TW: Self-harm!

Half a year later

She had immediately taken leave after they told her about his death. She had completely broken down that day. She couldn't handle the information. Not the thought that Ghost was dead, gone from them. Soap had taken her to the medical station that day, given her sedatives, and stayed with her the whole time. He wanted to show her that she wasn't alone. But even that didn't seem to help her. The person she wanted to have with her now was no longer here. He wasn't with her anymore, he wasn't even alive anymore. She was given an apartment outside the city, away from the stress, in the hope that it would make her feel better. But it didn't get better.

Amalia sits on the floor. Her back leans against the bed. It's dark in the apartment. All the blinds are closed. No lights are on. She doesn't want to see herself. Her gaze is fixed on the rough outlines of her trembling hands. In her right hand, she still holds the small razor blade. It's still red. This time there are three lines. It's less than usual. But she couldn't go on anymore. She hears the faint whimpering of her dog outside the door. Bones. The German Shepherd who had accompanied her into so many battles. She closes her eyes and drops the blade. Tears begin to flow down her cheeks. She feels weak, abandoned, and terrible. "I'm so sorry!" she whispers softly into the room, as if someone could hear her. "I know I'm a disappointment. I know I should be stronger, but I can't." Her voice is hoarse. As she leans her head forward, her long black hair falls forward.

Once they had been short, neat. But she had stopped taking care of them. Now they were long and matted. But she didn't deserve anything else; she didn't deserve anything anymore, she didn't deserve her life anymore. Amalia inhales with a whimper as she tries to pull herself together. Outside her door, Bones starts scratching at it. He was worried, he wanted to be with her, take care of her. She slowly fights her way up. In the last few months, she had lost an incredible amount of weight. She had hardly eaten.

With slow steps, she begins to move towards the door. The doorknob feels cool in her hand. Slowly, she pushes the handle down. As soon as the door opens a crack, the dog jumps through the small opening and starts jumping around her legs. "Hey, Bones!" a slight smile begins to appear on her lips. The little one was the only reason she hadn't given in to her dark thoughts. What would Bones do without her? She couldn't just leave the dog alone. She gently places a hand on the dog's head. She feels her warm blood slowly running down her arm. She tries to ignore it, at least pretending to be strong. Even though she knows it's useless. Bones knows her too well; Bones knows how she really feels.

"How about I make you something to eat, and I'll take a bite too, okay?" Maybe there was something inside her that still wanted to motivate her. Bones looks up at her from below, snuggles against her legs, and barks once loudly. She didn't know if he even understood her, but the dog was the only one she still talked to. With slow steps, she continues to move forward. Through the hallway to her kitchen, from which an unpleasant smell greets her. She already knew what kind of sight awaited her, and the bad feelings immediately wash over her. But she couldn't do anything, she couldn't change anything.

She stops in her doorway for a moment. The countertops were all packed with packaging. Frozen pizza delivered food and frozen vegetable packaging. For months, she hadn't gone shopping, but the food never ran out. The others hadn't forgotten about her; they still worried about her and bought groceries for her. They packed everything she needed and brought it to her. It was always someone else. Mostly Soap or Price. They stood outside her door. They knocked, rang the bell, and tried to talk to her. But she didn't respond; she couldn't. She was too afraid of what she would see in their eyes. The hatred, the contempt, all the self-blame. And maybe she was even more afraid of seeing something else. What if they were worried, what if they forgave her?

As if they had known she was thinking of them, her phone vibrated. With trembling hands, the woman takes the device out of her pocket. It was a message from Soap. "The next order should be arriving any moment. Please open the door; we're worried!" Amalia closes her eyes and puts her phone away. She wouldn't open the door; she knew it, and he knew it too. She feels Bones again, moving around her legs. "Yes, I'll make something for you!" she says softly and opens the refrigerator next to her. The dog food was the only thing she kept fresh. After all, she couldn't punish Bones for it. She takes out a bowl, which she quickly cleans. She couldn't punish Bones for it.

Carefully, the woman begins to prepare the food, and for a moment, it's as if nothing has happened, as if it's just a normal day. For a few seconds, she has a task again, one that doesn't remind Amalia of the pain, the loss. Everything is okay for a few minutes. Then she places the bowl on the floor, and all the thoughts come rushing back to her. Bones doesn't move, looks at her, and waits. "Go ahead!" she says gently and points at the food. Still no reaction. Amalia closes her eyes and looks at the food next to her. The bread had been included in the last grocery delivery. The bread was dry, bread was meager, maybe she could... with trembling hands, she reaches for the slice and looks at it. It's as big as her hand. Much too big, much too big.

Panic wells up in the woman, but she knew Bones wouldn't eat anything until she did. So she lifts the piece to her mouth and takes a bite. The small piece of bread feels like it's filling her entire mouth. She can't breathe anymore. But she has to keep going; she has to eat. She starts chewing; she has to actively do it, and has to focus on it. And then the swallowing. She can feel the food making its way down. She feels the pain and she feels the panic. Her gaze shifts to Bones, who looks at her for a moment before diving into the food. But it's okay. She makes sure her dog at least gets something to eat.

She continues to struggle. The blood on her arm slowly starts to fade. It's drying up. Her phone vibrates again. This time, Amalia doesn't pay attention to it. Why would she? It was probably just Soap. Just the food again. Couldn't he forget about her? Couldn't he give up just like she had long ago?

Shortly after, there's a knock at her door. She only has a small piece of bread in her hand. She squeezes it together, holds onto it, and doesn't move. She wouldn't open the door. The ringing is replaced by banging. "Amalia, I know you're in there, open up!"

Her heart stops for a moment, her movement freezes, and time freezes. The voice was dark and cool, but even through the doors, she could hear the concern in the voice. The voice with the British accent, the voice she thought she would never hear again. The voice of Ghost.

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Hello!!!

I thought I'd start by giving you a prologue and the first chapter so that you actually have something to read XD

I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you're doing well. If you ever need anything, I'm always here for you.

Take care of yourselves, and see you soon.

Devil