"Are you going?" He asked, a newfound anger laced his voice.

I looked up, from where I was sitting. He was gazing at the starlit skyline of the blinking city. A crease had settled between his brows. And I was mirroring the same expression.

"Do I have a choice? If I had, I wouldn't even think twice before deciding not to go." I spat with as much venom as I could muster up.

He sighed, and tossed the letter in the table.

The university had sent an official letter yesterday. All of us were supposed to gather next week at the university. It was compulsory.

    Once mother had given us the letters, we had looked at each other, baffled.

Then I ripped it open with shaking fingers. This letter was opening up wounds which I never wanted to even remember. The university emblem, seal and the content brought back a shelf of memories. Memories which I had cherished more than my life in a certain time. Memories which had motivated me to thank Allah more, for blessing me with them. Such were those memories.

But with one moment, all of them had crashed down in one single swipe. The storm had come and destroyed everything even before I had realized it. One blow, that's all it took to embed a thorn deep in my heart. A thorn, which still was buried deep down my heart. And now, it resurfaced again. I just didn't know if it would be pulled out, or if it would dig deeper, suffocating me. I pleaded Allah, to make it bearable this time.

From that day onwards, we both had avoided each other. I treated him like a wall. He treated me like I was invisible. We seldom talked. Either for work or to get things done.

And after much tension, the day arrived. The day where we didn't know if each of us would be even alive at the end of  it.

***

"Look,  lets ignore each other. Nobody except Shahid knows that we are married, right?" He said breaking the silence, that had taken over, since the beginning of the ride.

"Sure." I said blankly.

I was trying so hard to occupy my mind with something else. Forgetting the dread, that brew up in my heart. The dread of visiting that place again. So I turned on the small TV in front. I watched a cartoon. The SUV we had bought had so many new gadgets and facilities. I continued watching it, in hopes of distracting myself. It did help a bit. Then I changed it and played an Islamic video.

My mind still wandered off to the day when we had gone to buy the SUV. After much consideration and contemplation we had decided to buy the Range Rovers. Ayra and Khalid had been disappointed, because we had put down both of their choices. But they did admit that this was way better.

Since we both agreed on blue, we had bought a dark night one. It had a sleek, shiny surface. We both loved the SUV. I had not driven much lately after the marriage, But we took turns driving now.

My thoughts all vanished out of my mind, when I saw the entrance of the university compound.

He was going to turn to the parking lot, when I stopped him.

"No. I'll get down, here. We don't want them seeing us together. I go first."

And without letting him stop me, I got out and went off in the direction of the entrance.

I walked in, noticing many people had already arrived. The session was to start a little later. Everyone were catching up on their lives with their friends. It was after a long time everyone was meeting up again, so they couldn't be blamed.

I went inside and was searching for anyone I knew. I felt a little guilty. After all how can I search for people who I was familiar with, when I was the one who cut off my contacts with them. My thoughts again started to go to that day. To that wretched phase of my life. I tried with all my mind to shut them off.

"Zaira! Zaira! Over here!"

I turned towards the voice. Before I could take another step forward, I was engulfed in a bear hug. I barely managed to balance myself, before I returned the hug. Even without looking at her, I knew that it was Farha. I looked at the others who were far behind. They were smiling at us, while walking towards us.

And with that all my hopeless efforts broke down, leaving me helpless. My tries and pleas to shut off my thoughts became fruitless. It took only one glance. And the memories flooded. I was taken down a memory lane which I despised and which hurt me to the extent that I couldn't bare it anymore.

            Finally, Farha let go of me, letting me breathe, properly. And with that, I was brought back to reality. I shook off my past. But I knew it was temporary. It wouldn't take much time before I would go through it again. Why not? When I perfectly walked into the place which created them.

I pushed away my thoughts and focused on the present.

I was so happy meeting her after such a long time, that I was holding her hand all the while. Meeting her, my mind felt relaxed. The burden felt less. I knew she would be there with me. My dread of returning to this awful place, lessened.

