Lemony Snicket

As the harpoon shot towards Duncan Quagmire, I realized what a strange, strange world that we live in: where the good are damned and the evil forgiven. Then and there at that very moment, did I promise myself that this will be the last time I'd hear the bloody sound of a gunshot.

It was strange, to see the children of Beatrice Baudelaire look so helpless as Duncan Quagmire's body fell on the ground with a soft thud. Most volunteers would probably let it be, because death was so normal and so inevitavble to the people of V.F.D. that it wasn't more of a surprise anymore.

So to see the children of one one of the most bravest volunteers break down into tears, I could almost see myself in them -- shedding tears when I learned of Beatrice's death.

Closing my eyes for a brief moment, I took a deep breath before getting out of my hiding place, and pointing my own gun at Count Olaf's son.

"L.S.!" I heard Violet shout in surprise which made Travis Olaf look at my direction.

"Your parents killed Beatrice Baudelaire," I remarked at him in disgust. And without a doubt, I pulled the trigger of my own harpoon gun at him, hitting him right in the side of his stomach which made Travis drop the harpoon gun of his father.

"Well -- I'm orphaned because of your stupid organization!" He spat, blood gushing down from his side.

"Most of the volunteers in V.F.D. are orphans, son. Sad to say, you're not the only one." I told him, giving him one last glance before I threw my disgusting weapon away -- a weapon I had to unfortunately use at this spare moment -- running towards Duncan who was bleeding.

"Thank heavens you came," Isadora cried in relief, quickly wiping the tears that sprung from the corner of her bright green emerald eyes.

I wasn't able to reply at all as I tore a piece of my shirt, wrapping the cloth around the part where the Duncan was bleeding. He was unconscious and I grit my teeth as I threw my phone at Violet who caught it with shaking fingers.

"Call Frank Denouement," I told her and she nodded with a slight quiver before pressing the numbers on the dial. "Tell him that one of our volunteers is injured. We need to give Duncan the medical assistance he needs."

It was a grim torture of about seven minutes before a Vehicle For Detectives arrived. The Vehicle For Detectives, or the official V.F.D. transportation is nothing special that involves limousines of some sort. It was nothing more but a taxi, a yellow cab with a slim figure seated in the driver's seat. The figure was wearing the dress code of a concierge, with the words HOTEL DENOUEMENT written on the side of his cap.

I calmly pursed my lips as the figure stopped the vehicle, stepping out of the car and walking towards us in long, quick strides.

"You've got to be kidding me." Quigley grunted with a roll of his eyes before quickly grabbing my harpoon gun which coincidentially was near the eldest Quagmire.

"Let's get him to the car--"

The words that slipped out of the figure's mouth was cut short when Quigley pointed the gun at him. "Why are you here Denouement?" Quigley asked, emphazing each word as his lips formed a straight, grim line.

"Why, didn't your wife just call me?" He asked innocently as he shrugged towards Violet whose forehead was creased as she studied the figure that was standing right before us.

"Shut up Ernest," I said calmly, before standing up and crossing my arms. "I've had enough of you fire-starting volunteers for today, so why don't you go ahead and not kill somebody for once?"

"But I'm Frank," Ernest the douche, insisted and I clicked my tongue dissatisfyingly.

"You ain't fooling anyone right here." I said tiredly. And just as I thought he would give up, Ernest suddenly brought out a small bottle from his pocket, grinning wickedly.

He then glanced at all of us before looking at the bottle as if he didn't know its contents. "If that Quagmire doesn't stop pointing his gun at me, I'm going to open this bottle filled with the deadliest fungus on earth." He told us, staring right at Quigley in the eye.

"Damn it Ernest, we have no time for this! Duncan needs help for heaven's sake!" Klaus yelled, putting a hand on his forehead.

"Well, just hand me over the boy," Ernest said, pouting his pointing lips towards the bloody son of Olaf, who was silently watching us as if we were acting some scene in a movie. "And I won't kill you. Simple as that." He shrugged.

I gritted my teeth, but Quigley took no attention, his gun still pointing at Ernest who was now slowly walking towards Travis.

"I just need him, Quigley, then you'd all be free." Ernest whispered, his steps slowly making its way as he reached out his right hand that was almost nearing the son of Count Olaf.

Quigley made no reply to Ernest and all I could think of was: where the hell is Frank?!

Suddenly, Ernest quickly grabbed the boy's hand which startled Quigley, making him press the trigger on the harpoon gun. Although the unfortunate thing was, the harpoon had only hit him in the shoulder, causing Ernest to throw the small bottle at us.

