"What do you mean?  What's wrong?"

"I haven't been feeling well since yesterday but I didn't think anything of it. James he hasn't moved at all today and he's always so active!" Caroline sobs.

"What? No! No, this happened to my mom when she was pregnant with Grayson. You've just gotta be play music and poke at him!" James hurries to Caroline and gets down to his knees.
He holds her belly and moves him around.

"James, he's not moving!" Caroline cries.

"Hey, no don't cry. Let me just take you to the hospital so they can show us he's just sleeping.. Maybe he just wanted to chill today." James smiles.

Caroline nods and takes James' hand.

James tried so hard to stay calm, but on the inside he was screaming. Something in his gut just didn't feel right. If they lost this baby, he didn't know what they would do.

They quickly drove over to the hospital. Caroline never took her hands off her belly. She cried and cried as she spoke to her unborn son.

"Mommy's so sorry.. I love you so much, Lucas. Please please be okay!"

"Honey, he will be okay!"

Once they were at the hospital they quickly took them to the back.

"Alright ma'am, have you had any contractions?"

"I've had cramping since yesterday but it wasn't anything bad." Caroline says as tears continue to fall.

"Bleeding?"

"No! Please just check on my baby! He's not moving and I'm so scared!" Caroline coughs.

"Relax, honey.. You're gonna make yourself sick."

"I just need to know he's okay." She says struggling to catch her breath.

Deep down Caroline knew, but she wouldn't accept it.

"Go ahead and relax, an ultrasound tech will be right in."

The woman leaves and Caroline gets even more upset.

"Honey, breathe." James holds her arms and takes deep breaths with her.

"James I'm so scared, I-I should have said something yesterday. His movements weren't as strong or as frequent, but there was something! Now they're taking their time and my baby could be dead!"

"Stop it! Don't say that!"

"Well James somethings wrong! I know something's wrong and I'm so scared.."

"He's okay.. Aren't you, Lucas?" James rubs her belly.

"Show mommy that you're fine!" James' voice slowly faded into a tearful whisper.

He kisses her bump and lays his head in it. He closes his eyes and prays harder than he's ever prayed before.

When the ultrasound tech and Doctor came in Caroline laid back and lifted her shirt.

They placed a heart Doppler on her stomach and Caroline squeezed James' hand as they waited to hear their sons heartbeat.

The room was completely silent.

The nurse looked at the doctor and Caroline raised her voice. "Something's wrong with the machine. I need to see him!" There was so much emotion in her voice.

The doctor steps in and scans her stomach.
This was not like the ultrasounds they've had in the past where baby Lucas wiggled all over the place. In this moment it all became so real.

"My baby!" Caroline let out a loud sob.

James held her as she buried her face in his side.

"I am so so sorry." The doctor said with sadness.

"What happened?! What did I do? Oh my poor baby, what did mommy do to you!!!"

"Mrs. Shepard, we are going to run some tests to see what went wrong, but please don't blame yourself. I know it's horrible but things like this do happen. I can assure you it was nothing you did."

"You can't save him? He's really gone?!"

"I wish there was something I could do. We'll give you two some time."

The doctor and nurse step out. Caroline cries harder than she ever has. James cries but tried so hard to remain calm for Caroline.

"James I should have told you! I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU!"

"Honey.. I'm so sorry."

"All his things.. All his little things, James! Everything was ready for him.. Oh my God I can't believe this is happening to us!"

James didn't know what to say. He was obviously upset but Caroline was still carrying their deceased son in her womb. He couldn't even imagine how she must feel.

After a while her doctor came in to discuss what the next step was.

"We can take you right now for testing. After that we'll give you a pill to start the laboring process-"

"She has to deliver him? Just like if he-"

"Yes." The doctor quickly answers saving him from having to say any more.

James takes a deep breath and kisses the top of his wife's head.

It should take about two days, but as soon as you start feeling like it's time, then go ahead and come in.

Caroline closed her eyes and brought her hands to her stomach and cradled her baby.

"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"Honey, it's not your fault." James says but Caroline just kept repeating herself as she slowly rocked back and forth.

**

"James, I can't go back to the house. All the baby shower things are there and I can't see that!"

"Okay, you wanna stay with my parents?"

Caroline looks down and nods her head.

"Okay, I'm gonna call my mom.. Are you okay in here for a couple minutes?"

"Yeah.."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, just go."

James stepped out to the hall and called his mother.

"Hi James! The boys told me that you were already working on little Lucas' room! I know it's gonna be so perfect for my handsome grandson!"

"Mom..." James' voice was shaky. Jessica could tell something was wrong.

"Baby? What's wrong?"

"We're at the hospital, ma.." The sadness grew in his voice.

"What's wrong?"

"Caroline had..." James cries.

"What!" Jessica panics.

"He's stillborn, mom. My son is gone!"

"NO!" Jessica felt like someone had stomped on her heart.

"I don't know what to do, mom! I have to stay strong for her but it hurts so bad!" James was sobbing uncontrollably.

"My baby! Honey, it's okay to cry. James, I am so sorry!"

"Can we stay with you tonight? She doesn't want to go back to the house."

