October 26

Aurora, Ontario

"Hudson!"

I yelp in surprise as he nearly takes my head off with his polo mallet, when he turns the corner too quickly.

"Sorry, Ellie. You okay?" A quick, sheepish grin spreads across his face. There isn't even a trace of sincerity behind his apology, and I can't help but smile back at him despite my near death experience.

"Aside from the fact you nearly decapitated me, yes. Can you give me a boost? You'll go easy on me, right? I haven't played polo in years. Even my uncle said I was hopeless, and he's biologically conditioned to love me."

His chuckle rumbles through me as his chest bumps against my back and I settle my shin into his open hand. "Don't be so dramatic. On three, and yes, we'll start slow."

He tosses me up into the saddle, handing me my mallet before swinging his leg over his polo pony, Peanut.

Geordie and Brooke bought the horse for Hudson earlier this fall, when it became clear he actually had a future in the sport.

True to his word, Hudson starts me out slow. He helps me with my coordination as I swing the mallet, missing the ball at least a dozen times before I finally figure it out. His laughter, and eventually mine, is the only sound that accompanies us through the practice.

With every miss, with every bubble of laughter that makes our sides ache, I feel the tension of the past weeks slide a little further into the background.

But, no matter how strong of a rider I am, adding the mallet, the ball, and the goal posts, not to mention the other riders charging at you, I am not equipped to play polo. I constantly get tangled up in my head as I try to keep everything at the front of my mind.

I diligently, patiently, and with extreme effort and concentration, run the drills with him, laughing as I eventually panic, overcompensate, causing me to bail off the side of Churro, screeching on my way down in surprise. I land on the grass field with a breathless thump.

Laughing, I pick myself back up and dust my butt off. Almost immediately, I realize there's no way I can get back on without a step. "I'm going to head to the barn, need a step or something, I'll be back in a few."

"Just pull Churro up here, I'll help you."

He pulls Peanut right up beside me, "Put your foot on mine, grab my hand. On three."

With his help, I scramble up into the saddle, cursing my height compared to my Uncle's larger than average polo pony. I end up belly down across the saddle, tangled with my mallet awkwardly, one arm twisted to the side. I'm giggling so hard, I don't have the strength to pull myself the rest of the way up, no matter how Hudson tried to hold Churro still for me.

Eventually, he smacks my butt playfully with his riding crop, and I yelp in surprise, my free, unencumbered hand flying back to rub the small burst of pain away.

"Sorry, Ellie. Too temping of a target. Pull yourself together, girl." He grabs Churro's bridle again as the horse tries to move back towards the barn and, with Hudson's help, I finally manage to swing my leg over the saddle, my sides aching from laughter.

For the rest of the ride, we race, we laugh, we practice agility, and we let the world slide away.

"I've missed this."

I smile at the happiness in his voice, but also barely suppress an eye roll. "We were just here on Monday."

"No, I was here on Monday. You went to your barn to ride Kuna. I miss this, riding with you."

"I guess I've missed this, too, then." I nudge him with the tip of my mallet. "You seem to be keeping quite busy with Jules, though. I feel like I haven't seen you as much, either. Maybe we should do this more. Just us, I mean."

His silence rings an alarm bell in my brain. "Hudson? Everything okay?" I pull Churro to a halt, turning in the saddle.

"Don't hate me, but Jules is driving me crazy. It's like she forgot everything I said about wanting to keep things light. I feel trapped, I don't want to hurt her, or you, or wreck the group."

His rushed, quickly blurted confession and the way he immediately looks away from me makes me realize these thoughts have likely been simmering below the surface for a while. I suddenly wonder if he's been avoiding any actual conversation with me on purpose so he wouldn't have to tell me.

"How long have you felt like this? Why didn't you say something?"

His deep sigh makes me feel guilty even before he speaks. "I probably never should have started something with her, my feelings for her weren't really, well, real and now that it's not working, I just feel guilty."

"Just be honest, Hudson. It's all you can do. You were honest from the start, her feelings beyond that are her responsibility." A small twinge of disloyalty to Jules lodges in my heart, but it doesn't change the truth I feel in my own heart.

"You're not mad at me?"

I frown, confused. I nudge Churro forward again when Hudson pulls up beside me. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"She's one of your closest friends."

"You're my best friend, though. You come first for me. Always."

Hudson sighs, unclipping his helmet and tucking it under his arm. He drags his fingers through his hair roughly, before sliding a large hand over his face. Sweat and dirt smear over his forehead, leaving him looking distinctly rugged.

I study him carefully, his face as familiar to me as my own. I can read every emotion there. So I know his mind is made up. "When will you talk to her?"

