It was the most important day of all of their lives. Well, second most important for Megan, after the day that she had listened to 5 Seconds Of Summer for the first time, but she put that aside today in favour of the second most important day of her life, which was, of course, the day of the performance of The Fault In Our Stars: The Musical, which totally hadn't been crammed into third and fourth period on a Wednesday in order to get it done before Megan, Frank, Mr Way, and several other less important people (including Michael) fucked off to France for a week on strictly educational business.

Needless to say, no one was really adequately prepared for this thing at all, but they were doing it and they had to do it now, so fuck it - as Brendon had said earlier. All in all, Ryan was just pleased that he'd gotten out of Geography, even having briefly skimmed over the script, which was largely questionable in all manners of the word, but Ryan had been kind of stoned at the time and had found it quite challenging to actually give a fuck.

Megan, however, had read through the script in the past few days which they had been given to learn it and had come to seriously consider asking Mr Urie if he was mentally okay, and also perhaps to mention the kiss scene he'd written between Augustus and Isaac to Ryan, because from the way he was sat in the corner on his phone, he looked so at peace that it was definite that he had no idea as to its existence.

Perhaps Megan should've run it over with Michael as well, who'd managed to lose his script and was freaking out slightly in the corner, but well, Megan and Michael hadn't had the best of past few days, which may or may not have had something to do with Ryan pointing and screaming 'Zodiac Killer' at Michael everytime he walked past them.

Megan's one real weakness was her natural tendency to trust Ryan Ross, which was absolutely the one thing that nobody should ever do, of course, but as the days had passed by and Ryan had continued to insist that Michael was the Zodiac Killer, Megan had begun to believe it.

Last night she'd gone home and googled the Zodiac Killer, because in all honestly, she really didn't have a fucking clue who this guy was, and well she'd brought up his wikipedia page and that really looked very overly complicated, so she got text to speech to read her the first paragraph, and from that she gathered that the Zodiac Killer was an uncaught, anonymous serial killer who had murdered a lot of people, and really, even Megan could gather that that didn't sound good.

She thought to ask Michael about it, you know, talk it through, and get him to admit it to her or just explain that Ryan was being an idiot and lying to her, but the thing was that Megan just couldn't shake the feeling that if she did ask Michael if he was the Zodiac Killer and he was, then he wouldn't let her suspect that he was and would readily kill her instead, and Megan absolutely was not ready to die - Michael Clifford was yet to follow her on twitter, Frank and Mr Way still weren't 'officially' together, and of course, she had Guinea Jahmed to look after, so she had to conclude that she most certainly could not ask Michael about this one.

And it was just that as she looked at Michael's profile picture and the Zodiac Killer sketch side by side on her screen for four hours, she slowly found herself seeing the similarities, and Ryan really did have a point, and then, holy shit, her boyfriend, Michael Smith, was the Zodiac Killer.

So seeing as Megan was convinced he was a notorious serial killer, their relationship wasn't exactly going spectacularly, and she found herself rather concerned for own and well, Ryan's safety, because the thing was that Michael seemed to like her a lot, like he was prepared to listen to her talk for hours on end, and it was highly likely that he was the only person on the planet who possessed that capability, however, it was pretty clear by now that Michael absolutely did not like Ryan at all, and Megan found herself somewhat concerned that he might be wanting to murder Ryan.

This was also something she probably should warn Ryan about, but due to Michael standing so close by in the Geography classroom they had hijacked and declared as 'backstage', she couldn't for fear of him overhearing and deciding that he'd have to kill the both of them, and well, Megan really did not want to die.

She was wondering if Michael would even do it on stage and reveal his true identity by stabbing Ryan through the chest, which would be really bad because if Ryan was dead then Megan would have to sit on her own in art again, which really fucking sucked, and really she was rather glad that Mr Way had just kind of adopted Ryan into their class without much discussion, or at least just let him hang around in the corner, because he technically did have a grade for this class so he might as well go to it. Also there was that Ryan was her best friend and naturally it would be bad if he died because she really liked him and everything.

