Nothing hurts a good soul and a kind heart more than to live amongst people who can't understand it.
                     -Ali Ibn Abi Talib.

CHARO
And Hannah always said that little siblings are the most useful creatures on the planet ,not that they are any less demonic.But they are always there to run errands; give you massages after a long day ; and most of all they are always there to finish your food when you are sick to avoid your parents wrath (but that's if you coax or bully them into it ). I laughed the day she said that,till I remembered that I was the last child,and I probably did all that to my siblings ,or rather I still do.
  Right now,I am experiencing both the good and bad sides with my little cousins,I was at my Aunt's for a week,she had commitments and needed someone to stay home with the kids.
  I had screamed at them minutes ago after turning the living room upside down when I went into the kitchen for a few minutes. I even threatened to cut off their sugar intake for a year. I am nice to kids really,just not all the time.
"Anwar,who poured water on the carpet just now?"
The nine year old devil shrugged ." I don't know." He lied shamelessly . I glared down at him,I knew he was the one.
" Get a rag and clean it up then." He dragged his lazy behind to the kitchen,and I sat down to watch ice age with the other  two boys . I sighed contently ...bliss; but I spoke too soon because almost immediately I recalled that I left something on fire.
The previous day,I met an autistic child , she was a beautiful little child ,and she cuddled near me,at first I didn't know what to do but patted her on the head awkwardly,but with time I warmed up. And it made me happy because I once read that special kids sense genuinety in people ,I don't know how accurate that is .
I want to learn how to take care of kids like that,and I will in sha Allah. I really need to do more than just an awkward pat on the head.
Hamma Umar had crashed at my Aunty's house when he left home,and he still hasn't gone back,but he was out as usual.
"How is my favorite cousin doing?" My Cousin Aliyu said as he walked in with Rango,sorry I mean Hamma Umar; speak of the devil.
"I am fine,thank you." Hamma Umar answered and we both gave him a look.
"He was talking about me."
"How am I supposed to know,he said favorite cousin. Don't blame me,if I was my cousin,I would be my favorite cousin too."
"Umar ,grow up." Hamma Aliyu said with a shake of his head. He was the one who inspired me to study architecture and still guides me along the way. He also stayed at home for some time and Adda Maryam would complain about our 'boring course', even though nobody forced her to hang around us.
"So?" He started after Hamma Umar exited the kitchen,I mean he exited the kitchen with a loaf of bread. I can't wait for Ramadan.
"So..." I think I know where he was headed.
"Do you want to talk?" Uhmmmn,call me a soothsayer. I suspected my brother made him come and cajole me into talking .
"Talk about what?" I decided to play dumb,though grace once told me that I don't need to try hard; the idiot.
"Charo" his tone softened. " You don't have to go through this alone. You don't have to bottle up things inside you all the time."
"I am fine ." I snapped. Why can't everyone just leave me alone?
"No you are not . Your siblings said you dont open up to them."
"Do they open up to me,and what makes you think I will talk to you?" Well,I kinda do talk to him sometimes,just sometimes . His silence answered my question, I sighed ." There is really nothing to talk about ,you already know what happened . Why should I be burdening people with my problems ?"
He shook his head." That is where you are wrong . it is not a burden Charo. People care you know, maybe they are few and rare to find ; but every time someone reaches out you shut down."
" Its funny,the thing I admire most about you is also what I dislike most about you. I love how selfless you are Charo,but I dislike how you keep leaving yourself behind as if you don't matter . You do matter." I picked up the kitchen napkin and begin cleaning the invisible dust on the slab.
"I know." I whispered finally,I doubt if he heard me.
"Meet me when you are ready to talk." I didn't say another word when he exited the kitchen. I kept thinking about what he said and my mind kept going back to Hannah. I know she is always trying to help her but I don't want her to.
My bad experiences in past friendship made me cautious about who I let close and how much I reveal to others . I have been bruised over and over again by others,taken for granted and treated like I was stupid and dumb for being soft in heart; simply because I find it easy to sacrifice for people I love and I loved unconditionally.
I have been treated like trash and disrespected in company. But I endured because I didn't want to end up like them,I didn't want the world to turn me cold or unkind; so I took it all and tried to embrace their darkness even though I get angry sometimes and reacted harshly.
Because they are good to me sometimes ,and I thought the good in them was enough,but apparently, the good in me isn't enough for them.
All the insults and cruel words thrown at me in the name of 'honesty' and all the times I had been blamed for reacting to their crap. I wasn't totally innocent too,I had my faults but the difference between us was I never use their flaws to define them,no matter how mad I got or how deeply hurt I was. I always got over it and always ended up forgiving .
But I walked away,when I realised that I had more than just loosing years of friendship at stake when I started looking in the mirror and hating what I see; when I started to feel worthless all the time; when I begun to see myself as a horrible human being after being shamed continuously for my flaws.
It took me time before I understood ,that people may be good but the moment  they start making you question your worth,the moment they continuously take you for granted ,you did no wrong in walking away for the sake of your sanity.
But that wasn't the end, because I had too many wounds that were poked continuously and were not allowed to heal. Because the cruel words always comes back making me feel worthless and unloved .
And I can't seem to block them out,and it makes me feel so alone and misunderstood .
I don't want to go through that again, I am not even fully healed from my past  and I can't explain to anyone either ,I don't know how to,and I doubt if  any one will ever understand, no matter how loud I shout it to the world.
So I learnt to pick up my  own pieces and fix them where they were even though they don't really fit right . but its easier that way .

