In another panic, I dumped all the contents of my dresser drawers on top of my bed. Again, I didn't know what to wear. I wanted to wear something comfortable—but cool—for my debut. Also, I was totally freaking out, scared to death I'd suddenly get stage fright for the first time in my life. Aunt Ruth was no help, watching me frantically tear my room apart in my underwear.

"Are you going to service tomorrow?" Aunt Ruth asked. Was she crazy? The last thing on my mind was Shabbat and going to service tomorrow morning.

"I don't know," I said. "Probably not."

"You seem stressed," she stated. "It's not good for you to be stressed."

"Yeah, I'm stressed. What if I mess up?"

"It won't be the end of the world. You know how to compensate for your mistakes. You're a natural entertainer. I'm sure you'll be great."

"You wanna come?"

"I'm too old to go to clubs," she said. "I'll feel out of place."

"It's not a dance club," I said. "But I guess there'll be lots of drinking."

"And I hate driving to Boston."

"Yeah, I know. You can catch us on YouTube."

"Are you going like that?" Levi asked, startling both me and my aunt. "David let me in," he explained.

"Oh, hello, Levi," Aunt Ruth said. She was slowly coming around, accepting Levi as my friend, although he had become more than a friend.

"I'm having serious issues," I said.

"Maybe Levi can help you," Aunt Ruth said. "Good luck tonight."

After Ruthie left, Levi stepped into my room and closed the door behind him.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I don't have anything to wear."

"Look at all the clothes on your bed, and you have a whole closetful," he said. "Hurry up. We have to leave in twenty minutes."

He went to my closet and selected a pair of black jeans in two seconds.

"There's gotta be a white t-shirt in this pile somewhere," he said, sorting through the clothes on my bed. "You look great in those underwear, by the way."

Not as stressed with Levi here, I playfully pushed down the front of my underwear. "Should I go like this?" I asked.

"Put it away," he laughed. "We don't have time to play."

I fixed myself and slipped on the jeans. Levi tossed a white t-shirt at me. "I guess this will do," I said, putting the shirt on.

"You look perfect," he said as I straightened out the shirt. "You're gonna be great."

"I hope everyone is right."

On stage, Sean stood to the right of me and Memphis to the left. Levi sat behind his drum kit in the center with Isaiah on the other side of Memphis at the keyboard. Typically Memphis never wore makeup, but tonight she wore pink eye shadow and lipstick that matched the ends of her hair and sneakers. Dressed in a pair of jean shorts with leggings underneath, she looked cute with her blond hair in pigtails.

"I love your sneakers," I said. "You like pink, huh?"

"She goes through phases," Levi said. "You should have seen her during her black phase."

"I can't picture you with black hair," I said to her. "You look good in pink."

"Thanks," she said. "You look good in everything."

"Okay, you two," Sean said. "It's time to focus." He was always the most serious one, the one who kept us all in line. Each of us had a touch of ADHD. Of course, I had far worse issues. "We're on in ten minutes."

I fidgeted with my fingers, bouncing on the heels of my feet as people piled in. I didn't expect so many people.

"Relax, Ezra," Sean whispered. "You've got this."

I had to believe he was right.

We started off with When the Levee Breaks. I did a much better job this time around than the first time. We followed with David Bowie's The Man who Sold the World, which Nirvana also covered. I could never decide which version I preferred. A few songs later, we played an original song and I didn't mess up.

Minutes into the first song, I nearly forgot I was on stage in front of a crowded room. The applause was like a shot of adrenaline. I could have sung and played all night. I'd never had so much fun in my life.

To celebrate our first successful night, we sat at the bar to share a few rounds of drinks. Isaiah ordered shots for everyone and they all toasted me. I didn't know what I was drinking, but I downed the drink, anyway, instantly coughing on it.

"You alright?" Memphis asked.

"Yeah," I coughed. "I'm not much of a drinker. Well, I shouldn't drink."

Levi sat at the far end of the bar, chatting it up with Isaiah and Sean. Sipping his beer, Levi smiled at me. I wondered what Isaiah was saying, especially as Sean and Levi kept laughing. Isaiah liked to talk and was always cracking jokes.

"You were great," Memphis said as I smiled back at Levi.

"Thanks," I said, but I didn't deserve all the credit. "We all were. I had fun."

"I can see why Levi's crazy about you," she said. "Are you sleeping with him?" She took a deep breath, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Ezra. It's none of my business. Forget I asked you. Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed."

"We like each other," I said. "Let's leave it at that."

In addition to the shots, the bartender placed a beer in front of me. Little did I know I was on my way to getting stupidly drunk.

As Memphis brought a pint of beer to her lips, I realized why she always wore long-sleeves. Her shirt bunched up slightly, enough for me to see the marks.

"Did you have an accident with a razor?" I asked.

She fixed her shirt, taking another sip of beer, making sure her wrists remained hidden.

"I've never had an accident, but I've been close," I said. "Sorry. I always know how to ruin a good mood." I chugged another shot. "Where did this come from?" I asked, referring to the whiskey. Light-headed and slightly dizzy, I leaned into Memphis. "I like girls, too," I whispered in her ear.

"You're drunk, Ezra," she said.

