October 29

Toronto, Ontario

Fighting the urge to throw myself back onto the fluffy duvet and scream into a pillow until the frustration leaves my tense body, I stand stupidly in the middle of the bedroom while Jules empties her stomach in the bathroom to the soothing sounds of Mads and Vi's voices.

I check to see if they need me, but they wave me off and close the bathroom door as soon as I tell them the boys are on their way. Vi promises me she'll be out to help as soon as she can with my costume, or find me something else to wear.

When I'm alone, hurt constricts in my chest and I close my eyes, fighting for composure. What an epic failure that had been. As usual, my best laid plan to connect with him backfired, although I couldn't help but feel a small burst of hope trying to stay alive under the crushing weight of rejection. At least he'd admitted some of his feelings. At least I could see a part of the complex picture a little clearer now.

I open the closet looking for a mirror, relieved when I find two on the back of the doors. I position the mirrored glass so I can see the reflection of my back in the second mirror, trying to see for myself what my stupid zipper situation is.

I twist and turn, bending my arms behind my back to sort out the tangled zip closure from the fabric.

All I want to do is leave. What was I thinking? Goading Greyson into a reaction hadn't exactly been a foolproof plan, but I'd hardly expected him to walk away after that. All that false confidence quaked through me now as the courage and adrenaline buzzed out of my system, leaving me shaky and just a little overwhelmed. But most of all, my body ached for him, leaving me quivering with barely controlled need.

Didn't he feel what I did? I'd been so sure the feelings between us were mutual, not only coming from me. His response, and the way he'd held me, had been different from what I was used to, but it made me feel irresistible in his arms.

I'd liked that he hadn't treated me like a delicate princess. I get too much of that porcelain doll treatment from so many people in my life. Tonight, I'd just felt free and so desirable in his arms. No, I hadn't liked the way he'd treated me for those fleeting moments. I'd loved it.

Then it all slipped through my fingers. Just like it did every time I made any headway towards him. I can't help but feel, even though things fell apart, that I'd made some progress. That I can still get through to him. That I can be what he needs.

Giving up on my zipper, I sink to the floor and lean against the wall, pulling my knees up to my chest and burying my face against them. My skin and hair still smell like him, and his scent has an immediate twofold effect on my overwhelmed senses. It makes me want to curl up and snuggle into his warm body again, but it also makes me want to cry.

But I've had enough of tears for now.

A soft knock on the bedroom door forces me to pull together my frayed emotions and regain my shaky composure. Standing, I look in the mirror, practicing the bright smile, and making sure it reaches my eyes before I turn to open the door.

"Ellie?"

A wave of relief hits me when I recognize Hudson's voice. Even though I don't have to pretend so much with him, I'm tired of him having to pick up all the pieces of my uncertain, fragile relationship with Greyson. It wasn't fair, and it certainly wasn't fun.

"In here."

As soon as he steps into the light, he looks me up and down, lifts my tangled hair off my neck and shoulders, then turns me quickly as if checking to see I'm okay.

I know he can see the fading red marks on my skin, just like I know they make him angry. I can read it all over his expressive face. Even though I don't like that he's upset, I find comfort in being able to read him at least.

"You want to tell me what happened? Did he hurt you? Did something happen that you didn't want to happen? Grey just said he fucked up, then he told me to come find you."

I shake my head. "Oh, Hudson. I'm fine, just frustrated and a bit sad. You know he'd never hurt me, so don't put that on him."

Hudson pulls me into a big hug, rubbing my back soothingly. If he's surprised or embarrassed by the bare skin, tangled zipper, or conversation, he doesn't show it. "I'm sorry, Elle, but you're wrong. I think he hurts you all the time. Just not the way you thought I meant. I just hope you know what you're doing."

I nod against his chest, squeezing him back, "I'm tougher than I look, Hudson. I wish you could all see that. But I hope I know what I'm doing, too."

"You're plenty tough, Ellie. I just don't like to see you getting hurt."

Releasing the tension trapped inside me on a deep sigh, I take comfort and strength from my best friend. One of his large, warm hands moves slowly across my shoulders and the other cradles my head against his chest. I feel safe, loved, and supported all at once, and the effect his comfort has on me is instantaneous.

I don't know how long we stand there, but every small piece of my frazzled emotions eventually falls back into their carefully controlled place, and a sense of security and control settles back over me with every stroke of his hand and every one of his slow, measured breaths. I try to match my breathing to his.

I wish I had just a fraction of his composure and strength. I wish I didn't have to fight quite so hard to maintain mine. I wish I didn't have to push so many of my wild, unpredictable feelings down to live up to the image I'd created in my family, with my friends, at school. I wish I could just let it all out. Maybe everything else wouldn't be so hard if I could have that energy back.

Hudson's voice interrupts that very tempting but somewhat scary thought.

"What do you say we get out of here? It's almost two. Were the girls all planning to stay with you? Or do you want to come home with T and me? Mom would love to fuss over you over breakfast if you'd let her."

I sigh and nod against him. "They were planning on it, but if they decide they want to stay longer, then they might decide to sleep at Vi's or Mads' place. We can ask them. Um, they're in the bathroom. Jules is sick."

Hudson closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I swear, Grey and Jules have the worst timing when it comes to adding another damn dose of drama into the mix."

