I have realized one thing in my life and through my journey as a writer, as a student, as a friend. as a reader, as a debtor, as a child, as a teenager, as a human, as a citizen, as a consumer, as a creator, as a conformist, and as a simply reactive, that we often fail because we are scared of transparency. We desire and seek to create it but the moment it is demanded of us first, we look for ways to give it the least. So there are basically three principles I will choose to follow for this book:-

1. I will be brazenly honest and crude with my words especially when I want to describe my state of being. 

Unless I am honest, the exercise will be rendered null. You must know me and my background in order to build a sense of relatability. That is a normal human thinking. Our lawmakers and justice demand us to be impartial and objective yet we never care for the premise or even considering delving into an idea until we feel somehow a personal drive to do so. So I will share few facts about me , omitting some for sake of "privacy". Not in online sense for we already don't have it because of Google, Meta and new emerging technologies now but just own satisfaction sake.

2. I will not follow into a simply dichotomy wherever feasible to go ahead without doing so. 

People often say some heinous crimes are so in character, that there is no third side. Either you condone the perpetrator or the victim. Either you are with oppressor or with oppressed. Interesting narrative which I will debunk in later chapters but yes, I will try to avoid giving one-sided labeling to people. By doing so , I won't be expressing opinion on the fact this is how you should feel or think but just putting a thought into your awareness.

3. When I express an opinion while I am expressing my observation and interpretations on some kind of idea or topic, then my words may make me seem judgmental but trust me, they are not.

It is vital to remember that the judgements I make during that essay are null due to simple fact that they are used to describe different opinions that could be made by multiple identities with which I happen to be associated with and even you relate. To put it lucidly, when it seems like I am opinionating, I am speaking from multiple points of view, and my personal opinion in it is simply the reflection of all those opinion as in a grid circle so before attacking me, you must consider twice as to what  exactly are you against.

Let me give me an example. 

Let's say somewhere in my writing, I say this is why I feel that (fill in blank) is right and you don't agree with it at all and it strikes you at core, so don't just immediately flip out. Because all I am trying to present is a set of arguments. Whether the reasoning behind those arguments are acceptable to you or not is an irrelevant consideration when I am articulating that argument. By stating my thoughts on a topic, I don't seek to advocate a point of view or impose on you to feel that way only but rather just show that this also exists. So let's abstract ourselves from morality as much as possible when we try to delve into topic.

Now as promised, here is a brief introduction about me. I mean I could have elaborated more or concise more but this just seemed right , naturally flowing from my fingers.

For reasons of anoymiousity, I will be using the pseudonym of Izena.

I was born on 12th February, 2005 in India and to best of my knowledge, there was no physical/mental  deformity or genetic disease. In that respect, I already considered myself lucky. Now , India is often acclaimed as a hospitable nation , propagating inclusivity and unity in diversity but such claim is as absurd as of humans loving each other in present world. Don't get me wrong. India is a great country and I feel delighted for having taken birth here but it has just as many issues as any other nation. 

Anyway , back to point. So unofficially, there is a great divide on basis of geography due to massive cultural shifts in three areas : Northern India, Southern India and North-Eastern India. Many people of one zone hate or don't accept people of other zones. So I was born in northern India and was raised mainly in a place close to capital , New Delhi also known as Delhi NCR. 

I was raised in a nuclear family but until 5th grade or when I was about 9-10 year old, I kept changing schools and places. In early days (Age 2-4), I went to a Christian covenant school, then I went to a Sanskritised School in different state  (Age 5-6) and then came back to NCR at age of 7 before again going back to my home state and then finally being to a hostel with proper Christian education. But I left it after one year only and from then on , I studied in an anglo-vedic school and finally passed in 2022 and joined college.

I am currently in my second year of college , enrolled in a 5 year course of law. I must specify for sake of clarity that I am a Hindu. At least legally anyway , for my parents were and I have continued to stay as it is, for I didn't want to change into any other religion.  I mean it isn't like I can declare myself religion-less anyway according to current legal system. Why? Well, India doesn't have a uniform civil code applicable so the state doesn't want to have trouble in figuring out what law to apply to you. 

Now some people will say oh, so you are a Hindu-Atheist. But you see, that is where the problem arises for me. I am not an Atheist. In fact, I am very religious. I would probably describe myself as more religious than any other person. My religion doesn't depend on scriptures or some holy books etc. 

Yes, before you come to correct me , I am well-aware of distinction between dharma and religion and how English word 'religion but look, most Hindus themselves aren't and just know it superficially and either way, they also believe in a one god or Braham whose manifestation is Lord Krishna or Lord Ram. And they also believe in loving creator. Good for them. This world could use love. While follower of Abrahamic gods associate it strictly with hold commands specified and laid down in books and portray Gods as mostly wrathful but still holding love.