Really, if Michael was actually going to do it - stab Ryan in the play, which looked more and more likely as time went on, seeing as he seemed to know his lines despite having lost the script, which meant it was a lie, which meant that he was pretending not to know what was going on to hide his true intentions of stabbing Ryan during the really awkward kiss scene between Isaac and Augustus where Isaac was holding a knife because Augustus had walked into his kitchen when he stood there about to kill himself - it was all a bit over dramatic, really, but it seemed that just faking it wasn't good enough for Michael Smith, also known as... The Zodiac Killer.

And Megan couldn't just tell Ryan about all of this, because he was terrible about being discreet and would likely freak out about the threat on his life, because well, who wouldn't? So it was then that Megan realised that she was going to have to take this into her own hands; she was going to discreetly have to stop the play before they reached that really awkward and unnecessary kiss scene.

She sat down and began to brainstorm ideas in the notes section of her phone, thinking maybe she could start a fire or something, but really, Ryan was the one with all the ideas about fucking up school events and getting everyone to evacuate the premises, and this really wasn't Megan's area of expertise, but she could only hoped that she'd learned enough from hanging around Ryan in order to save her friend.

As Megan was frantically writing notes into her phone, the door opened and Mr Urie walked in, pushing a trolley like a tea lady or something, which was really rather questionable, but once he actually pulled the tablecloth covering the trolley away, it all became clear, as Mr Urie, director and headteacher, had just pushed a trolley of alcohol into a geography classroom/backstage area full of fifteen to eighteen year olds, you know, as you do.

"Uhh..." The Zodiac Killer (Michael, if that wasn't already obvious, well, we can't all have the deductive skills of Megan Clifford) looked up from where he was stood, holding his copy of the script, and looked over the trolley full of alcohol in disbelief. "What?"

"Getting drunk is very good for nerves." Mr Urie concluded and closed the door behind him, before leaving the trolley unattended and making his way across the room to Ryan. Megan suddenly had a horrible thought that this might be the last conversation Brendon and Ryan had if she didn't stop the Zodiac Killer from stabbing Ryan in the middle of the play, which was something she had to do with even more urgency than before.

"Are you feeling alright?" Brendon asked, taking a seat next to Ryan. Megan watched from afar, and noticed how the Zodiac Killer seemed to be listening in too, and all in all, it was so very suspicious that she'd be stupid not to suspect him even if she didn't know about who he really was.

But of course Michael was the Zodiac Killer, people didn't get that tall naturally; he'd gotten that tall from standing and waiting in people's closets to come out and murder them - it all made sense now. It then occurred to Megan that she was dating a serial killer; she also made a note to dump him after she managed to stop the play, but to let him down as gently as possible as not to anger him, before then making sure that she and Ryan never saw him again - she could probably get Ryan to convince Mr Urie to expel him for some reason, or maybe they could just go and vandalise the school and blame it on him or something, as that had worked before. Megan considered getting rid of Muddy this way, but with the Zodiac Killer in the room, Muddy Warter looked like an angel... a really ugly, horrific, bitch of an angel, but an angel nonetheless.

And at least Muddy didn't murder people. There was also the fact that Muddy's existence was just generally amusing, especially since Megan had learned that Muddy wanted to be a professional makeup artist, and honestly she hadn't stopped laughing since- well, she had, as she'd just realised that the Zodiac Killer was trying to kill her best friend and to laugh at that would be really very disrespectful.

Ryan gave a nod in response to Mr Urie. "Yeah, I'm fine." He supplied before moving as close to Brendon as he could without getting him fired, however, considering how little anyone really cared around here, he could probably go and sit on his dick right now.

"Learned your lines?" Brendon continued to ask; he himself had memorised the entirety of the script and considered it a personal masterpiece, although, he reckoned as soon as he finished Pewdiepie: The Musical, which was his next big idea, it would be equally as good, if not better than The Fault In Our Stars: The Musical. But seriously, he'd spent more time on it than he'd spent on anything ever, apart from sucking Ryan's dick, or like, sleeping, maybe.

