TURNS OUT, BOTH Theo and I were far better at keeping secrets than we thought, because we went through the first week without a single bit of speculation. Even though we talked a bit more than normal after class, often showed up to meals together, and always seemed to be texting in our free time.

  Still, no one said a thing. I was starting to wonder if all my worries were ill-founded. People seemed to pay far less attention to the details of what I was doing than I'd originally thought. It was curious to note. Everyone was so engulfed in their own lives in this year that they didn't seem to notice anything happening around them. In a way that was enjoyable, but at the same time it also felt a bit odd. As if everything was happening around me, but I wasn't a part of time.

  I relayed that particular worry to Theo one night, and his answer was simple: Don't overthink it. And while it was one of the easiest answers I'd ever gotten, it was also strangely effective. Perhaps it had something to do with the amount of trust I had in him and his opinions. I rarely seemed to know him to be wrong.

  And so, I told myself to stop caring about it as much, which I did, because I wasn't the same girl I was two years ago, who sobbed her eyes out over a boy she didn't even feel anything for. I was past that.

  We fell into a rhythm, sixth form life. The freedom was enjoyable, but I still liked some structure in my life. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that. Lessons were far nicer than they used to be. The teachers started treating us less like students and more like friends, and since classes were far smaller, everyone got the attention they needed.

  My new single dorm was somehow smaller than the one I had last year, but at least it was cosy. Curling up on my bed became a welcomed occasion, scrolling through my phone between lessons. That was another plus. I no longer needed to hand any of my devices in during the school day or at night. I could keep it all day long, which was one of the best things about sixth form life so far.

  We got three new boarding students in Lok. One was a weekly boarder named Jessica, and the other two were from Hong Kong and Nanjing. I befriended both of them fairly quickly—Sara was petite and pretty, with the brightest of smiles, and came from an international school in Hong Kong. We hit it off fairly quickly after realising we both liked the same type of music, and she often came to my dorm after school for a chat and a laugh.

  Vinda was more solemn and quiet. I thought it was because she was shy at first, and then realised that it was just in her nature. I tended not to seek her out unless she did so to me first, and she seemed to enjoy it a bit more that way. Yunji tried to befriend her, but the two of them couldn't really get a good conversation going. Yunji privately confided in me that Vinda terrified her, which was fair enough.

  Kwanfong's girlfriend was called Talissa, and she was in Sorren House. Louisa reported a good personality and a lazy attitude on the first day of school, and subsequent meetings with her showed the same thing. Talissa was nice and fun, but at the same time, greatly preferred not doing anything when she could choose to.

  Quite like Kwanfong, in all honesty. 

  Whatever walls there had been between Sorren and Lok, or at least between their students, had started breaking down. I found myself engaging in a prolonged conversation with Nadia one afternoon about one of the latest movies, and actually liked it. There were no hidden barbs, no secret jabs at each other, only good-natured discussion and laughter.

  It was surprising. Two years ago, I'd never imagined that would ever happen.

  Growth was evident anywhere. One night I laid on my bed, going through my photo album, deleting what I thought wasn't necessary. I came across a lot of old memories.

  Our first meeting at the Klairns Cafe, all of us. I zoomed in on Clark's face and had a good laugh over that. Some of my old screenshots, of conversations with Sebastian, when either of us said something funny. I paused for a moment, reading through them, and then deleted them.

  They won't be necessary anymore.

  Of the fashion show. Of that time we went to Bridewater Lake. Of the first and second Duelling Opens I attended.

  It all felt like yesterday.

  Part of my brain couldn't comprehend how I'd already been here for two years. It refused to understand that fact.

  I tossed my phone to the side, staring up at the ceiling. Tomorrow was a Thursday, which meant I didn't have class until around ten o'clock. I had two free periods in the morning. I'd still have to wake early, but at the same time, I had plenty of time to come back and get myself prepared after breakfast and morning registration.

  And that meant I could sleep a bit later than usual. So I reached over to grab my laptop, propping it on my lap and began to stream a movie.

  I didn't know what time I fell asleep. Probably halfway through the movie, considering where it was paused. But I woke up the next morning, groggy-eyed, laptop shut on my lap, and I pushed myself upwards. Seven fifteen.

  While last year I'd woken daily at seven, I pushed it back by a bit this year. Breakfast was served for sixth formers a bit later, so I could afford to be late. And with so many free periods, I could call my parents at any time, not just in the mornings.

  It was far more comfortable than last year, when I had to rush every morning and at night as well.

  I liked this life.

  I really did. Sixth form, so far, had been everything I wanted it to be.

  I really hoped it'd stay that way for a while.

