I can't believe I said that, and I can't believe I'm doing this. I instinctively flail my arms, grabbing at air as I plummet to the ocean below. The water rushes up to meet me and I gasp as, at last, I make contact with the waves. 

Surprise jolts through me like an electric shock as I hit the water. Cold. Wow, that's cold. I should have expected as much; even during the summer, I know the ocean this far north is bound to be chilly—too cold for me to ever think of swimming in it as I do now, heading for the rocky shore.

A splash from somewhere beside me sends more of the water into my face. I grit my teeth and battle the current, grabbing hold of an algae-slick rock as I tug my way to shore.

"Ah, wow, it's even colder out of the water," I mutter through chattering teeth, wrapping my arms around myself as I plop down onto the rocks. "I swear, if I get hypothermia because I decided to listen to that stupid, self-centered—"

"You talking about me?" A voice calls. I whip my head up to notice Axel's head bobbing above the waves. I watch as he makes his way to the rocky beach. I almost feel embarrassed for my own clumsy doggy-paddling when I see his even, efficient strokes.

"Who else?" I respond after a moment, shivering. "This was a massively dumb plan. It's the middle of the summer, and yet I'm going to freeze to death."

Axel snorts as he stumbles onto the shore beside me. "You're exaggerating. But, lucky for you, I thought to bring towels." My eyes follow his path as he maneuvers across the uneven ground, leaning down to grab a bundle of striped blue fabric. I had nearly forgotten Axel had brought them with us, as anxious as I was about the late-night adventure.

"Oh. Thanks." I manage to catch one of the towels when he tosses it my way. I wring some of the water out of my hair, brushing droplets off of my skin before wrapping the towel around myself like a blanket.

"Better?" Axel asks as he sits down beside me.

I reluctantly nod. 

"Good." He replies simply, wiping himself down with his own towel. I find myself watching him in silence as he drags the cloth across his bare chest. He shoots a glance toward me, his eyebrows raised when he notices my staring. "Like what you see?"

My cheeks flush with an embarrassed heat. "Shut up." Whether Axel's words were in reference to my confession or simply a step back into character, I don't know for sure. Still, a smirk rests on his lips as he continues to look my way. I'm the first to drop my gaze, letting it rest instead on the shallow waves lapping at the rocks below us.

"You confirmed exactly what I thought." Axel says after a moment. I see him shrug in my periphery. "Nikolas Hoffman is a literal badass."

I roll my eyes, unable to hold back a soft snort of amusement. "Yeah, well... As you said, it wasn't as high as it looked. So, it wasn't too bad, even if I'm freezing my butt off now."

"Told you so."

I stick out my tongue as I turn to face him. The way Axel's blue eyes light up in surprise makes me realize the childishness of the action. My eyes go wide as I recover a neutral expression. Holy shit, I haven't done that since I was a kid. There's something about being with Axel again—of better understanding what happened between us—that makes it almost natural to revert to my childlike nature. The feeling is different from what I feel around Yasmin—I didn't share my childhood with her; I shared it with Axel.

"Look at the stars." He murmurs from beside me. Snapping out of my moment of nostalgia, I blink and follow Axel's gaze. I suck in a breath as I lay eyes on the thousands of glittering specks lighting the sky above us.

"Wow." I whisper. 

"That's one benefit to being so far from the city," he adds. "They're beautiful, aren't they?"

I nod wordlessly. I've never been very knowledgeable about the names of the stars and constellations; I know little more than the dippers, which I struggle to make out in the vast scattering of stars above us. When I let my eyes slide back to Axel, I notice that he's no longer staring at the shimmering stars, but at me. I find myself holding my breath as I latch onto his gaze and watch his eyes dip lower. I swallow, taking in the sharp cut of the boy's jaw and the faint stubble shadowing his skin. 

This is the guy who made you vow to never get attached again, a voice in my head reminds me. But... It's also Axel. 

I breathe out a soft sigh, forcing myself to look away. "It's, uh, already really late. We should... Get back to the hotel." I shrug off the towel around my shoulders as I stand, wrapping my arms around myself in its place. "Uh, see you later, I guess."

Scrambling up the rocky beach, I leave Axel alone on the beach without another word.

◦✭◦

I roll over in bed, running a hand down my face. Hazard is still asleep, curled up in the nook of my arm. His furry body vibrates with a quiet purr. My mind flickers back to memories of last night. Was Axel about to... Kiss me? I nearly missed the cue last night, but it's impossible to not recognize it now. I shake off the thought, grimacing. 