"Yeah." Ryan nodded, lying through his fucking teeth, because he'd read about four paragraphs of the script, and everyone fucking knew that. Maybe they should have done a full run through before actually performing it live, but really there was kind of a shortage of time before like half the cast fucked off to France, and when Mr Urie had casually mentioned moving the trip forward a couple of weeks, Mr Way had looked at him like he'd killed his entire family and sucked Frank's dick right before his very eyes, so therefore, they were really on that genuine feeling you get when you go through a script for the first time, and get genuinely surprised by all the plot twists because you actually have no idea what the fuck is going on. "I'm ready."

"Do you think it's going to be good?" Brendon asked, looking like he genuinely gave a shit for once in his life, which in all honesty, was as concerning as the fact that the Zodiac Killer appeared to be not very discreetly listening in to their conversation at that very moment.

"I think it's going to be... uhh... great." Ryan did his best to assure his boyfriend that he totally had actually read through the script he'd spent several days on even once.

Megan noticed how the Zodiac Killer seemed to be moving in closer to them, and really, she had to take one for the team and distract her boyfriend before he used Ryan and Brendon's conversation as assistance in his murder of Ryan.

"Hey, Michael!" She rushed across the room and grabbed Michael by the arm and pulled him far away from Ryan.

"Hey Megan." He looked at her rather oddly, and Megan could only hope that that wasn't a murderous look, but really she did have to risk it for Ryan here. "What's up?"

"Uhh... nothing Michael, it's just good look and all of that, and just... give Bren- Mr Urie and Ryan some alone time, because they kind of... uhh..." Megan struggled to think of a viable excuse. "Ryan's rabbit's just died and he's really upset about it so Mr Urie's comforting him."

"Oh okay," The Zodiac Killer nodded as Megan pulled out her phone and quickly texted Ryan: 'If anyone asks about your rabbit dying just go along with it ok.'. "I didn't know Ryan had a rabbit."

"Well he doesn't anymore now that it's dead, does he? God, Michael don't be so fucking disrespectful!" Megan shook her head at him, using that opportunity to run and busy herself in conversation with the nearest available person, which of course, just happened to be Emilie Sodden.

And when it came to talking to Emilie, Megan wondered if she would actually rather the Zodiac Killer came and stabbed her instead.

-

The stage is set, everything is ready: Brendon literally believing that this was the very moment his entire life had been leading up to, and the absolutely wonderful goals as fuck cast of The Fault In Our Stars slightly regretting joining up as they sat backstage, as they slowly realised that they would have to actually act out the atrocity that was The Fault In Our Stars: The Musical. And, Megan, of course, was continuing to brainstorm ideas as to how to shut this whole thing the fuck down, but she had her heart in the right place in doing so, so for that she was slightly forgiven.

The audience, composed entirely of rather pissed off looking teachers, and students who were only glad to be out of their classes but in all honesty horrified at the prospect of actually witnessing this trainwreck of a play, watched the stage 'eagerly' until the darkness finally parted with a spotlight directed upon the center of the stage, and everyone's favourite trainwreck of a teacher, Mr Urie, walked out.

He waved out at the crowd as he did so, and gained the least enthusiastic applause known to mankind, but he wasn't fussed, because in his mind the play they were about to witness was literally akin to the works of Shakespeare, so they could all go and fuck themselves if they wanted to sit there like the only purpose it served to them was getting them out of geography.

"So..." Brendon paused and stood still in the middle of the stage. "Are we ready to hear the tragic, beautiful, and all around, life changing tale that is... The Fault In Our Stars: The Musical?" There was very unenthusiastic applause and some kid from the back shouted out a 'no', but it was okay because Mr Urie had already memorised his face and the first thing he was doing when the play finished was expelling that motherfucker, along with everyone else that dissed his masterpiece, of course. After you spent a week of life working on a play script based on a John Green book you did kind of lose all chill, so his actions were moderately understandable at least.

