"THIS IS A easy trick question," Theo murmured, tilting his head as he glanced at me. "A lot of people easily fall for this stuff. But there is actually a difference between twin artefacts, even though they might seem and work the exact same."

"I know," I moaned. "I wrote that the material was different in the fucking mocks. And I got it wrong."

He frowned. "Why the hell would you write that?"

"My mind wasn't working properly."

"Fair enough."

"Yeah, I know the answer now. It's not material, it's properties. And it's the core magic."

"That is correct. Don't mess that up again, or I'll be very annoyed."

"Aww, you care for me."

He glared. "You're my student. Of course I need to make sure you do well. Or it's going to be quite embarrassing."

"No one even knows."

"Oh, but I do. And that's all that really matters."

"That's so touching."

"I just want to make sure you don't let all my efforts down, that's all."

"Same for your History and Theory," I shot back. "I really hope you don't fuck up, Theodore Yu."

He rolled my eyes. "As if."

"Oh, such narcissism."

"It's called confidence," he said, leaning backwards with a lazy smile on his face. "Of which I have plenty."

The way he acted these days in private was the complete opposite of how he presented himself in public. The sarcasm, the casualness, the utmost comfort in his own skin and confidence in his own ability. It was very easy to be jealous of him. As I was, more often than not, until I remembered how fucking annoying he was half the time.

At that point, I stopped until the cycle started once more.

That was how life usually went.

"A bit too much, I think."

"You can never have too much of it."

"Many historical examples show that hubris is more often than not, a fatal flaw."

"It will not be mine."

"That is, rather unfortunately, not for you to say."

He rolled his eyes. Hard. I stuck my tongue out in response. He shook his head and turned back to his notes. "Focus, Honoria. Focus. Exams are so bloody soon."

"Thanks, I hadn't realised." Teachers were starting to mention it more and more. Even the local kids had started to panic, much less me, an international one. It was all some of us talked about these days, which wasn't necessarily a good sign, but what could we do about it? This was arguably one of the most important exams in our lives, and there seemed to be nothing left to do these days but study and despair, going through the possibilities in your head again and again until we woke up in a bed of cold sweat.

Or perhaps I was being dramatic.

Just slightly, I liked to think. I was just being slightly dramatic.

But I wasn't exaggerating that much either, because the sports hall seemed empty the few times I went. People stopped showing up to clubs. People stopped showing up to socials on weekends as long as they weren't mandatory, and if you asked anyone why they'd chosen to abstain, they'd tell you it was because they were busy studying.

And that terrified me.

One thing I'd always prided myself on was for being more well-prepared than anyone else. When no one else studied, I was the only one who did. It was why I'd always seemed to get good grades. But now, with everyone tryharding like this?

The pressure was starting to stack.

But I'd learnt a thing or two from last year. And this time around, I wasn't the only one panicking. There were plenty of people suffering right there with me. Which gave me a sense of companionship that I hadn't gotten last year. And that lessened the stress, because I wasn't the only one who felt it. There was a feeling of unity, that we were all in this together, that we were all going through this and we were all going to be okay.

And that was good. That was perfectly fine with me.

"Have you started doing papers again for your other subjects?"

Mildly, I replied, "I started studying again a week after mocks ended. I didn't want to risk forgetting anything."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Honoria."

"I know, I know. It's a bit overkill. We've practically already studied everything after mocks, and I did fine, it's not necessary to study so much. But like, I'm scared, okay?"

"Fair enough, I suppose."

"Are you scared?" I asked curiously. I expected the answer to be no, alongside some sarcastic comment, but he replied with almost startling honesty.

"A bit. Like, not for Artefacts or Maths or the subjects I'm good at, but I'm still scared of the other subjects. And what if I somehow mess up the subjects I'm best at? It would be so embarrassing. How could I face anyone that way?"

"Yeah, same," I agreed softly, throwing my head back and slumping in my chair. "I don't know why I'm freaking out. We still have time. And it's not like this is the first time we've gotten through an important exam."

"But none this important."

"You know, people keep telling me the JCMs don't matter that much."

"Well," he said with a snort, "they're lying. They matter very much."

"I know."

"We'll be okay. I hope."

"And we also have the Duelling Opens soon."

"I'm planning to make it slightly further than last time just because of experience, but other than that, I really couldn't care less. I'm not planning on going down a path for Duelling anyways."

"I don't think any of us are, except Adelina and maybe Christian."

He eyed me. "I've noticed that you're almost never around Adelina anymore. Even at Duelling Club. You just hang out with Audrey."

"I've realised that us Asians understand each other better. There had always been too large a rift between me and Adelina."

"And Yunji?"

"Difference in personalities, hobbies and likes. I'm still close with her, but it's just awkward to third wheel her and Qinguan."

"Oh, Hang Qinguan. No one likes her. Everyone thinks she's a bitch because of some of the stuff she said during classes a few months back."

I blinked, turning to him. "Wait, what? What did she say?"

"She's just nasty. Keeps trying to outshine everyone in class, raises her hand for every question whether or not she knows the answer. It's clear even the teachers want her to shut up, but she just can't see it for some reason."

"But she's still quite nice."

"Maybe in private, sure. I wouldn't know, I never hang out with her. But in lessons, most of us just want to slap her in the face. Don't you have any classes with her?"

I shook my head.

"Yeah, be grateful you don't. She just raises her hand for everything and keeps trying to be the teacher's pet. Not that it's working. She's failing rather spectacularly if you ask me."