—

  SARA WAS SAT against my bed one night, scrolling through her phone, when someone pushed the door open and almost slammed the panel against her head. There was a horrified apology from Yunji as she squeezed into the miniscule room, and I glanced at her, blinking and nonplussed.

  "What's up?" I asked, as Sara carefully scooted closer to my desk to prevent getting whacked in the head again.

  Yunji's response was to shove her phone into my hand, revealing her opened chat with James Withington. And there, the last message:

  wanna go out with me this saturday?

  Sara raised her head to catch a glance, and her face turned to disbelief. "Wait, didn't you say that..."

  Yunji squeezed her eyes shut. "Did Withington just ask me out?"

  I tilted my head, carefully handing the phone back to her to make sure she didn't drop it out of shock. "I think he did, yes. I mean, it's not that surprising, is it?"

  Yunji slanted me a deadpan glance. "Two months ago he was head over heels for Adelina, and now he's going after me? Yeah, I'm a fucking rebound, Hon. That, or he wants to use me to get Adelina's attention."

  I frowned. "He really did seem like he was over her, though."

  "I don't buy it," Yunji said with a scoff. "But yeah, fuck no. I'm not an idiot, I'm not just going to let him use me like that. I don't even like him anymore."

  "I think that's why he chose you. He probably suspects or knows that you used to have a crush on him."

  She looked disgusted. "God wonders how that ever happened."

  "To be fair," Sara murmured, "he's good looking. It's not that unbelievable. But like, it's really weird he'd suddenly ask you out now."

  "It's fucking awful." She typed something back, clearly in a fit. I frowned.

  "What are you telling him?"

  "No, no and no," Yunji scoffed. "And that he should fuck off while he's at it. Who even does something like this?"

   Apparently, James Withington. But he really didn't seem like someone who'd do that. It didn't seem like it was in his character.

  But then again, I supposed people changed. It was still an odd choice, but if James was that desperate to move on, with everyone having known about Francesca and Adelina, he might have deemed Yunji, who'd most definitely had a crush on him a few years prior, the best chance he had.

  Unfortunately, she wasn't the same girl she was then either.

  Unfortunately, James' attempt would have to be in vain. He'd have to remain very much by himself. But there were plenty of new students here this year, so if he really wanted to restart, he very much had a chance.

  And in that case I'd have to agree with Yunji—it was highly likely he only asked her out to get Adelina's attention, possibly to get some kind of reaction out of her. Which we all knew wasn't going to happen. Adelina had absolutely no interest in James in that area, and the only reason the two of them were still on talking terms was because of their parents' closeness.

  But at the same time, it wasn't my place to say anything about it. What they wanted to do was between them, I was a mere spectator. I was done shoving my nose into business that did not correlate to me.

  A conversation about our utter disbelief continued on for a few more minutes, though at Sara's reminder that Adelina's room was right across the corridor, we lowered our voices to avoid being heard. While we didn't necessarily think Adelina would be upset, it seemed more appropriate to try to keep this out of her knowledge. At least for now, while we still could.

  I didn't know we bothered in the first place. If James' point was to let Adelina know, she'd figure it out one way or another. But that would be her choice. As far as she knew, none of us had any clue about it.

  Yunji left my room soon after, and Sara did too, to take a shower. With my newfound freedom, I gave Theo a call.

  "What's up?" his voice rang from the other end of the call. His face came up on the screen a few moments later, slightly blurred from the poor internet reception.

  "Is anyone near you?" I asked.

  "I'm alone," Theo confirmed. "Something happened?"

  The way he could tell that immediately was slightly unsettling. But I ignored that and told him what had just occurred between Yunji and James, and he frowned.

  James had moved to the sixth form house this year, and was therefore no longer in Wadsworth. He'd made some new friends there from what I've seen, and I hadn't seen Theo talking to him for a while. But I assumed the two of them were still close enough that Theo would have heard something about this.

  "That is very odd," he said. "I haven't heard Withington say anything about Yunji or Adelina. Actually, I haven't talked to him for like, a couple weeks."

  "It's so weird," I told him. "Why would he do that? He's never been interested in Yunji, even when she was interested in him."

  "I think he's trying for a last-ditch effort to get Adelina's attention."

  I let out a sigh. "I honestly thought he'd be past that."

  "It's not that easy to get past rejection. Especially not when James has been liking Adelina for so many years. It's natural it might take him a while, but I'm starting to think that maybe this is a bit too long."

  "It became too long a while ago," I snorted. "But then again, I suppose he's been liking her for so long it must be difficult. But still. It's starting to just get humiliating for him."

  "Well, no one can decide that except himself."

  "How unfortunate."

