From: [email protected]
        Date: July 19th, 2018 at 8:29 a.m.
        To: [email protected]
        Subject: More questions for you

        John,

        Your niece sounds so precious, and I love her name. What a great tribute to her. See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. I don't have someone like that to make a statement about on my body, unless Helena and Adam start having kids sometime soon (highly doubtful, he hasn't even popped the question yet).

        Maybe I should rethink the Bob Dylan lyrics? Ah, I don't know. Why is it so hard? Maybe I'm just too indecisive, lol. That's probably good advice. I love Knockin' On Heaven's Door, too. That, Don't Think Twice, It's All Right, and Shelter from the Storm would have to be my top three songs by the literary genius.

        I've never been to New York. I've always wanted to go, though. Maybe one day. Well, I guess this means we're in the same time zone? In that case, you really do stay up late, John. Sheesh.

        You didn't offend me. The Internet can be a sketchy place these days. Better safe than sorry, right? Whoa. That is fucked up. I guess we can't really blame Vaughn, then. No matter how much bad blood is between exes, that's no excuse to be petty and cruel.

        So, what are you up to today? I have class in a minute. I'm presenting my work in Digital Art, wish me luck. Argh. Public speaking makes me so nervous. I feel like my social awkwardness just takes center stage and it's a real mess.

        I also have more random questions for you. Are you ready?

        1. Do you read? If so, what are you reading right now?
        2. Out of all the songs you've ever written, which one do you want people to listen to the most?
        3. What is the most annoying question people ask you? (And no, you can't say one of the questions I just asked you, lol).

        Em

        From: [email protected]
        Date: July 19th, 2018 at 4:02 p.m.
        To: [email protected]
        Subject: RE: More questions for you

        Em,

        My niece is my number one girl, it's only fair. Remember what I said, there's no rush. I didn't get my first tattoo until I was twenty. One day you'll have something you want to ink on your body, to honor. I'm sure of it.

        New York is okay. Where I live has great old-school bars. I'll be honest, I've been thinking about moving back to my hometown, Wisconsin, a lot. I miss it. My family's there. There's nothing here for me in New York anymore. But I don't know how that would work for the band. It'd probably fuck everything up... I couldn't.

        Wait, you live nearby? For some reason, I thought you weren't American. You should've said something sooner. Yeah, I can't sleep most nights. At least e-mailing you gives me something else to think about, to focus on.

        I've been back in the studio today. We're working on the album again. I think that's the other reason I'm functioning on limited sleep. Haven't been this busy in a while, and I always get anxious come recording time. Vaughn, Kyle, and our bass player, Ty, asked me if I'm good earlier, if I've been writing songs, and I lied to them. I said I was. Shit. I don't know what I'm doing, Em. It's like you're the only person I can be honest with. 

        How did your presentation go? I was thinking of you this morning. Bet you killed it.

        I'm ready. Again, good questions.

        1. Yeah, I do. I'm reading The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris right now. I know I'm probably not supposed to ask you a question within an answer, but I'm guessing you read, too. What book are you reading at the moment?
        2. This one was tough, but I'd probably have to say our song, Only You Can. It only took me an hour to write. Plus, it was the happiest night of my life.
        3. In that case, the most annoying thing people ask me is probably, "Are you okay?" I feel like that's a universal one, but it's true.

        John

        From: [email protected]
        Date: July 20th, 2018 at 11:47 a.m.
        To: [email protected]
        Subject: Coming clean

        John,

        I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like you're really not happy in New York. My advice (even though you didn't ask for it): don't sacrifice your happiness if you don't have to. You should talk to the band, see what they say. It can't hurt, right? Think about this. You could keep your place (I'm assuming you're not exactly short on money, lol), move back home, and fly out whenever you need to jam, record, or go on tour? It's only a four-hour flight (yes, I Googled it. No, you can't make fun of me for it. This is the kind of shit friends do for each other). Tell me that doesn't sound like the perfect compromise? Wisconsin is beautiful (not that New York isn't). I don't blame you for wanting to move back. Being away from the people you love is hard. I miss Helena so much, and she's only one-hundred-and-sixty miles away, which pales in comparison. I'm in Maine, so, yeah, kind of close by to you. I grew up in Kennebunkport, and now I live in Orono. Your e-mails are a welcome escape for me, too.

        That's great, and also not great, because of anxiety. Ugh. Anxiety fucking sucks. I wish we both didn't have to experience it. I know what it's like to be sleep-deprived. I feel like I just stare at the ceiling for hours some nights, plagued by all kinds of thoughts. The worst part is, I know I'm being irrational, that I'm overanalyzing things I shouldn't, but I can't help it. It seems impossible sometimes.

        I'll make you a deal. Next time you can't sleep, message me something. It won't disrupt our conversation. I won't even respond to it if you don't want me to. Just know that I'm here, that I'm probably wide awake, too. My roommate, Amal, parties a lot, and when she can't talk me into tagging along, I'm usually alone on weekend nights in our dorm.

        As far as the songwriting goes, I think the more you try to force it, the harder it will be. What inspired you to write songs in the first place? Remember why you love it. Listen to the music that influences you as an artist, the music that makes you want to create again. If I ever get stuck with my art, I go to the Art Department at UMaine, even when I don't have a class that day, and look at the senior students' artwork on display. It always helps me.

        My presentation went well, surprisingly. Thank you for saying that :-) I only messed up one section, but we were all super nervous. It was our first class presentation, so I think the professor took that into consideration.

        God, this e-mail is going to be a long one. I'm only just replying to your answers now.

        Okay, so, yeah, I read a lot. It's actually a problem. Whenever I get invited anywhere, I have to talk myself into going 99% of the time. If I don't, all I'll ever do is stay in bed with my Kindle and be anti-social. I'm reading Truth or Beard right now by Penny Reid. I think, in terms of books, we have different tastes, lol. Thomas Harris wrote Hannibal, didn't he?

        Why was it the happiest night of your life?

        Hear, hear. That is the worst question to be asked, hands-down, especially when you're not okay.

        I need to come clean to you about something, John. It's clear that you tell me the truth (which I appreciate so much), and well, you deserve the same from me. Not that I've ever lied to you, because I haven't. 

        Anyway, I had an inkling about who you were from the very beginning, but I didn't really believe it. I mean, what are the chances you're the Johnny Decker from Don't Fret? Slim to none. But now that we've been talking more, now that I know all your bandmates' names and that song, Only You Can (which is an incredible song, by the way), I can't keep pretending that I don't know who you are. You're sharing private stuff with me, and I need you to know that I know it's you. Unless you're the one who's catfishing me, John, and in that case, not cool, pal.

        I don't want you to stop talking to me. I don't want this to change anything between us. It doesn't for me, but I understand if it does for you.

        Your friend,
        Em

        P.S. So, as it turns out, I have listened to your music. I think I first heard one of your songs when I was fourteen. It got me through my first high school breakup. Your words, your lyrics, they really have struck a chord with me, John. I'm sure they've impacted a lot of other people, too.

        P.P.S. If it makes you feel any better, and less creeped out, I was always obsessed with Kyle.