We were walking back from the ice cream shop.

I didn't know why it bothered me so much. The fact that Zubair was my friend. All I wanted was to get away from him. But by Allah's Qadr I ended up meeting him again and being married with him, no less. Then I wanted to maintain a proper distance from him. And now I've become his friend. What has happened to me? Why is it bothering me? I am bothered that we are friends. But why? Because I don't want to be his friend? Because I hate him?

"You okay?" He said out of the blue.

"Yeah........ just figuring somethings out. Actually, no offense, But I don't really like that party. I am not comfortable with mixed gathering. And besides it's all new to me." I said thinking.

"No, actually Me neither. Even mom and dad didn't want to. But it was impolite of us to refuse. It's a common known thing in our family, that Shaima auntie spends like a torn purse. They are graced with money. I am not trying to be rude but they are a bit extravagant." He said looking at the sky agin.

Then we continued the walk in silence.

Bilaal wanted me to carry him. So I carried him, while he continued to mess up with my scarf.

Once we reached the house, I gave Zubair a nod, and rushed with Bilaal in my arms, to the back. Mariam decided to stay with Khalid.

We all ate Biryani. It was really tasty. It felt good eating that after a long time. I had last eaten it during my own wedding.

After the rings were exchanged, the men and women mingled freely. Only some people like our family, Wariha auntie's family and some others stayed to the side talking. Others didn't care about mixing-in the crowd.

At one point, Zubair came rushing to me, talking in quick sentences about how he had to go the car to get the engagement gift and that he couldn't hold Bilaal anymore, so I took him from Zubair.

Then Bilaal slept while I carried him. He laid his head on the crook of my shoulder. It felt so comfortable and cozy. I hugged him tight. Aisha insisted on taking him, but I told her that I wanted to hold him. That gave spark to another round of teasing from everyone, about how I would want to carry Zubair's child in my arms and how cute it would be.

I just rolled my eyes, and pretended not to care. But I did. When they said 'Zubair's child', I felt those butterflies again. It sounded so......... different.

When it was the time to take the couple and family photos, I had to carry Bilaal and go to the platform, with Zubair. The girl cousins hooted and whistled.
Well, to be frank, it did look like a family photo. With Him, me and Bilaal.
But I never forgot the way that  Shaima auntie had glared at me, as if I was ruining her daughter's big day. I felt uncomfortable and soon walked down.

It was finally time to go back. We bid goodbye to everyone, and got on the van. Father was in the passenger seat, Khalid, Aisha and Mariam on the front, Me, Zubair and Bilaal next and in the back , Ayra and mom.

Bilaal's head was sliding off my shoulder, so I tried steadying him. Noticing that, Zubair tried holding his head. Then he muttered something about how it was not working, and moved closer.

At the contact, my all too familiar butterflies started their job again. He made it so that our shoulders were touching, then he gently placed Bilaal's head on his shoulder. We stayed that way, throughout the journey, in an awkward position.

***

Now we were currently sleeping. Not me. But definitely him. He was snoring! It was so hilarious! I never imagined him to be so.........normal. I just thought that he was a cold, mean, girl hating, boring person.

Actually, he had turned out to be the complete opposite. Yeah, he was cold. But, he was sometimes funny. He is an annoying guy, but he cares. He is a responsible guy. He loves little children. He loves his family. He practices Islam. He acts weird. And he is my friend. My friend. Why am I bothered by that?

I looked to the side at his sleeping form. He slept, snoring. Not caring a single thing, while my mind raged with incoherent ideas, things and feelings.

I clicked a picture of him and saved it in my gallery. He needs to know that he snores. I could probably threaten him with that.

I sighed to myself and slept.

***

We were currently waiting for the elevator to come down. Today, we were at the psychiatrist. The one who treats for Zubair. I forced him to go today, by threatening him, about telling everyone.

So finally, he conceded and we both drove here.

As the elevator came down, we both got in. The whole hospital was very large. With more than 19 floors and a large area. The elevator was not much crowded. we went to the back of the elevator, since our floor was further up. We both were in the corner, standing. When the lift stopped at each floor, people got on. And the whole lift got packed.

I was pushed in the corner, with Zubair. I was practically, pressed against him. Thank god, I was standing with my back to him. Or else, the moment would have been awkward, I thought.
Then, a person next to us, tried to move to the front, shouting that he had to get off. He was pushing people in the front as well as in the back. In the process, he was successful in pushing me to the side ways. I was still, trying to turn from my side position when my earlier spot was taken by another man. And I was pushed further, making me to collide with Zubair, face to face.