  There was a knock on Theo's door then, and he snapped back to the phone alarmed, before quickly ending the call. I let out a snort as the call finished. That had happened once or twice before. He'd call back once whoever came in had left.

  I took the time to pour myself a cup of water, musing over the events of today as I drank. It was so strange, so odd. James had never thrown even the slightest bit of interest in Yunji. But it seemed so bad to think he'd truly only done it to get Adelina's attention.

  I really didn't think he had it in him to use someone like that.

  But maybe I was wrong.

  Some of us changed for the better.

  But sometimes, we changed for the worse instead.

—

  THEO DIDN'T COME back the next day with any kind of answer. James hadn't mentioned a word about Yunji, and he didn't have the nerves to directly ask him. That just seemed extremely impolite, and made us seem like busybodies, which, while we were, we didn't want everyone to know about.

  Yunji herself didn't talk about it either. She seemed to find it embarrassing, which I did get. Whether it was because she was embarrassed over ever having liked him, or because she was chosen as the "rebound", I wasn't completely certain about. Either way, it didn't matter.

  Life went on as before. I grew closer to Sara, who soon joined my little group with Louisa, Audrey and Gwen. Audrey found a girlfriend, one of the new sixth form weekly boarders who was half-Japanese. I wasn't really close with her, but the girl was nice, and we had History together.

  One of the new full boarding boys began a passionate pursuit of Louisa. Since Theo was good friends with that guy, whose name was Alex, I got updates on both sides on how it was going. So far, Louisa seemed interested, but not enough to actually agree to date the guy. It was a rather curious situation, but at least it was superbly entertaining, watching them blush and turn away every time they spotted each other.

  Still, no one suspected anything between me and Theo. It was almost starting to get a bit surprising, how absolutely no one had noticed a thing yet. The two of us had become a lot less careful as more and more of our friends started dating as well. It was almost as if the taboo was gone.

  Not a word, though. At least not until mid-October, when Sara mentioned it one day.

  "You're really close to Theo," she pointed out one night as we talked about our new friend groups among the year. "How did you become such good friends with him in the first place?"

  "We used to dislike each other," I offered. "We just grew closer over the years, that's all. We had a lot of lessons and stuff together last year."

  Sara's eyes almost immediately lit up. "Wait... are you guys going on an enemies to lovers trajectory?"

  The truth was, we already had. But I couldn't say that. So instead, I frowned and said, "Sara, no."

  "Come on," Sara whined. "He's good looking. Probably one of the most handsome boys in our year. Why not him? You're such good friends anyways!"

  "Sara, no."

  "Honoria..."

  "No."

  I wondered how she'd react if I told her I was already dating Theo, and had been for the past few months. But no. It was still a secret, and we'd keep it that way until both of us decided it was time.

  And I had a feeling that was nearing now. Certainly we couldn't hide this any longer? It wouldn't make any sense if we could. It just seemed impossible, almost, especially since we'd stopped purposefully hiding it a while ago, though we still never did or said anything outright directly.

  Sara pouted. "You should consider it. He's an actually good choice."

  "Sara, you've been here less than two months," I laughed. "I think you should be worrying about things other than which boy is the best choice. For me, no less."

  "No," Sara muttered, "it just makes no sense to me that you're single. Like, look at you."

  And I suppose she wasn't being ridiculous. I'd settled on a style this year. To match my beige-coloured designer blazer (my mum's, of course), I'd brought a crispy clean white shirt and pencil skirt, and my perm had my hair in lightly waved curls. I wore naturalistic but elegant makeup every day, and even I had to admit that I looked quite good.

  And that was probably why I wasn't single.

  But again, I couldn't say that.

  It was sad, the amount of things I couldn't say.

  Oh well. It would be worth it. I hoped. I really hoped it'd be worth it.

  But that was the only time anyone ever suspected anything about it.

  It was November when Theo and I finally admitted it to everyone. It was one day at dinner, when a bunch of us had gathered together. The response was expected: absolute shock. A few people (mostly those who were closest to us) took offence. Sara pumped her fists in the air and screamed, "I knew it!" Audrey glanced at Theo, giving him multiple head-to-toe scans before slowly shaking her head, and her girlfriend Akari laughed nonstop besides her at her disappointment and disapproval. I couldn't care less.

  Theo was mostly greeted by congratulations. He was the first person except Kwanfong to get a girlfriend among them, and that was considered a massive feat. Louisa's little pursuer stared at her with his puppy dog eyes, as if this would coerce Louisa into accepting his proposal. She ignored him with all the dignity she could muster, which wasn't much. Her face was redder than a cherry potato.

  It was comedic, honestly, the scene that unfolded as the revelation settled in everyone's heads.