"Well... once upon a time, in a land, far, far away, there is a girl." Brendon turned and stood there awkwardly for a moment before the kid he'd roped into doing the lights stopped sexting his girlfriend again and turned on another light: highlighting the figure of Megan Clifford as she walked out onto the stage to the right of Mr Urie.

Megan looked a little flustered, and in all honesty she had been in the middle of plotting how to set fire to the school discreetly before she'd been pulled out onto the stage approximately six seconds ago, so it was at least somewhat understandable. And really, for once, the only person who actually knew what he was doing was Mr Urie.

"Her name," Brendon continued again, gesturing rather dramatically to Megan as he spoke, "is Hazel Grace Lancaster. She is sixteen years of age. Legal of age in the UK, however unfortunately this is New Jersey, so it looks like you're not getting laid tonight, Miss Lancaster, as we are all, of course, law abiding citizens especially when it comes to the age of consent, aren't we?"

Megan took a moment to wonder just why the fuck he'd written shade directed at himself into the script, but, no, of course he was looking at shady Graham from geography, who was like a confirmed pedophile, and a shit geography teacher really, but then again, it was kind of hypocritical for Mr Urie to fire him on both counts, and also he couldn't be bothered.

"Now our Hazel Grace," Mr Urie continued after recovering from the worst response given to a joke ever, as half of the audience were half asleep by now, "let's call her Hazy G for short, you know, Hazel Grace, that's too long, we've got shi- stuff to do, places to be, a heart wrenching, beautiful tragic story to tell." Megan looked visibly uncomfortable after being referred to as 'Hazy G', but honestly who could blame her? "Anyway, our Hazy G, she's not just any old sixteen year old white female cis straight protagonist, is she? She's unfortunately very ill with cancer. Poor Hazy G, am I right guys? Anyway, let's see her story." And with that, and the first form of laughter from the crowd, Mr Urie stepped off the stage, and Megan stepped really fucking awkwardly to the center as she remembered just what the fuck she was going to have to do now. Honestly the only reason she didn't wholeheartedly regret getting the role of Hazel was that it pissed Muddy off on a daily basis.

The thing a large number of the cast and audience had forgotten was that this was a musical, and well, Megan really hadn't forgotten that as she stood in the middle of the stage, ready to sing the absolute masterpiece of a song written by Mr Urie - This Is Cancer.

https://youtu.be/9bRUANTkxog

As the song finished, Megan sat down on a bed that was very discreetly and casually pushed onto the stage and totally didn't' have one kid screaming out several curse words because someone else stood on them as they pushed it out. Where they got a bed from you may ask, well, Ryan really is very resourceful in last minute panic circumstances, like about two hours ago when Brendon realised they didn't have a bed and they'd have to use chairs or something and that would look shit, so Ryan, being the wonderful boyfriend he is, went and stole one from the local furniture store, and found that stealing a bed was actually easier than expected; he simply took a flat packed one and put it in a trolley under his coat, and pushed the trolley through check out, buying some random shit like, a $10 lamp or something that he could throw at Michael when he got bored, and then just running off with the flat packed bed, which they then assembled in the geography room with much difficulty, but they got there in the end, and now the school just had a random bed in a geography room, so there was that.

As Megan sat there, the opposite end of the stage was illuminated, and everyone's actual favourite person in the world, Muddy Warter, appeared and walked over to Megan. People actually fucking booed at Muddy, like she wasn't even the villain or anything - who she was was yet to be established, but still there was booing and it was honestly the greatest moment of Megan's life.

There was also the moment about six seconds ago where she finally figured out how she was going to stop this all and save Ryan's life - that was pretty great too, but you know? Muddy really is shit.

"Hazel, you should really get out more." Muddy said in the absolutely most exciting tone of voice known to man: full of expression, and passion, and the power to change the world with solely her voice alone, and made it very very discreet that she was actually just reading this shit off the screen behind the audience where the entire script was projected. "I mean like, you're sixteen, you have no friends, and like I know you got cancer and all that but it's a bit depressing, like no offense, but like... I have a point, don't I?"

