I love the song above!

Happy Reading

"I can handle it. I can handle it. Maa Baba hi to hai. They have never been good parents. What's new? Maa had been lying about Baba and her. That's it. No big deal. No big deal at all. I will resume work tomorrow. I will forget it. I can handle it. I can handle it." Sonakshi kept reciting the words like a prayer.

She walked out of the lobby. Her senses felt hyper activated. She was holding each piece of herself with extra effort. She had no heart to break down.

"You will not break down! Rona nahi hai!" She kept shouting at herself mentally.

"Ok so Maa is fine. I should go back home or, or let's move for a quick snack." She clapped her hands to motivate herself but then she felt a string of tears lining her eyes. "Rona nahi hai." She screamed.

With hurried steps, she reached the canteen. She was walking like a robot; too stiff. She was constantly talking to herself. She desperately wanted to move on, not get affected by her parent's actual story.

Asha was a cheater, Bijoy was cruel but he wasn't selfish. He let her mom stay even after knowing her truth. He didn't leave them because they weren't rich. What did Asha get out of lying?

"No big deal." Sonakshi told herself again.

And Aadyot Das? He wanted to accept her? How would it be with him?

Sonakshi had been wishing to erase Asha and Bijoy's memories from her mind and then she heard about someone willing to take her in, she lost track of sanity and stayed on that one road that could have given her a different life.

Walking like a lost soul Sonakshi reached the canteen. In a corner she saw four familiar faces - PreeDit and SamAina. She realised that they might have been the ones who would have tended to Asha when she was all over the place. The bag? The bag with the clothes in the room? They must have packed it and brought it.

They were laughing and joking and they were happy.

Sonakshi kept on staring at the four friends. She kept on looking at their happiness in awe. Her chest felt increasingly hollow and empty watching them being elated. A wave of anger, jealousy, an urge of destruction, an unexplained hatred took over her. She felt that if she would make them cry, if she would see them shattered, broken and hurt it would soothe her aching heart.

For a second it felt like the devil had taken control over her.

"Kya soch rahi hai!" She shouted at herself and rubbed her face as if trying to get rid of her angst. She walked out of the canteen.

She took the lift. She was shaking by now. Her fingers were trembling and her eyes had turned sore and red.

"Nahi royengi aap." She scolded herself in the mirror.

On the next floor where the lift's door opened, Sonakshi left the lift. (Which floor it was she didn't had a clue!) She saw some chairs in the lobby. She looked around it was the waiting area for the operation theatre.

She took out her phone and earphones, untangled them and inserted them in her ears.

She tried to listen to the music at maximum volume to avoid her mind's chatter. Still the little pride she had seen in Bijoy's face when he had described the desire of violence and the longing on Asha's face for that other man didn't leave her for a second. It haunted her and her tears threatened to spill.

Absent mindedly she kept listening to music. One after the other all the audio data in her phone played. She wasn't aware of her surroundings. She had drifted into a zone of her own. She felt like there was nothing left to do in life. The road uptill death stretched and every breath became exceedingly tiring.

That was when a voice in her earphone caught her attention.

"Sonakshi humari show ki writer hai bas."

That was Dev's voice. She unlocked her phone and saw the name of the audio being played. She looked at the name of the audio and realised that it was that audio that Shefali had sent her a few days back - AUDWA12.07.2018.

Dev's voice in a second had such a calming effect on Sonakshi that she felt like there was someone whose mere presence could do wonders in her otherwise worthless life.

"Dev" She said his name like it was a prayer, a ray of hope or a wish, her only wish till eternity.

Then she heard Jatin questioning Dev and Dev rejecting having any love for her. She heard him calling her immature and that any girl could fall for him. It was all so quick.

She heard him say,

"I can't even date her."

And the last ray of hope died. The wish till eternity evaporated. The prayer lost it's meaning.

The worthlessness of her existence increased manifold.

Voices of Dev,Asha and Bijoy circled in her head and happiness in the world stung her, venomously.

All requests to herself to stay strong vanished and a lone tear escaped her eyes. She let herself loose, free.

She sobbed silently and tears flew. Her eyes and nose turned red and then pain increased and it kept shooting upwards. She drifted deeper into melancholy.

