warning there is a panic attack near the middle of this chapter id say so if you are sensitive/cant read that stuff in general please be warned!! it isnt too described but i still want to give a warning in case <3

anywho this took long enough SMH, but school is almost done so god bless oml. i would say ill try to write more this summer but im working just about every day so ;; anyways please enjoy this chapter!!

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John checked the weather that Thursday morning and noticed that even though summer was coming to an end, it was unusually cold. While earlier that week, each day had reached a high of at least low 80's, that Thursday was supposed to reach the mid 60's. John had, of course, checked the weather after Craig picked him up from his house. He had worn skinny jeans and some t-shirt he owned, so it wasn't too bad but he was still somewhat cold. While on the ride to school, with Craig and Marcel who loudly sang the lyrics to some 2000's song the driver had put on, his phone vibrated from his pocket.

cute boyy <3 6:42 am

Okay i have a genuine quesiton

myself 6:42 am

whts up??

cute boyy <3 6:43 am

How the FUCK do you play minesweeper like actually play???

cute boyy <3 6:43 am

Like what the fuck!!! SHOW ME HOW THE FUCK TO PLAY WHAT ARE THE FLAGS FOR??? Why are there some 3s and 1s adn 2s and im expecting a 638 to show up soon tbh

myself 6:43 am

smh minesweeper is for the intellectuals

cute boyy <3 6:43 am

How the fuck you playing then

myself 6:44 am

WOW FUCK YOU TOO

myself 6:44 am

looks like u arent getting a damn tutorial from ME

cute boyy <3 6:44 am

Im sorryyyy johnny

The trio arrived at school and John wanted to slam his face into the wall since he was blushing so much. Why the fuck was he blushing so much? It was a stupid nickname that people called him on the daily (usually in a teasing manner and by his friends, so his crush saying it with no prompting was a major leap!!) As Craig found a parking spot and the three exited, the blue haired boy noticed John's face and a smirk fell on the lips of the driver.

"What's got you red as hell?" Craig asked as the trio began to walk to the front doors of their school and the brunette shook his head.

"Just not feeling well." John lied and Craig gave him a knowing look before saying, "sounds fake but okay." And John was thankful that his friend didn't try to push the question.

Who knew how John would've been able to explain everything? How could he even phrase it so it seemed like the reason for blushing was actually excusable and not because of some dumb nickname he's heard so many times before but it was different since it came from Lucas. His phone beeped again and as him and Marcel parted ways with Craig, he checked his device to see another text from Lucas.

cute boyy <3 6:50 am

Johnnnn did you die on mE

cute boyy <3 6:50 am

Ill recite the vine you hate over and over until you come back :p

myself 6:51 am

pls no

John grinned as him and Lucas continued to text until the bell rang, signalling that it was time for the first class of the day. Usually, with the tension of how irritated and tired his friends were in the morning, along with the dreadful thought of classes, homework, college, etc, he would find himself wanting to sleep and cry. He now was smiling as he saw the little bubble on his phone with the three dots appear in him and Lucas' messages.

Wow he was so fucking gay.

Sometime during the day, his phone started buzzing in his pocket a lot . While his phone had been buzzing a lot throughout the day because of Lucas, it now was a constant buzzing. He checked his phone and wanted to slam his head on the desk when he saw why his phone had been vibrating so much. He was in a new group chat, and not just any group chat, the "tech council" group chat. Aka a hell on earth.

tall a$$ 11:45 am

oh my god what if i sucked our tech director's dick so we can get a week off

*** *** **** 11:45 am

Please do not suck off our tech director

1) you have a boyfriend

2) if anything youre too tall to suck his dick

tall a$$ 11:46 am

fuck you got me there with the second reason

*** *** **** 11:46 am

How many people have gotten denied bc they were too tall to suck a dick or vice versa? What are the statistics?

*** *** **** 11:46 am

at least 10.

myself 11:47 am

what did you do? i sucked dick on accident. how the fuck do you

John wondered if he should tell Lucas that he recited that vine. How would Lucas react?

*** *** **** 11:47 am

OH MY GOD WHAT A CLASSIC

myself 11:47 am

can everyone send their names

*** *** **** 11:48 am

Sami!! <3

*** *** **** 11:48 am

Tyler

myself 11:48 am

u aint slick

*** *** **** 11:49 am

Evan :(

scary lady 11:49 am

HA SUCKA YOU GOT CALLED OUT

buff cheeto puff 11:49 am

Sami im gonna fight you

*** *** **** 11:50 am

Anthony and dont fight you idiots

John decided to turn off vibrate since his phone kept going off and he slipped it onto his desk, keeping an eye in case Lucas texted him back (the conversation they had been having previously was about auditions since it was that day and Lucas was nervous). John wanted to yell support towards the cute boy, cheer him on until his voice gave out but he couldn't let himself become that embarrassing so instead he kept sending wholesome memes and small words of encouragement. Lucas kept sending hearts and thank you's in return, along with some memes which resulted in John's heart dying.

