"All sentient beings should have at least one right—the right not to be treated as property." Gary L. Francione

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XVIII.

Susanna spent the days following feeling very sorry for herself indeed. She cried, whimpered and sobbed intermittently between feeling like an utter fool. She had never imagined that she would be the type of woman to be so easily tricked.

In fact, she had once prided herself on this very knowledge. She would not be one of those tragic debutantes ruined by the sweet whispers of a man with ill intentions.

And yet, she had fallen victim all the same. And how convincing he had been. Susanna couldn't fathom the lie. She couldn't understand how or why the man that she had known could do such a thing. But then Susanna had to remind herself that Alex was not the man she knew. She knew a façade, a character that he had wanted her to see, all the while plotting for how he was going to cheat her family out of inordinate sums of money.

Her family were delicate with her, which was at times maddening. Susanna did hear their whispers and curses for both Alex and Mr Bishop when they thought she could not hear them. She also heard her mother's constant fretting about her reputation.

Susanna, in her anger and sadness, did not care a bit for her reputation.

But seeing as no news had arrived from London detailing of Susanna's downfall, the family assumed that both Mr Bishop and Alex had heeded Adam's threat and had kept their mouths shut about the whole affair.

Over the next two weeks, Susanna's tears eventually stopped. Her sadness dissipated and her anger weakened as she began to think. She began to analyse and dissect every conversation, every moment that she had ever shared with Alex.

Their first meeting, when he had pulled her out of the crowd of onlookers at the faire. He had to have known who she was. But the rescue could not have been planned, could it? He hadn't known whether the horse would charge. But then Susanna began to second guess herself and wonder if that, too, was part of the act, though she couldn't understand how.

Susanna remembered Mr Bishop making a fuss about Alex's shoulder, as though he had injured it in the rescue. That was what had induced their intimacy with the family, and it had resulted in an invitation to the house.

But everything after that ... their walk through Mayfair at night, their conversations, their time spent together at Ashwood ... what he had told her about his childhood ...

Susanna's eyes watered as she thought back to the sight of the dark scars that marred Alex's back. Those were not faked. Those were very real indeed, as was the extraordinary agony behind them.

There had been truth in Alex, but how much? From the first time they had laid eyes on one another, to the moment Alex had declared his love down by the pond, how much of it was real? This question alone was enough to twist Susanna's stomach into giant knots. It was as though her heart was determined to make him good when her head knew that he was not.

Perrie's third birthday was to be celebrated quietly at home, with not all the fanfare as had been made the year before. Susanna knew that the party was kept small on her account.

On the morning of the twenty-ninth of September, Susanna made her way down to the kitchen to visit Mrs Hayes in the housekeeper's sitting room. She knocked twice before hearing Mrs Hayes' beckon. When she opened the door, Mrs Hayes was sitting behind her writing desk when she looked up at smiled at Susanna.

"Susanna, my dear," she welcomed, standing up to receive her.

"Happy birthday, Mrs Hayes," wished Susanna, presenting her dear nanny with a bouquet of seasonal blooms.

Mrs Hayes' face softened as she came to accept the flowers, before she pulled Susanna into a hug. "Oh, you needn't have, darling girl. The twenty-ninth is important for other reasons now."

Susanna spied a card on Mrs Hayes' desk written in Jack's hand, as well as a gift box that she had seen Adam writing a card for the day before. She was still important to the three Beresford siblings, even in adulthood. "Perrie will love sharing her birthday with you when she is old enough to appreciate you."

Mrs Hayes chuckled. "That is very sweet of you to say. How are you? You have been shut away and so I haven't seen you." Her knowing eyes searched Susanna's.

Susanna didn't doubt that the entire household knew. Servants had a way about these things. But she trusted them. Mrs Hayes would never allow any one of them to spread about a rumour that injured the family. She loved Adam, Jack and Susanna as though they were her own children.

"I am just trying to understand everything," Susanna murmured. "And I am trying not to feel like a colossal fool."

Mrs Hayes cupped Susanna's face. "You are not a fool," she insisted. "You simply see the best in people. The world would be a much better place if more people had your eyes, Susanna."

***

Jack, Claire and Jackie arrived later that morning from London bearing gifts for Perrie. Perrie was at an age where she very much enjoyed being fussed over, and with a grandmother like Cecily, attention was never very far. Cecily did love all three of her granddaughters, but she did have a very special attachment to Perrie seeing as she was her first.