Megan found that there was something endlessly amusing in absolute pathetic nature of being insulted by Muddy in such a monotone voice, and it was coming up to be the third greatest moment of her life, maybe not, since impulse buying Guinea Jahmed was pretty high on her list, let's be real.

"You don't understand me, mom!" Megan stood up, practically yelling at Muddy, but regretting wholeheartedly that she'd ever let herself be put in a position where she was calling Muddy Warter mom, but it was just one of the sacrifices she had made for the art of theatre. "I don't need friends when I have my mutuals on tumblr dot com. These guys would defend me after I get hate for telling superwholocks to go kill themselves, would you do that, mom, would you?" In a weird way, Megan did find that she could relate to the character of Hazel, or 'Hazy G', as Mr Urie had made the fatal mistake of referring to her as.

"Hazel, honey..." Muddy seemed to physically choke at the prospect of calling Megan 'honey', and Megan was beginning to wonder if Mr Urie had written this entire script specifically to cause drama, because in all honesty that seemed like something he'd do. "I don't think you really should be telling anyone to kill themself-"

"Oh my god!" Megan turned to audience and screamed. "Are you saying that because I have cancer? Because, oh my god, mom, you're so problematic like literally go check your fu- f... goddamn privilege, like you have non-cancer privilege, like go kill yourself, mom." Okay, now that was the highlight of Megan's life.

"Hazel, h-..." Muddy lowered her voice significantly, "h-honey... you see, this is what I mean about you getting out more-"

Megan began to speak her lines with the passion of a professional: truly channeling the spirit of Hazy G to absolutely perfect what little of the play they'd be able to act out before the Zodiac Killer got a chance to attempt to murder Ryan.

"How about you kill yourself, mom? See what it feels like to be dead inside! See what it feels like to be broken like me." Megan let out a sigh and wiped a tear from her eye; all she had to do to cry on queue was just think about Michael Clifford. "You're not here for me, no one is. Only zaynismydaddy420 on tumblr understands my problems and they live all the way in Brazil, so like, look at you, check your real life friends privilege!" Megan looked at Muddy with true hatred, and really at this moment she didn't have to act at all. "You get to meet up with Susan and Mary for coffee every Saturday, don't you? But no. I have never once met zaynismydaddy420 in real life, and likely I never will, because I have cancer and I'm going to die. So check your fucking privilege, mom."

Maybe Megan shouldn't have said 'fucking' in a school production in front of an audience, but maybe Mr Urie shouldn't have written it into the script, because it was right there up on the screen and Megan had zero fucks to give whatsoever.

"Hazel, honey, that's what I'm saying..." Muddy looked vaguely suicidal as she continued to read lines off the screen, and it was honestly a beautiful sight in Megan's opinion - if only the Zodiac Killer could be plotting her murder instead of Ryan's. "I want you to meet more teens like you, so I've signed you up for a teens with cancer support group and so you can go and meet some real life friends, because honestly Hazel, do you know this Zayn Daddy four hundred and twenty in real life? No you don't honey, and he could be a pedophile for all you know-"

"Oh my fucking god." Megan looked up at the screen and smiled: damn, Mr Urie, back at it again with the inappropriate language in the script for The Fault In Our Stars The Musical. "Mom, zaynismydaddy420 uses zayn/zaynself pronouns and you're literally being so fucking problematic by misgendering zayn and don't say they're not real because zaynismydaddy420 is literally the only reason I haven't killed myself yet and that's really triggering to me, mom, like if you were a good mom, you'd know not to do that. And I'm not saying you are a bad mom, it's just that, you should know not to trigger me."

Muddy looked even more suicidal, and well, who could blame her, but like also, it was getting close to be declared a national holiday on that basis alone. "I'm not trying to 'trigger' you, honey, I'm just saying that whether you like it or not, you're getting out and off that goddamn laptop, and you're going to a teens with cancer support group to make some friends."

