So I forgot about the boys birthday and a couple others things I wanted to write about, so this chapter will be a "Thinking back" type thing. Hope you don't mind!

***

September 7th.

Michael was at school and Grayson was napping.  She sat on the couch in silence. 
Jessica has been depressed since the boys left for school.  She hated them being gone, the house seemed so empty without them.

She laid there thinking back over the last few months.

***

April 27th.  The boys last basketball game.

"Look at my little basketball star!" Jessica kisses Grayson after she dresses him.

"Are you ready to see your big brothers play?  Hm?  Daddy would be so proud of them!  Especially Mikey who is only a freshman but gets to play with the big guys!"

Jessica went downstairs and saw all three of them eating breakfast in their uniforms.

"Aw!" He pouts and touches her chest.

"This is your last game together!  I'm not ready for this.."

"It's okay, mom.  Hey, look at Gray in his basketball gear!  Lookin good, buddy!" Sam smiles.

Grayson smiles and kicks his legs and moves his arms.

Jessica giggles and kisses his head then takes in his sweet baby scent.

"You boys ready?"

"Yep!  Let's go!"

***

Their family and Sarah all came to watch the boys last game.

"Woo! GO BOYS!!" Jessica shouts, then sits down and sighs.

"Sam would be so proud! Look at them."

"They're great!" Dorothy smiles.

"Thanks." Jessica smiles softly.

"Last year Sam was coaching the boys team.. He loved it so much... Michael's last game was the day before Sam got really sick.

Michael was upset and Sam went after him... Then I talked to him and.. It was the only time he really broke down."

"Really?" A sad look appeared on Dorothy's face.

"Yeah.. He asked why this was happening and he told me he was sorry."

"Sorry?"

"For leaving me and for not going to the doctor sooner."

"That's so sad."

"I know.. Mom I miss him so much." Jessica looks at Dorothy with sadness in her eyes.

"I know, baby." Dorothy wraps her arm around her and pulls her close.

Grayson reaches up for Dorothy and smiles.

"Hi cutie!  You are always so happy, aren't you?"

Jessica looks down and smiles at him on her lap.

"He looks so much like Sam."

"I know.." Jessica pouts and lays her head on the baby's head.

The boys won the game and they all went out to eat afterwards.

"I can't believe we just had our last high school basketball game." Sam says.

"I know.  Mom, do you think dad was there today?"

"I know he was there, James!  He was there smiling watching three of his sons do what they love."

They smile softly and Michael says, "I wish he would have been able to coach all three of us on the same team."

"Me too, baby." Jessica says trying to smile and hide her sadness.

***

The twins 18th birthday.

"Oh my babies!  I can't believe you're officially adults!"

"Isn't that cool?  I'm a grown up!" Sam smiles.

"You'll always be my babies so don't let it go to your head." She points her finger at him.

"Hah!  Alright." He smiles and hugs her.

James hugs her and says, "Thanks mom!  Without you and your pushing, I'd still be in your womb." He smiles.

"You dork!  Haha!  I love you, baby!"

***

That night they went out for a birthday dinner.

"James!  It's your birthday!" McKenna runs over to him.

"Hey it's mine too!" Sam says as James picks her up.

"Happy Birthday!" She smiles.

"Thanks, cutie!" He kisses her cheek.

"Mommy!  Sam said I was a cutie!" McKenna blushes.

"And he gave you a kiss!  I think he likes you." Sarah smiles.

McKenna giggles and buries her face in James.

"That girl!" Sarah chuckles.

"I don't want you leave!" McKenna pouts.

"Aw, let's not talk about that yet.  We still have a while.  Let's just enjoy the rest of the summer." James says.

"Okay.. You promise to take me on an ice cream date before you leave?"

"I promise, little one!" He smiles.

"Hey I'm big!"

"Oh that's right!  I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay, I forgive you!"

"Good!" He laughs.

***

August.  Michael's 15th Birthday.

"Michael!  I can't believe my baby's fifteen!"

"I know!  Can you teach me how to drive?"

"I'm not ready for that!" She pouts.

"Please!!"

"That's scary, I've never done that before.  Your dad taught the boys."

"Well why don't the boys teach me?"

"Heh!  No!  I'll ask your uncle."

***

George took Michael to drive and they were out for about two hours.

"I am never doing that Again." George says walking into the house.

"What happened?" Jessica asks.

"I was great!"

"You almost wrecked my car!"

"Michael!"

"Mom it wasn't that bad!"

"He.. Is bad.  He's so bad!" George rubs his head.