Susanna took advantage of cuddling with Jackie as they sat down to tea, enjoying the distraction. Now five months old, Jackie was quite happy being held upright. Susanna supported her head with her hand as she tapped Jackie's nose, eliciting a gummy smile from her sweet niece. Jackie's hair had grown longer in the time since Susanna had last seen her, and it was still as white blonde as ever. Her eyes had also changed from the newborn blue to a beautiful green colour. Her features were so interesting considering both of her parents had such dark hair, but then, Susanna mused as she had before, Jackie took after her.

Jack sat down on the settee beside Susanna and held his hands out. "My turn."

Susanna frowned. "You get to have turns all the time," she protested.

"My child, my rules," he retorted, before taking Jackie from Susanna with a sly grin. As soon as she was in her father's arms, Jackie giggled and gave Jack the biggest smile. Jack flicked his eyes back to Susanna, and in them she could see what he wanted to talk about. "Claire told me not to push, so I thought you'd be less likely to hit me with my innocent daughter in my arms. What on earth happened, Susanna?" he asked, bewildered.

Susanna knew that Grace had probably written to her sister about the ordeal. "I don't know," replied Susanna. With the hours, days, weeks that she had spent lamenting over every detail, she really did have no idea what had happened. She could separate the truth from the lie. What stuck in her mind now was the expression of desperation on Alex's face when they had been discovered down by the pond.

Was it a look of a man caught in the lie? Or was it the look of a man who had wanted to tell her the truth?

"Susanna, this isn't what I wanted. I came here to tell you the truth."

Those were the words he had spoken as his friend, that Len Bishop, had begun to blackmail her brother. The conviction, the desperation in his tone made Susanna want to believe him more than anything. Had he really meant to tell her the truth? To come clean about his original plan, the proclaim it a terrible mistake.

Because if she believed him, then she would believe that he loved her. He had declared it, and Susanna had called him a liar. Her heart, her wretched, broken heart, so wanted to believe him. But she couldn't, she wouldn't let herself.

How many women had felt like she did now because of Alex? How could he fall into such a trade with Len Bishop?

"I have nearly gone down there every day," Jack sneered, "I wanted to challenge him the moment I heard."

"Do not even joke about that!" Claire exclaimed, starling the whole drawing room with her sudden cry. She looked as though she had just seen a ghost.

Susanna understood Claire's horror. Duels were dirty business indeed.

"Joke about what?" asked Cecily, looking between Jack and Claire with a frown.

"I mean it, Claire," insisted Jack. "What that man did to my sister, he ought to be held accountable! I've heard he's doing some sort of act on Piccadilly Circus ... it's taken everything in me not to march down there and –" But Jack stopped himself mid-sentence and looked upon his wife, who truly looked terrified at the very thought of Jack fighting.

Susanna was equally frightened, but she couldn't quite get over the fact that she now knew where Alex was. He was performing a street show on Piccadilly Circus.

Jack got up from the settee and positioned Jackie in one of his arms as he walked over to Claire. He wrapped his spare arm around her and pressed his lips down on the top of her head. Claire immediately hugged him tightly

"No one is fighting any duels," Cecily declared. "Neither one of those cockroaches is worth it. Do you understand me, Jack?"

"Yes, Mother," mumbled Jack, not bothering to look back at her. "This is meant to be a happy day. Celebrating our dear Perrie ... and the one-year anniversary of our engagement." He kissed Claire's forehead.

Susanna could see that his comment had made Claire smile.

Her mother had referred to Mr Bishop and Alex as cockroaches many times over the last fortnight. Susanna had been quite numb to it. But in hearing it again, in hearing her mother equate the two men, something inside of her was unsettled. Not only had she been analysing ever interaction she had had with Alex, but Susanna had also been thinking about Mr Bishop's behaviour.

All he had been was complimentary to her mother, indulging Cecily's whims and engaging her in nonsense conversation. He had been the one to tell her family about her clandestine courtship, if that was what it could be called, with Alex. He had seemed so smug and pleased with himself as Susanna's heart was broken. Alex had appeared almost equally as broken in that moment.

Once again, Susanna felt her heart overrun her head as she so desperately wanted to make Alex good. Why couldn't he be good? Why could she have what both of her brothers had managed to find?

Grace rose from the settee where she sat with Cecily and Perrie and gave Lily over to Adam before she wandered over to Susanna. She sat down and uttered, "Susanna, I need your advice on something. Will you come with me up to my bedroom for a moment?"