"Oh my god mom, haven't you ever heard of checking your goddamn privilege?"

Megan walked to the center of the stage as the lights dimmed slightly she prepared herself to fill out her lifelong dream and goal of singing a duet with Muddy Warter - everyone's favourite singing superstar.

https://youtu.be/UWG7s1zgd_I

As the wonderful masterpiece of a song came to an end, and Brendon sat contently backstage: already certain that it would win a grammy, Muddy thankfully left the stage, and took people's applause as positive recognition of her performance, whereas in fact, everyone was just applauding the fact that they didn't have to look at her anymore, and Megan had honestly never found anything to be so relatable.

"I am literally so triggered right now." Megan announced, relating to Hazel more than ever before as the stage was illuminated to reveal a very messy and half assed set change to the cancer support group, which consisted of a sign that said 'Cancer Saport Group' and about six chairs that had been pulled away from people backstage and thrown onto the stage.

She watched with disgust as everyone's favourite annoying, excessively short, whiny ginger, Emilie Sodden, walked out onto the stage, wearing honestly god knows what, but basically, after failing to get the part of Hazel, she'd been allocated the part of the sun, which to everyone's relief was a non-speaking part. Emilie had spent several hours crying about it though, which was kind of annoying to anyone unfortunate enough to be in her general vicinity.

"I hate the sun. So triggered." Megan shook her head in disbelief, and with the passion and emotion of a Larrie making a babygate rant post, put her middle finger up at Emilie (the sun).

Emilie then walked off the stage as that was her part in the play over - thank god. As Emilie left, Megan took a seat in one of the chairs and waited awkwardly for a few moments until people backstage remembered to pay attention to what was actually happening, and Ryan, The Zodiac Killer, and everyone's unproblematic fave - the guy with green hair who seemed to be present somehow in all of Frank's classes - walked out onto stage.

Megan shuddered as The Zodiac Killer stood beside Ryan - thankfully he wouldn't have a chance to attempt any form of murder in this scene as it wasn't until a few scenes later that he came into contact with the knife, you know, the really awkward and vaguely offensive suicide attempt scene with lots of gay dialogue between Augustus and Isaac, which made Megan question her entire existence each time she remembered the existence of. Thankfully, Ryan came and sat beside her and The Zodiac Killer was left awkwardly on his own, so Ryan was safe for this scene.

The green hair guy, who did actually have a name, but Megan didn't actually care enough to learn it so she decided to name him herself, and from this point onwards, green hair guy was called Michael, as Michael Clifford once had green hair, and also it was Megan, so like, what the fuck else was she going to call him? Gavin after Gavin Smith from the Smiths? Perhaps. But it was the hair that really brought her to a final decision. Anyway, Michael, not Michael Clifford, not Michael Smith, not Archangel Michael from the New Testament of the Bible, who lead God's armies against Satan's forces in the Book of Revelation, where during the war in heaven, he defeats Satan, but 'Michael' with the green hair, began to address Megan, "Hello, welcome to our Cancer Support Group. I can assume that you're Hazel Grace, can't I, young lady?"

Megan let out a deep sigh of oppression and continued to look morbidly offended, and honestly it wasn't hard seeing as she'd seen Muddy just a few minutes ago. "Oh my god, you should never assume anyone's name, gender, or pronouns, like- what if I'm not a young lady? What would you do then? You'd look like an asshole for misgendering me, wouldn't you? Goddamn, you literally stain on the floor of life!"

'Michael' with the green hair looked so naturally horrified that he didn't even have to attempt to act to execute his part perfectly. "But... you are... Hazel Grace... and a young lady?"

"Yes!" Megan stood up, nearly elbowing Ryan in the face as she did so, which was kind of convenient, seeing as he was about three seconds away from falling asleep and that would have been a bit awkward. "But that's beside the fucking point, I have cancer, check your privilege."

"Hazel," 'Michael' let out a deep sigh (almost as deep as all the life changing metaphors in the original The Fault In Our Stars book), "everyone in this support group has cancer."