"Of course! What are they gonna do? About the baby.."

"They're gonna give her medicine to start the laboring process.. Mom, she has to carry the baby until her body's ready to give birth to him.. That silence after he's born... Mom, it's gonna kill her!"

"Oh my gosh.. This is so horrible.. I can't believe this is even happening."

"I don't understand.. I mean today we had our baby shower.. All those clothes, all his toys.. Mom, he's gone.  My baby boy is gone!"

Jessica hurt so bad for her son.  She never heard him so upset.

After hanging up Danny came in to see what was going on.

"Hey!  You okay?  What's wrong?"

Jessica sobbed so Danny rushed over to her.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"Lucas.."

"What happened?"

"They lost him.. He passed away, Danny!"

"What!  Oh my gosh, how did this happen?!"

"I don't know.  Danny, my baby's baby.. This is so horrible!"

Danny held Jessica in his arms as she sobbed.

"They're staying here tonight so I need to talk to Grayson.  He's always asking to feel her belly and talk to the baby. I just don't want him to say anything to upset her even more."

"You want me to talk to him?"

"No it's okay, I'll do it."

They hear a soft knock on the door and Danny tells them to come in.

"What's going on?" Sam walks in and sits on the bed.

Jessica's face was buried in Danny's chest, so Danny spoke.

"Caroline lost the baby."

"What?  No.. But she seemed fine!"

"I don't know what happened.. They're staying here tonight, but for now I wouldn't ask too many questions."

"No, of course!  Damn, this sucks!  They just got all that baby stuff today.."

"I know.."

After Jessica calmed down a little, she went into Grayson's room.

"Hey baby boy.. whatcha doin'?  Getting ready for bed?"

"Yes!  I've got my batman pj's on!"

"Awesome!"

"Are you okay?  You look sad."

"Come sit with me." Jessica sat down and pat his bed signaling for him to sit beside her.

"Tonight.. James took Caro to the hospital and.."

"Did she have the baby?!" Grayson's eyes widened and his smile grew so big.

"No honey... They... The baby.. He went to Heaven.."

"No.." Grayson's eyes quickly filled with tears.

Tears rolled down Jessica's face.

"Did she have him?"

"No." Jessica nods her head as she speaks in a whisper.

"He died in her tummy?"

"Yeah, baby.."

"But mommy, I want him to be born and to be okay!"

"So do I."

"Why did he have to go?  Was he sick?"

"I don't know.."

"Mommy, I'm so sad!" Grayson starts crying.

He throws himself into his mother and cries hard.

"So am I, honey.. But now he's with his grandpa in Heaven.. He's with daddy and daddy will take care of him until his mommy gets there.  But that's a long long ways away!"

"Daddy will take care of him and so will Felicity.. They can be friends."

"That's true, baby.  They can."

"I feel bad for them.  They were happy to be a mommy and daddy."

"I know.. One day it'll happen for them.. This just wasn't meant to be.  But you know what? They'll always be his mommy and daddy.. Even if he's in Heaven, he'll always be their baby."

"Yeah.." Grayson lays his head on Jessica's lap.

"They're gonna stay with us tonight.. Caroline's tummy is still big because the baby's still in there."

"What?  But how?  I thought he was in Heaven."

"He is.. His soul is in Heaven with Jesus, daddy and sissy, but his body is still here.  Caroline will have him in a couple days."

"Oh.. Mommy, I don't feel good."

"What's wrong, baby?" Jessica softy touches his forehead.

"My heart hurts."

Even more tears fall down her already tear stained cheeks.

"So does mine."

**

Back at the hospital, after calling Caroline's parents, James never left Caroline's side.  She was completely broken and just wanted to leave that place already.
Once they finally did, James drove straight to the house.

Caroline walked straight to James' old bedroom.  She couldn't talk to anyone right now.  She just wanted to try and enjoy the last hours she had with her baby boy Lucas.

Jessica hugged James when he walked in.  He held her and just cried and cried.  Jessica felt like he was a little boy again.  His mother was now there with him and he just let it all out.

"Baby boy, I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry!  He's with daddy now.... Daddy will take care of him.."

"I know.. and that does give me some comfort.. I just wish I could take care of him.  I wanted to be a father so bad, ma.. Caroline.. She's already such a great mother.  Why did this have to happen to us?" James sobs as he lays his head on Jessica's shoulder.

"I don't know.. You just cry and let it all out.  I'm here for you.."

"Thank you, momma.." James held onto her like he hadn't seen her in years.  He was always a momma's boy, and right now he needed his momma more than ever.

"You're still a father, James.. It's different now, but you'll always be Lucas' daddy."

**

The next morning Caroline didn't come out of her room.  She wouldn't eat, and she didn't want to see anyone."

"Honey, you have to eat.  Please.."

"I can't.. I'm not hungry."

"Just a little something?"

"No, James."

"Alright... How do you feel?"

"Fine.. Can you please just leave me alone for right now?"

"Sure.. Just call me if you need anything.
... I love you."

"Love you too."

James shut the door and Caroline started crying.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you.  I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner.. Maybe that could have saved you... I love you so so much, and I'll always be your mommy.. You will always be my baby boy.. No matter what.  I love you so much, Lucas."