Susanna frowned. "Of course," she replied.

Grace took Susanna's arm and they stood up together. "We will return shortly," she announced, before she led Susanna from the drawing room. As soon as they were out, and the door had been closed behind them, Grace stopped. "I need to tell you something that has been weighing heavily on my mind. I believe I am a good judge of character ... I knew before anyone that Arthur –" Grace stopped herself, shaking her head. "That is irrelevant. As I said, I believe I am a good judge of character, and I need to tell you about a conversation I had with Mr Whitfield."

***

Alex was afraid. He didn't want to be. Nobody wanted to be afraid, and he had never thought that he would feel so powerless once again. Alex had never known true freedom, but he had known what it was like to feel safe, even for brief moments in time.

As he sat down in the small cargo hold of whatever ship this was, he knew he wasn't safe. That did not make him any less determined to survive. He just wished he knew where they were going.

The prisoners were never unchained, not even to relieve themselves, which they were left to do with a bucket in the corner of the tiny room. They were fed intermittently, and often with scraps from whatever was prepared for the crew that day, or days earlier so that the food had started to rot. Such food often caused stomach sickness and so was avoided if they had eaten the day before.

Prior to Alex waking up, the other prisoners had been taking Belle's food from her, all because they believed her to be a witch. They were starving her. But not now. Alex made sure she ate. She was a waif of a woman, or girl. And so, she clung to him, viewing him as a protector, and Alex was glad to do it. Women, the women he had known growing up, the girls ... he felt sick to think about what had happened to them. They needed protecting.

"Do you have any family?" Alex asked her quietly a few days later. "Anyone who will be missing you?" Alex would be free again. He would not spend the rest of his life in chains not matter what happened when this ship docked. Belle would be free, too.

Belle's strange gold eyes were wary for a brief moment before she shook her head. "I don't have anyone," she replied. "No mother. No father."

"What happened to them?"

"I never had a mother or a father," she replied softly. "I was named by a woman who thought I was beautiful, and for where I was found."

Belle Desjardins. Beauty of the Gardens. Alex realised that was quite possibly the first piece of information that Belle had divulged about herself. Alex had asked where she had come from, and Belle had refused to say. But what she did not vocalise, her eyes and her mannerisms betrayed. She did not need to speak for Alex to know what she had been through.

Had he not had his mother to protect him as a child, Alex did not know what would have become of him. How had Belle survived? Who had protected her?

But, of course, no one.

"Do you have a family?" she then asked him. "Do you have people you love?"

"Yes," breathed Alex. "My mother, Amélie. And ..." he paused as he sucked in a breath. He could see her blue eyes, the trusting blue eyes that had looked upon him with hope and wonder before he had broken them. He could see her beautiful smile. He could feel the softness of her skin if he allowed his mind to wander. "And Susanna," finished Alex, uttering her name aloud and feeling it on his tongue and in his stomach.

"Who is Susanna?" asked Belle.

"In another life, in a completely different life, Susanna is the woman I would have wanted to marry," uttered Alex as he looked up through the porthole just so he could look away. All he saw what open ocean, which is what he had been seeing for days, the gap between England and wherever they were going widening by the hour.

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Hope you enjoyed it!

First week back at school this week and we've been doing school swimming which is just exhausting. I don't know if other countries do this, but in Australia, schools run a swimming program where the kids have lessons at the local pool for two weeks. It's just so exhausting as you're go go go all day and teachers don't get a break :( We're at the pool during our recess break supervising and then when we get back, we have to do yard duty at lunch so no breaks. I haven't eaten lunch all week :( So sad about that lol. But it's only for two weeks then life goes back to normal. 

Tomorrow is Anzac Day which is always such an important day on the calendar. If you don't know what it is, on April 25th 1915, the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps landed on the beach at Gallipoli in WWI. We commemorate this day every year, and celebrate and remember the soldiers from every war and conflict since. 

There is also the traditional Anzac Day football match between my team (Essendon) and Collingwood which is just epic. 100,000 spectators dead silent for the minute silence. The atmosphere is like nothing else and I'm so excited to be there tomorrow. We couldn't have the game last year obviously, but it's back this year, and it's my first game since 2019 and I'm so ready to be there screaming loudly. 

But we never forget why we are there. 

"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old; 

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. 

At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,

We will remember them.

Lest We Forget."

Lest We Forget.