock. Had she really been that distracted to have not noticed how late it'd gotten?

"Hmm, just as I suspected," Elias says. "Even you hadn't realized how long you've been in here. Lucky for you," he drags the chair from under the table and takes the seat across from her, "you have me. Now stop pouting and eat before the food gets cold."

"You – you brought me food?" She didn't mean for it to come out as a question, but her head was spinning with hundreds of them. She felt like she was seeing all this from a parallel universe. First, he doesn't show up to class and now all of a sudden he was here bringing her food? She wouldn't have questioned it if it had been Nova who brought it for her - she was always getting after Aedrienn for barely eating anyways - but to have Elias notice it and him going out of his way to bring her a meal...that was something only a close friend would do, and he was anything but that to her.

The act was too casual for her own comfort. Everything about the way he acted with her was too casual. She needed to put a stop to it before this dynamic between them – whatever the hell it was – had the chance to evolve any further.

Aedrienn pushed the bag away. "No, thank you. I'm fine."

"You're telling me you're not hungry? At all?"

She crosses her arms. "Not that whether I eat or not is your concern, but what makes you think I am? I've probably been munching on snacks this whole time." And as if on cue, Aedrienn's treacherous stomach lets out a loud rumble. She tries to cover it up with a false cough, but Elias's smirk is a dead giveaway he caught on.

He opens the bag and starts taking out the contents from inside. "Say all you want, but nobody can resist these."

The smell of grilled meat and freshly hand-made corn tortillas hits Aedrienn's nose, and it was as if someone had attached a string to the back of her neck because she never sat up so fast in her entire life.

"Are those tacos al pastor?" She was practically salivating.

"With cilantro and red salsa, of course. Too bad you're not hungry, though," Elias responds, a fake sad tone in his voice. "These are from El Taquito Shop. Guess I'll just have to eat all ten tacos by myself then."

"Wait." Aedrienn shoots out a hand, stopping his movements. He looks at her expectantly, holding up a taco directly in her eye-sight to tease her. He was irritatingly right – she couldn't resist. "If you're offering, I'll take it."

A bright smile lights his face. "Thata girl. How many do you want?"

"Just two."

"Five it is." He slides them to her along with a couple of napkins.

She doesn't fight him. At the first bite, her eyes almost roll to the back of her head. God, she loved tacos. Especially these. She and Nova used to go to El Taquito Shop every Friday night after a party and ate tacos to their heart's content. Tony Hernandez, the sweet woman who owned the truck, was always so happy to see them. And she didn't help their taco addiction when she would give them free plates of them all the time. It was a small family business, but she'd take this over any expensive restaurant in town any day. She was surprised Elias even knew of the small food truck.

Actually...

"How did you know of El Taquito Shop?" she asks.

Elias wipes his face with a napkin before responding. "Who doesn't know of it? It's the best place in Seattle to get authentic tacos."

Despite herself, her lips pull at a small smile. "On that, I'll agree with you. It's my comfort food. It's kind of like my drinking-a-cup-of-coffee-on-a-early-Sunday-morning type thing. My mother used to make these for us all the time. She used to make us every meal she grew up eating in Mexico. She also taught me how to bake a traditional tres leches cake and conchitas - " She was rambling, and she would've kept going had she not seen the attentive, almost captivated look on Elias's face as she was speaking. Heat floods her cheeks at having all of his attention. She didn't mean to have said all that, but she couldn't help the memories that resurfaced, either.

And all it took was a freaking taco to get her mouth running.

She clears her throat, ignoring him and going in for a second bite. "Where have you been?" She didn't try to hide the annoyance in her tone, reminding herself that she was still upset at him for missing all this week.

Elias stares at her for a long moment, then he shakes his head, mumbling something she couldn't quite comprehend.

"What was that?" she asked.

"My angel." Elias leans toward her, placing his chin on the top of his palm, and although there was a table that separated them, she still felt like he was way too close to her. "Since I walked in, I've been trying to see who I have with me today – my angel or my party girl."

Aedrienn frowns. "Sorry to disappoint you, but you have neither."

He chuckles. "So angry, my angel. I love it."

Again, she tried to draw the attention away from her. "You didn't answer me. Where were you?"

"I wasn't aware you loved my company so much."

She scoffs. "I don't. But we have a project due and I don't need you ruining my GPA just because you're too irresponsible to show up."

"You mean our semester project that isn't due for another two and a half months?"

"I want to get it done as soon as I can."

"You know you can admit that you like having me around. Last Friday it seemed you weren't bothered by my company at all."

There it was again, another not-so-subtle mention of what happened at the party. Originally, she was going to thank Elias for having taken care of her, but the days went by and she decided it was better to pretend it never happen. However, by the way Elias's eyes shone with eagerness, it seemed he wasn't ready to let it go just yet.

Elias continued when she didn't respond right away. "You might not want to talk about it, but you were the life of the party, angel. Dancing on top of tables, almost starting a fight, and drinking more than all of the guys there. Honestly, I didn't know you had it in you."

She clears her throat, finishing the rest of her food and going back to her computer. She didn't want to give anything away, but then, it clicks in his head.

"Wait, do you not remember anything that happened?"

She looks up at him over the edge of her computer screen.

The biggest grin lights up his face. "You don't remember anything. Oh, this is too good."

She shuts her computer forcefully. "Whatever happened or whatever may not have happened doesn't matter. It was a mistake and it'll never happen again."

"Which part? The part where you tried to fight some frat guy when he spilled beer all over your heels, or – my personal favorite – when you couldn't keep your hands off me on the dance floor? Going on and on about how handsome and beautiful I was."

