October 27

Toronto, Ontario

"What do you mean you don't have a costume, Elle? The dance is three days away!" Vi practically screeches in my face I reveal this small detail prior to the school dance this Friday.

Mads and Jules just stare at me from their sprawled positions on my bed with shocked expressions on their faces. I'm never the one who is unprepared for the school social events.

"I've been... preoccupied?" I smile at them, hoping they'll relax and get into potential solution generating mode.

"Do you have a date at least? You did actually ask Theo, right? The theme is modern, classic, or historical couples. Any kind will do. How hard can that be?"

I bite my lip, thinking for a moment before answering Vi. "Yeah, he left me in charge of costumes though, after I shot down his idea to go as Nurse Ratched and her lobotomized lover. And that was his best idea of the bunch, trust me."

"Understandable." Mads sighs dramatically, as she rolls her eyes over my complaint. "He's such a boy."

Jules rolls over onto her stomach, "Why aren't you going with Grey, again? Is that over and done with? What's the deal there, anyway? Because he would be the perfect candidate, you could go as some, like, tragic couple. It would be so romantic."

Before I can process the thoughts and feelings that crash into me over her careless, too-casual comments, she continues, like a steamroller, flipping onto her back to stare at the ceiling. At least now she can't see my face as I grapple for composure.

"I mean, come on, you could be like Cathrine and Heathcliff, or Cleopatra and Antony. Take your pick, girl. We've got a love to inspire a war, or a love killed by pride-driven misery. Oh, no, I know. You should go as Gatsby and Daisy, they're perfect, they've got that delusional idealization of first love going for them, just like you and—"

"Jules!" Vi and Mads practically gasp in unison, in complete horror.

"What? Look, I'm sorry if none of you will say it, but I will. Someone should. I'm sorry I'm not ready to jump on the Grey train. That disaster is totally off the rails. She can keep fooling herself for as long as she wants, but that boy is probably beyond even her reach. I mean, even Hud doubts whether he can get through to him. He complains about it all the time. It's like all he talks about. How can we help Grey this, how can we help Grey that? How can I help Elle? It's exhausting."

"That's enough, Jules. It's Elle's choice, her business. Doesn't matter what you think, we're here for her." Vi's sharp tone as she shoves Jules off the edge of the bed makes me grimace, but I'm grateful she interrupted. I blink rapidly, trying to hold back the tears I'm so sick of. Can't I just have one day with my friends where I don't completely lose it?

It's easier with Hudson and Theo, they don't poke or press at me the way the girls do, or well, at least the way Jules and Mads do. I can always count on Vi, though. A sharp twinge of stress and guilt flash through me as I wonder whether Hudson complains to Jules about the situation we're all finding our way through. He's never kept anything like that from me before.

Between the gossip I have to put up with at school, at the shared events, and the uncertainty I already feel surrounding my entire relationship with him, I've been on the edge. Constantly. I feel like an exposed nerve being stabbed with a sewing needle over and over.

The certainty I'd felt in the summer that Greyson wouldn't let Chiara and her malicious gossip affect us, was slowly evaporating. When Chiara and I went toes to toe in the summer, I'd had absolute faith that my relationship with Greyson would shelter me, as would Mads' and Ry's relationship. Fortunately, Jules and Vi were out of the direct line of fire. Ry's reputation was certainly enough to protect Mads from the worst of it, but without Greyson, I was more exposed than ever before.

Not that Greyson isn't doing better. He was or had been for a minute. We'd been relieved when we'd brought him home to Joy, when she'd finally acted like a parent should. But it hadn't lasted long.

Less than a week later, Theo and Ryan have already covered for him at school, Hudson has covered for him on the Hockey Team, and eventually they'd found him twelve hours later passed out at his friend Max's place again. Nearly every Friday and Saturday since Thanksgiving has been the same, Theo and I, or Ryan, find him in some state of inebriation, at some party or other. We take him home, or send him with one of the boys, but he just pushes us away again once he sobers up.

Vi squeezes my shoulder, answering Jules on my behalf. "Grey's going through some stuff, you know that. Over and above everything with Liam. He needs some time to pull himself together after everything. Elle's very much still involved with him, but she needs some time to herself, too. She needs us, her girls. And you're definitely overdue a dose of fun. Right, Elle?"

I smile over at Vi, the best girl friend anyone could ask for. "Exactly. Plus, who better to have as my partner in fun, than Landon's most exciting, entertaining, and eligible bachelor?"

Mads picks up on the game, helping change topics, "He's hardly eligible. He goes out of his way to be ineligible. Every other girl is going to die of envy, Elle. It's the first time the Theo Harding will bring anyone as his date. He's gone stag to every event for four years. This could be world record worthy. You'll be famous, like the glamorous women in magazines, only it will be between the pages of a limited run high school yearbook. Elle Montgomery, most likely to tame wild hearts."