I... I had the biggest crush on him, I can't help but think, picturing the boy in my mind. He's nearly hotter than the last time I admitted as much to myself, having grown into himself and discovered his image in the meantime. Still, a voice in my head continues to remind myself that Axel is not the same person he was before, that it's not worth my time to even consider my feelings toward him. Everything changed after what went down in high school. I made myself get over him, because I'd never want to date such an asshole, but...

I absently run a hand across Hazard's back. He's not as much of a jerk as I thought. Seeing things from his perspective... I groan, divided. I'm still upset with him, I think, but I don't even know what to feel anymore. It's more complicated than I thought. He's not a bad person—not really. I don't think he deserves my full rage.

I sit up, grabbing my phone from the bedside table. My eyes light on two notifications—both advertising texts from Yasmin. I unlock my phone and glance at the messages.

Yasmin: you hung out with axel reed?? i want updates asap!

Yasmin: like genuinely, did he hold you captive or something

I chuckle to myself as I glance at the messages from last night that her texts are in response to. Axel's coming over, I had written to her in a panic. Wish me luck. I type out a reply.

Me: It was surprisingly chill, actually

Me: We talked about pretty ordinary stuff

Me: Also he had me jump off a cliff (literally)

I watch an ellipsis appear in the bottom corner of the screen as Yasmin immediately begins typing.

Yasmin: a CLIFF? you're joking

Yasmin: are you writing to me from the ER right now??

Yasmin: who's taking care of hazard??

Me: I love how you're more concerned about my cat

Yasmin: hazard's a lot cuter than you, no offense

Me: Wow, hurtful

Me: Anyway, I jumped into the ocean, so not too big of a deal. He dared me to do it

Yasmin: you seriously need to catch me up, because i am so lost

Yasmin: do we like axel now??

I stare at the text in silence for a long moment, my fingers hesitating over the keys. I draft my text several times before finally sending a response.

Me: I'll have to get back to you on that

I rub a finger across Hazard's chin as I set my phone aside with a soft sigh. I should get outside today. Some fresh air would probably do me good. As I begin to contemplate what to do with my day, I remember one of the reasons I'd considered West Rye when searching for a vacation spot. While my main criteria had been to find somewhere within driving distance, I had also been looking for somewhere with nearby parks or hiking trails to utilize.

"There was that one trail I thought of..." I mumble to myself, lifting up my phone again to start a quick search for Places to hike near West Rye, California. A few locations pop up as soon as I enter the key words. My gaze leaps to the first search result. Sycamore Park, the entry reads. "I think that's the one I was looking at. The name sounds familiar."

While I'm far from a hardcore outdoorsman, I've always enjoyed taking short hikes. As I scroll through the provided site, I see that Sycamore Park seems to have a few trails that are more my speed, maxing out at a couple of miles each.

Seems like a fun thing to do with my afternoon, I decide, forcing myself to finally get out of bed. I pause as the words of my latest text to Yasmin echoes in my mind. I'll have to get back to you on that. Well... Only one way to find out, I guess. I hesitantly reopen the messages app on my phone, sending a text to number I haven't attempted to contact in years.

Me: Hey, I was thinking of going for a hike this afternoon. Would you want to come with?

A buzz of anxiety trills through me as the message is marked as read nearly immediately. An ellipsis appears and disappears just as quickly, before a text finally comes through.

Axel: I'm in!

◦✭◦

I stand at the trailhead, shaking my hands in an attempt to rid them of the nerves. "Where is he?" I hiss underneath my breath, finding it hard to stand still as I await Axel's arrival. I sent him the address; he shouldn't be lost.

After what feels like an eternity, a car pulls up to the curb. The back door opens to reveal Axel decked in... 

"Is that supposed to be your hiking outfit?" I can't help but ask as the boy waves his thanks to the driver and approaches. I eye his tight-fitting jeans and Converse. The only piece of clothing that seems to fit the event is the crimson-colored muscle tank top he wears that leaves his toned arms bare.

"In my defense, I don't go for hikes all that often," he chuckles. "If it wasn't you that had invited me, I doubt I would have come."

My eyes hitch upwards in bemusement, though I don't allow myself to remain fixed on the potential meaning of his words for too long. "Did you at least bring a water bottle?"

"Shit."

I roll my eyes. "Figured as much. I brought a second one for you." I pat the small backpack sitting at my feet. "So, just let me know when you get thirsty and I can give it to you, since I see you didn't bring a bag, either."

"As I already said, I have, like, zero hiking experience."

I snort. "It'll be funny to see how out of breath you get, then."

"Please, I won't be out of breath. We're hiking, what? Like, a mile?"