"Yeah..." Megan trailed off, absolutely nailing the part of Hazel here, like she was fucking killing this, like maybe she should drop art and take drama instead or something, who knows? "But you're a man!" She pointed violently at 'Michael' and spat the word 'man' with disgust, "you have male privilege so suck on that."

The Zodiac Killer looked up, looking oddly suicidal for a mass murder as he began speak with just marginally more enthusiasm than Muddy, but really, The Zodiac Killer was kind of fucked because he naturally had a really monotonous voice, but no one actually gave a fuck. "Ah, but how could you assume that? You should never assume anyone's gender or pronouns. Like what would you do then? You'd look like an asshole for misgendering them, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," Megan let out a defeated sigh, "but that's besides the point! You would say that, you're a cis white hetero male, as well."

The Zodiac Killer began to speak with the most pained expression ever known to man, "ah yes, me, Isaac, your friendly neighbourhood heterosexual." As Megan sat down, Ryan gave The Zodiac Killer a wink, and no one really knew whether that was in the script or not, but then again, no one really cared.

"So," Ryan got up, walking out of the circle of chairs and right to the center of the stage, because he needed all the attention possible, "I'm Augustus. I'm seventeen, I'm a cis white boy, I use he/him pronouns, and I have this prosthetic leg," Ryan paused and rolled up the leg of his skinny jeans (with great difficulty) to reveal a sticky note with the word 'prosthetic' on it stuck to his leg. "It had to get amputated, due to my cancer!" Ryan turned back to Megan and glared, "but I'm doing okay, how about you, Hazel Grace?"

"I'm Hazel Grace Lancaster," Megan stepped away from The Zodiac Killer and stood at the front of stage besides Ryan, "I am of the female gender, and I use she/her pronouns, but I don't mind they/them, and I have cancer, and it's really bad, and I'm like dying, and that, oh, and I love Zayn Malik."

The Zodiac Killer stood up, his face growing more homicidal than suicidal, and Megan found herself eternally grateful for the fact that after this line he'd be walking off the stage. "I'm Isaac, and I'm like, really straight, and I'm a boy, and I've also got that goddamn cancer."

The lights dimmed and Megan and Ryan continued to stand awkwardly at the front of stage as 'Michael' and The Zodiac Killer hurried off the stage and dragged the chairs with them.

After a really awkward minute, the lights fixated upon Megan and Ryan, and Ryan pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket that totally was a prop and not actually his, "Ah, oh, Hazel, look at my cigarettes, I'm so pretentious, like look at me with my fringe and my cigarettes, like I could totally be in the Arctic Monkeys, couldn't I?"

Megan glared at him with the hatred of a Larrie looking at a picture of Briana Jungwirth. "Oh my god," she turned away from Ryan in spite. "How could you smoke when people are dying of lung cancer, that's literally the most problematic thing I have seen today and I have had a conversation with my mother, so believe me, that means something."

Ryan pulled Megan back to face him, "Hazel, fucking chill it's okay, I've already got cancer, it's fine."

"Oh," Megan gave a nod, "okay."

"Okay." Ryan gave an awkward nod as he continued to hold the packet of cigarettes.

Megan suddenly let out a scream, causing several people to jump, and one kid have a panic attack in the back row of the audience, "oh my god, this is romantic!"

Ryan let out a sigh of true disbelief, "it's not romantic, it's a metaphor, oh my god, Hazel, don't be stupid, it's not like I actually light them, I just hold them around and look like an idiot, because it's a metaphor, and it gives you the killing thing some power to do a thing but not really, and generally it made a thirty eight year old man jizz in his pants when he first thought of it."

"Don't call me stupid," Megan trailed off: channeling the oppression felt by Hazel like no one else could possibly do, "that's ableist."

"Hazel, call me stupid, because I don't even know what that means." Ryan let out a laugh, and took a cigarette out of the packet, before putting the rest in his pocket, and just held the single cigarette unlit in his hands in true Augustus fashion.