"I thought I'd do it after the dance. It's not fair to leave her hanging without a date, and I have fun with her, it's not that. I just feel like she doesn't listen. She steamrolls over me, planning for a future I never wanted. It's all social calendar planning, dance dates, prom, then she's already started asking about colleges, and whether we should think about schools close together."

I nod, understanding him completely. I'd already had this feeling about their relationship from listening to Jules recently, I'd even shared my concerns with Greyson in the summer. Her feelings ran so much deeper for Hudson than that. Who could blame her, though?

I shake that thought away quickly, "Well, let's just focus on having fun together at the dance. Then you can talk to her next week, if that's what you still want. Maybe tell her you think it's getting too serious, see how she takes it. Maybe she's just lost sight of what you agreed in the summer, it's been awhile to be fair."

He leans over, smacking the brim of my helmet down over my eyes. "It is what I want, but it means a lot to know you understand. That I have your support. Seriously. I'll talk to her, give it a chance to go back a few steps, maybe."

When we reach the barn, he swings his leg over the saddle, dropping to the ground easily before handing Peanut to one of the grooms. "Thanks, Mario."

I hand my mallet to Hudson, then swing my leg over the front of the saddle, planning to slide off in the casual, somewhat careless dismount I'm used to doing with Kuna. Hudson catches me as I drop, setting me gently on my feet. He takes the reins from me, handing them off to another groom. "Thanks, Jeff. We'll see you Sunday."

"Later, Hud. Goodbye, Miss Elle."

I roll my eyes, "How many times do I have to beg, Jeff? It's just Ellie, or Elle. At least when it's just us, okay? He gets to be Hud, after all."

"Whatever you say, Miss Ellie." Jeff winks at me, undermining the formality in his tone, "He's not related to the Boss."

I sigh, but smile back and wave as he leads the horse away.

Hudson tosses an arm over my shoulder, stooping only to grab our shared bag of gear on our way out of the barn and towards Theo's car.

"On second thought, Ellie, why don't we go for a walk."

I look up at him, unclipping my helmet, and shaking my hair loose. "What do you mean? I thought we were leaving." I shift my gaze to the car and take in the slightly fogged windows. A flash of skin through the rear windshield startles me and makes me blush as understanding hits me.

On a gasp, I turn to Hudson, "Seriously? Who could he have possibly met here?"

Hudson only laughs, dropping our bag quickly by the trunk, before tossing my helmet down on top of the pile. He grabs my hand, tugging me back towards the paddocks.

"Leave it to Theo, I swear he's a chick magnet." He boosts me up onto the fence, then swings his leg over to sit next to me, glancing at his watch. "What do you figure, give him another ten? Fifteen?"

I stare at Hudson, open-mouthed, shock numbing my brain momentarily. "For what?"

His eyes widen, then his cheeks flush a deep, crimson red. "Uh, sorry, I guess I just assumed you knew what I was talking about."

I laugh, relaxing again, comforted by his embarrassment in an odd kind of way. "Sex, you mean?"

His flush deepens, and he grins a sheepish, crooked grin. "Uh, yeah."

I look down at my boots, kicking my feet in the tall grass by the fence line. "I don't know why you boys are all tripped up over talking about sex. You seem to do just fine talking to each other, and having it, it seems. You should be able to talk about it. But, here it is, for the record. No, I haven't had it, but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk about it, learn about it. Figure it all out. At least Theo will talk to me about everything."

Hudson just stares at me. "You mean Grey hasn't... Grey didn't... uh, show you?"

I roll my eyes. "Everyone thinks he's this big like Elle corruptor. I mean, I practically had to beg him to do anything other than kiss me this summer. I swear he's practically a saint, at least with me. It was borderline embarrassing how I basically threw myself at him."

Hudson bursts out laughing, which makes me shift slightly from embarrassment. "He is such a weirdo. I don't understand him at all. There's no way in hell I could ever resist that."

An awkward silence hangs over his words before he clears his throat, "Oh, uh, hypothetically speaking of course. Like, not with, um, you specifically, of course. I could resit you, I guess. Yeah. Never mind. That went in a weird direction."

I shake my head, finally releasing the tension trapped in my chest on a half laugh. "I think I get it, don't worry." I shake off the bizarre feeling that creeps over me, I don't really recognize it, but it feels a little like, hurt?

I wonder for a moment if there's something wrong with me. I'd had to beg Greyson for every new, shared experience in the summer, and even my friends can't seem to imagine me that way. I suddenly feel like I'm flawed, or missing some joke at my expense. Am I so undesirable? Am I doing something wrong?

