Despite all the troubles, I still forgave him.

I still mourned him.

I still felt the loss.

I may have been numb for a roughly a week

But the loss was there

A hollowness inside.

I thought I'd handle the funeral

Without heartbreak overload

I was wrong.

Seeing his lifeless body

My heart broke in two

It wasn't him.

He had no color.

No spark to light the way.

Reality hit me hard

His death became real

So I spoke my final peace

"You're forgiven."

Those words replayed in my mind.

Though it wasn't until I heard Amazing Grace

Did everything fall apart.

My emotional system was shot.

As my eyes were drenched in tears

I remembered all the good times

When everything was right.

When everything was beautiful

When he was alive.

I was fine the rest of the funeral

Until the army salute.

My nephew held in his mother's arms

As I was held by mine.

My brother

My father

We were torn apart.

The final goodbye was upon us

We may not have been ready

But we really were.

We were ready for our next chapter

We were ready to be done feeling

As the journey ahead brought forth clarity.

Before this could happen, I cried one last time

I was truly lost

Drained of all stability

Though I found my footing again

I thanked my brother-in-law

For giving me the strength

And wished him well

Before he ventured into his new life

As I did mine.