"Oh my god, Augustus, you like being called stupid?" Megan looked at him in disgust. "I'm kinkshaming you, oh my god, I-"

"Kinkshame me, Hazel, fucking do it, I dare you." And with that, Megan put her middle finger up at him (as if he was the sun) and stormed off the stage.

Ryan waved awkwardly at the audience as she left, before gazing after her and letting out a sob, "Hazy G, no, I didn't mean it! Come back to me my obligatory heterosexual love interest!" Ryan ran off the stage after her.

The lights faded and The Zodiac Killer walked back out onto the stage alone, and Megan waited backstage, as it was in this stage that it was her time to shine, well, stop the show and save Ryan's life, probably.

The Zodiac Killer stood to face the audience, now wearing a pair of sunglasses that Mr Urie had taken confiscated from a fifteen year old about thirty five minutes ago, coincidentally, of course. "I'm so depressed." He let out a sigh, and finally, it seemed that his excessively monotonous tone of voice was actually good for something. "I'm blind." He inhaled deeply, "literally blind, like, I can't see."

He turned back to glance at where Megan had exited from, "check your sighted privilege, Hazy G, how about that?" The Zodiac Killer began to walk up and down the stage as he spoke, "and that's not the only reason why I'm so depressed, you know? My life is comprised entirely of misery and disappoint, and now I can't even see it, I just..." He paused and turned to the audience, "don't tell anyone, but I'm in love with Augustus. Like really in love with Augustus, and I'm so fucking depressed because of that Hazel Grace, walking up and stealing my man, like where is her right? Check your love interest privilege, Hoezel Grace." This was of course all made better by the monotonous tone of voice it was said in. "And now, that I'm blind, I can't even stare at Augustus' ass when I'm feeling depressed, so I literally don't know what to do with myself."

The Zodiac Killer continued to pace up and down for a moment, before turning back to the audience, "I know, I'll kill myself. Perfect." He paused for a moment, before pulling a massive butcher's knife from literally out of nowhere. "Goodbye, cruel world." The Zodiac Killer held the knife up to his chest, when suddenly Ryan rushed out onto the stage, and Megan proceeded to hold her breath and ready herself backstage.

It's also important to clarify that the knife The Zodiac Killer was holding was a real, actual, fully sharpened knife, because who the fuck has time for health and safety at Bertfield, like honestly?

"No!" Ryan screamed at The Zodiac Killer as he rushed to the front of the stage. "You can't kill yourself, Isaac!"

"Why not?" The Zodiac Killer turned to face him, still holding the knife towards his chest. "You don't care about me, no one does, and I'm blind, and now fucking Hazel is here, and I-"

"I don't fucking like Hazel!" Ryan screamed at The Zodiac Killer, "she's a whiny bitch, come here, Isaac, you belong in my heart."

"I belong in your heart?" The Zodiac Killer asked: still holding the knife as Ryan stepped closer.

"Yes, Isaac, I... I-... I lo-"

Suddenly, the hall door burst open with a cry of, "this is the bomb disposal unit! Everyone evacuate the building now!"

Megan grinned and grabbed Ryan by the wrist: safely out of the way of The Zodiac Killer and the non-existent bomb that threatened the building. It was okay, because she'd called from Muddy's phone so if there were any consequences to the fact that there was no threat, Muddy would get into trouble for it and not her.

And really, the only downside to this all was that Isaac would never hear Augustus tell him that he loved him - a tragic, yet beautiful end to a tragic, yet beautiful, wait mainly just tragic story.

-

honestly i just really don't like putting song lyrics in chapters and i have no chill

many thanks to isolationbel for being an absolute lad go read their shit listen 2 their tunes stan their life etc

go subscribe to the official a revolution on canvas youtube channel haha ahaha why is this me at midnight on a wednesday maybe well do another music who KNOWSSS

i don't care if u liked it or not i made two lyric videos for this chapter u better fucking vote and comment

love u guys

goddamn those multimedia possibilities really are endless aren't they