For a long time my eldest daughter had no boyfriend. I once asked her if she was gay. 'No, daddy,' she replied. It turns out she is just picky. Quite right. One doesn't want one's daughter marrying into any old riff-raff.

Now she has a long-time partner of whom I thoroughly approve. However I think he is a little in awe of me.

I trust when he decides to propose to her he will come and inform me of the fact. I shall sit in a large armchair but keep him standing. I shall have a pipe ready for the occasion, even though I don't smoke. I shall offer him sherry, just to make it more awkward.

"Now then, what was it you wanted to tell me?"