BILAL
  "I will probably come back next week."I intended to spend a week but ended up spending two. My sister sighed at the other end of the line.
" if you say so." She didn't sound like she believed me.
"I will try. How are the babies?"
"Alhamdulillah. But honestly, pregnancy is more difficult than I expected ." I dont know what she expected,but even I know that being pregnant isn't all ponies and rainbows . but I knew better than to share my opinion ,I doubt if she would appreciate my sarcasm now.
"Sorry Ehn." Was all I could say."Can't be more difficult than trying to explain twitter to mum."
She chuckled . my Mother is one of those people that do not understand technology at all. Trying to explain social networking to her is like trying to wrestle dragons .
"She is getting the hang of WhatsApp now ." she informed me ." she even send me a picture yesterday on her own." I smiled .
"I kinda miss home." I confessed.
"You should,and you better come back before the babies come."
"Of course ,I will be their favorite uncle."
"That makes sense,since you are their only uncle ."
"But honestly ,I am still finding it hard to believe that I am pregnant after all these years." Wow! This pregnancy is working wonders on my sister,she is all open and emotional these days . I didn't want to say anything in case I ruin the moment, and I am really sorry that I wasn't there through that tough time in her life .
I dont get our people, we find it easy to put everything on God ,even things that are within our control but immediately things dont go our way ,we forget about the existence of God . Like,how can you blame someone for being childless when it is obvious that it is something outside one's control.
"But I am grateful. My in laws are being nicer to me these days . " she forced a laugh but I can hear the sadness in her voice ,and it makes me angry that she had to go through that.
"It is not your fault ." I reminded her .
"So,made any friends ?" She changed the topic .
I hesitated ." yes ."
"Tell me about them ."
"Well,there is this girl..."
"A girl." She squealed ,she was beginning to sound like Halima."Where is she from, what's her name? How did you meet?"
I rolled my eyes ." calm your horses, there is nothing going on." And there probably never will be.
"You all say that . tomorrow ,I will see you married with kids." Just the thought of the word makes me cringe .
"I am not getting married .."
"Pfff,tell me o jare ."
"Her name is Halima,we met on the plane."
"The plane ...oooh,how cliche and romantic ."
"The use of the word romantic is hurting my ears . is everything romantic to you?"
"Mum, Bilal's met a nice girl ,her name is Halima ." what? When did I mention nice? And why is she telling my mom? I though this was a private conversation.
"Is mum there?" I asked to confirm.
"Yeah,she just came in. She is grinning and she said you should send a picture through WhatsApp ." I rubbed my forehead in frustration, I really want to strangle my sister right now.
"Ehen,I am listening ." I know there is no point explaining .
"Hello? Hello? I can't hear you ." I lied
"I know you can hear me,you had better..." I quickly hung up. What had I gotten myself into?

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Hello people, Eid Mubarak to you all . I had to force myself to type this today .
  Who is your favorite author ? For me I dont think I have one ,but JK Rowling's will definitely be among .
   Have a blessed Eid . Thank you :)