I will stay
It was him. She watches how he kneels in front of her, how he takes care of her. She watches his fingers roam over her skin. Careful, soft, as if it belonged there, as if they had never left. The white plaster lies softly over the open wound. Covers it like it would fix everything. Ghost's answer still rings in her ears. "A big, stupid mistake"
She looks up from the hand cautiously. Her eyes follow the arm up to his face, or rather his eyes. They haven't changed. They still glow ever so slightly in the light. "Did the others know?" She only realized that she asked the question out loud when his movements stopped. His eyes flicker up to her for a moment. She could read the answer in them before he could even open his mouth. There was a small hint of guilt in them. He looks at the arm again and nods slightly, as if words could hurt worse than this small action.
Amalia closes her eyes. They've known it all along. They knew that he was still alive, that he was fine while she was in this hole. They knew all along and no one told her anything. She stays silent, not sure if she wants to ask more questions, not sure if she wants to hear the answer to those questions.
"It was Price's idea. He wanted the others to think they hit us, that they took out one of us. He thought I was the best target. If they thought they had taken out the Ghost, then they would be careless, then they would make a mistake and we could take them out quicker. He... he said it would only be believable if you believed it!" It sounded like a poor excuse, like something that just couldn't happen. Amalia opens her eyes and looks down at his hands. The wound was treated, but he didn't let go. He was still holding her arm. Maybe it was his way of showing her that he was still with her. "I thought it would be over quickly. A few weeks, two months at most. I thought..." Simon goes silent. Yes, what were he thinking?
"It completely destroyed me" This time it was her decision to speak, this time it was an active decision. She wanted him to know, she wanted him to understand. Understand everything.
"I couldn't believe it in the beginning. I trusted on you so much, that a life without you was unthinkable. The others stayed around me all the time. They hardly left me alone. I know that they wanted to keep me calm, wanted to show me that I was not alone but... that just showed me that you're not here anymore. That... that I can't just sit with you anymore and... do nothing." Her eyes slowly begin to glaze over, wandering into another time. The memories start to catch up with her. But she doesn't stop talking. Not yet. "Whenever they left me alone, I always disappeared. But they never had to look for me. They knew that I always disappeared to the same place. Your room!"
Simon's fingers slowly wander across her arm, carefully wrapping around her hand, and squeezing it gently. He doesn't interrupt her. He just looks into her eyes and listens to her, giving her time.
"At first I just stood in the doorway. It was as if I wasn't allowed to enter your room, after all, it was yours and you didn't give me permission. I stared at the bed as if you could reappear there. As if your body was under its Blanket. I was waiting for you to snap at me, that you wanted to be left alone. I was waiting for you to ask me what I wanted from you. But you were never there. I never heard your voice."
The tears begin to form in her eyes. She was in that moment again. She stood in the doorway again, in the cold, and started into the room that was no longer inhabited and yet still looked as if it were. Not that his room was ever incredibly personal. No family photos. Always neat. But maybe that's what made it so personal.
"At some point, when my brain needed more proof that you weren't there. I went into the room and just stood there. In the dark. Every time just one step closer to the bed. I know the outcome wouldn't change. No matter what I do, the bed would always be empty, the bed would be cold. But I wanted it so badly, I wanted so badly for someone to lie there."
The tears begin to find their way down her cheeks. Her fingers begin to cling to his. He can do nothing but just stare at her, trapped in the image he never wanted to give her. Captured by the memories he had triggered.
"I wanted it so much that at some point I laid down in the bed. Maybe in the hope that you would come and scream at me..." She presses her eyes shut, caught in a moment in which she would have done everything just to hear his voice again. "...I fell asleep there. Several times. It smelled like you. Like cinnamon and metal. It took away the pain in the night only to destroy me even more in the morning. Price found me like that at one point. Crying after I desperately searched for you after I woke up. After this, he sent me into this apartment."
Her eyes slowly open again and she looks at their hands. She has clung to his hand so hard that her knuckles are white (?).
"He thought it would help if I wasn't reminded of you all the time. Your voice, your smell. But it just made everything worse. I was alone... so alone with my thoughts with myself. I didn't want that. I didn't want to see... myself. I learned to hate myself because I was the only thing there that I could hate... and I let myself feel it... maybe to at least to feel something."
She looks at the small scars all over her arms as her voice completely fails.
Simon still looks into her eyes. He felt terrible, empty. He carefully lifts his free hand and wipes some of the tears from her cheeks. His mouth opens to let out apologies, and explanations. But not a word comes out. He knows that nothing he can say, anything he can do, could ever take away this pain. He had destroyed her. The woman with the beautiful smile. He had destroyed her.
His gaze begins to change. "The bed won't be empty anymore!" He whispers carefully and makes her gaze lift slightly. "The bed will no longer be empty. Even if I can't make it right, if I can't take away the pain, the memory, one thing is different. The bed is no longer empty, I will stay!"
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Hey ho!!!
The new Chapter Is here!!!!! And this time with some small news.
First: The Person who inspired me to write that (see first chapter) is on Wattpad too! So Check out that Profile!
Second: I am in fact sick. This means, that there will be a new Chapter a little bit quicker this time XD
I hope you all doing all right,
Love
Devil
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