"A mile out and a mile back," I correct, unable to hold back the amused smirk that tugs at my lips. "Though you're also forgetting that it's California and we're basically in the mountains. That elevation change will be the death of you."

"Elevation... Change?"

"Look at the trail map, genius. We hike up to an overlook, then hike back down. Higher elevation generally means you're out of breath more easily, if you're not used to it. So... Good luck."

"I can't believe I agreed to this."

"I jumped into the ocean for you, so I think you can manage to hike a short while for me." I reply. It isn't until I meet Axel's gaze, his blue eyes pooling with some sort of curious emotion I can't quite identify, that I realize what I said. For you. For me. I cough to clear my throat. "Are you ready to go?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," he agrees with a shrug. "Lead the way?"

I do, setting off down the trail. For a while, we walk in silence, the only sounds our somewhat-synchronized footsteps and the chattering of birds in the trees around us. Mostly sycamores, I silently observe. The park's name makes sense.

"So... Hiking, huh? Didn't know you were into it." Alright, so much for the silence.

I snort, sparing a glance back at the boy. "Yeah, well, when you've been out of contact for years, that tends to happen."

"What else do I not know about you?" He asks in a gentler voice. Raising an eyebrow, I turn back to face him fully, daring to walk backwards for a second. He watches me curiously, not a hint of a joke in his expression.

I let Axel catch up to me before I turn around to walk beside him. "I don't even know where to begin," I murmur. "I doubt there's a whole lot. I don't think I've changed much since high school. And you already know about my career and everything, so..."

"Oh. Alright."

My eyebrows furrow as I hear his unexpectedly resigned tone. It's almost as if he wants to catch up with me. I sigh, relenting. "Well, I adopted Hazard—which you already know, I guess. He's the first pet I adopted all on my own. I feel like I care about him more than any human sometimes."

Axel chuckles. "I could see that being the case. You've never been a people person."

"I'm still not," I agree with a soft laugh. "That hasn't changed."

"Do you still do any writing? I know you're not an author, but..." He shrugs.

"I mean... Yeah, I do sometimes. When I get the inspiration, I like writing short stories. Even poetry, occasionally. That's grown on me." I run a hand through my hair, brushing my bangs out of my face. "I get burnt out a lot, though. Working full-time takes a lot out of you. I'll go days or weeks without writing anything. It feels like I'm stuck in this rut and I can't get out."

"That's how I feel," Axel replies in a whisper. "It used to be easy for me to write songs and stuff, but... It's gotten so hard to create anything meaningful."

"It's tough," I agree. "But... You get past it, eventually. I'm never stuck in one place forever. As much as it sucks, I know it'll pass. I just need to remind myself sometimes."

"Yeah." He bats a branch out of his face as we walk. "How do you stay inspired? When that feeling passes, what do you do to get back into the groove?"

I hum thoughtfully. The question takes more thought than I initially expected. What do I do?

"I don't think it's ever one thing," I respond eventually. "But... For something to be meaningful, the topic has to be, too. I'll find something that means a lot to me and write about that. Even if I don't end up satisfied with the end result, I've at least written something again. There are definitely times where I write several poems in a row about Hazard. Would they be meaningful to anyone else? Probably not, unless they have a cat just like him or something. But... They're meaningful to me. Isn't that what matters in the end?"

When I look back over at Axel, I notice a wistful smile on his lips. "Huh. I've never thought about it that way. I guess I'm always so focused on making my fans happy that I don't focus enough on what would make me happy."

"You being happy is so much more important than your fans," I murmur in response. "If you're not happy, why bother with any of it in the first place?"

Axel falls silent as we begin the incline and I lower my gaze to watch my footing. The wind ruffles my hair in an almost familial way as it welcomes us to the hill's crest. 

A wooden fence marks the outskirts of the overlook around us, but I pay little attention to the view of the woods below as I see the tall, twisting figure of the sycamore tree at the peak's center. Its large, star-shaped leaves wave down at us as Axel and I approach it.

"Poor tree." I hear Axel mumble from beside me. I follow his gaze, noticing the array of initials and symbols carved into the tree's peeling bark. I run a hand across the indents.

Movement at the edge of my periphery catches my eye, and I turn to see a swallowtail butterfly floating past. I watch, entranced, as the butterfly alights on a blade of grass at my feet. I slowly reach a hand toward it. The butterfly flits away. I find myself trotting after it, laughing softly as the butterfly dances just out of reach. I finally pause as it flies past the edge of the hill. "Bye, little guy."

A laugh makes me turn back around to face Axel. He wears a fond smile as he stares across the clearing at me, shaking his head with an almost shy softness. My face flushes with heat as I smile back.