That night I dreamed of death.

The darkness was all I could see, and my nose was burning from the scent of death that seemed to be everywhere. Screams echoed in my ears, some that seemed like Joseph, some that sounded like a mix of Charlie, Oliver, Greg, Lila and Josie's voices. I stumbled around, holding my hands out to feel the walls, slowly sinking into the frothing, sticky red liquid that poured throughout the streets as I blindly walked on.

"Help!" I screamed, panic churning inside of me as my cries went unnoticed. "HELP!" I screeched again as my head went under a wave. Then I was drowning, the metallic, acid tang of blood filling my mouth until I couldn't breathe...

I woke up with a sharp gasp.

The carriage was dark, and I glanced wildly around to see Oliver still curled on the floor below me and Josie on the cushioned bench on his left side. Moonlight filtered through the cracks of the large tarp draped across the carriage's roof, and I used it's light to squint to see Josie and Oliver's relaxed, sleeping expression, and I calmed down instantly.

Everyone is fine, I soothed myself, letting out a yawn. Just fine. I lay back down, trying to go to sleep, but ending up tossing and turning with restlessness, my dream still haunting me despite my positive thoughts. With a weary sigh I got up and crept outside the cabin, but not before my fingertips brushed Oliver's cheek, static electricity bolting through my entire body as he shifted, eyelids fluttering.

I stood frozen, watching him turn over before continuing to slumber. I let out a deep breath and then quickly left the carriage, not daring to linger over the thought if our interaction was purposeful or not. As I emerged out of the carriage I spotted Ken slumped over in the driver's seat, fast asleep, the horses neighing softly as dusk merged with dawn.

I sat at the edge of the wooded forest we had stopped at, my stomach growling with hunger. Yesterday had been a blur; after escaping the soldiers Ken had pushed the horses to canter for hours, only stopping for absolutely necessary stops, like bathroom breaks and short periods where the horses needed a drink.

Now we were about halfway to New York, (we would arrive late tonight) and my heart was racing at the thought of meeting the famous General Washington and fulfilling my mission to the Shadow Group. I was also dying to know what the secret weapon was that Fiona had put in the trunk of supplies. Oh how much I craved to open the box and just peek inside; the temptation was so strong that I often had to hide the trunk so I didn't open it in impulse.

But I kept my promise to Fiona; to stay true and loyal to the Shadow Group, and to not look at the secret weapon, but to just deliver it safely. But I couldn't help but wonder what might be so important that Fiona wouldn't even let one of her most trusted and loyal members (Lila) look at it?

I continued to wonder, my mind running loose with thoughts of my family and England and tonight when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Startled I stood up, and Oliver let out a small laugh. "Scared you, didn't I?" He smirked, and I giggled nervously, wiping my hands on my dress. "Haha yes." I said, and Oliver features softened.

"Listen Rose, I know it's not even completely morning yet, and I don't want to come off cheesy, but I have something I have to tell you." He said, taking my hands so that my heartbeat kicked up a thousand notches. I felt that buzzing electricity fill my insides again, and I tried my best not to seem nervous, but the way his eyes shone in the dawn light made my insides start to melt.

Oliver let out a sigh, dropping my hands and running his hands through his hair, an expression of gratitude and seriousness on his face. "Rose, what I want to tell you is that I can't thank you enough. When Josie was in trouble you put yourself first and risked your life to save her, and that means the entire world to me." He said, and I smiled, my hands twitching. I had the strangest urge to run my hands through his golden hair and throw up at the same time, so I swallowed, trying to control myself.

Luckily, instead of throwing up or damaging his hair I gave him a weak grin, aware of how much I was blushing. "Oliver, Josie is my best friend and like my sister. When I swore to her that I would always protect her when we were kids I meant it. I'd take a bullet for her." I said, and Oliver's eyes filled with tears, and to my slight fear but most excitement, the slightest bit of affection glimmered in them.

A silence fell over us, and Oliver wiped his tears away with his delicate fingers, quickly hiding his emotions, and to my disappointment his affection had now merged into a friendly gaze. "I don't want to wake Josie, but I think she's going too once we make breakfast.

Mind if you wake her up? I'll make with breakfast." He asked with a sly grin, and I laughed a little more nervously then I intended before rolling my eyes and slipping into the carriage, suppressing a shiver as Oliver's eyes lingered on my back.

Josie was fast asleep in the carriage, and as I gently shook her awake I couldn't help but feel guilty as her eyelids fluttered. "Good morning Josie!" I said, and Josie yawned and flashed me a smile, and that awful feeling of guilt filled my stomach like a good meal. I told myself that I was feeling guilty about waking her up, but I knew what I really was feeling bad for.

It had been less than three days I'd been in Josie's company, yet I had already put her and her fiance's life in danger, dragged her out of her home, forced her on an unwanted journey, and... began to fall for her fiance. Yes, I couldn't deny my feelings any longer. Even though I really had just met Oliver, I could already tell how deeply I cared for him, and it was killing me.

