FENRER

Tomorrow.

I guess I won't tell Maria I never did go back to bed.

He breathed in time with his magelight meant to soothe him into some sort of empty-headed doze until the flash of sunlight pierced the horizon with the herald of dawn. Sleep lost, he threw an arm over his brow and tested the worth of his words as he listened to the soft, distant chimes of the harbor calling out to the love of the sea. Always home. Water soaked through his garments, and he rolled over to try and get away from the sensation of bubbles in his throat, straight into his lungs, weakened from the pressure the sea put on them. Green sprinkles fell from the magelight he released to the air. Tomorrow... I have to explain myself if... if I want this to continue. Nervousness ripped through his stomach, and he tucked himself deeper into the pillow to try and catch sleep in his hands. Her compassion bloomed silver lilies across the auric plane, genuine and true in its manifestation. Fenrer slipped himself into the words of a book, closing his eyes to listen to the trickle of water.

"Molvisaliz."

Hm, or maybe that didn't really happen... how sleep-deprived am I? Fenrer burrowed deeper into the plump pillow supporting his head when someone poked his cheek, allowing the welcome darkness to swallow him whole into a flimsy embrace of relaxation.

"Molvisaliz," the word drew out longer with another added poke.

Breathe in, then out ten times... just stop thinking... He slipped deeper into the pillow and ignored the maelstrom of ice slicing at the darkness in irritated stubbornness. It proved marginally more difficult when someone's fingers cupped his chin and dug into his cheeks. Torn out of the ten timed doze, violet eyes greeted him instead. "What...?" he forced out through the burst of numb weariness when Yuven glared down in his usual way of morning greetings.

"You have been asleep all through morning, and you were supposed to see Maria about a haze bulb. You told her you would give a small one a try." Yuven shook his face, albeit not as harsh as he had in the past. "I do not like it when you are like this. Slow and sleepy. There are things to do."

Fenrer released the groan built up behind his ribs. "She told you?"

"Of course." Yuven's feathers puffed out in satisfaction.

"Can you let go of my face?" Fenrer closed his eyes.

"No. Must make sure you stay awake until you are able to get up."

"Loosen your grip then?"

Yuven acquiesced. "Were you up all night, Fenrer?"

"If I say no will you leave me alone?"

"No."

Of course. "Are you upset because I didn't say hello to you?"

"I am not four, Molvisaliz. I was teasing."

Fenrer pushed his hand off before tearing himself off the springs of his mattress. Outside, the outer shrine to the four Ancients sat in the middle of a small moat. Ornaments fashioned into the likeness of birds trembled along the pink leaves of the tree. Fenrer leaned against his window to check on the sun, half-way to its highest point. Yuven folded his arms and nudged his leg with his foot. Out of bed with Yuven's constant insistence never quite allowing him rest, Fenrer stretched out his arms then muttered, "Wait outside, I'll talk to you once I'm done getting ready." He sorted through his clothes and armor stands as Yuven drew his shoulders into a shrug and left his room. His late night wash proved the sole saving grace of his mental capacity, so he pushed his clothes to the side for laundering and hoisted his weapons belt around his hip before releasing the pressure in his lungs, leaving the room where Yuven stood in full battle armor with predictable expectation. "Unless we're doing something today—"

"It is not that. You were up late last night," Yuven pointed out. "What happened?"

Fenrer darted his attention for an escape. "Nothing happened, Yuven."

"You are not convincing. Why the sudden rush to talk to Adara?" Yuven's lips pursed when he circled around him, and Fenrer followed with his heels, hands raised to protect himself from Yuven's nosy, stretched out aura, on the hunt for any morsel. Crimson stained, Yuven's aura continued and formed into massive jaws. Fenrer stopped, forcing Yuven to do the same and give up his chase. "I was not born yesterday."

Fenrer licked his lips at an odd, tingling touch. "It's complicated."

"Oh..." Yuven drew out. "It's complicated. I have never seen you use that descriptor." His hand clapped against his shoulder. "Molvisaliz, what is the matter? I do not like seeing you so... anxious."

Fenrer pinched his lips and licked them once more, bouncing on the nervous energy gathering his heels. "Listen, Yuven," he blurted out. "I do not have any other descriptor to explain it with. I enjoy Adara's company, and her personality, and I am... near certain that she feels the same way."

"Ugh... great." Yuven sighed. "It is not like you need my permission."

"There is one... tiny problem," Fenrer said, losing his breath in the words. "Yuven, throughout our training I have never..." He threw his hands into his sides. "I do not have an interest in sex, never have, and I still don't, and I always felt like maybe something was wrong with me because no one else seemed to experience that, and I know that would turn some people away from me if they have an expectation and I think Adara deserves to know what to... expect from this." He frowned when Yuven pressed his hands into his cheeks, shaking his head.

"You think too much, Fenrer," Yuven complained, feathers puffed out. "Molvisaliz, it should not matter to her if she feels as strongly as she does. If she does have an issue, I will beat her up for it. If this is what you want, and what she wants..." Yuven showed his fangs. "Far be it from me to stomp it out, even if I tried, I do not think it would work. I just do not want you to get hurt."

Fenrer raised his hands. "I don't think that's necessary, I haven't even talked to her yet. I just need to figure out how to word it."

Yuven tapped both his cheeks, then pressed his brow against his own. "Give it straight, Fenrer. Give a simple, concise explanation and don't feel as if you need to explain yourself to anyone," he insisted. "Tell her to not expect such things from you if you are not comfortable with the idea. There is nothing wrong with you or how you feel. It is one facet of relationships, it is not the core of them."