I smile over at her and giggle. "Not for the other girls' lack of trying, that's for sure," I add. Every year and every event, Theo is hounded by the girls at Briar and Beaton. I sometimes wonder who it will be that catches his attention, who gets to see the amazing Theo I know and love so much. The one that hides behind the playboy, Casanova, don't-give-a-damn exterior.

When Jules repositions herself on the bed, she reaches over to grab my hand. "I didn't mean to be a bitch, Elle. I didn't think before I said that stuff, I got a bit carried away. Then, well, I just see how sad you are, and how much time it takes from you and, well, your other friends. Someone needs to be the bad guy sometimes. But Vi's right, let's forget it all for now." She flips her hair over her shoulder, then smiles at me again. "So, what were Theo's other costume ideas?"

I can't help but feel her smile lacks the usual warmth, but I squeeze her hand back, letting her know it's fine before rolling my eyes in exasperation. "He wanted to go as Heff and a Bunny. But I'm not sure about that one. Feels a little too naughty for my taste. What do you guys think about Danny and Sandy from Grease?"

Mads squeals and claps her hands in excitement. "No, go as a Bunny and Heff, one-hundred percent!"

I roll my eyes, "No way, Mads. I am not walking into any of our schools, let alone our school, in front of our teachers, and chaperones wearing a playboy bunny costume. I draw the line at this one. I don't want Mr. Bleaker to see me dressed like that."

Her pout is absolutely comical, but we all giggle at the thought of our friendly, ancient, and overly academic chemistry teacher. "Fine, but then we're going to help you be the sexiest Sandy yet. You're going as the Sandy at the end, all fierce and sassy in that back skintight number, and those sexy red stilettos you have."

I groan inwardly at the thought of my poor feet.

Vi and Jules smile, wiggling with excitement. "Think Diana might drive us to the mall?"

I shake my head, knowing what I'm about to say will thrill Mads and Jules, but probably leave Vi sulking. "I have a better idea, I'll get Theo to drive us." It's the least he can do, after all.

* * *

Several hours, a dozen shopping bags, and one extremely frazzled Vi later, Theo finally pulls up outside her house to drop her off, as he'd done with the other girls. "Later Violet, as usual, the pleasure was all yours."

Vi rolls her eyes at me in the rearview mirror, grabs her bags, and slides out of the back seat. "If you consider pleasure rubbing sandpaper against your soul for four hours, then yes, entirely mine. Later, Ellie, I'll call you." She practically snarls her goodbye at him before shifting her tone to a sweet as sugar sing-song whisper and blowing me a kiss from her bag-laden arms.

I can't help but notice Theo's eyes on her just a little longer than might be needed to make sure she gets in safely as she sashay's dramatically up her drive, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she goes. I slap Theo's arm harder than intended as I nearly choke on my surprised, delighted laughter. "Oh. My. God. I knew it. You've got a thing for Vi, don't you?"

He barks out a laugh. "In her dreams, Elle. In her dreams."

And maybe in yours, I think to myself. I don't push, preferring to watch whatever happens unfold organically. Theo, more than the others, hates when I nudge into his dating life. But he and Vi are like cats and dogs, and I feel like something interesting might happen one day. If they'd let it. If he could settle some of his wilder ways and if she could truly see the amazing guy underneath all the bluster.

"So, are you happy with the costume idea?" I bite my lip, a little worried over the tight catsuit the girls convinced me to try—and Theo convinced me to purchase.

He smiles distractedly at me, pulling back out on to the road. "Hell yeah. I'm going to be one hot Danny, and you're going to be an utterly irresistible Sandy, especially in that sinful number you wiggled into. Whoever invented that material should be worshipped as a God. I'm going to be the envy of every Landon and Regan guy at the dance." I smile a little stiffly when he winks at me.

I bite back a smile, as his comments are eerily similar to what the girls and I said about him just a few hours ago. "You're sure it isn't indecent?"

"Chill, Ells Bells, it's just indecent enough. Trust me."

No matter his reputation and no matter that almost anyone else we know outside our small group would tell me never to trust him, I do so without hesitation. He's never steered me wrong. "Thank you for going with me, Theo."

"No thanks necessary. You're my safe date, babe. Senior year has been insane with the ladies trying to land a more permanent relationship. Picking a safe, casual date these days is like navigating a minefield. Have you noticed every girl at Briar and Beaton is trying to sink her teeth into a jock from Regan or Briar before college? Not sure why anyone would want to be tied down going away, though. So, you're actually doing me a favour. Protecting my interests and my virtue."

I giggle, relaxing back into the warm leather seat and mentally patting myself on the back for asking him to go with me. "What virtue?"

He yanks my braid as we wait at a red light, so I stick my tongue out at him.

I know exactly what he's talking about though. The seniors at Briar and Beaton have been on the prowl. No Senior at Landon or Regan was safe. I'd overheard a few girls talking in the grad lounge between periods that they had no clue what calibre of guy would be attending the colleges next year, so better to hook a jock from a good family before they go.