His hand finds mine, and he gives it a reassuring squeeze before nudging me toward the bathroom to talk about who's going where, when, and how.

Before I can knock, Vi throws the door open and steps out. As soon as I see her concerned face, my shaky composure cracks and she pulls me into her arms for a quick, fierce hug. Tears leak from the corners of my eyes even as I try to hold them back and keep that neutral smile on my face.

I know I must look absurd, but fighting the insane feelings running through me has become so ingrained in my daily life that my mind and body simply react as if they're supposed to fight these storms back.

"What happened to your costume, Ellie? You look like you've been through a hurricane. From the looks of it, a particularly bad hurricane Greyson."

I nod against her shoulder, "Right, as always. I'll tell you about it tomorrow." Before she can start her rapid-fire twenty-questions that I'm sure she has, I send her a desperate look and dive right into the practicalities.

"Are you planning to come back to my place tonight? I think I'm going to head home with Hud and Theo if you aren't planning to stay with me."

Luckily, she takes the hint, sort of. "I don't want to leave you like this, you look so sad. I was planning to go home with Mike for a bit, grab a taxi from there." She wiggles her eyebrows at me, which makes me smile.

I nod, wiping at the stray tears under my eyelashes, relieved she wasn't counting on coming back to my place now. I didn't have it in me to go through every minute detail of what happened tonight, I'd tell her everything when I was steadier.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

I nod and Hudson interrupts, "Grey asked me to look out for her, Vi. Don't worry." He tugs my hair gently in that familiar way of his, then squeezes the back of my neck, applying gentle pressure to the soothing points there.

It's an old habit, a loving habit, and I pull myself together again. "You have anything you can wear overtop of your costume, Ellie? You're a zipper away from decent."

Thinking of the tight leather jacket in the other room that barely zips closed, I shake my head. He unbuttons his shirt, then pulls the soft, blood-stained fabric around my shoulders, holding it closed so I can preserve what little modesty I have left considering the state of my costume and slide my arms through, then button it up the rest of the way myself.

Mads and Jules step out from the bathroom. Hudson immediately wanders over to check on his date as we all make our way back to the party.

I try not to listen to the hushed whispers shared between Hudson and Jules as we walk. With one arm wrapped around VI's waist, and the other hooked through Mads' arm, I try to focus on them.

But the tension rolling off Jules tugs at me.

"How are you feeling, Jules?" She shrugs his hand off her shoulder and tucks her hair behind her ear in what I can only guess might be embarrassment over having had too much to drink. I itch to reassure her, but I look away, giving them privacy in what looks like a slightly tense, awkward moment.

After a moment, she turns and gestures to me, falling behind us as Mads, Vi and I walk by. "Why is Elle wearing your shirt?" Jules' voice is sharper than usual, so I glance up at her and shift Vi's head to my other shoulder so I can look at Jules.

Hudson only sighs. "Is that really your primary concern right now?"

She nods stubbornly.

Without answering, Hudson tugs her further off to the side to speak with her, out of earshot from the group.

Mads wraps one arm around my shoulders, so I'm sandwiched even more tightly between her and Vi. "Well, I think we're all ready to go. I'm going to head home with Ry, he'll drop my on the way. I just want my own bed. Jules, well, I guess that depends on Hud. But I'd put money that he wants to stay with you and T, which means she'll be going home alone and will probably be unhappy about it."

"I'll let Hudson deal with that, I'm not getting involved."

Mads' sarcastic laughter escapes her on a snort and she claps her hand over her mouth, looking to make sure Jules didn't hear her. She looks back at Vi and me with a sheepish smile and whispers, "It's too late for that, girl, pull your head out of the sand. They've been fighting about you for weeks, but I wasn't supposed to say."

Realizing Mads' voice is much louder than the casual whisper I think she thinks it is, I pull her toward the corner where my coat and shoes are staged— and where Theo's waiting.

Just as our small group rounds the corner, joining the last straggling partygoers to give Hudson and Jules their privacy, Jules' frustrated, angry voice breaks the awkward silence in the room.

"This is the last straw. If you go with her, we're done. I don't care if you're only friends. I'm tired of being your second choice."

I turn, mortified by Jules' public outburst as she continues to push Hudson. As she sways from side to side, her eyes shining and her skin flushed a deep red, I realize she's not exactly her usual, composed self. The flush of too much alcohol burns her skin high on her cheeks.

I try to meet Hudson's eyes, to tell him silently to go with her, that I'll be fine with Theo. That he should go with Jules and resolve their issues privately.

As if sensing my discomfort, Theo makes his way over to me and tugs me in to his side, as if silently adding weight to my silent request that Hudson go with his date.

Instead, Hudson seems to purposefully avoid our gaze as he looks down at Jules, one gentle hand holding her upright by her arm.

"If you want to talk more when we're feeling more like ourselves, you know where to find me. Come on, let's get your stuff, I'll put you and Mads in a cab with Ry. He'll make sure you get home alright."

- - -

My final update for the weekend! As mentioned, I had to split this chapter in half, since I thought it was reading a bit long! But let me know what you think -- would a dual POV in a single chapter work? 

Do you know any other authors who have done this well? Let me know, or tag their accounts and books here. Super curious to see how other people manage this kind of stuff! 

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, wherever you are! Or if Monday has already started, I hope it's a good one!

Xx Toria