"A little bit," I said, downing another shot. I always felt safer around girls. No girl had ever turned me down. No girl had ever punched me in my face. "Do you like guys, too, or are you just into girls?"

"I think Levi should take you home," she said.

"Yeah... yeah, I think so, too," I said, stumbling off my stool, landing on the floor. Before Levi got to me, Memphis and Sean helped me to my feet.

"He's had too much to drink," Memphis said. The whole room was spinning. As Levi stood in front of me, I fell into his arms.

"I'll take him home," Levi said. "How much did you have to drink?" he asked me, draping my arm over his shoulders.

"I dunno. Someone kept pouring me shots and I kept drinking them."

I was so stinking drunk, I barely remember Levi walking me into my house or tucking me in bed. By the time I woke up, I was in my underwear, the sun shining through my blinds. Starving, I checked my phone before leaving my room, discovering it was two o'clock in the afternoon.

"Whoa, he's up!" Uncle David announced as I wandered into the kitchen.

Bleary-eyed, I opened the refrigerator and grabbed the carton of orange juice, just what I needed for a hang over.

"How'd it go last night?" David asked.

"Good, I think," I said, tempted to drink the juice from the carton. Afraid Aunt Ruth would catch me, I decided to pour the juice into a glass. The whole night was a blur, thanks to all the shots of whiskey I consumed. As I sat down at the table with my juice, memories of last night seeped into my brain. I never had so many regrets in my entire life.

Okay, so maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but that's how I felt right then. I needed to talk to Levi, to clear some things up.

"Where are you going like that?" David asked. I looked down my body and thought I looked fine. I was wearing a t-shirt, at least. 

"Oh, Ezra! Put some pants on!" Ruth exclaimed as I past her, walking out of the kitchen.

"What? I'm not naked," I said. Wandering outside in my underwear wasn't the worst thing I'd ever done.

Before leaving the house, I fetched my guitar. Maybe Levi would forget about all my idiotic behavior if I serenaded him.

In my t-shirt and underwear, I slipped on my Adidas flip-flops and headed to Levi's apartment. Today was a good day for ELO's Mr. Blue Sky because it was such a beautiful day out. I noticed Levi's car wasn't in his spot, so I decided to wait for him at his apartment door, fingerpicking my guitar. I wished I had brought a pad of paper or something to get all these words out of my head. An hour later, I stood up as Levi approached the stairs. On the top step, he stopped in his tracks.

"What are you doing, Ezra?" Levi asked. "How long have you been sitting there like that?"

"Like what?"

"In your underwear."

"I'm wearing a shirt."

"It's cold out," he said, walking down the stairs to his door. I didn't find it all that cold. "You're too much. How's your head?"

"Not bad. I'm sorry if I said or did anything stupid last night. I shouldn't drink."

"Is that why you're here? To apologize to me in your underwear? You could have gotten dressed first. That's how I left you last night. You know, Ezra, you can't do what you want wherever you want all the time."

"I thought you liked me," I said, honestly confused, and I thought he liked my body and wanted to see it.

"Yeah, I do, but there's a time and a place. What are you doing with your guitar?"

"I'd like to sing a duet with you," I said, following him into his apartment.

"A duet? Now? I won't be home long. I'm playing with the other guys tonight. I don't know if I'm in the mood for a duet."

"Just one song," I said. "Across the Universe. Please? I think I want to add it to my playlist."

"Oh, my God, you're so crazy," he muttered to himself.

"Okay... I'll go... sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry."

As I turned to leave, he grabbed my wrist. "You don't scare me," he said. "I'm trying to understand you. Sit down. We'll sing Across the Universe if you want."

With our guitars, we sat beside each other. Our eyes met once before I took the lead. Levi's voice was as good as I thought it would be. "I love your voice," I said. "Maybe we could sing that at our next gig."

We had a couple of gigs booked over the next month. A bit of a control freak, Sean organized everything, even putting the set-list together. I planned on doing whatever I was told.

"I guess I'll go now," I said, standing up. "I just want you to know that I say stupid shit when I get drunk, and I was really drunk last night. If I said anything last night to you or Memphis, I'm sorry. I really like you."

"I think you'd rather be with a woman."

"I don't know if I do. It's what I know. Have you ever been involved with anyone who's not a hundred percent gay?"

"Not since high school."

"I bet it bothered you, didn't it? Just so you know, I've never fallen in love with a woman, but I think I could fall in love with you."

"You're a smooth talker, aren't you?"

"Well, I don't know..."

"I bet you could get anyone to sleep with you, even Memphis, and she's a gold star lesbian. That's what you wanted, right?"

"No, that's not what I wanted," I said, heading to the door. "Forget it, Levi. You'll always assume I'd rather be with a woman. Maybe we should just be friends. Maybe it's a bad idea for us to be involved when we're working together. I'm going home. I'm sorry I came over in my underwear."

I was always meant to be alone. Women thought I wanted to be with men, and men thought I wanted to be with women.

And, of course, I was insane and a murderer on top of everything else.

"Wait, Ezra," Levi said and charged toward me, kissing me full on my mouth. "I don't want to be friends."

Backing me onto his couch, he quickly lifted my shirt over my head in between kissing. He pulled my underwear all the way off before I could react. As he knelt on the floor, he looked up at me, sucking so hard, my ass lifted off the couch.

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