I muttered a sorry and looked up. To see that our faces were almost touching. He was looking at me , surprise evident in his face.

I quickly looked away. Well what was I supposed to do? We had fought earlier at home about coming here, and now we are like this? It definitely didn't help our situation. A sudden jerk in the lift, caused the passengers to be pushed backwards. And you could probably imagine what happened, yeah?

Yes, I went and banged on him. Thankfully, my head banged on the wall of the elevator, beside his head. But out of reflex, I held onto his jacket at the front. We had to stay like that for quite a while, until the passengers had to be urged out, because the weight was too much. I just stuck my head with the elevator wall, but I was well aware, of his head beside mine.

I felt hot. I tried thinking of many other things, like how Bilaal had talked about the dinosaurs and their names. But I couldn't get my mind off.

Then, the passenger lot reduced and finally I peeled myself off him and stood in front, with my back to him.

It was still, the 15th floor, We had to go to the 20th floor.

Patients with hospital gowns and guradians and normal people were all in the elevator. While I was looking at them, I felt a brush of skin with my hand.

I looked to the side, to notice that a man was standing. I stuck myself to the side wall of the lift, hoping that he wouldn't notice, because that would be rude. Then, I again, felt something brushing my sleeve. I lifted both my hands, casually and crossed them. I glanced at the man to see that he was looking at me sideways, in his peripheral vision.

Was he doing it on purpose? I glared at him. What a creep!

Then he looked at me with a smirk, and I saw some glint his eyes. It actually creeped me out. Reciting a string of duas, I looked away. For all I know, he could be a mental patient here in the hospital.

Then I felt two strong arms around my waist. They encircled me. I flinched at the movement and alarmed, quickly turned sideways to look at the man. But he was looking behind me. I turned my back and saw that Zubair was looking at the man with a hard expression.

Relief washed through me. I was glad that Zubair was here with me. Atleast now the man wouldn't bother me. However much a crazy idiotic was, he was after all reliable.

I was not usually dependent on others, nor did I want their protection for my problems, but I knew if I involved myself with a mental person, in the end, I would be the one hurt.

When the elevator, bustled with the crowd, the hands around me tightened.

Then only It dawned upon me. We were very very close. And a wave of embarrassment passed me. My heart accelerated and the butterflies started their job. I blushed. Why do I always find myself blushing at his not so significant actions. We weren't a bunch of teenagers, were we? We are grown up adults. Then why do I feel this fire inside me every time he gets closer?

Then, he urged me to the front. I looked at the front to see that it was the 20th floor. We both got off amidst much struggle.

I was still thinking of my weird feelings and sorting them out when Zubair called out to me.

"Zaira!"

"What?" I broke away from my thoughts.

"What are you thinking about? You seem to be distracted." He said frowning.

"No. Nothing." I lied.

"Look. What happened in their, Please for God's sake, don't keep your mouth shut about it. It happens everywhere. That's how this society has turned into. And if you continue to ignore it, it will happen more. They will think you are weak." He sad suddenly.

"Wait. You think I ignored him? You know, I tried to avoid him, by leaning away. I didn't ignore. I tried my best. He was a patient. I couldn't get myself involved. Who knows what he would have done?" I said a bit frustrated that he thinks I am weak.

"Yeah. I could see that. Still, you should have told me. Or at least given any indication. I noticed it, because he kept looking at You weirdly. And I know you don't depend on others. And I know you don't like to ask help from me. But, at times like this, I think you should be more careful." He sternly said, as if that was the end of the conversation and no more words.

I just sighed and nodded in defeat.

We both entered the psychiatrist's office. She glanced up and was surprised. Then she smiled.

She looked to be a woman of 40 years. The lines of stress, that I usually notice in people, were not present in her face. She looked fresh and radiant.

"Come in. Come in. Sit, please. I am Dr. Alexa, by the way. Ah! I guess, it's safe to say that you've brought your wife here, Mr.Khan?" She asked, Zubair.

He nodded. And she gave a knowing smile. He quickly looked away. I wanted to know the meaning behind the exchange, but I stayed quiet.

"So..... did she get to know everything?" She asked.

"Yeah. She got to know that Ive been getting panic attacks. And how I am unable to control them." He said pointedly.

And I knew that there was more to it. He was trying to tell her that I didn't know everything and I only knew about the attacks.