I'd found the whole idea entirely ridiculous. Why pretend our four private brother-sister schools don't also end up attending the same Canadian or American Ivy League schools? It will probably be just like high school all over again for most of them.

That thought puts a temporary damper on my mood as I picture Theo leaving next summer. I'll miss him when he leaves—probably more than anyone. He's made the unpopular decision within our families to head out West, skipping out on the more prestigious schools on the East Coast the rest of us are considering. He'll be venturing in the same direction as Tess. She'd wanted a fresh start, which, after everything, I understood. Now, it looks like Theo wants a clean slate too.

I know the mountains and the ocean call to him, just as the rolling hills and lakes of Ithaca, New York call to me. I'm already fantasizing about heading to the States, and taking Kuna with me, so I can ride every day through college. I have it all mapped out, I just need to find an academic program I'm interested in there and it will be perfect.

After several moments of silence, Theo finally pulls me back to the moment. "What'cha thinking, Ells?"

"Just how everything is going to change, when you head to school, I mean. How much I'll miss you."

His eyes soften, and he reaches across the console for my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. "Well, you already know I'm going to live off campus, I'm not interested in dorm life. I want a bachelor sex pad all to myself. No roomies. You can come anytime you want to, or need to. I'll even promise not to have other girls there when you visit. You've always got a home with me. Hell, you practically are my home. I know I don't say this often, but I love you. You know that, right?"

"Why Theo, I must be the only girl under forty..." when he side eyes me, I giggle, "... ok under forty-five to have heard those words tumble from those lips." I'm certain he's only told his mother, his housekeeper, and his grandmother those three words.

I lean over, pressing my lips to his cheek, blowing a raspberry quickly before I pull away with a smile. "I love you more. And yes, I know you love me, even when you don't say it. But I enjoy hearing it." I wish it wasn't so hard to tell people how you felt. Most of the time, just telling the people you love that you love them can fix so many things.

Sometimes it makes things worse.

My mind settles on the past weeks with Greyson. He seemed to want to hear anything other than how I feel for him. It was disconcerting. For most of the summer, he'd nearly begged me to say it daily, over and over again, like it reminded him he wasn't alone.

He'd said it once, but he'd done it to manipulate me, so I didn't really count that as an admission of his true feelings. He hadn't wanted to hear me say it, and he certainly hadn't said anything since the Thanksgiving incident.

Out of nervous habit, my knuckles move up my chest to rub the bones there, to try to push the anxiety and stress back down, but Theo grabs my wrist when we hit the next red light, pulling me back to the moment.

"Do me a favour this weekend, Ells?"

I balk for a moment, my tongue tangling on my knee jerk, habitual agreement. For the first time in a long time, I pause, deciding to ask some questions up front before agreeing to anything. It's too many times that my blind faith and agreement to their schemes has landed me in trouble. "It doesn't involve me taking my clothes off, right?"

He winks at me, then wiggles his eyebrows naughtily. "If that were the case, I'd be doing you the favour, trust me."

I smack his arm, tugging my wrist out of his grasp and laughing, feeling lighter than I have in days. "I'll take your word for it, I guess. What's the favour?"

"Just forget about the world for a bit this weekend, let's just have fun. I think it's time you take a break. That we take a break. Let loose, get a little wild. You are far too serious these days." He reaches out, his thumb rubbing gently over the skin between my eyebrows. "You'll give yourself wrinkles worrying about everything and everyone all the time. One of these days, I hope you'll start putting yourself first, instead of everyone else. You could learn something from me there. You'll never be a selfish asshole, but you could learn to be a bit more selfish."

I grab his wrist, sliding his palm over my cheek so I can breathe in the faded scent of the cologne on his wrist. "You only think you're being selfish. You aren't."

Theo will always smell like home to me. Like the familiarity of our shared childhoods, the safety of a protector, the certainty of a forever kind of friendship. His thumb runs over my cheek before I release his wrist. He doesn't pull away for a long moment, though, seeming to take comfort in the contact, as I do.

As the only only child in our small group, Theo and I are more like very close siblings. I've always sort of absorbed him into everything, like an extension of my family. He feels more like family than anyone else in the group. No matter his wild antics, there's nothing he could ask of me that I wouldn't at least try to do to make him happy.

When he does finally pull away, I open my eyes and look over at him when he speeds up again. I kick up the brightness of my smile, trying to reassure him before promising, "I can do that. After all, it's your first last dance of the school year."

He lets out a loud whoop, accelerating a little and turning the music up once the traffic light turns green. I settle back in, watching him navigate the city traffic expertly with a small smile. Like all of us, he needs a break too.

So, I'll try to take one with him, to lose ourselves in fun, just for one night.

- - -

I've been having some challenges with inspiration and writer's block this week, but I think I've cracked through the worst of it! 

I hope you're enjoying the start of this book, so please let me know in the comments or consider voting to let me know what you think! 

I've got lots of drama in store for the next chapters, so stay tuned!

Xx Toria