Aedrienn let out a strained laugh. "Now, I know you're lying. I would never succumb to such things. It doesn't matter how drunk I got."

"Are you sure about that, angel?" Elias now leaned back in his chair, arms crossed behind his head and looking so smug Aedrienn wanted to slap him. "Who knows? Maybe I even stole a kiss or two."

At this, her blood runs cold. "You wouldn't have."

He shrugs his shoulders. "I guess you'll never know then."

Any gratitude that she might've felt for Elias completely dissipated into thin air. How dare he come in here and mock her like this? Who the hell did he think he was?

"You know, it doesn't even matter how I acted, at least I didn't let it affect my performance in class. Which isn't something you can say seeing as you weren't here at all. What? Too busy getting over a hangover to show up?"

"There you go again. So worried about where I was." His voice was taunting. "Careful with that, angel. Or I'm going to start to think you may actually like me."

"Like and tolerating are two very different things. I'm going to remind you again that I'm only with you because Professor Thorn won't switch us."

Genuine surprise flashes across his face. "You told him you didn't want to work with me?"

"Yes, I did." She was lying, but he needed to be reminded of his place. He was just any other student she had been paired up with to do a project. That's all he was. He wasn't someone she wanted to count on. He wasn't someone she wanted to get to know or become friends with, because if he got too close, he'd see just how damaged she was and recoil. What would he think of her then? She'd disappointed enough people in her life. She didn't need to add another person to that category.

Aedrienn saw the second her words landed. Hurt flashed across his features and she tried to find relief in it, but...for whatever reason, she couldn't. It bothered her.

It genuinely bothered her. 

Elias was quick to recover, however, and he brightened once again. "Fine. If you want to know so badly, I'll tell you. I had to attend some important appointments this week. And you didn't need to worry. Professor Thorn knew all about them and gave me an extension to do my part of our worksheets."

"You had appointments. All this week?" She didn't know if he was lying to her or not.

"I did." He sounded sincere. "I've been in the library all day trying to catch up on assignments. That's why I knew you were here in the first place. I saw you walk in."

"What kind of assignments?"

"Just some homework problems for my engineering classes."

"So you're an engineering major?" She tried to sound nonchalant about it. She already knew this of course, thanks to Nova, but she didn't want to let him know she had been asking about him. 

Elias's smile tipped up higher. "Mechanical. But enough about me. I want to know what's so interesting that had you cooped up in here in the first place." He stretches an arm across the table, reaching for one of Aedrienn's assignment papers. She tries to grab it before he can, but Elias is too quick for her. 

"Biochemical pathways in medicine, huh?" Elias asks, quirking an eyebrow. "Let me guess, pre-med? Do I have a future doctor on my hands?"

"Give it back."

"Actually, this is great news. I'm going to need someone to revive my heart when it stops from how beautiful you look today."

Aedrienn's breath falters and her eyes widen. He didn't mean it.

She tries to recover, not wanting to let him know exactly how much he just unsettled her. "Are you done messing around? Because if you are, you can leave. I don't have time to listen to your jokes."

"You're right. You look beautiful every day."

And just like that, another wall goes up.

"I have to go." Aedrienn stands up from her seat, forcefully shoving her things back into her backpack.

He frowns. "Wait, what happened? Where are you going?" he asks.

"I don't know what kind of game you think this is, but leave me out of it."

"I don't get it." It was his turn to stand up now, looking dumbfounded. "I thought we were having a good conversation."

"Honestly, Elias, do you expect me to believe you did all this out of the kindness of your heart?" Aedrienn refrained from rolling her eyes at how confused he looked. He was flirting with her and saying all these things just so he could go back to Jackson and his other friends and laugh about how easy it had been to win over the sad little girl.

Beautiful. He said she looked beautiful.

Aedrienn almost scoffed at the idea. She was anything but that. Maybe back then when she actually cared enough to do her hair instead of putting it up in a clip. To put on a pretty outfit instead of just wearing jeans and the basic UW sweatshirt she wore almost every day.

He was mocking her. It was all a game to him, and one she would have no part of.

"I was being nice. I was - " Elias breaks off, inhaling a shaky breath as if he was trying to calm himself.

Ah-ha, Aedrienn thinks. There it is. There's that crack in the overly friendly exterior she'd been looking for. It was probably one of the most selfish things she's ever done, but she wanted to give Elias a reason to not like her. She wanted him to see how awful she could truly be. It was easier this way.

When Elias opens his mouth, she's ready to take whatever foul, ugly thing he might say to her.

But it never comes. Instead, Elias's eyes fill with sadness and –

And compassion.

She doesn't know which one she hates more.

"Aedrienn," he starts, his voice thick with emotion. "Is it really so hard to believe that I want to be your friend?"

Aedrienn blinks, still not quite comprehending what he just said. "What?" she breathes.

"I want to be your friend, Aedrienn. I don't expect anything in return. I don't need anything in return. I just want to be your friend."

Aedrienn adjusted the strap of her backpack, shifting uncomfortably on her feet. She felt shy, overwhelmed by the intensity with which he was saying this. The room felt small too, and him towering over her wasn't helping matters either. The truth was, his kindness unnerved her, and the closer he got, the more he tried to joke and laugh with her, the more she felt like she didn't deserve it.

You don't need me as a friend, Elias. You need something better. The words danced on the tip of her tongue. The confession so raw it made her ill.

So instead of being honest with him and answering, she rounds the table and exits the study room.

Elias doesn't try to stop her.