  I stole a quick glance at Sebastian at the end of the table, and found that his expression hadn't changed at all. He didn't share the same humour and joy everyone else showed on their faces, but there was nothing negative on his face. There was some level of amusement on his face, but other than that his expression was wholly neutral. Absolutely nothing else showed.

  We were both over it.

  We had both been over it for a long time. I'd never needed to worry about him in the first place, and I shouldn't have.

  My mistake.

  That was one less thing I had to worry about.

  But it did feel like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I hadn't realised how much keeping a secret had taken a toll on me until now, but I felt freer. As if I wasn't lying to any of my friends any more.

  Sara was interested, but nowhere as much as Yunji, who had witnessed our relationship from the very start, and who knew very well that we hadn't gotten along at first. She cornered me when we went back to our dorm, after Sara had gone into her own room. "So. Spill. When did it happen?"

  I saw no point in lying. "Over the summer," I told her. "He asked. It's gone along quite well so far."

  "I thought you hated him."

  "That was for a very short period of time in the beginning of Lower Fifth," I argued, "and mostly because of Sebastian. I did actually get along decently well with him pretty much all the time after that."

  "But like, not close enough for dating." Her eyes were narrowed. "You've been lying to me. Not just about this. But you did get quite close to him last year, I did notice. Were you guys hanging out in secret?"

  I tilted my head. I wasn't necessarily ashamed of it, but it was still awkward to admit it so directly. "We agreed to tutor each other at the end of Lower Fifth. He needed help with History and Law of Magic, I needed help with Artefacts. We became pretty close friends after that."

  Yunji's eyes widened. "So that's where you went every night on Tuesdays last year! You kept telling me you went to play badminton at the Sports Hall, but I went there a few times and you weren't there."

  "I wasn't lying when I said I went to the Sports Hall," I muttered. "I did go there. Just not to play badminton, that's all."

  "You lying bitch, Honoria." But she wasn't offended, and her tone wasn't accusatory. It was more of a laugh of disbelief. "I cannot believe you managed to hide this from me for so long."

  "Honestly?" I said hesitantly, "I'm surprised I managed to too. I really didn't expect it. I really, really thought you guys would have figured it out before this. Theo and I weren't exactly keeping it a secret for like the past month."

  Yunji shook her head. "I think we were all too busy to notice. And like, there has been so much drama. Louisa. Audrey. And, well, me." She hadn't mentioned James Withington since that night. "I talked to him a few days ago, by the way. He apologised."

  "That's good." I didn't ask what for. I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Part of me wanted to stay as far away from this drama as possible—I was friends with Withington, and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to view him the same way in the future if I asked any more.

  It probably wasn't the best thing to do, lying to myself like that. But at the same time, sometimes, it was necessary.

  "Yeah, I guess it is." Yunji's eyes took on a distant look for a moment before she turned back to face me, a neutral expression set. "Well. I won't take up any more of your time. But don't lie to me about this kind of stuff anymore, yeah?"

  "I won't, I won't," I assured, even though I didn't mean it and we both knew it. We all kept secrets. It was how we kept going. We wouldn't be individuals anymore if we told everyone else everything. It wasn't anything personal, just the way the world worked. And we'd stopped being that kind of friend a year ago.

  She gave me one last look, ending with a stiff nod, before she disappeared down the corridor into her own room. I sucked in a breath, glancing around at my exterior. The sixth form corridor was painted a beige white, with grey carpeted floor and lights on the wall besides every door. It was a cramped area—there were around ten singles in this one corridor alone. All the rooms were tiny, especially compared to my single last year.

  But it was still tolerable. And the atmosphere was decidedly different from the older interior of the other dorms. The sixth form dorms were almost their own little sealed off area from the rest of house, giving us the privacy many of us now craved. Even the weeklies weren't gathering together in an unfortunate dorm every night after school anymore.

  One thing changed by growing up, I suppose. And they didn't seem to be as close as before. They'd all realised who was good and who wasn't good for them, and had acted accordingly. They all got along, we were all civil, as the teachers wanted to see, but it was clear that they weren't the same massive clique they were in the past few years.

  It wasn't a bad thing. It gave us, for starters, more chances to join in on discussions. Everyone was growing up, and I found myself taking a lot of classes in common with some of them. Common room study sessions became a regular thing, though I didn't always attend. I preferred studying alone, or at least with people who didn't start talking every ten minutes.

  I liked how things were going.

  I really did.

  Sixth form was on the right track, every bit as enjoyable as I'd hoped it would be.

  Time to see if I could make sure it continued exactly this way.

we're nearing the end :((((( i really really loved writing the bridewater duology, but there's only two chapters left now after this!!!!