"It's not that I'm against the concept, I just... I'm indifferent to it. I would be happy not having it." Fenrer sank into his own shoulders.

"Then it seems you already know what you have to say, you are just scared of her reaction," Yuven pointed out. "I still say if she has an issue, I will put her back in her place."

Fenrer stood there in the shield of ice Yuven formed with the words of a promise. "Yuven... it's starting soon, isn't it?"

Yuven's eyes widened into thin, vertical pupils. A soft laugh escaped his lips. "I suppose hiding it from you was a doomed cause from the get go. Yes." His hands lowered to his shoulders with a heavy, old frown. "It is coming, Fenrer. It is coming and there is nothing that can be done to forestall it, but you knew that. You've known it since we were Trainees, maybe even before. You were always too observant for your own well-being." Yuven looked away from him with a shake of his head.

"Maria will figure out a way to help you," Fenrer insisted. "I have faith, Yuven. It will turn out well."

I have faith.

Yuven's expression died, and his fangs slid back behind his lips. "As you do," he mumbled and tore his brow off his. "And nothing I can say will ever make you deviate from that belief." He patted his shoulders. "Go talk to Adara, and then go to the Infirmary before Maria drags you there instead." Yuven sent one last tap into his face and walked off.

Fenrer stood in the silence long after Yuven's icy maelstrom disappeared, leaving the lamps along the corridors flickering with white embers. He rubbed his legs, then forced himself away from the call of sleep to keep another promise. Environments shifted with the silver lilies across the bloom of the flow, and he discerned the source and let himself follow its direction. I didn't even ask her where she wanted to meet. He tapped his brow into his palm with a soft moan, then entered the Annex, one of the few places Adara appeared to enjoy the most within the citadel, surrounded by books of stories and magick theories. Adara sat at one of the corner tables, nose stuck in a thick book. Compassion breathed life into the flow, pure in its soft moonlight, Fenrer drew himself forward, and slipped into the chair in front of her the moment she peeked over the rim of the book. Silver whips danced off the air, full of kinetic, nervous, awkward energy.

"Hey, Fenrer." Adara closed the book and shoved it to the side.

Words of greeting died on his throat, and Adara's smile faltered. Fenrer sucked in his lips, then forced out, "Ever since Naveera I have been confused." He folded his hands together. "Adara, you feel some way about me, but before we fathom stepping over that boundary and seeing where that leads for both of us, I need to... be honest with you." He frowned when the silver whips zipped and hid into the fog around her head when she avoided his gaze. "I care about you, but... I am not experienced with things like relationships." He rubbed his face and resisted the urge to scream.

"That's fine, I've only ever had one relationship. I still have some things I need to relearn to navigate, evidently."

"No, I mean—" Fenrer tapped his hand against the table. "I know. Let me start over." He tucked his legs around the chair's, then breathed deeply. "I... do not have an interest in things others would think are normal, expected even, in relationships."

"Are you referring to sex?" Adara asked, nose scrunching in visible, blurry confusion.

"That is exactly what I am referring to." Fenrer studied her aura, then her face when she returned the gaze without a blink. "Before you misunderstand, I am not against it," he repeated his words to Yuven, the ones stuck in his heart but loaded with anxious belief. "I just don't care about it either way. I would be happy not having it." He shuffled his feet against the stone at her silence. "Though, I think in the right circumstances if we ever reached that point I would not be against it if it would make you happy."

Adara relaxed. "That is perfectly fine with me, Fenrer, I wouldn't want to pressure you like that, that's not right," she said with a small wave of her hands. "I appreciate you telling me. Thank you."

Fenrer released the spring loaded tension in his shoulders. "Does it not bother you?"

"No."

"Then..." Fenrer tasted the words, and nodded with the wind of the sea calling him home. "I'd be happy to see where this leads if you are. Even if this is new to me." He pinched his chin in thought.

Adara clasped her hands together with a brighter, lightweight smile as her thousand tons of pain evened out along her aura. "Maybe we could do something together later if you're not busy?" she asked.

"I have to talk to Maria," he told her and got out of the chair. "After though?" He returned her smile, feeling the sails of life overflowing in his mind and the flow of magick. "There's a lot to do on Euros, and you've mostly been stuck in the caldera proper. You haven't seen all that it has to offer. I'll show you some places."

"Is Yuven okay with us? Well, with me more specifically?" Adara followed him to the door. "Because I don't want to... strain your friendship seeing as we're going to be stuck together all the same. And I also don't want to ruin our friendship either."

"Even if he wasn't, I am twenty turns old and he is only the boss of me in Warden rank." Fenrer opened the door back into the corridor. "I don't think you have to worry about that though, he's warmed up to you. We'll take this one step at a time, Adara."

Adara squished her cheeks. "Doesn't feel that way sometimes."

"He'd surprise you, Adara," Fenrer whispered with his brow against the cold stone of the citadel of the Storm Warden's beating heart. "He hides under an exterior of abrasive, bull-headed ice for protection, I know the difficulties it is to crack it. Underneath it though, he has compassion. One of the few traits slowly disappearing from this world. Hold onto it, Adara," he said with a nod in her direction. "It is what makes your magick powerful, what gives it strength, not the other way around." He touched her shoulder, then let it go. "I shall seek you out once I'm done with Maria."

Tomorrow will be a new dawn.