He was in love with Josie, and she was with him, and I needed to remember that. But something about how he respected me, took my opinions to heart, and cared for my wellbeing made me fall for him. And maybe the way he laughed, such a clear ringing sound, or how his hair glimmered in the sun, or how dangerous his smile was, or how he was dirt poor but handsome as ever...

Without thinking I shook my head to rid the thoughts and bonked it against the carriage, a white hot flash of pain burning the back of my scalp. "OW!" I screeched, and Josie rushed to me, just as Ken woke up and grumbled "what in Washington is going on?". "Are you okay Rose?" Josie asked, and I blinked back tears of pain.

"Yes, I just need to take a quick walk to clear my head." I said, which was the truth. If I was going to get through today I needed to be completely focused, and right now I was the farthest thing from that. "Okay Rose, I'll make breakfast for when you get back. But be back soon and be quick; if we're going to get to New York today we're going to have to hit the road as soon as possible." She said with a warm smile, and I nodded, guilt searing in my stomach.

I passed Oliver, who luckily was bent over collecting firewood and didn't see me. I couldn't face him right now; I was too busy caught up in my thoughts and needed a second to catch my breath. I ran into the nearby forest, my hand me down shoes digging into the squishy grass and face burning as the freezing wind turned my cheeks red and whipped my hair around.

I continued to run, letting my lungs heave until they felt like they were about to burst, and then stopped, taking long, deep breaths. I always felt better after running; it was like a reflex after racing Joseph and Josie around in the fields of Virginia when we were younger. The air around me was chilly and damp, and I sensed the first real snow on the way, a prick of worry settling my stomach.

Hopefully we'd get to New York by then I thought, thinking about what I'd do once we got there. I wanted to deliver the supplies to Washington the moment I got there, but Josie, Oliver, and Ken thought it was best to get a hotel and then deliver them. I reluctantly had agreed, since their ideas made more sense, but didn't mean I liked it.

All I wanted was too finish the mission and then return to Virginia, where Josie, Oliver and I could stay until the war was over and we could live normal lives again. I wanted a time where I could see my family freely without harm, and even though that seemed impossible, I was willing to hope. I mean if Josie and Oliver could wait until after the war, so could I. At the thought of Oliver my throat choked up, and my insides melted and thawed at the same time.

This morning had been risky; too risky. I'd almost let my emotions get the best of myself, and I shutter to think about what might happen if I'd lost control and did something stupid, like kissing him or really throwing up or running my hands through his hair. And then the guilt returned, strong and disgusting, so that I felt less than any other being.

I could control my emotions and love for Oliver; that I knew. After living with Charlie I had learned that you can control how you feel about that person, and can go from loving them to hating them in a matter of seconds, like I did that one night where I fell for him at Sophia's party, a night that seemed light years away. But I also learned from living with Charlie that a real man, one who really loved and respected you, was hard to come by.

And Josie knew it too.

That's why she loved Oliver, for the things he did and the amazing way he treated her; like an equal. And that's why they're engaged, I told myself firmly, pushing my emotions for Oliver away. I can control my emotions I can control my emotions. I can control my emotions. I said over and over in my mind, until it had set in that Oliver and I couldn't be together, that he loved Josie and not me, that he was engaged to Josie and not me.

But oh how I wish he was.

I pushed that stray thought down, scolding myself, and forcing the guilty feelings into my heart's small corner of dark elements, where it would stay as of now and forever, until I did something bad again or another stray feeling for Oliver threatened to overtake me.

Then I stood up and took a few deep breaths, pushing out all of my worry's and focusing on how great it would feel to finally get to New York and deliver the package and fulfill my job and mission as a member of the Shadow Group, and then forever being celebrated for my good work.

At the thought I smiled, letting my worry and guilt melt away until all traces were gone and all that remained was a hard determination too arrive and get the job done. Besides, I thought as I trudged back to our makeshift campsite (I was too tired to run) it's almost Christmas. I should be cheerful and grateful that I'm alive and well.

For the rest of the walk back and all through our breakfast of oatmeal and eggs (Ken grumbling about the bad quality all the way, Josie quiet as usual, Oliver chattering about politics and me occasionally answering him) I dreamt of old Christmas's in Virginia where we'd have large, extravagant meals and decorated the house with paper snowflakes, and all the games we'd play when the family would come over.

My mouth watered at the thought of my mother's cooking, and all that she made. We always ate a huge meal of fat turkey, stuffing, roasted chestnuts, pecans, squash, every type of pie you could think of, and sparkling glasses of champagne, wine, cider, and fresh squeezed citrus.

Suddenly I was taken back to when I was young, bustling around in my special red Christmas dress, squealing over candy canes and decorating the house berries, paper snowflakes, and sledding outside with Joseph, playing with the cousins and hugging my Mother and Father, singing along to all the songs they belted with love...