Well, why don't we see? How I squeeze the information out of you, Zubair. I made a mental note, to get him to spill the beans.

"Oh. Okay. Miss. Zaira, you are the only one to know about this except us both. I tried convincing him to tell this to someone. But he was insistent on not doing so. I am glad somehow you got to know about it." She said smiling warmly at me.

"You know my name?" I asked shocked. Well, I don't know hers. And I hadn't even introduced myself.

She chuckled. "Oh sure. I know you. When I have sessions with him, he talks about you. And he has changed a lot, after the marriage." she said pointing to Zubair.

I looked dumbfounded. He talks about me! I am sure he spouts nonsense about me!

"I don't! Am I crazy to talk about her?"
He asked suddenly, embarrassed.

"Dude, you talk about me?" I asked him.

He sighed in frustration.

Dr.Alexa laughed as if she found this whole thing amusing.

Then she briefed me on the situation. She told me how he got these panic attacks occasionally. Then how I should assist him. But when I asked for the reason for this to happen, she told me that it was proper if Zubair told it to me, himself. She told that not only would it help him, but also that it was his right and not hers, to tell.

I admired her. She was so understanding and well knowledged and kind. She was more than suitable to be a psychiatrist.

Later, I had gone out and waited. Because his sessions had to be conducted alone.

When we were leaving, she told me that it was a relief to know that someone was aware of his situation and she told me to convince him into spilling the beans. And she winked at me. Zubair hasn't heard it, because he was outside already. I smiled at her and told that I would do my best.

I was silent through the ride. I was thinking of ways to get the information out of him. I was thinking of all the possible ways, from threatening to blackmailing. But I knew they were wrong acts and Allah wouldn't approve them.

Then a sudden chuckle sounded.

I looked side ways at him, annoyed. "Okay now what? What did you find amusing?" I asked sarcastically.

"Well.... you are thinking too much. I won't tell you anything, so quit wasting your time, dude."

I rolled my eyes and looked out of the window.

"Ah. By the way, about selling your car?" He started again.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"I thought of selling both of our cars, and buying a SUV. What do you say?" He gave a quick glance to me.

"Sure. That's a good idea. Cool. Why don't we buy a blue one? That'd be nice." I said liking and agreeing to his idea for the first time.

He turned abruptly and looked at me as if I had come from mars. "What?" I asked confused.

"That was easy. I thought you wouldn't want to. And do you like blue?" He asked frowning.

I snorted. "Firstly, why wouldn't I want to? It's a good idea. We would be able to have a big vehicle with much space and facilities. Besides, I like cars. Secondly, I like blue. Don't you remember how Shahid used to make fun of me, telling how much I preferred blue over pink?"

"Yeah.....I remember now. Didn't Fareed tease you about that?" He said, in a cold tone.

I wondered why he had turned different suddenly.

"Yeah........I remember Fareed. It's been a long time since meeting all of them." I chucked in response.

Once again, we ended up at that point. Our past. The past which we try hard to ignore.

And we stopped there, not wanting to divulge further into the topic.

***

We were all in the dining table, talking over dinner.

"Zaira, what did the doctor say? It's not serious, right?" Aisha asked.

I looked at Zubair, thinking that he'd help me. After all, it was because of him that we had to lie to them, about going to the doctor. They think that we went to the doctor to check if his wound is healing.

But that idiot was enjoying his chicken piece, without a care.

So I trumpled his toe, under the table, wanting him to do the talking.

"Owwww!" He hissed in pain. Then he looked up accusingly at me.

I glared at him.

The he turned towards Aisha. "Oh, about that? Nothing much. He said that I won't need to wrap my hand in a bandage after this week. It's all fine. Now let me eat please?" He said, looking at everyone and especially me. Then he continued to attack his chicken piece with his fork.

"What about the car? Have you decided what to do?" Asked father, not looking up.

I looked at Zubair to see that he wasn't paying any attention to father, because he was eating, absentmindedly.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, father. We decided to sell both our cars and buy a SUV. It would be useful and comfortable."

He looked up, and smiled at me. "Sure. That's a good idea. It would be spacious if we are going on a trip. Besides, that's the trend these days, right? Why don't you go tomorrow and finish the matter? Don't delay it."

"Buy the Volvo SUV, Zaira. That's a good one." quipped Khalid.

"No! Buy the Nissan. It's cooler than that!" Shouted Ayra, resulting in a big round of laughter.

Zubair cleared his throat, looking up, "Actually you guys are forgetting that I am the one who is going to buy it?"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

***