Part 2

"I need to tell you something."

That was the day he told me he was leaving. We were down to the last month of our course and Gio, after years of trying, was successfully petitioned by his parents to the US.

Aware ako tungkol sa bagay na ito dahil isa ito sa topics na madalas naming pag-usapan. Nakatira siya sa kanyang Lolo at Lola dahil ang kanyang buong pamilya ay nasa ibang bansa at siya na lamang ang naiwan. I thought I was prepared enough when he had to leave the country. But that afternoon in the coffee shop, I realized I wasn't prepared at all.

"Aalis ka pagkatapos ng graduation?"

"Hindi na ako makaka-attend ng graduation," he said.

That was the exact moment I placed the plume between the pages of the book. "You're not coming back?"

Umiling siya saka pilit na ngumiti. "Hindi na."

It was the moment I knew I would lose my first love. And I never gained the courage to tell him how I feel. I didn't have the chance to tell him that for every piece of Hershey's kisses he gave me, I kept the strips of paper. For every night we spent talking endlessly until dawn, he would be part of my prayers, thankful that I had someone I could share my thoughts with. Every time I witness his grin or smile, I keep falling in love with him.

Because I got scared, I had no strength to tell him back then, thinking it was too late. I had so many excuses, so many what-ifs... because I fell in love with someone who was about to leave and I will never be able to see him again.

That was five years ago.

They say time heals all wounds. But what if there was no wound? What if what was left was an emotion, a feeling, a thousand thoughts I wasn't able to communicate and they build a home inside of me?

For the first several months after he left for the US, we kept our communications open. We updated each other on every little thing we went throughout the day. I thought things wouldn't change that much between us. But from the time differences to being busy searching for jobs and dealing with the real world after graduation, eventually, we lost what we used to be.

All that was left were his memories attached to the Hershey's Kisses he used to give to me. The smooth milk chocolate as sweet as his grin and the plumes serve as memories I couldn't throw away.

Tuluyan kong binitawan ang lahat. I had to. Several months ago, I tried to check what Gio was up to. It was my first time doing so in years. I wasn't even aiming for a friendship like before, I just wanted to rekindle our communication.

But on his Instagram profile were dozens of wedding pictures taken recently. Hindi ko magawang magtagal sa kanyang profile. I closed the application once I saw the pictures.

There were things we do a little too late and I knew at that moment, I was years behind. I was the remaining person holding on to these silly memories that I had no courage to face in the first place. If he knew the feelings I was harboring, would it change anything?

They say what's meant to be will always find a way. But there are things romance books, love songs, and poems didn't tell us about. Things that are meant don't always mean things that will stay. Just like the chocolate plume tucked between the pages of a book, Gio will remain as a memory.

--

Valentine's Day came. The color red was everywhere: roses, heart-shaped balloons, and ribbons on teddy bears. People flocked to stores to buy chocolates of different flavors and sizes hoping to communicate their feelings through them. Every time I passed by these stores, there's only one chocolate that will catch my sight. I was aiming on buying one of myself at the mall that day when I bumped into an old acquaintance from college.

"Amari!" excited na bati niya nang makita ako. "Kumusta ka na?"

"I'm good," I replied.

"Saan ka nagt-trabaho ngayon?"

"In a finance company in Mandaluyong."

"Nagc-check ka parin ba ng Viber group natin?" she asked again.

"Not really. I uninstalled some apps."

"Gio was asking about you so I gave him your Messenger account." Natigilan ako sa pangalan na binanggit niya. "Did you deactivate or something? Sabi niya, he couldn't reach you anywhere."

Napakurap ako, hindi alam ang isasagot. Why? That was the first thing that came into my mind. Does he need something from me? Napansin ng kasama ko ang pagtataka sa aking mukha.

"Hindi mo ba alam? He's back in the country."

https://youtu.be/dTDu-H05vsM