myself 12:04 pm

craig how do i make myself obviously interested in lucas without embarrassing myself

craigo my eggo 12:05 pm

Kiss him

myself 12:05 pm

NO

craigo my eggo 12:05 pm

Wot m8 why not

myself 12:05 pm

1, never say that AGAIN

myself 12:06 pm

2, bc HE DOESNT LIKE ME LIKE THAT BUT I WANT HIM TO AND IM SO GAY

craigo my eggo 12:06 pm

Bitch im british u wanna fukin go

myself 12:07 pm

i wanna say yes but lucas would hate me

craigo my eggo 12:07 pm

No hed be all for it esp for this reason

myself 12:07 pm

im not fighting for him fejinf

craigo my eggo 12:07 pm

Okay but you deffff would fight for his ass

myself 12:07 pm

got me there

John's face was hot. Extremely hot. Of course Craig was able to make him say these stupid things about his stupid crush. While Marcel and Tyler were his best friends, he would openly admit they weren't the most charming. Tyler was a loud mouth who was great at speaking his mind, even when the input wasn't wanted. Marcel, while more quiet, still found himself to be in the same boat, not afraid of most things (John and Tyler knew the few exceptions and would sometimes make fun of him with it). The two boys took a while to get used to, John knew that well, and while he was thankful that they didn't have shame, he always found himself hating when they would bring attention to themselves, especially in public. The stares of those around them, strangers or peers, didn't matter, always caused John to shake at the thought.

Craig on the other hand was a people person. He knew how to turn on that charm, resulting in him being a well known person throughout their grade. The blue haired boy was always updated on what's going on, and always made sure that others were updated too. He knew how people worked too well and John always found himself telling Craig whatever he wanted to hear (when he asked for it that was, otherwise John would make jabs at Craig and treat him as if he were Tyler or Marcel).

Lunch came by and John was surprised to see that he was last to arrive. Today, a couple of familiar but new faces stood over their table, the faces being Ryan, Lucas, and Brian. John wondered how red Marcel was at the fact that ½ of his crushes was currently standing at his table, probably talking to him. As John approached the table, he noticed how cute Lucas looked today and he realized how bad he looked in comparison. Of course Lucas could always look good, whether it be in a full out outfit or sweatpants. His heart was pounding loudly and his mind was yelling at him to turn back so being logical, he made a left, completely avoiding his table and friends and crush and anything that could cause an ounce of embarrassment. As he headed up another pair of stairs, he began to regret his decision and while yes, he knew he was overreacting, he couldn't embarrass himself in front of Lucas then, especially if he called him.. Johnny.

His face was red again and he headed up to the library where numerous groups of friends sat, talking over food or doing homework while keeping conversation going. He talked to the librarian, and after a minute of stuttering and a look of suspicion from the lady, she let him pass and find an area to sit. He chose a corner where, luckily, no one was nearby. He sat himself down on the ground, his face still red, hot as hell, and now he felt close to tears. How much of a fool was he? He overreacted and probably looked stupid. He placed his head in his hands, trying to calm himself down with some breathing exercises he had seen on the internet somewhere.

He was dumb, god fucking dammit he was dumb. He felt close to crying as he let those three words repeat in his head. He wished that he were anybody else, anybody who actually had an ounce of confidence, an ounce of looks, somebody that didn't suffer with anxiety and couldn't talk to his crush without wanting to bury himself in a hole after every word he said since he was so dumb. He grabbed his arm, holding it tightly with nails digging into the skin, as he felt tears well up in his eyes and he was thankful that there were so many groups who were talking, silencing his small cries.

Even though his phone buzzed in his pocket, he ignored it. He focused on his breathing, which had become rapid and tight. He closed his body off, making the space he had taken up even smaller. He felt like he was slowly finding a ground again as he managed to bring his breathing back to normal. As he calmed himself down, he kept telling himself that this was temporary, and even though he had been through this times before, and he knew they were temporary, he sometimes felt like the short message wasn't enough.

He let his hand rest on the carpeted floor, and he felt relief flow through him as he found that he was grounded once again. He was happy to find that the tears had stopped and instead, dry patches were near his eyes and using a finger he dipped in his water, he wiped away the dryness. As he began to regain everything about himself again, he wondered if anyone asked where he was. Tyler and Marcel probably were worried, but what about the others? Did Lucas wonder where he was?

He let that thought wonder as he lightly dozed off in the library, waking up minutes later when the bell rung, signaling the second to last class of the day.