"Uncle George I was not that bad!  I think I did pretty good for my first time."

George looks at him and doesn't say a word.

"Fine, I was horrible!"

"Aw, well you still have time to learn, baby!" Jessica says burping the baby.

"I guess." He sighs.

***

Back to present time.

"I want all of my babies home!" She cries on the couch.

Grayson wakes up so she goes to get him.

"Hi bud.. You hungry?"

He kicks his legs and hits her boobs.

She smiles softly and walks downstairs.

Jessica sits him in his highchair and feeds him while eating her lunch.

"What's wrong with me, Gray?  Why am I like this?  I want to be happy, I really do.. I just can't get myself to feel happy."

He smiles and reaches for her face.

"You make me happy, don't worry.

Mommy's just going through a hard time right now."

***

September 16th.

Jessica woke up to Grayson playing with her face.

"Well good morning!" She laughs.

"How long have you been up, little guy?"

He lays his head to the side and smiles.

"You're a cutie!

.. Do you know what today is, Grayson?

It's mine and daddy's twelfth anniversary.  We've been together for nineteen years, but married for twelve. 

..I'm still counting us as married because we are. 

I still wear my wedding ring and I have his around my neck.  We never divorced, so we're still married. 

..I love your daddy so much, Gray.  He's my everything.."

Jessica goes downstairs to make breakfast for her and Michael before he leaves for school.

When he comes downstairs he hugs her and says, "Happy Anniversary."

"You remembered?" She smiles.

"Of course!"

"Well thank you!  I can't believe it's been twelve years.. It's crazy."

*Jessica's phone rings*

"Ah!  It's your brothers!"

"Hi baby!  I miss you guys!"

"We miss you too, mom!  Happy Anniversary!"

"Aw thank you!  How are you two doing?"

"Good!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes ma'am.  Everything's pretty good so far." James answers.

"Do you miss me?"

"Like crazy!  We miss all you guys."

"I wanna see your faces!" She pouts.

"Soon!"

"It is Not soon!"

"I know, but it'll get here before we know it."

"Yeah.."

***

Once Michael was at school it was just her and Grayson.

"How about we watch a video with daddy in it.  Would you like that, Gray?"

He giggles and claps his hands.

"Yeah, you're so excited!" Jessica laughs.

"Alright, this was Easter five years ago.  Daddy was in that bunny costume!" She points.

Grayson makes in "O" shape with his mouth and widens his eyes.

"Is that silly?" She laughs.

"Oh there's my handsome husband!  That's your daddy, Grayson.  Isn't he the most handsome man ever?

Oh his voice!  I miss his voice so much!  And that laugh!  Heh.. He had the best laugh... Just like you!" She smiles and lightly bounces the baby making him making him laugh.

"See!" She giggles.

"Oh Sam.. Why did you have to leave me?  We were so happy!  We were SO happy.. I never thought I'd go through my life without you by my side. Since we were fourteen years old we loved each other... I just wish I had one more day with him.  I'd give anything to see him hold you and hear your little laugh.  I'm sorry he's not here with you, baby boy." Jessica softly caresses his arm as Grayson smiles at her.

"I'll tell you what, baby.. Let's go see daddy!" She sniffles and gives him a smile.

Jessica packs Grayson's things and puts him in the car.

First she stopped at the store and bought flowers, then she headed over to the cemetery.

"Hi Sammy.. Happy Anniversary, baby. 

I love you! 

I brought you some flowers, aren't they gorgeous?

I know you'd say not as gorgeous as me, but that's not true, Samuel!

Anyway, Grayson and I just wanted to spend some time with you.  See how big he's getting?  Our baby boy is ten months old tomorrow!  That's nuts!  Soon he'll be a year old!  So crazy.." Jessica looks down at Grayson who was on his stomach facing his father's grave.

"Say hi, Dada." She rubs his back.

Grayson giggles and crawls closer.

"Grayson, you're crawling!  You've never done that before, baby!  Oh good job, buddy!  Mommy's so proud of you!"

He looks up and over to the side and giggles uncontrollably.

He did that quite often and Jessica liked thinking he could see Sam.

Jessica closed her eyes and sighed before she broke down in tears.

She laid beside Grayson and bawled her eyes out.

"I know you don't want me to be sad, Sam.. But I can't help it.  I want you back Sam.  I want you back!"

Grayson turns to her and touches her face softly.

Jessica gently caresses his cheek as tears continue to pour down her face.

Grayson smiles then cuddles close to her.

Jessica holds him tight and cries silently.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Grayson... You're truly a blessing."