"James I want him back.. I want my baby back.."

"I know, honey.  So do I.. I'm so sorry I left you alone.  Why did you come in here by yourself?"

"I don't know.. I-I.."

"It's okay!  Just breathe, honey."

"James, I'm sorry."

"Please stop apologizing.  You did nothing wrong."

"I killed him."

"No you didn't!  Stop saying that!"

"He looked like a good sized baby.. He was healthy and I killed him."

"Stop.  The doctor said it was the placenta.  You know he said that!  You can't help that, honey."

"I can never have kids.  I'll just be too afraid of it happening again.  I'm sorry James, but I can't have your baby!"

"Caroline, I just want you to be okay.  Please stop talking this way."

"James, I want him.  He needs me! My baby needs me! I want to be with him!"

"Don't say that!  You know I need you!"

"He needs his momma."

"Caroline, stop talking this way.  I understand that you're upset but please stop this!"

Caroline breaks away from James and runs out of the room.  It was like Caroline was a completely different person right now.

James chased after her.  He was worried and didn't know what she was going to do. 

Caroline screamed and ran down to the kitchen.
James' heart dropped when he saw his wife pick up a knife.

"Caroline No!"

"Stay away from me!" Caroline faces the knife towards him.

"Don't do this!  I love you, Caroline!  Please please don't do this!"

"He needs me!" She sobs.

"I need you! Please don't do this.  Our baby is in a better place.  I know it hurts, but doing this isn't going to make things any better.  Give me the knife, Caroline."

Caroline's body shook as tears continued running down her cheeks.

"Please baby!  Please, please, please! DON'T DO THIS!" James shouted as he begged his wife.

Caroline drops the knife and falls to the ground sobbing uncontrollably.

James ran to her and held her as he cried with her.

He kisses her over and over again.  He thought he was about to lose her and he never wanted to let her go again.

***

April 20th.

"Alright, let's go say happy birthday to mommy!" Danny hands Grayson Jessica's glass of orange juice and he carries Jessica's tray of food and Nova in the other hand.

Grayson opens the door and runs to Jessica.

"Gray watch it, you're spilling juice all over the place."

"Oops! Sorry, daddy! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY! Here's your juice!"

"Oh thank you so much, Grayson! I love you, baby!"

"I love you more, old lady!"

Jessica's smile quickly fades.

"Haha! Sam told me to say that!"

"That boy! I'm gonna spank him!" Jessica says making Grayson crack up.

"Give my my orange juice before you spill it all!"

Grayson hands it to her and Jessica gives him a kiss.

"Let me get my birthday kiss from my baby!" Jessica holds her arms out.

Danny walks to and kisses her lips.

"I meant my baby girl, but thank you, honey!" Jessica smiles and holds his cheek.

"Oh!" Danny chuckles and hands her the baby.

"Hi Novies! How are you this morning?"

Nova hits Jessica's boobs.

"Well good morning to you too!"

"She's hungry, mommy!"

"Well if you're hungry Nova, then you can have some of mommy's breakfast! You have some little toofies now and you can chew a little, huh?"

Nova hits Jessica's breasts again but this time with a little more anger.

"She wants boobs, mommy."

"Thanks for letting me know, Gray!"

Jessica starts to nurse Nova and she winces in pain.

"What's wrong, mommy?"

"She has teeth! Nova, you need to cut this out, little miss!"

"She's biting your booby?" Grayson asks.

"Yes she is!"

"Nova, that's not nice!" Grayson gets close to her face.

Nova lifts her little arm and starts swinging at him.

"Hey be nice!" Jessica holds her arm down.

"She's a feisty one this morning, huh?" Danny chuckles as he sits down beside her.

"She is! What crawled up your booty this morning?"

Nova reaches up and just points at Jessica making her laugh.

"Here baby, eat." Danny cuts her food and feeds her.

"Mmm! I like this!" Jessica smiles.