Before I can work up the nerve to ask Hudson about it, he tugs on a stray lock of my hair, then nudges it back over my shoulder. "Anyway, I'm guessing T's with Tatiana, she comes down from the house sometimes when he brings me, she's the Au Pair from France."

I groan. Trust Theo to find the only eligible girl in a five hundred acre dead zone, who also happens to babysit my second cousins, and hook up with her in the back seat of his car. Literally right on her employer's property.

I smile at Hudson, turning to look at the car. "Hudson?"

He turns in the same direction, unconsciously mirroring my body, and I smile as sweetly as I can manage. He's so predictable. "Shotgun," I mutter, grinning even wider when he realizes he'll be stuck in the back seat where Theo and Tatiana have just been having sex.

Hudson lunges at me, dropping from the fence and grabbing me in one quick move. He swings me around in circles, until I'm breathless with laughter, dizzy, and feeling weightless.

I stretch my arms over my head and he dips me back dramatically, before dropping me on my butt in the grass.

When he flops down beside me, I roll over onto my stomach, picking at the grass. I start mindlessly braiding some pieces together, fashioning a sort of bracelet. I decide to add some more grass, making it long enough and thick enough to tie onto Hudson's wrist.

He wrinkles his nose when I secure it with a careful knot. "I thought we were done with you making me friendship bracelets." His voice is mildly pained, but he doesn't make a move to take the bracelet off. A few summers ago, I made hundreds of gimp and string bracelets for all my friends. For a while, every single one of my friends wore one of my colourful, crooked, tangled creations.

Let's just say I'm not exactly the artistic type. Or, I just hadn't found my artistic outlet completely, yet.

"Never. You're stuck with all my declarations of love and friendship, no matter what form they take." I stick my tongue out at him, and he laughs, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me against his side so we're staring at the clouds, my head resting on his bicep. The grass tickles my skin as the breeze dances through the blades.

"How's everything at school, Ellie? How's everything with the girls? With Grey?"

I shrug, not wanting to get into the details today. "It's more of the same. It's fine when I'm with Vi or Mads. Ry and Sarah text me to let me know they're trying to stop the rumours, but I know it's no use. I just hope nothing comes out to the teachers. Or that my parents don't get roped into all of it if that happens. People will say what they say, Hudson. It really sucks, but there isn't much I can do. I try to just let it go."

I try to make my voice sound confident and unaffected, to reassure him.

"It would be okay if it wasn't okay, Ellie. I won't let the rumours go if I hear them, neither with T. Or Lo and Wes, for that matter."

I groan and throw my forearm over my eyes in complete mortification. "Perfect, because I absolutely want my baby brother to hear what a skank his sister is, even if it is just rumours."

From the small shakes bouncing my head, I can tell Hudson's laughing and it makes me want to join him, despite the hurt and frustration coursing through me. "Anyone who knows you at all will know this is just a bunch of bull, Ellie. Worst-case scenario, you and I can tell everyone we are an actual couple and put all this shit to bed, so to say. They won't talk about you like this if we do that. No one would dare say anything about you if you were dating the captain of the hockey team. I won't let this go on indefinitely. It's not fair to you."

My heart swells at his simple words, and I cuddle in closer for just a moment. Those words, so easily spoken for him, ease the strain surrounding me just a little.

I can't help but think of his co-captain, of the boy who was leaving me alone in the cyclone of gossip circulating widly betweent the four schools. It was his ex who caused all the drama anyways. I shake that thought away, though, setting it aside for me to pick at more, later.

"Thank you, Hudson. I appreciate the offer, but let's just see where this goes. Hopefully, it will die out before we have to consider making me the relationship wrecker they think I am for real. I don't want to be anywhere near the gossip and blame canons that will be sure to launch at us. Anyway, please can we talk about something more existing?" I don't wait for his answer, but shift gears as quickly as I can manage.

"The Royal Winter Fair starts next week, and since I didn't qualify, I'll be down almost every night with Mom. So, about the gala evenings, if you and Jules are cooling things off a bit, can I count on you to be my date for some evenings? Theo's already gallantly offered his escort services for two nights he was free, there's still three or four I'd like to take a date to, so Mom doesn't spend the whole night introducing me to the sons of every board member on the charity circuit in Canada."

"My knightly escort services are at your disposal, Milady." He snickers at me, then turns serious. "What about Grey?"

I sigh, knowing I have to admit it to someone, eventually. "He's not exactly in a space where I can expect him to support me, or my interests, right now. Ryan's agreed to hang with him some evenings, same with Theo, and I'm going to see about leaving the closing night open to ask him as my date, but I think that's too much for me to expect from him, right now."