"The bottle!" Violet screamed as they scrambled up to their knees. The children looked at one another with terrified looks as I try my absolute best to carry Duncan.

"But they'll be free!" Quigley yelled in exasperation. He was about to run towards them with a grim look, when he accidentally stepped on the bottle whose cap has been opened due to the impact.

Quigley slowly lifted his foot up, his breathing ragged as an ooze of liquid spilled from the bottle. It wasn't the Medusoid Mycelium. He then looked up at Ernest who had an evil smirk plastered on his face, his one hand holding Travis, and the other... a small lighter.

"Run!" Quigley yelled in surprise as he sprinted faster towards us, just in time before Ernest threw the lighter on the ground. Yes, the bottle was deadly, but it contained no dangerous fungus -- just an ample amount of alcohol.

As the lighter dropped on the grass, a huge part of the ground erupted into red and orange flames that separated us from the two of them.

"Until we meet again, fire-fighting volunteers!" We heard Ernest shout with a snicker. And as we looked back, the smoke from the flames had covered the whole area -- Ernest Denouement and Travis Olaf disappearing through the fire.

~*~

Three peaceful months have passed eversince the unfortunate encounter that had happened in the forest. Evil has escaped once again, and no one dare talk about the danger that the fire-starting volunteers could bring, now that they have Count Olaf and Esmé Squalor's precious son along their side.

So far, Duncan has been well, and there were no attacks from the evil side of V.F.D., which caused a big relief from the fire-fighting volunteers. But no one was at its comfort, now that Travis Olaf is walking freely about the same earth as we do.

"I'd like to order tea, please," I told a nearby waiter who was serving the table next to where I was seated.

"Would you like a bit of sugar with it, sir?" The waiter asked as his pen tapped on the small pad paper he was holding.

I scrutinized his face with a curious look before giving him a slight nod. "Tea should be as bitter as wormwood, and as sharp as a two-edged sword; but in this case, yes, I would like a bit of sugar, please." I told him and he nodded, before turning a heel.

As he walked away, I glanced at his ankle, and sure enough, there was the enigmatic tattoo sign of V.F.D.

"Well-read volunteer... or not...?" I asked myself quietly as I scanned the newspaper I was reading, looking for any reports from the Daily Punctilio.

When the waiter had returned, he was holding a silver tray in his hands. A small, silver tray, which included my ordered cup of tea, and a small white ceramic bowl. He placed the two items on the table and I immediately gave him my paycheck which consisted of a few bills.

"Thank you, sir," he nodded as he went on his way again, serving another table next to mine.

Putting down my newspaper, I grabbed the hot cup of tea and took a sip, tasting the bitterness of the drink. No, of course I did not order any sugar to make my tea sweeter. Like I've said: tea should be as bitter as wormwood, and as sharp as a two-edged sword.

Placing the cup of tea down on the table, I slowly glanced around suspiciously before grabbing the sugar bowl and opening its contents. Just by taking a peek inside, I knew that it was the right sugar bowl. It was the official sugar bowl of the Volunteer Fire Department that has been lost for a long time now.

Who knew a volunteer could find it amongst a small, innocent café?

I gave a small grin before placing the bowl on the large pocket of my trench coat. And just as I was about to stand up and leave the small café, a raven-haired girl quickly walked by my table, dropping a piece of note on my table. Pretending I didn't notice her and the note, I silently slipped the note between my fingers before walking outside the place.

Opening the folded piece of paper, the note read: We have the documents. Meet us tonight at the Black Cat Coffee. -- E.F.

Just as I was finished reading the note, I heard my phone vibrate through the pocket of my pants. Pulling it out, it was a message from her.

Hello, uncle L. I'm with Duncan by the way. We're training Vivian, Quill, Klad, Klara and Laura for their volunteer apprenticeship. The unfortunate thing is, there's no sugar bowl here in Café Salmonella.

I then glanced at the note before dialing her number and giving her a call. "Hello, uncle L?" she asked as soon as she picked up.

"Don't worry -- I found it my dear," I said. "Beatrice."

~*~

HAPPY HALLOWEEN VOLUNTEERS! 🎉 👻 🎃 OH MY LORD I FINALLY UPDATED AFTER MORE THAN A MONTH AND I JUST REALIZED IT WAS THE LAST CHAPTER AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL RIGHT NOW, OH GOD. 😭💔 (Btw, Duncan survives guys. 😂💖)

P.S: If you volunteers would like to talk about the upcoming Netflix adaptation, feel free to go to my random work entitled "Hotel Denouement" wherein we can discuss freely about asoue!