Danny chuckles and kisses her cheek.

Jessica's phone started to buzz.

"Honey, can you get that, please? It's on the dresser."

"Sure, baby.
... Oh James is FaceTiming you."

"My baby?! Answer it!"

Danny answers it and stands it up on Jessica's tray.

"Hi handsome!"

"Happy Birthday, Momma!"

"Thank you, baby boy! I love you!"

"I love you too! Woah mom!" James covers his eyes.

"You gotta hold the camera away from your boobs if you're nursing!"

"Oh shoot! I'm sorry, sweetie!"

"She's still doin' that?"

"Yes she's spoiled!" Jessica says in a cute way.

James chuckles.
"I just wanted to call and say happy birthday and that I love you... and thanks for all your help the past few weeks. It's been really difficult and without you I don't know what I would've done."

"Awe baby!" Jessica tears up.

"I love you so much! Are you guys coming over for dinner? Danny's barbecuing! We miss you guys." Jessica pouts.

It had been a while since Caroline has been out of the house, and James obviously doesn't want to leave her alone, so he's been stuck in the house as well.

"I don't know, mom. I'd love to but.."

"No honey! I completely understand! You tell my Caroline that love her dearly!"

"I will, momma!"

"Love you, baby!"

"I love you too!" James smiles.

After hanging up Jessica had tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong, mommy?" Grayson asks.

"My heart just hurts for brother and Caro.."

"Mine too! Maybe they'll have another baby!" He smiles.

"I hope so..."

"Do you know if they will?" Danny asks.

"I don't know.. The doctor said that it's not likely to happen again.. but at least now they know so they can monitor her and the baby more closely. But James told me that Caroline doesn't want to."

"They'd make such great parents."

"I know. I mean, I understand Caroline being scared to try again. I can't say I wouldn't feel the same."

"Yeah.. Well.. Only God knows, huh?"

"Yeah.."

"What if we had stopped trying after losing our baby?  What if we had just stopped after all those months of horrible news?  We'd never have this beautiful little girl in our lives." Danny softly caresses Nova's arm.

Nova lifts her hand and points to Danny.

He chuckles.
"What's up with you and pointing that little finger, missy?" Danny grabs her hand and kisses it.

Jessica laughs.
"Hey at least it's that finger."

"Right?"

"No but.. I did think of that... I hope they change their minds.. James would be such a good daddy!
.. and Caroline is so good with Gray, Sammy and Nova... I know she'll be an amazing momma."

"Give em some time. I'm sure one day they'll have a whole bunch of kids. I see them with a big family." Danny smiles.

"Me too.. Plus they're SO young! I know it'll happen."

Jessica looked down and spoke softly, "Danny, I held my grand baby.. He was so tiny but so cute already.. It hurts to think in two months he'd be here.. It's not fair."

"I know."

"Mommy, don't be sad on your birthday!  Baby Lucas is in Heaven with Jesus, Felicity and my daddy!  Daddy will take such good care of him! And Lissie's probably happy because now she has someone to play with!"

"I'm sure she is, baby." Jessica smiles softly.

**

James and Caroline's POV.

"Honey, Danny's barbecuing for my mom's birthday.. Did you wanna go over?"

"I don't know.."

"Being around family will be good for us."

"Maybe just for a little while.. I love my nephew and.. Well sister in law!"

James chuckles.

"But being around babies is hard for me, James."

"I understand, honey.  We don't have to go over."

"No James, it's your mother's birthday.  You need to see her."

"I'm not leaving you.  My mom understands."

"I hate this.  I feel like a fucking mental case!"

"No, you shouldn't feel that way."

"Stop it!  Stop saying how I should and shouldn't be feeling!  Stop trying to tiptoe around me!  I just want things to be normal again!  I want to be happy and feel complete!  James, I'll never feel complete again.. My baby boy is gone!"

James sat next to her and she held onto him and cried.