Hudson frowns, "You can't always put yourself second to his feelings or his pain, Ellie. I know it's all still so fresh and with everything that happened over Thanksgiving, I get where you're coming from. Just remember, eventually, things need to balance out."

I nod, knowing he's right again, as usual. I shift directions again to avoid talking about Greyson. I need time to sort out my own feelings before I go there with any of my friends. "How did you get to be so smart, so well adjusted?"

He chuckles, sending deep vibrations through me as I lean against his chest. "Um, have you met my parents? I think they have the healthiest relationship in the universe. It's a miracle, considering what a shit-disturber my dad is."

Smiling over his words, I nod in absent agreement. His parents are pretty fantastic, so are mine, really, but my mom has an edge that Brooke just doesn't have. It's an edge sharpened by a lifetime of expectations put on her by her own mother, which are now slowly, constantly seeping over onto me.

"Like father, like son, I guess." I can't help but tease him a little, since he is so similar to Geordie.

He pulls my hair again, then smiles devilishly. "Speaking of our parents, you're still game to be my date for the cotillion thing at the club, right, Ellie? United front? We're going together, or not at all."

I nod up at him, then offer my pinky, which he hooks with his own after rolling his eyes at me. "You don't have to tell me twice. Maybe we should run away and join the circus, though. Just to be safe."

His groan makes me laugh before he whines his displeasure over it all. "Don't tempt me. I thought all this etiquette stuff would appease them and that would be the end of it. But now? It feels like this is a command performance to show them everything we learned during that time. Like we're pigs being led to slaughter."

I wrinkle my nose at the visual he presents. "More like eligible bachelors and bachelorettes being led to the marriage market. It's totally archaic. Like I'm really an eligible bachelorette at sixteen. I just can't argue with Mom, though. Not about this stuff, it's useless. It means so much to her, and so little to me, so I don't see the point."

One big arm tightens around my shoulders and he reaches down to jab my ribs lightly. "Next time, call me before you wave the white flag of surrender to Diana. We can argue together. If you cave in, then I don't stand a chance either. Or, well, I guess I might, but you'd rope me into it, anyway."

I stick my tongue out at him, then smile. "What are friends for if not to rope into your crazy family stuff?"

"Yeah, we sure have enough crazy between all of us to rope each other in forever. At least we have each other, though. Most of the time, I don't think you're the bad kind of crazy."

"Right back at you, Hudson. Right back at you."

He laughs again, ruffling my hair, spreading it into my eyes. "Good. Mom's been harping on me to get my tux fitted. Do you have your dress?"

I close my eyes, shaking my head, letting out a puff of air to blow my hair out of my eyes impatiently. "No. Mom and I just cannot come to an agreement. You should see what she wants me to choose from. I think we're going to need a mediator soon. Can I hire your dad? What's his hourly rate? Or, maybe I can have him on retainer to talk her down forever? Is there a family discount?"

Hudson laughs again, reaching over to smooth my hair out of my eyes the rest of the way, then rolling to his side so he can look down at me. "I'll come to your next fitting, Ellie, help you manage your mom and make sure you don't end up like some tarted up, crinolined, corseted barbie doll. If you're going to be my arm candy, I'd rather you actually look the part."

"My hero." I ignore his teasing and smile up at him, laughing when he shifts abruptly to dig his fingers into my ribs. 

"What will my reward be? Eternal gratitude, devotion, and servitude? My choice of music on the drives to the barn from now until forever? Flattery of my choosing once a week? Once a day? Every minute of every day for the rest of my life?"

I try to wiggle free, knowing exactly what he's about to do. "Careful, or I might murder you and put me out of my misery after a few weeks of that last one."

He doubles down on tickling me, and I screech with laughter, kicking and squirming to gain my freedom, pushing up and running towards the car when I finally wiggle free.

Racing, panting breathlessly, I stumble forward only to freeze when I see Theo's butt flashing back and forth through the rear window. I immediately turn back to Hudson, who I slam into as he catches up to me. We both stare at the car as it rocks, then turn to one another, dissolving into a fit of laughter, before returning to our spot on the fence to wait for our friend.

Apparently, although none of the boys will spill all the secrets with me, sex takes much longer than ten minutes.

I mentally make a note to talk to Theo again about it. After all, I know at this point, he's the only one I can count on to tell me anything about anything. And, I now have the perfect leverage to ensure he answers all of my questions.

- - -

I am so sorry for the delay in updating over these past weeks. I've just moved back to Canada after 10 years living abroad. It was WAY more work than I could have imagined.

I hope to do some more regular updates, but I'll continue to add to my works when I can. Thanks for your understanding!

Please consider voting if you liked the chapter, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments! :*

Xx Toria