Anyway, the point is I reject all gods of all religions due to a simple fact: they fail to meet the cosmic standard. What is a cosmic standard? Good! If I have got you intrigued, then it means I am not just wasting my energy for nothing.  It will be explained in later chapters. 

Now though I was raised in a nuclear family, it wasn't exactly harmonious to put it shortly and crisply. I felt more like a thread connecting both of them , yet the material mustn't have been very strong for it never ended up in a conciliation. The best conciliation before a new petty and  cliché conflict would ensue was at max span of three days. Eventually, in 2020 around lockdown , one parent decided to take up job in different state and so even after lockdown ,I mostly have house to myself.

Peace! I hadn't known the taste of that ever before that. But of course, during period of visit back and their togetherness , it used to get interrupted and each second felt like drawing me back into those days of pre-2020 as peace was never there. So this is more like an avoidance mechanism adopted by both to best of their abilities. 

Regarding my social circle, when I was growing up, I had quite a lot of friends. No! I suppose that is a fancy word people like to throw around easily. I had a lot of acquaintances. For ex though I shifted a lot as I told you but I still had gotten back for good in Delhi NCR only from 5th grade and growing up , with one whom I could say I developed actual deep bond with was girls only.  There were lot of boys too but somehow I could never really relate myself to their passion for cricket , other sports etc. 

I used to play in sports . Don't get me wrong. But I didn't enjoy spending time with them as much as I did with one of my best friend who was a girl. Something for which I was often called out by them and sentiment was clear: don't play with them if you keep wanting to be friends with us. 

Anyway, this only lasted till 9th grade, because from then I shifted again to my current home within NCR only. I lost all contacts with so called "friends" and also "her" for she was sent to hostel. I was myself surprised at the fact that I didn't choose to take any contact but life went on and I soon realized that I had probably never cared for her much too if I could dissociate so easily.  So in end, she was also an acquaintance, just more pleasant one to remember I suppose.

I had lot of other things going on , beside just friends before 9th grade in my previous home but I will probably get to that in later chapter when relevant. I mean human life isn't exactly meant to be so jot down in detail. I wish I could but I will always fail short of it. That is a sure future, due to paucity of time, energy and motivation.

So anyway, in my new home , and in 9th grade now , I joined Instagram , unaware of the new world I was entering into. Until 8th grade, I won't say I was some kind of topper. I mean I always used to shift alternately. Like I was great in 5th grade, 6th but not in 7th and suddenly at second place in school in 8th grade but then from 9th , picking of subject happened between Hindi and Sanskrit but most importantly, I was drawn into social media and was allowed to commute by myself to school through metro.

Now, the kinds of adventures I had...oh gosh! I can only hope that I am able to spill them out clearly when needed in later chapters. For now, just know that I got into intense debates with literally religious devouts from different nations across world for fun, gave random therapy to strangers and happen to make absurd amount of acquaintances.

I also discovered Wattpad in 2019 because I had become interested in PJO series and wanted fanfics. Here, also I found absurd series of acquaintances when I first started writing fanfiction on super flash which was my fav ship for a whole phase of 9th-10th grade . Gradually, I moved to many other series and in 2020 with lockdown, began to watch Pokémon series. I had just moved to 11th grade and chosen my stream as humanities -political science, economics, history, psychology, English etc.

Another fanfic came which you can see published. Pokémon theme songs on depression was my lifestyle in 11th grade (2020-2021). From then on , with Death note and Naruto fanfic, there was no stopping and I carried on, even moving to manga and light novel and started my own original writings like Game of realms, Maxverse -a series which is in 4th and final rewrite as Infinite Whims. 

I also had decided on my career path of law and prepared for CLAT , AILET-law entrance exams in 12th. 12th was surprisingly easy for me and I really dabbled into gk, law, writing , anime at same time. I also dabbed into dark and obscene content a lot. Yes! I don't intend to hide one aspect while glorifying another in this exercise. Also another aspect that I may mention, that nearly all of my acquaintances , in childhood, in social media, in school and even in college are girls only. Why ? I am not sure. The circumstances just happen to be so and so it stands that way. 

And so I went into a college after 12th and carried on writing periodically. Now here I am before you, eager to express my views on variety of topics. Why? It is simple. We are humans. We are judgmental creatures. We have opinions, that we feel strongly passionate towards and want it to be shared and listened to. Even the person who says she is fine with conformist knows situations where she would love nothing more than to advocate her opinions. 

So here I am to present my own views on  innumerable topics from bizzare to relatable, from normal to weird, from repugnant to cherishable. 

All I ask of you , as I embark on this journey, to be patient and make an attempt to understand. You don't have to accept it or reject it. There is no value system that I want to preach like religion or start some movement. Let me show you the "IDEA"