"I'm sorry.. I don't don't how to deal with any of this either.  I want him back too, Caroline!" James get irritated but holds his tears in.

"HE WAS IN MY BODY!  YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" She pushes him away.

"He was my baby too!  I might not have carried him, but he was still my son!"

"Is!  Don't speak like he doesn't belong to us anymore!  He'll always be our baby!  Our perfect little man.." Caroline looks down with tears still pouring down her face.

"I know he is. That's not what I meant."

"Oh God.. James, I'm sorry!  I can't help it.. I just-"

"Don't.  I'm not mad at you."

The past couple of weeks Caroline would just explode and yell at James for no reason.  She couldn't help it. She felt like she was no longer in control of her own body.

"I want to be happy, James. I hate being sad."

"I know.. You've always been such a happy and bubbly girl. I know this isn't easy, baby. Right now now it seems like it'll never get better. That we'll never be happy again.. But I know we will. We'll always hurt for our baby boy, but you and I will be happy again!
... One day you and I will have a bunch of kids.. We'll grow old together and have so many grandchildren.. We're gonna make it, babe."

"James, I don't know if I can.. I can't have a baby. I'm so sorry."

"Caro-"

"I'm gonna go up to bed. Go see your mom, I'll be fine."

Some time had passed and Caroline's mother had come over.

"Susan, will you please stay here with her for a while? It's my mom's birthday and I want to see her."

"Of course, honey! You have a nice time."

"Thank you so much."

James drove to Jessica's alone and got there just as they sat down to eat.

"Jamesy! Hi, baby!" Jessica hugs him tight.

"Happy Birthday, momma."

"Thank you, love. Where's Caroline?"

"She's having a rough day. Her mother's with her.. I wanted to see you so I snuck out for a little while."

"Well you're too sweet! Here, eat! There's plenty!"

James was quiet the whole time he was over. Jessica walked over and softly grabbed his hand.

"Come in here so we can talk."

Jessica brought him into Danny's office and they sat down on the couch.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine!" James fakes a smile.

"No James. How are you?" Jessica held his hand and looked deep into his eyes.

"I know you have to be strong for Caroline, but I can see it in your eyes. You're hurting too.. It's okay to be sad.. It's okay to grieve. It's okay to be weak at times. You don't need to keep it together all the time."

James looks down and tries his best to hold it together.

He breaks and Jessica moves closer and rubs his back.

"Honey, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. No parent should ever have to bury their child."

"In a few months he'd be in my arms. Mom, I would give anything to have him back! I wish it were me and not him! He was so innocent, why did this happen to him?!"

Jessica silently cries with him as she softly rubbed her hand in big circles on his back.

"Honey, I know. I know it's hard."

"I wish I had at least gotten the chance to hear him cry.. To see his beautiful eyes.. It hurts so bad!" James was now sobbing.

"I wanna teach him how to walk, how to talk.. I want to teach him how to ride a bike.. I want to be his basketball coach like dad was to us! I want to hold him in my arms and tell him I love him more than anything in this world!"

"Honey, you can still tell him. He's always with you and he'll never ever leave you... Talk to him."

James looks down and takes a few seconds.
"I love you Lucas! I never wanted you to get hurt.. I never wanted you to feel pain.. I hate not knowing if it was painful or not when you left.
... Your mother and I love you, son... We love you so So much!" James struggled to speak.

"I know my dad.. Your grandpa is taking good care of you. I know my little sister is with you.. and I know you'll never leave me.. I just wish I could see you at least one more time.
.. Please watch over your mother.. She misses you so much.. Her heart is so broken since you left and I don't know how to fix it. She's so amazing and I just want to see her smile again. The smile she had on her face when she would feel you move around inside of her.. I want to see that excitement and happiness again. I know it's soon but.. I miss it. I hate seeing and hearing her cry. Please help her, son."

***
What would you all like to see in this story? I know what I want, but I like it to add things you guys want as well.