"Grayson.."

"What? What about Grayson?" Michael pulls away and looks into her eyes. He hadn't noticed that he wasn't there.

"Grandma took him.."

"Why?"

"Because I was asleep and Grayson hurt himself.. I'm so stupid for drinking so much in front of him. I want all this alcohol out of the house!"

"Alright, I'll take care of it. Mom, we need to get you into some therapy. I hate that you feel this way."

"Okay.. I'll do it. Michael, I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry!"

"I think Grayson needs to stay with grandma for a while. Until I better myself.. I don't want to hurt him."

Michael nods.

"If that's what you feel is best. Why don't you get some rest and I'll clean up."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes.. But sleep on the couch. I'm not ready for you to leave my sight yet."

"Michael, I won't do anything.. I promise."

"Okay.." He nods.

Jessica goes upstairs and Michael breaks down.

"Why is this happening? Why is she having these thoughts? God, please watch over her.

Dad, please give me the strength to help her during this time."

***

Later that day Jessica and Michael went to Dorothy's.

"Mom.. I'm sorry about earlier.. I'm having a difficult time with everything and.. Well I almost did something really stupid."

"You did do something stupid!"

"I walked in on her about to kill herself, grandma!" Michael says and Jessica takes a sharp breath in.

"What? Kill yourself?!"

"Mom.. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do.. and I want to get help. I'm gonna go to therapy.. I just have one favor."

"What is it?"

Jessica takes a deep breath and asks, "Will you watch Grayson until I'm okay? Hopefully it won't be long, but I don't want to hurt him!"

"Of course, sweetie.. Jessica, I'm so sorry you're having these feelings. Please know we're always here for you. We want you to be okay and to get better so that you can finally be happy." Dorothy hugs her.

***

Leaving Grayson with her mother was extremely hard on both parts.  Grayson screamed and cried for her, but Jessica knew that this was the best thing for the both of them.

"Mommy will see you tomorrow, okay?  I'll visit you..
I'm gonna get some help so that I can bring you home and be the best mama I can possibly be!"

***

Two weeks later.

It was hard on Jessica, but she stayed focused on the bigger picture and that helped her keep going.

She was working more and started weekly therapy sessions.

Michael would come home everyday after school, or after basketball practice and he and Jessica would eat dinner, and talk about their day.

Jessica spoke with the twins about everything but told them to stay put, and promised that she was going to get better.

One day she went to visit Grayson and her parents.

"Mama!" 

"Hi my boy!  How are you?!"

"Good!" He smiles.

"Awe!  You're such a big boy, Gray!"

"Luh yew!" He says giving her a hug.

"Oh I love you more!"

Jessica sits him on her lap and Dorothy talks to her.

"How are your therapy sessions going?"

"Really well!  I just have to take it one day at a time, and I'll be okay.

We talk about Sam, the boys, and you guys."

She thinks that what happened with Sam, mixed in with a little postpartum depression is the problem.  Which makes sense.  I had Grayson so soon after the shock of Sam so.. It just sent me overboard...

Then when dad had his heart attack.. It got worse.."

"Baby, I am so sorry you were having those thoughts.. I'm your mother, I should have known what was going on-"

"No mom, this isn't your fault. Please don't you think could have done something to stop this, because you couldn't. I had no idea why I was even like this "

Dorothy's eyes water and Jessica smiles softly.

"It's okay, don't cry."

"You're just so strong. I can see a change in you, Jessie.. and I wish you nothing but the best, baby girl."

"Thank you, mom."

Grayson starts baby taking and they both chuckle.

"You're such a cutie!" Jessica kisses his head and holds him tighter.

"Thank you so much for keeping him.  I feel so bad, but I know this is good!  This is the best thing for everyone right now."

"I think so too.  I don't mind watching him at all.  He's an easy baby." Dorothy smiles at Grayson, making him laugh.

"You're so silly! You, grandma and grandpa have fun, don't you?!" Dorothy smiles.

"Ya!" He bounces up and down and claps his hands.

Jessica giggles and bends down to kiss his cheek.

"Luh yew, mama!" He reaches up and touches Jessica's cheek.

"Aw I love you too!"

Dorothy smiles then asks, "So how are the boys?"

"Good!  The twins are getting good grades in school and Michael is surviving high school!" Jessica chuckles.

"I'm blessed.."

"Yes you are."

***

One week later.

Jessica and Michael were sitting down for dinner.

"Next week it'll be two years.." Michael says slowly moving his food around his plate with his fork.

"I know.."

"This time two years ago.. He was in pain.

He was in so much pain.."

"He was but you know what? He's not anymore.. It's hard.

It's so hard to think of him in that state, and for him not to be here, but.." Jessica takes a deep breath.

"Your daddy lived a wonderful life. He had four beautiful children.. He was successful, sweet, handsome.. The best husband any woman could ever ask for.. It's taken me a while to be able to say this, but a month of therapy has done more than you could imagine.

I now accept your father's death, and that's something I've never been able to do.

I find comfort in knowing that he's in heaven with our lord.. Watching over our every move.. He's still here, baby."

"That's true...

Mom, you seem so different."

"Good different I hope." Jessica giggles.

"Yeah! I'm so glad I walked in at that moment. Mom, I don't know what I'd do without you." Michael's eyes water.

