"But kids don't stay with you if you do it right. It's the one job where, the better you are, the more surely you won't be needed in the long run."  Barbara Kingsolver, Pigs in Heaven

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XLI.

Cecily seized Susanna by the wrist and gave the rest of the gathered party in the foyer a false, saccharine sweet smile. "Do excuse us," she attempted to murmur, though it sounded more like a hiss.

As Susanna was pulled away by her mother in the direction of the library, the room nearest to them, she met with Alex's eyes. She could see the worry there, the shout that he was hiding in his throat, as though he had been put in his place and he could not speak. The expression on his face shockingly reminded her of how he had looked down by the pond when his original deception had been revealed. He looked powerless, and Susanna couldn't stand it. Alex was never to feel that way again, not at least while Susanna was breathing. She had ventured across the world to bring him back, all because she loved him.

"Mama, no!" Susanna dragged her heels, creating enough resistance to stop her mother from pulling on her arm. She was not a child anymore, and this was ridiculous. She was far too old to be scolded by her mother, and Cecily had no say whatsoever in Susanna's choice of match. Only Adam could stop her, and she knew that he never would. While she would never want to deliberately cause her mother distress, or to create friction or barriers between them, this was something that Cecily would need to accept.

She had accepted Grace, and she had accepted Claire. While she could still at times be a little frosty towards the latter, relations had certainly improved. Cecily had a proven history of coming around.

Cecily's eyes flared as she did her best to mask her serious displeasure. She glared at Susanna, daring her to refuse. Perhaps, even half a year ago, she would have complied. But not now. "Susanna, come now," Cecily said tersely. "I must speak with you."

"Mama, I am sorry!" Susanna said emphatically. "I am sorry for leaving as I did, and I am sorry for taking Adam away from Ashwood. I am sorry for all the worry and stress I no doubt put you through. I am sorry for how my actions affected everybody that I left behind.

"But I am not sorry for leaving. I am not sorry that I chose to go after Alex. I am not sorry for any one of the decisions that I made along the way," no matter how foolish and dangerous some may have been at the time, "as they all led to my success in finding him, and our safe return home."

Cecily was silent as she swallowed. Her jaw was incredibly tense as her hands knitted together in front of her. "He is a conman, Susanna, and you are naïve." When she finally spoke, her words were biting and her tone was sharp, and they hit Susanna like a slap across her cheeks.

"Your Grace –" Alex began to appeal but Cecily held up her hand to silence him.

Cecily glared. "Do not address me," she snapped. "I knew from the moment you and your lecherous owner weaselled your way into this house that it was a terrible idea, and I was right."

Susanna could not even begin to fathom how hypocritical Cecily was being in that moment, as she, too, had been charmed by Mr Bishop, but her thoughts were stuck on the very fact that Cecily had referred to him as Alex's owner. It hurt, and she could see the pain across Alex's eyes as well.

"I am certain that you all are very tired from your journey," Grace announced delicately. "Perhaps we might leave you to settle things, Susanna. Adam? You will stay and help," she urged. "Please!" she motioned to Captain Whitfield, Amélie and Belle, as she took the hands of her daughters. "Please, follow me and I will ring for some tea and sandwiches." She led their guests away in the direction of the drawing room, with Amélie looking over her shoulder at her son with a worried expression.

"Well, what have you to say?" Cecily demanded of Adam. "I imagine, seeing as you went along with your foolish sister's antics, that you are not going to put a stop to this. Do not you remember what he has done?"

"Mother, calm yourself," Adam said coolly.

"Your Grace, if you will allow me –" Alex tried again, but Cecily spat a sharp, "No!" in his direction.

"Mama!" protested Susanna. "You will listen to Alex! I insist upon it!"

Cecily inhaled a quick breath, but she did not reply, nor did she interrupted when Alex next tentatively spoke.

"Your Grace," he said again for the third time. He spoke calmly and respectfully, keeping a good distance from them all. Really, he had not ventured more than a few steps in from the front door. "You are right. I have sinned greatly, against this family, and against many others, all of whom did not deserve it. I used whatever ability I had to charm people, and I lived with it believing that it was a means to an end. I believed that I was working for Len Bishop. I believed I was earning a wage, which is a hard thing to do for a man of my appearance. Every penny I earned, I was intending to use to return to Haiti, and free my mother from the poverty in which I had left her.

"That woman," Alex pointed towards the direction that Amélie had gone in, "gave up everything to keep me alive, Your Grace. She gave up everything that an enslaved woman could possibly give. And that knowledge allowed me to numb myself to my sins. They did not matter as much as my goal.

"And then I met Susanna. Of course, we did meet by chance. I already knew of her. Len had seen to that. I knew what I had to do, and I believed I could do it." Alex paused for a moment as his eyes dropped in shame. "It was upon getting to know her, getting to know you, Susanna, that I finally felt the gravity of what I had done, what I had been doing. You opened my eyes, and you opened my heart, and you showed me a level of respect that I had never experienced before. Never. Not once." Alex's eyes returned to Cecily. "And before I knew what was happening, I was falling in love with her."