"Goddamn. Why is Yunji friends with her, then?"

"Like I said, I assume she's nice in private."

I frowned. "That is very strange to take into account. But oh well, I'm not friends with her anyways, I don't care."

He eyed me quizzically. "If you don't mind me asking... who are your friends right now? The three Sorren Asians?"

"Basically yeah," I said with a shrug. "And James Taylor. I'm friends with him too. Along with a few of the day kids, but I usually only hang out with them during and between classes and stuff. We're not that close once the school day's over. I don't really mind. I've always been more of a solitary figure anyways."

His brows knitted together. "Are you, though? You've never struck me as a type. You'd almost never go without a group of friends."

"They're appreciated, but not necessary."

"Yet you were freaking out when Adelina and Yunji started distancing themselves away from you."

"Not because I was scared I'd be friendless, but because I didn't want the friend group we'd been building up for a whole year to dissolve just like that. It's not the same, Theo."

"You're a liar."

My head snapped towards him. "Excuse me?"

"I said you're a liar."

"Oh really now."

"You're a fucking liar and I don't get it. Why are you so scared?"

"I'm not."

I was confused. But at the same time, I didn't dare say anything else. This was Theodore Yu. This was one of the few people at this school with whom I never ever seemed to get an advantage in any kind of conversation, and it terrified me.

Wait, was that what he was referring to? How I always seemed terrified after talking to him? Because I could never win? But what did that have to do with anything?

He read the answer in my face. He scoffed, shaking his head. "I wouldn't say I'm necessarily close to you, Honoria Song, but I've always prided myself on how well I read people—" and I prided myself for much the same thing "—and it's quite interesting, reading you."

"Ought I be flattered?"

"Depends on how you take this, and I don't think you would very well." His eyes gleamed as he studied me, slowly, from head to toe, with a sweeping glance that brought chills to my bones and caused my heartbeat to speeden. "Why are you always so scared?"

"What the fuck do you even mean?" I asked, irritation climbing up my veins, panic crawling into my thoughts. What the fuck was he on about?

"Why are you always so scared of getting hurt?"

Oh. That was it. Of course that was it.

I knew that. I knew myself. I'd always had that habit of taking out and dissecting all my feelings one by one until I understood exactly why I felt them and tried to remove them altogether. But it was a new experience, having someone else do it for me, and with such precision and accuracy and in such a tense conversation. I swallowed. "Who isn't afraid of getting hurt?"

"Most people," Theo drawled, "aren't afraid to take a slight stumble once in a while. You? You refuse to let that happen. You refuse to try anything new or step out of your comfort zone because you're fucking terrified of everything for some reason. You confine yourself in this glass cage because you think the moment you step out, you'll get nicked and then you lose your shit. Isn't that how you work, Honoria? Don't let me down now, don't lie to me."

"You know nothing about me, Theodore Yu."

"On the contrary," he said, "I know plenty. Seb talked plenty of you in those days, and I took the time to observe you every once in a while. You're a fascinating person to watch, do you know that? You seem so strong, but if I actually watch you carefully, it's so obvious what you feel at any given second. You're an open magazine that's just slightly more complicated to fully understand."

"Oh, so you're a psychiatrist now?"

"No, but it's just interesting. I don't need a PhD in psychology to be able to observe you and guess how your mind works."

"Thank you, that's totally not creepy at all. But no. I'm not scared."

"Yes you are," he laughed, "you're always so scared. It cracks me up. Especially around me, actually. It's like you weigh every word that leaves your mouth, always making sure they'd incite some kind of conflict. It works with other people, but it doesn't work with me. Why are you so fucking scared of getting hurt, and more importantly, who hurt you?"

"I have a fragile ego," I offered, hoping he'd leave it at that.

"That is true, but that's not all of it, is it? Yeah, your ego gets destroyed easily, but not any more easily than most people. Who hurt you?"

"I'm here for a tutoring lesson, but a therapy session."

"Well, with JCMs coming up, I'd argue that they've slowly merged into the same thing. I'm trying to help you here, Honoria, you might as well give me something. It's not just my time being wasted here."

"I don't need any help from a sixteen-year-old student."

"On the contrary, sometimes, that's all you really need."

I sucked in a deep breath. He awaited.

"I'm leaving."

"No you're not." He immediately reached out to grab my hand as I stood. I struggled against his grip, but he was stronger than me so I turned back and glared until he finally loosened up. "Sit down, Honoria Song. We still have time."

"I want to go back to take a shower." I rubbed my wrist. It didn't really hurt, but still. That had just been rude.

"Stay."

"I don't want to."

He stared at me for a long time, as if trying to decide whether or not he ought to let me go. And for some reason I was just glued there, staring at him, waiting for him to make a decision.

"For the record, just in case you were wondering," he said slowly, the words drawled out as if they pained him to say it, "I never for the slightest second thought you were the person who snitched on the weeklies."

"I couldn't have been. The entire rumour had been fucking ridiculous in the first place."

"When they first started spreading in Aesir, Seb and I both helped shut it down."

"Am I meant to be thankful? Because I'm really not."

He shook his head. "You're not meant to feel anything about it. I just wanted you to know. You can go if you want. Take your shower. Do whatever you want. We're done here for tonight anyways."

-

soooo how's it going rn :))) i'm not going to lie, the way this story was meant to go was VERY different from this and far more smooth and less depressing but then i decided i wanted to make this more realistic so ahahha