Jessica holds his hand and smiles.

"Listen.. I promise you that I will never leave you.

I was sick and couldn't help having those thoughts. There will be hard times, but I know now that I can get through anything.. I have so much love and support.. I couldn't have done it without you guys."

Michael smiles and stands up to give her a hug.

"Oh my sweet boy." Jessica rubs his back.

***

Sam's two year anniversary.

Jessica woke up and faced Sam's side of the bed.

"Good morning, baby.

Two years ago today my heart broke in two..

I love you Samuel..

Thank you for helping through this past month.. It's been hard, but.. But I'm surviving.

Oh and guess what! I'm ready to have little Grayson back home! I've missed that little booger! It was hard, but it was necessary. I couldn't trust myself with him all alone while Michael was at school. It was for his own good and I hope you understand."

Jessica heard a noise and laughed.

"Is that a sign? Do you understand, honey?" She smiles and lays her hand softly on his side of the bed.

***

This week Jessica has been cleaning the house and getting things ready for Grayson to come back home.

"Hello?"

"Hey mom! I just wanted to call and tell you that I think it's time for Grayson to come back home."

"Awe! Really?"

"Yes. I've been working so hard and it's time!"Jessica smiles big.

"Well I'm proud of you baby. Awe, I'm gonna miss my little buddy! But I'm happy that you're okay."

"Thank you mom.. For everything."

"Anytime, Princess."

***

*On the way over to pick Grayson up.

"Hey bud.. Are you okay? Today's daddy's anniversary and I know that's gotta be tough on you."

*Sighs*

"I'm okay.. Grayson coming home makes things a little easier."

Jessica looks over and smiles at him, then softly places her hand on his.

"I love ya, kid."

"I love you too, mom." He smiles.

***

"Mama!" Grayson runs to her.

"Grayson!" Jessica picks him up.

She kisses his cheek and smiles, "Do you wanna come home with mommy?"

"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" He kicks his legs and playfully hits his hands on Jessica.

Jessica laughs and pats his thigh.

"Can you say thank you grandma and grandpa for watching me?"

Grayson laughs and hugs her.

"Mama!" He says in an excited tone.

"I think he's excited to go home." Alright chuckles.

"Heh! Right? Let's go home baby boy." She smiles and kisses his cheek.

***

Jessica was a little worried that Grayson would have some difficulties adjusting back to being home, but he was great. It was like he never left.

A few days later.

"Mikey mama?"

"Mikey is at basketball practice. Do you miss your brother?"

"Mhm!" He nods.

"Awe, well he'll be home soon."

"Mama, dada?"

Jessica takes a deep breath then smiles.

"You wanna watch dada?"

Grayson smiles and clasps his hands together as he sits up tall on the floor.

"Okay, mama will put a home movie on and you can sit in your playpen while I cook dinner. Sound good?"

Grayson smiles and nods his head.

"Good!" She giggles.

Jessica played a video of him and the boys and Grayson stood up with his eyes glued to the screen.

Jessica ran her hand over his head and kissed it.

She went to finish dinner, and shortly after Michael got home.

"Hey mom." He walks over and kisses her cheek.

"Hey baby, how was practice?"

"Good! We got a new coach! It's my friend Zachary's dad!  Mom, he's so cool!"

"Who's Zachary?"

"Mom, he's my friend!  I've told you about him before." Michael chuckles.

"I don't remember that.  Have you been hanging out with people I don't know?"

"Heh!  Mom, it's not a big deal."

"Okay, but I like to know all of your friends... Are you sure you told me?"

"I'm pretty sure."

"Hm.. Well I don't remember!

Anyway.. So you like your new coach?" She smiles.

"Yeah!  He's great!  What's for dinner?"

"Spaghetti and meatballs.  What time is your game in the morning?"

"Nine."

"I can't wait to see my little boy play!" Jessica smiles big.

"Oh goodness.."

"Ah!  Do you think I'll embarrass you?"

"No!" He laughs.

"What's Grayson doing?"

"He wanted your father, so he's watching home movies in the living room."

"Ah man.. Poor little guy.. *Sighs* Let me go talk to him."

"Hey Gray!" Michael smiles.

Grayson smiles and points to the tv.

"Dada!"

"Yeah!  Good boy!"

Michael kneels down and watches the tv. 

"You know, Gray.. Dad was a great man.  You two would have had so much fun together.  I'm sorry you never got to meet him.."

***

The next morning at Michael's game.

"Oh look at my baby!" Jessica says sitting next to Sarah.

"Jess, he's really good!" Evan tells her.

"Thank you!  I think so too!" She giggles.

Michael's team won and Jessica went down to talk to him.

"Mikey!" Grayson claps as Jessica holds him on her hip.

"Grayson!" Michael smiles.

"Oh baby, you did so well!  You were amazing!" Jessica hugs him tight.

"Thank you!  Oh mom!  I want you to meet my coach!"

"Okay." Jessica smiles and follows Michael.

"Hey coach!  This is my mom." He pats him on the back.

The man turns and smiles at Jessica.

"Oh, hello!"

"Hi.." Jessica smiles softly.

"I'm coach Huston.. Daniel.. I'm Daniel Huston." He holds his hand out and chuckles.

Jessica giggles and shakes his hand.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Jessica.. Jessica Shepard."