April

We were eating our dinner at the table silently, just like usual.

We barely talked these days.

We didn't even show the common courtesy anymore.
Either he was always out on work and got home with more than one half naked girl in his arms,
or he was always on the couch drinking, smoking watching news and commenting in disgust,"Assholes everywhere! "

Yeah. Assholes. Everyone was Asshole and bitch. He said that.

But little did he know that he was on the list of assholes too.

I wasn't not sure what kinda 'work' he did. But little did I know that he didn't go to his regular office, where he used to go, anymore.
I found his termination letter in his drawer, along with several packs of condoms.
The company sacked him accusing that he was involved in financial corruption.

And all the money my mom earned, working till her last breath, he wasted it all on chicks, in bars, gambling and on drugs.

I didn't know why do I even tolerate this man. I should have slapped him and left.

But then..
where would I go? I didn't have any other place to go.

No family. No friends.
Nobody wanted me.. And I was well aware that fact.

So I had to tolerate him. I had to cook for him, clean the whole house, wash his clothes and even his dirty underwear.
And the worst part, I had to tolerate his filthy behavior that a father would never do to his own daughter.
I wasn't his daughter to him. I was just a female object.

I should have left. But again I remembered about my mom. Whenever I thought of leaving him, memories flashed in my mind,
her weak hands, squeezing mine as she laid on the hospital bed. Her shaky voice through the beep beep sound of the machines, "Promise me sweetie. No matter what, you'll be at your dad's side.. He needs you honey.. Promise me.." her voice, trembling.
"I promise! "I sobbed, tears trailing down my cheeks.

It was mom's last wish. And that's the biggest reason I was tolerating all these.
But I wondered ,if she was watching me from heaven did she still want me to stay?
My dad was never a really good dad. All the financial duties were used to be filled by my mom. He never full filled his duties really well. But at least he wasn't this monster when mom was alive. After her death he changed day by day.

Now looking at him I wondered were him and my dad same even person?

No. My dad wasn't this monster. Dad wasn't this jerk who can even make her own daughter surrender to his filthy desires...

I was just a slave or an object whose job was to maintain the house and cook for him. And even when I was well aware that, I couldn't leave. I had my hands tied up.

"After thinking at lot I've decided to send you to a boarding school in Aspen. "he broke the silence, causing my heart to skip a beat.

" what?! "I exclaimed in shock. The spoon I was holding suddenly fell down.

" You're not getting proper education here. I've talked to the school authorities of Warrior High. And I have also informed your principal here that you're not attending school from tomorrow. "he said without any expression, still eating his soup.

I couldn't believe he was sending me away, after what I had done for him.
He just wanted to break me from each and every way.

" But Dad, I don't want to leave this place. It has mom's memories all over the house. It feels like she's still here. " I tried to protest even though it sounded like a mild pleading.

Yeah just a mild pleading. I knew nothing would work now. He was done with me and now ready to kick me out.

But why did I feel so sad? I should be happy! I was going to be free from this monster now!

But still I felt sad..... It wasn't because I was afraid to leave the house. It wasn't because I was afraid that the world would be even filthier than him. The truth was something else that I even myself didn't want to consider as truth. But truth was truth and it didn't require anyone's acceptance.
I was sad because I still had a few feelings left.
I might sound stupid, really crazy and fucked up. I know most of the people would probably call me a loser, a fool.
I even considered myself as a loser.
But..
He was my dad. Even though I was just a object for him. But for me, I was his daughter.
I couldn't forget the good times when he got back from office and knocked on my door "Princess, look what I have brought for you!" and I would have forget all my anger and jumped in his lap.
I loved him.
Still now.
I'm so stupid. But I do. I couldn't forget the good times.

Two drops of tear fell down from my eyes...

"As they do not have hostel there. I've talked to my college friend David Emerson. He has a house there. So you'll be staying with his family. Better to be clear his kids as he lives in Seattle for some business purpose and his wife died a few years ago. " he added as he finishes his soup wiping his mouth with a napkin.
He was so emotionless,as if he was a robot.

I looked up at him.
And he quickly turned his head away as our eyes met.

He was avoiding eye contact.
I knew there was something wrong..

" It'll be an excellent opportunity for you. "he said as I lower my head.

Little did I know it was just an excuse to send me away. And there was definitely something too complicated, for me to understand, going inside his head.
I kept my head down as I heard him pushing the chair, getting up.
He walked to my side.
I flinched as I felt his sweaty filthy hands slipping down my shoulders.
" This is the last night we have. Let's enjoy. "

Enough. You have crossed the line.

" Get lost! "I shouted as I pushed his away, running to my room.
He tried to catch me but I was faster than that old hag.

Yeah. I was tolerating him. Because I loved him. But I couldn't compromise with the self respect I still had in me. I couldn't let him fuck me.

I managed to get inside my room without him catching me. I slammed the door and pressed my weight against the door as I felt his kicks on the door.

He continued to kick on the door as I bursted into tears , covering my mouth with my hands.

After sometimes the kicking sound stopped and I heard him yelling, "You better get your ass ready because you're leaving tomorrow!"

I heard his foot steps fade away as I let out a sigh. I sat on the floor my back pressing against the door. I hugged my knees closer to my chest as I buried my face between my knees,crying.

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Warm rays of sunlight woke me up and I realize I was still on the floor hugging my knees close.

I slept there whole night...

I panicked as dad's voice echoed in my head
"... You're leaving tomorrow. "

I had to leave and I haven't done packing yet!
I looked up at the wall clock.
6:00 am.
Good. Still time had till he got up.
I quickly rushed to the washroom grabbing the toothpaste and the brush and shoved it to my mouth.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror.
Those dark circles around my eyes.. I'm so ugly... And realizing that I'm ugly made me super frustrated.

I was getting lost in thoughts again but I remembered I had a lotsa work to do. At first I had to pack then wash the dirty dishes then cook then clean the house and wash clothes as well!

Ugh so much work to handle!

I took a quick shower, changing into a tank top and shorts.

I packed three luggage including my school bag and two trolleys. I packed a side bag too but it was too small that I didn't even consider it as a luggage. Just to carry my phone and charger and other small necessary items.

After I was done I ran down to the kitchen washing the dishes and preparing pancakes for breakfast.
"Smells nice! "I froze as I heard dad from behind.

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- Astrareth