///

When John entered tech, Marcel had ambushed him, hugging him tightly and yelling at him as they caught the attentions of others. John hid himself in Marcel as the senior lectured him for not texting them at all, for giving them a scare of a lifetime, for how thankful he was to see John's face. The brunette could only apologize for his reactions and told him he'd message him later about why he did what he did and Marcel seemed happy with that response.

Once John had been released, the auditorium doors had opened, catching attention of those already inside. There, stood Tyler, Craig, Ryan, and the other Jon. John looked around for Evan, wondering if the other Jon was there to see his boyfriend but the Asian was nowhere to be seen, so there must've been another reason that three actors were hanging out there. Then, one of the conversations he had been having with Lucas earlier before the library situation, was remembered. Today, auditions were happening which meant soon enough the auditorium would be full of theater kids who would be in their little groups, probably warming up with the weird songs that John would find himself joining in on, sometimes making parodies rarely, when others weren't around.

Lucas would be there.

Lucas would be there.

Oh god repeated in his mind about 500 times (at least it felt like it since currently those two words were the only thing he could hear and focus on). Did Lucas hate him for literally avoiding him today? Did Lucas even know that he avoided him? Oh god, what if Lucas asked where he was? Wait, wouldn't that be good since Lucas would've been curious about him? No, that would be bad since he'd have to explain how he literally had a breakdown in the library about some fake excuse and Lucas would probably pity him and hate him even more and would think he's weak and think he's a complete fucking fool.

Felt shivers run through his body and he brought his arms across his chest, regretting not wearing heftier clothes, but now his attention brought away from Lucas for a moment. He noticed that the four people had moved closer and when Tyler spotted him, John started praying in his mind to whatever God did exist and that Tyler wouldn't knock his head off and that maybe he'd keep his hearing.

Instead of yelling and a light knock on the head for being dumb, instead Tyler didn't even come close to him, staying with the people he was already walking with, but mouthed to tell him what happened later. He still had some time to live at least.

"John!" Of course his name was being called out by the recognized voice of the cutest boy alive.

"Hey Lucas." John replied softly as the brunette, wearing a hat that held a logo from one of John's favorite shows.

"How're you doing?" Lucas's curious voice had an edge to it and John was able to tell that there was something else he wanted to ask but probably held back for his sake.

"Okay, you?" John replied as he rubbed his hands on his arms, trying to warm himself up and he didn't miss how Lucas watched him.

"Good! I spent most of my day just playing games, which by the way, fuck minesweeper and uno. Both of those games suck ass." And so the cute boy continued talking on about his day, until he finally ran out of things to say and John realized what was coming next.

"Hey, why weren't you down at lunch by the way?" When the question was asked, John wished he hadn't shown up at all that day or was even born.

John was unsure of what to say, since he'd always want to tell Lucas the truth, but when it came to making him seem like a complete fool then was it worth telling it? But as the dilemma went on in his mind, John realized how long the silence was lasting and yeah, the boy in the hat was definitely so suspicious of him by now and probably hated his guts for not being able to even answer and god why didn't he just hide away fo-

"Are you okay? If it has to do with lunch, you don't have to say anything. Sorry for pressuring you into anything you might not want to say." Lucas had begun to apologize, his facial expression showing that he actually was scared that he said something wrong.

"You didn't do anything wrong, I just, uh," John had begun to stutter as soon as Lucas looked him right in the eyes and dear lord why was the other boy so fucking attractive in every moment? "'M tired." He tried to use that as an excuse and he knew Lucas didn't trust him but the boy in the hat seemed content with the response.

"Get some sleep tonight then you fool, also," Lucas stopped as he was interrupted by a yelling voice from near the bottom of the stage, saying it was time for auditions.

"What were you saying?" John asked as the voice stopped and Lucas seemed frozen in the spot for a second but began to stand up and John was worried that he said something bad but he felt even more nervous when Lucas started taking off his jacket.

Lucas was just hot, he wasn't stripping off his jean jacket for any other reason besides the fact that he was hot and John looked away as he saw one of Lucas' arms and why was he not getting any breaks today? It didn't stop there, since as soon as the jacket was off, Lucas had moved closer to John and even draped it across his shoulders, giving him a smile as the male couldn't even look at his crush as all of this happened.

"I can't take this." John started and Lucas shook his head, looking John up and down before saying the actual cause of fucking John.

"Just give it back to me tomorrow or something, but you look really good in it," Lucas stopped for a moment and grinned at him and John was scared of what was going to come out of the cute boy's mouth. "Johnny."

myself 3:23 pm

rest in peace my fucking life holy shit lucas actually murdered me

;

a/n

poor johnny HA anyways i literally self project so much of me onto john fbenffn,, okay so this chap also had lucas being a smart alec at the end w the fucking "you look pretty good" like how fucking gay can u get after that smh. i hope you enjoyed this chapter though <3 !! see you in the next one!!