Susanna's heart squeezed in her chest as tears flooded her eyes.

"I will not pretend as though I am faultless, free from sin, because I certainly am not. I have hurt people keenly. But I made the decision not to hurt this family. I made the decision not to hurt Susanna. And when I told Len of this, he betrayed me. I was deceived by Len Bishop as well. That does not make what I did any less cruel, I know.

"My freedom, Your Grace, is something I consider most precious. I thought I was a free man under Len, but I wasn't. When I awoke on that smuggler's ship, I ..." Alex's words were caught in his throat. He took a moment to compose himself. "I am a free man now. My mother is a free woman. I have been given a second chance, and it is one I do not intend to waste. I am sincerely sorry for the pain I brought upon this household, Your Grace. I do hope that you can one day forgive me, as Susanna has. My freedom was once what was most precious to me. But now, it is she."

Cecily had not interrupted Alex once. She had stood, motionless, and had listened to him. Her expression, which was usually quite easy to discern, especially when she was displeased, was quite difficult to interpret.

Susanna, on the other hand, was quite a mess of tears and blubbering. She longed to run to Alex and throw her arms around him. How she wished they were alone. All she could do was look upon him with eyes that she prayed conveyed the depth of her feelings, too.

"Contrary to what you might believe, Mr Whitfield," Cecily finally began, "but I am not heartless. I do respect your plight, and that of your mother. I ... I cannot imagine it, nor would I wish it on anyone. But that does not mean I can excuse your behaviour."

Alex nodded solemnly.

"Mama ..." whispered Susanna.

"Mother, the man has been to hell and back," Adam snapped. "We know. For we went there to find him!"

"I understand that, Adam," replied Cecily tersely. "But that does not mean that he should be anywhere near your sister, my daughter!"

Susanna did not like the way that her mother had just referred to Alex, and it put an idea into her head as to why her mother would not forgive Alex, as everyone else had managed to. "Why, Mama?" she demanded to know. "Why should Alex stay away from me?"

Cecily's eyes narrowed. "Watch your tone, Susanna," she warned.

"Susanna," Alex appealed. "I know what you are doing. Do not make her say it. You don't want to hear it," he implored. "I understand."

But Susanna did. She wanted to hear her mother say that the only reason she would not forgive Alex, nor permit him as a suitor for Susanna, was because of the colour of his skin. It would give her good reason to rebel, to hate her mother and do what she wanted to spite her and –

Susanna stopped her rapidly escalating thoughts. No, Alex was right. She did not want any of that. She did not want to hate her mother, or spite her, or anything. She wanted her mother's acceptance and blessing. Of course, she did. If she heard Cecily refuse Alex because of his race, then it would devastate her.

Susanna crossed the floor of the foyer to stand beside Alex, placing her hand in his. Alex's large hand completely enveloped her own. "Mama," she said softly. "Try to understand."

Susanna could see the humanity in her mother's eyes. She was not a cold woman, not really. She did have a heart underneath her hard, and at times rude, exterior. She did feel things deeply. Susanna could remember the first time that she had really seen her mother's heart. It had been when her father had been dying. Seeing her mother's affection and care for her father, as well as her grief upon his death, changed Susanna's entire opinion of her mother.

Of course, she had displayed the harsh exterior most of the time in the years since Peregrine Beresford's death, but Susanna knew her heart was there. It was almost like a little secret that only a few people knew.

"I do not want your life to be hard," Cecily all but whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "I do not want you to feel judged or whispered about or ..." she trailed off.

And in hearing Cecily reservations, Susanna felt such relief. Cecily was not worried or offended by Alex's skin colour. She was worried for Susanna, worried about how the opinions of others would affect her, as only a mother would

"Mama, I have watched you trample over anyone who spoke badly about Grace since Adam married her." Susanna smiled at her. "You are our protector. But I do not feel any sort of need to justify my choices to people for whom I care not." Alex's hand tightened on hers.

"It can be quite tiring being an ogre all the time, you know," Cecily muttered under her breath, but it pleased Susanna greatly that she had the composure to make a joke at such a time. Cecily took a deep breath and settled her attention on Alex. "Mr Whitfield," she said seriously. "Do you love my daughter?"

Again, his hand tightened on hers. "Yes, Your Grace," he breathed.

Cecily nodded once. "If you hurt her, I will poison you."

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Hope you enjoyed it!!

Another looooonggg week of lockdown. Remote learning is killing me, but thankfully it's the last week of term before holidays. I need a rest desperately. Sadly, I was supposed to be going on holiday to the Great Barrier Reef for the first week of the holidays but I had to cancel that trip because of lockdown. Can't go further than 5kms from my house, so certainly can't get on a plane :( That's 4 trips now I've had to cancel due to covid! 

I hope the world is looking a little greener where you are. I do know I have a lot to be thankful for - a secure job for one in a world where a lot of people don't! But it is important to know that however or whatever you're feeling, it's valid, even if people do have it worse. 

I think there's one chapter to go and then the epilogue - which kills me because that means this story will end on 43 parts and I hate ending on an odd number. Might have to think of something there to fix that hahaha

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