A/N gUnS aRe LoAdEd aNd tRiGgErS hAvE bEeN pULLeD -Chloe

  Hmmmmmmmm I'm thinking ok? Any ideas? I'm questioning you Vivi lol- Maybe.....

  I awoke to the sound of loud, thunderous footsteps, and shouting. I shot up, looked around, and found myself in a new place yet again. Though unlike last time, I wasn't in Taurtis's cozy house, but instead, I was in the basement, or 'My room'.

  They must have brought me inside, I thought. That was really nice of them, I don't know why they didn't just leave me out there. It would have been much easier and much smarter to do so as well. I shouldn't deserve such a kind family. I should deserve to be out in the snow, freezing to death. Though I would have died. I should have died. I should die. I want to die. I could kill myself. I should kill myself. I will kill myself.

  Before I had a chance to do any harm, my brother ran down the stairs, into the basement, screamed for me to get up, and then ran back up to open his presents. I stood, shakily, and walked up the stairs, to the ground floor.

  It was decorated top to bottom, lights, tree, and three stockings. Each one had a name embroidered on it, labelled Meghan, Cade, and Aiden. I'm glad I didn't get one. I shouldn't deserve one, how could I even think about me getting one. If there is one thing that I don't deserve most, is happiness. Happiness and life. First thing is a go, but the second would be harder to accomplish. 

  I walked over to a corner, and stood there, facing the wall. My dad walked down the stairs, followed by Aiden, who was shouting about the amount of presents he got, and what he wanted to get. My dad smiled when he saw me in the corner, and then turned to the tree, awaiting my moms approval for Aiden to start opening.

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  Once Aiden finished opening presents, which took around three hours, I found a small piece of what looked like a tool kit. It was small, sharp, and very blade-like. Maybe since I can't kill myself just yet, this will help. For now.

  I slipped it into my pocket, and my dad threw me back into the basement, locked the door, and left with my mom and Aiden for ice cream. Do I still have that blade? I thought, and reached into my pocket, grabbing the sharp side, and cutting my finger.

  Instead of hurting, it felt weirdly mesmerising. Just watching the drip of blood, from my finger to the floor. After around a minute of watching, it stopped, but I wanted to feel it again. The slight pain, a feeling I deserve, and the satisfying way the blade cut. So smoothly, yet so painfully. 

  I tested it again, but this time on the top of my hand. Then my wrist, as well as rolling up my sleeve to try it on my arm. It felt soo good yet so bad, and I didn't really know what to think of it. I usually hate blood, and the thought of sharp, needle like objects piercing my skin, but this, this was okay.

  It's like a song, that when you hear it, it makes you feel entirely numb, feeling nothing but sorrow, pain, and loneliness. One song I remember that made me feel that way was 'Cradle', (Not really for kids but good song other wise) and it was a weird mix of how I felt mentally and physically, and it drove me slightly insane at the thought of everything that wasn't and was possible.

  Basically, it's hard to explain, but I tried. 

  I looked back down at my arm and saw blood dripping down, and realised that I was feeling like I was going to pass out all the sudden. I grabbed my now dry sweater, and wrapped it around my arm. It shouldn't stain the fabric, and it will stop the bleeding. 

  Thankfully the school uniforms have long sleeves, so I think I'll be good and it will go unnoticed. It's not like I'm going to do this every day, it was just a test, why am I even doing this? Great, now I feel like throwing up, and I haven't even eaten anything in days, so it will feel even worse if I do.

  I heard rolling of wheels and stomping of feet above me, and I'm guessing it's Aiden on his skate board. He's really good at it, and his best trick is falling face first on the floor. Ok, I'm being rude now, sorry. He's just not the best at it, though my parents thought different.

  I don't know, I might be crazy and I probably am, but really I have no idea what I'm doing and where I'll go. What even is the point to life when you're just going to die? What is the point of being happy when you're just going to be sad? What's the point of waking up in the morning if there isn't anything to wake up to.

  No loving parents, no loving pets, no loving friends, no loving toys, no loving songs. 

 ^_\-What's the point of trying to live when you can just kill yourself?-/_^

  What am I thinking? I'm fine, it's fine.

 I just-

 I'm so-

Ugh, I don't know. Maybe I just need to sleep. 

Yes. That's it.

If I sleep, this will all be a dream.

Just a dream.

Just my imagination. 

Just fall asleep and it will all be over.

A/N sO yA :) -Chloe