Her sobs turned louder, her shoulders jerked forward with each sob. She was wailing. People thought that she had lost someone. She was mourning.

She wasn't mourning for someone else. She was mourning for herself. There wasn't a soul so restless and doomed than her in her eyes. She saw people looking at her and it did not matter.

She cried louder and louder. She squeezed her eyes, clenched her fists, stretched the ends of her kurti. She was uncontrollable. The walls of the hospital resonated the gloom.

"Ma'am, do you need something?" A nurse asked Sonakshi.

"Dev." How silly was her answer!

How broken was she! What a piece of filth she was! How shitty was her thought process! She cursed herself.

"Why am I so weak?" She thought.

Sonakshi Bose kept crying on that chair for hours. Wiping tears brought fresh set of them but the pain never ceased. She had broken the dam holding 28 years of pain.

Nimmi nimmi raat mahiya,
Hove tera saath mahiya,
Luk gayi dilaan vich dil wali baat mahiya,

Khaali-Khaali nain mahiya,
Aaye nahi chain mahiya,
Aansuon mein doobi huyi,
Main to din rain mahiya.

Hain dukhde kol kol kol,
Bedardi bol bol bol,
Aja de naa judaai mahiya,
Ve main taan dewaan duhayi mahiya,
ve mahiya [loop].

Haathon ki lakeeron mein ye,
Soye kyun naseeb rabba,
Hoke bhi kareeb koi,
Hove na kareeb rabba.

Dardaan di maari hoi,
Zindagi paraayi hoi,
Lagi na kinare Sohni,
Lekhaan di satayi hoyi.

Hain dukhde kol kol kol,
Bedardi bol bol bol,
Aja de naa judaai mahiya,
Ve main taan dewaan duhayi mahiya,
ve mahiya [loop].
Mahiya, Mahiya [loop].

Jeena bhi nahi hai bas mein,
Marna bhi nahi hai bas mein,
Dooriyan sahi na jaayein,
Kaisi hai lagan ki ras mein,

Mahiya ve, mahiya [x2],

Sonakshi left the hospital with a wallet in her hand. She took an autorickshaw. The tears hadn't ceased, the pain hadn't subsided but she knew what to do.

Socha hi nahi tha maine,
Aise bhi zamane honge,
Rona bhi zaruri hoga,
Aansu bhi chhupaane honge,

Hain dukhde kol kol kol,
Bedardi bol bol bol,
Aja de naa judaai mahiya,
Ve main taan dewaan duhayi mahiya,
ve mahiya [loop].

'Jyotsna and Aneesh Productions.'

Sonakshi stood outside the Production House's office. The first time she was there she was swinging in between excitement and hesitation. This time, the girl outside the PH office was a lump of flesh. With her empty eyes and tear stained face, Sonakshi reached the receptionist.

"Sonakshi Ma'am!" The receptionist recognized her.

"I want to meet the Malanis." Sonakshi didn't look at the receptionist in her eyes.

"They are in a meeting now. You can wait over there." The girl pointed to the waiting area.

Sona nodded absent mindedly.

The waiting area had life size posters of the PH's ongoing shows. She spotted Pehla Pehla Pyar's poster. She saw all familiar faces but her gaze was stuck on only face.

Sonakshi walked upto the poster. She ran a finger over Dev's stubble. She traced his jawline and rested her head on his shoulders. Her tears drenched the rest of his face. Her entire quivering body was looking for support in the show's poster.

She could now see that her love had been just like her condition now. She was all into it and Dev was just there superficially, like the poster, where only she could hug him, he never comforted her.

She left the poster half heartedly.

She went back to the reception and asked for a pen and paper.

Sir and Ma'am,

I quit.

I can't do the show anymore.

I am sorry.

Sonakshi.

She read the note and realised that it may not be a proper resignation.

She typed an email saying that she was leaving for better oppurtunities.

The contract she signed had a clause that if she quits then she'll have to pay a handsome bill to the Production House. In an ordinary situation, she would have stopped in the name of money but there was no one for whom she had to stay now, earn now, live now.

Sonakshi didn't wait for the Malani's return. She left the office, leaving the screaming receptionist behind.

Precap - "Sonakshi?"

Introducing Sajal Ali [Read the character sketch]

Now you know who makes these🙈

Dil le lo!