Then all of the others came and we all hugged each other and talked about how we missed everyone. Almost Everyone had apparently married. A topic which I tactfully avoided.

Then the announcement to gather at the conference room, had been given and we all made our way to the conference room. I felt hyper meeting my friends all again. Zahra had married recently, Shahla already had a baby. Naila was engaged. And the others also had pretty much interesting stories. Apparently, only I had not attended any of their weddings or parties. Others had been keeping in touch all this time. They were giving me glares here and there. It didn't take a scientist to understand how sad and disappointed they were with me for not being there.

I had made it clear, when we all left the university, that I had no intention of contacting anyone for awhile. I had told them that it had nothing to do with them and it was because I wanted to forget this place. They were very furious at first. But finally, Farha eventually understood and persuaded everyone. And in a happy note, I had forgotten this place for good.
               The session had been conducted by the participation of the senior professors and board of administration. As soon as it finished the student body exited the hall and most of them went to the Green.

We were all now standing outside, in the Green till tea time. We had plenty of time to kill. So we decided to kill time, in the Park. Almost all of the students had gathered there, so it was a bit crowded.

"I assume you don't wanna talk about your past? Or your present, in fact?" Asked Farha, with an annoyed expression.

I playfully smiled at her. "You know me so well."

"Okay, But Zaira, seriously, we are exchanging numbers this time? Okay? No buts and its, okay? We had enough of your vanishing off the surface of earth show. We missed you so much." Said Naila glaring at me.

"Seeing that you're already ready to kill me, I might as well as agree." I said chuckling nervously.

"Dude, we missed you so much! You just don't know how much we wished you were here with us during our weddings and baby showers and functions!" Pouted Zahra.

"Hey, why don't we add her in the group? And the uni group?" Shahla suggested excitedly.

I just shook my head at all of them. Their excitement and happiness was contagious and tangible. It felt good to have friends who really cared about you.

This place might have scarred my heart deeper than a wound, but it did give me friends. Best friends.

I looked around, while all of them chatted endlessly. The other students weren't any different. The were gushing, chattering and animatedly describing things, places and people. But I didn't miss the curious glances that were thrown at me. And when I looked at them they were quick to look away. I felt uncomfortable. Perhaps, did they remember me? Do they recognize me? No way.

Just when I was about to brush the thought off, a pair of blue eyes caught me in their hold.

I gasped quietly. What in the world! He can't be here! We weren't supposed to bump into each other amidst thaws thousands of students!

He looked just as perplexed as me. With horror filled eyes. I quickly looked away and was trying to come with an idea to move my circle of friends somewhere else, when Shahla called out to me.

"Zaira? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just thinking about the uni." I smiled at her.

Farha presses her lips together in an effort to give me a sad smile. And I knew at that moment that she knew something.

Just then, a loud laughter filled the air around us. I just knew that everything was going to get messed up, even before I glanced up. Yeas, I was right. The idiot's friends were laughing loudly. And he was wincing, and trying to shut them up. Almost everyone were looking at them. Couldn't that pathetic human atleast keep his friends at bay! Either he told them or that Shahid had. Because now, some of them gave quick glances at me.

A loud intake of breath made me turn my head. It was Naila.

"Is it that cow!? This time, I won't let him get away!"

We all looked at her in utter disbelief. Naila was well known for her anger and forward personality. She was the one who always stood up for us during fights. And she was the most riled up person beside me at that time. I guess, Seeing him again made her anger resurface. I winced at the way she addressed Zubair as cow. Well, he was definitely a person who deserved it. But, after getting to know him, I felt bad at how he was called cow.

Actually after I got to know him, I had doubts. I still do. Because he wasn't a person who'd do such a thing. At that time it didn't take a nano second to believe what he did. But now, after we both got to know each other a little, It made me reconsider my accusations and blame towards him. But still, the fact that he was involved was true. So my blame had a ground. I wasn't a person who'd just blame a person. I had reasons. I had evidence. So it wasn't a blame actually.

"Naila! You're too loud!" Farha took a step forward and quickly covered her mouth.

