I'm trying so hard

I want to fall asleep

But I'm too tired to put my phone down

Mind numbed by the screen

But it was already numb to begin with

I'm trying to find something to do

Something to write

Something to read

Something to watch

Anything to keep me away from it

That friendly glint

That tempting relief

Relief from this apathy

Relief from this reality

I know it's twisted

I know it's wrong

But I just do it anyways

I try not to

But I always go back to it

That silver gleam of pain

Those tiny red lines

The little needles pricking me with shame

Keeping me up all night

It's right there

So close to me

Just under the bed

My only friend

Is it really my friend?

Or is that just how I want the world to see it?

Sometimes my wrists itch

And I'm afraid to scratch