"Rose. Rose. ROSE!" Josie said, and I snapped out of my thoughts. "Sorry Josie, I was just thinking about how we used to spend Christmas together when we were young, since it is only a a week until then." I said, and Oliver smiled at me. "It must've been nice." He chided as he shoveled more oatmeal into his mouth, along with Ken, who rolled his eyes at my childish, giddy expression as I grinned at Josie and she grinned back, remembering all the fun things we did.

"It was wonderful. Christmas had always my favorite part of the year, until we moved to England and were forced to dress up and put ourselves on for Sophia and the royals so that we couldn't enjoy anything. Josie and I and both our families used to have so much fun." I said with a wistful sigh, and Josie nodded, but I noticed her lips pursed, and knew she was thinking about her parent's.

"Come on, we should get going." I said hastily, changing the subject, and Josie and Oliver nodded. We packed up our things and brought them into the carriage before settling in and then we were off, a trail of dust behind us.

The journey was luckily easy; Josie sewed most of the time (how that girl stuffed her sewing materials and all of our food and supplies in two baskets I would never know) while Oliver talked about politics and family as usual (my heart sparked every time he said something passionate in his Virginian accent I had lost), Ken grumbled and complained and I talked with everyone, my thoughts elsewhere.

We stopped a few times to eat and feed/water the horses but they were always quick, for the tension that hung in the air grew with every passing moment. All of us were anxious to get to New York for different reasons; Oliver to meet Washington and discuss antics, Josie to get the journey over with, Ken to go home, and me to fulfill my promise, learn what was going on, and then get away from the British-filled New York and do whatever the Shadow Group wanted me to do next.

I was curious as too what was happening outside of our little world we called the carriage; was my interaction with the hostages, Greg, and the soldiers all over newspapers? Did those sailormen on the ship recognize me from the flyers? The questions kept me wondering throughout our trip until we finally arrived at New York.

Arriving was emotional. I noticed tears in Josie and I's eyes as we drove through the backway of New York (the suburban area) and emerged into the city. It's an incredible thing, how far I'd come from being Eddie and Sophia's play thing and a victim of my father, I thought as we parked in an alley and Oliver pulled out the map of New York that Josie had packed. (Again Josie, how did you think of everything?).

I was no longer the little girl I once was; no, now I was a real woman and was proud of it.

"Okay everyone, Phillip back in Virginia said that Washington was currently gathering supplies and writing records with Hamilton on Rochester street, in one of the suites. All we have to do is drive through these back alleys until we get there, and then we can drop the supplies off, find a place to sleep for the night, and return to Virginia tomorrow." Oliver said, studying the map and snapping me out of my thoughts.

Josie nodded, drawing her cardigan closer around her, and I shivered in the cold night air, my head bobbing up and down. I was sort of disappointed; I wanted to stay in New York for a little longer, get to know Washington and some of the other idols of the revolution. But I knew it was best if I didn't; if anyone found out that the General's to be ex-wife (well, ex to me) was in the British-infested New York everyone would go crazy.

We continued to drive, weaving between the alley's and covering me and Oliver in blankets whenever we heard British voices (we didn't want to be seen or recognized and blow our cover) until we finally arrived at the hotel he was staying at. I could tell it was in the richer part of New York, and as we parked on the street I shivered too think of meeting the famous General Washington for the first time.

But it wasn't a dream; it was happening, and in a twilight state we all climbed out of the carriage, my hands clammy on the handle of the trunk of supplies. Before we went in Ken made an executive decision to stay with the horses until we came out. We told him to stay safe and then stepped on the doorstep and knocked on the door of the hotel, my heartbeat so wild I could practically hear it thumping against my chest.

We were answered by a man with a mustache and a suspicious expression on his face. "Who are you?" He asked with a sneer, and I bowed me head, and the others let me talk. "We are from the Shadow Group, hear to deliver some much needed supplies to the colonies." I said politely, and the man snorted.

"How do I know that?" He asked, and frustrated I held up the trunk for him to see. "Fiona, satin dress." I said, and his expression changed to one of delight at my words, while my friend's turned to confusion. "Come in! Come in!" The now joyous man said, and we walked inside, my mouth dropped open.

The inside of the hotel was gorgeous; with it's shiny wooden walls and paintings and candelabras that gave off a rosy glow it felt like a cozier/safer/all the more better version of Eddie's manor. "This way, this way!" The man said, and I let him lead us up a flight of stairs in the back and through a plush carpeted hallway until we arrived at a door with the word's Washington on the door.

"I'll come with you," the man said, and I nodded, my throat suddenly dry. This is what I'd been waiting for, yet I was scared to open the door. I glanced back and saw Oliver (my heart squeezed at his hazel eyes) and Josie's confident faces and felt my courage return.

With one last deep breath I tightened my grip on the handle of the trunk of supplies and opened the door.