She grabbed Farha's hand off her mouth. "Well, Astaghfirullah. But I don't regret calling him cow! He deserves it. How dare he come in front of us after doing all that?" She said venom and anger dripping each of her words.

And now I noticed, not only Farha but Shahla and Zahra giving me weird looks. As if they were sad at what happened. It couldn't be. They possibly couldn't know, right? What would they think! They'd think I am a hypocrite. For marring the boy, because of whom I had left them all.

I backed a step away. No. It can't be. I looked at each of them. All of them looked at each other uncomfortably albeit Naila who looked at the boys with a furious expression ready to strangle them.

"Zubair! Come on, man! You have all the time in the world to look at her at your home. Why bother now?" One of his friends who I assumed to be Raiz told him, loudly.

I froze in my tracks. They knew. It didn't matter, anymore. The while school knew. It wouldn't be long before my friends found out, unless they already knew.

I ever so slowly lifted my head. And those blue orbs pierced mine. Worry and concern was etched in every corner of his orbs. He looked at me helpless.

"Zaira........"  Naila's voice sounded from somewhere in the back of my mind. I still continued to look at him, without looking away.

"Why is that c-why is Zubair looking at you?"

I finally looked away, focusing my eyes on the ground.

"You all know?" I asked at no one in particular. And I looked up to come across with sad eyes. Only Naila was looking at me confusion hovering in her eyes.

"Know what?" Naila asked slowly. As if bracing herself for something scary.

"I.......uh.....we.....," I looked up at her with guilt ridden eyes. "I married Zubair."

Her jaw fell. Her steps faltered. And her her eyes widener. It took her more than 20 seconds to recover.

She looked at me disbelievingly. " You're kidding. You don't know what you're telling. Zaira! Are you insane?!" She laughed humorlessly.

"It's the truth, Naila." Shahla said quietly.

Naila whipped her head around and looked at her surprised. "You knew?" She looked at all of them, " You all knew? How come?"

That was a question even I was curious about.

I cleared my throat. "Yes. How did you get to know? Nobody knows except Shahid." I said looking at them, with a frown.

"That fool knows too! How come I was the only one in the dark?! And how come he got to know!" She looked at all of us hurt, anger and disbelief washing over her face.

"Naila, Shahid came to know. It was inevitable. He was Zubair's family friend. He was bound to know. But I swear nobody else knows. Atleast nobody else was supposed to know." I said looking down.

"We don't know how. But when we came everyone was talking about it. They were looking at us differently. It didn't take long before they came and asked about it. To say that we were shocked would be an understatement. What were we supposed to tell. That we didn't know? Because we didn't talk to you after graduation? It was spreading like fire. Well, it is fire. After all, you and Zubair? Not possible." Farha looked at me solemnly.

"And we decided to not talk about it. Until you brought it up. We knew you would never marry Zubair unless you had a good reason. That's why we decided to not bring it up." Shahla said with a worried expression.

"Thanx." I looked at them. They were really my true friends, who understood me. We might not have contacted each other for a long time, nevertheless they knew me. How could I possibly not thank Allah more for what he had granted me. I smiled a real smile after a long time. A careless smile. A heartwarming and gratitude filled smile. A smile which mirrored my heart.

It took a long time for me to elaborate my life after graduation. From my studies, my family and my marriage.

All of them gradually understood why I did it and how it came to happen that the one I got married to was Zubair. Naila was still not over the fact that Shahid knew before them. And how I could have divorced Zubair. But everyone had chastised her for bringing up thalaaq. As for Shahid, I just laughed with everyone. We all knew how Shahla despised him to the core. So we decided to tease her about it. And after much persuasion and begging and promises, Naila hugged me and accepted what I'd done.

I never knew they'd forgive me for keeping this from them. But they were my friends. Who stayed with me through thick and thin. Who understood me despite my stupidity.

And like that, part of the burden I carried in my heart, was lifted. I was still chained to my past. True. But I broke off part of the chain. And I still didn't know if I'd be able to break it off completely.