Lan Qiren searched for an ice breaker after his stomach stopped roiling over the smell of the fish entrails. Something more sedate. Something inane...

"Um. So, what sort of name is Porta Daven? You are not from this region."

Se snorted. "No. No, I am not. Let's see, how do I ... Okay. Porta. Porta means gateway in Latin. And the other, well... It's Judaic and is said both as Daven and Doven. It means the recitation of prayers. So, you might say I am the answer to your prayers. How's that?"

"That sounds preposterous. What is Latin? What is Judaic? It sounds ridiculous."

"Why should anything I tell you be ridiculous to you? You are sitting here with a couple of extra bags of rice on your chest after a fight with a long dead ancestress, and you say what I say is ridiculous?"

"I was rude. I am sorry!"

"Forget about it. Drop it."

"Don't be so prickly. woman."

"Stop saying woman as if it's a lesser life form. I hate that about all you damned men! If I wanted this kind of shit, I'd have gotten married!!!"

"Porta Daven, you are over-reacting. I suggest a few deep breaths."

She whirled on him in a split second. He had seen cyclones that lookedmore benign

"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, YOU POMPOUS PRICK!! You want to know where I am from...Here it is ...I was born in a city named Jerusalem in the year 1989. Thousands of years from now. I got into a row with an orthodox Rabbi and smacked him upside his head with my knapsack...He got pissed and slapped a curse on me saying, 'Woman, you wish to talk like a man, then look like one for a while. Try that shit in a place with zero tolerance.' And that is how I fucking got that fucking beard and ended up fucking here!"

She threw her head back and screamed wordlessly at the top of her lungs.

 Flocks of birds took flight.

Bees stopped buzzing.

Rabbits ran for  bolt holes.

He squatted staring at her, eyes bugging and mouth agape like tonight's supper laying on the rock in front of him. 

She stomped into the tent and grabbed a change of tunics.

"I am heading back to the river. DO NOT FOLLOW ME! I am taking a long bath because I reek to high heaven, and I need time to cool off. And do not cook the fish, it isn't your boring rice congee. Leave it to someone who knows what SHE is doing, Schmuck!"

He was as speechless as mealtime at Cloud Recesses. He took a deep breath and strived for calm...and a lot of reason as well.

He looked down at his dead companions and addressed them. After what he had just endured he would not have been shocked if they answered him.

" What on earth just happened? What did I do? And, what is a Schmuck? I am sure she called me a Schmuck and I am certain it is not something flattering.

I have never seen such a display in my life! Except when Lady Lan dug her claws into me.

.Humpf! If men like me are the reason she never married, women like Porta Daven are the reason I dodged the institution myself.

I must start setting guidelines when handling this Lunatic...NO...In fact, I will begin immediately. Unfortunately I need this hellion's help for the unseeable future

Guideline # One...Do not ever address her as Woman. Ever.

# Two...Do not discuss Linguistics...It must have been her worst subject in Lectures in her home country. She reacts very badly.

# Three... Do not try and explain myself...Makes things worse. Very much worse.

# Four...Apologize even if I think she is insane and delusional about her origins. In fact, apologize until I see the steam no longer shooting from her ears. Self-preservation and getting rid of these tits are paramount.

# Five ...Just do as this maniac says until I get back to normal. Pay her off with a huge gratuity attached and boot her out of Cloud Recesses.

# Six...Practice my Silence Spell. It's been a while since I had to use it on Wei Wuxian!

Note to self...Have shamans cleanse every inch of Cloud Recesses when the wretched creature is gone. Increase arrays as well. In fact, include all of Gusu. We cannot be too careful after I return."