**

"I don't know what to do, she won't eat." James tells him mother.

"I'll make her some toast and come up to see her.  She needs to eat so she'll have energy to.. To have him."

"Yeah.. Maybe since you know what it feels like to lose a baby, maybe you can talk to her?"

"Yeah, I'll talk to her."

Grayson came down and hugged James' leg.

"I love you, James."

"Come here, little guy." James picks him up.

"I love you too."

"I'm sorry about the baby.." Grayson looks down and traces his little fingers nervously on the collar of his shirt.

"Thanks, bud."

"You wanna watch cartoons with me?  Nova's too little and she doesn't get how funny they are like we do!"

"Haha!  Of course I wanna watch cartoons!"

Jessica smiled softly at her boys.

Jessica got some food ready and took it to Caroline upstairs.

She knocked lightly and Caroline said for her to come in.

"Hey.. I know you probably don't want to eat, but you need to.."

"I'm okay.  Really."

Jessica sat the plate down and sat down on the bed.
She softly grabbed Caroline's hand and said, "Honey, I just want to say that I'm so incredibly sorry.  I lost a baby too.. I know I was earlier on in my pregnancy than you are, but.. You and I both know that a mother's love blossoms the moment you see that tiny little body or when you hear their heart beating for the first time.  No matter what it's never easy losing a child you're carrying."

"I just don't know what I did wrong."

"Honey, you didn't do anything!"

"I drank so much in Vegas!  I didn't know and I feel so terrible!"

"Vegas was months ago, darling!"

"I was a few weeks pregnant.. I should have taken a test, he was just so unexpected.
What hurts the most is that my baby didn't have a chance to be out in the world and at least fight for his life.. I know it sounds horrible to wish he had a chance to fight, but I wish he did!  But then I think, what if it isn't as peaceful as I think it was?  What if he was hurting in there and.. I just blame myself, there's so many things I should've done."

"Caroline, you can't beat yourself up like this."

"I can't help it.. I'm his mother.  Mother's are supposed to protect their children.. and I failed."

"I know nothing is going to make you feel better.. But just know it wasn't your fault."

Caroline looks down and tears start pouring.

"It's starting.  I know it is.  I've had a few contractions already.. Jessica, I'm scared.  Not because of the pain I'll be in from the birth, but the pain I'll be in giving birth and the room be completely silent.  To hold his lifeless little body.. To plan my own son's funeral.. Jessie, this wasn't supposed to happen!" Caroline raises her voice.

"Honey, I know!  I'm so sorry.. I am so so sorry." Jessica hugged her as she cried with her.

Jessica didn't know what else to say to her.  There wasn't much she could say.

**

"He fell on his butt!" Grayson cracks up laughing while he sits next to James watching cartoons.

"What's going on in here?" Jessica asks coming down the stairs.

"He fell in his butt!  It's so funny!" Grayson laughs even harder than before.

"You're silly!" Jessica chuckles.

"James, can I talk to you?"

"Sure.  I'll be right back, Gray."

James steps over Nova who was playing on the ground.
"Excuse me, little lady!"

She looks up to her big brother and laughs.

"Nova, what are you laughing at, silly girl?" Grayson smiles.

Nova looks at him and crinkles her little nose while puckering her lips.

"That face!" Jessica laughs.

"Why are you making faces at your brother, Novies?"

Nova turns to her mother and laughs.

"There she goes laughing again!" Grayson says.

Jessica chuckles and she and James walk into the kitchen to talk.
"Honey, Caroline thinks it's almost time."

"Already?!" James' eyes widen.

"Yeah.. She's had a few contractions, but don't panic.  She knows her body so just listen to her and don't rush her to the hospital.  I know she doesn't want you in there, but she needs you, son.  Go up and be with her.  These are the last few moments with your child.. Go in there."

"Okay.. Thanks, mom." James wraps his arms around his mother.

"You're welcome, baby."

**

James walks into his room and sits beside her.

"Hey.."

"Hi.."

"Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm okay.  Thanks."

"Can I stay with you?"

"Sure.."

James laid beside her and holds her hand.

"Caro, I remember the first time I saw you in school.  I had just lost my dad and my world was so bad in that moment.  You were this gorgeous light in my life.. I remember telling my mom that you were my little ray of sunshine.. My escape.  When I was with you I was happy.  Going on seven years and you've been my one and only love.  Not a day goes by where I don't thank God I have you.  You make my life brighter, and even in the hard times.. You're always there to make me smile.  I know neither one of us wanted this or even imagined this would ever happen.. But God has a plan.  Right now it seems impossible but.. We'll get through this.  Now we have another very very special angel looking down on us."

Tears slowly fall down Caroline's cheeks.

"I'm so sorry." She says to him still so full of guilt.

"Don't be sorry."

James kisses her belly and places his hand on it before laying his head down softly on his son.

"Mommy and daddy love you, baby Lucas.  We always will."

***
Sorry to start the second book on such a sad topic, but I thought those two needed some drama.  They married their first love, they have great jobs and a house.  No ones life is that perfect!