The following weeks passed by like a blur as the Survey Corps was busy with preparing the necessities and training their new recruits for their 57th expedition beyond the walls, which was just going to be a run-through to see if they could get Eren to Shiganshina district without any issues.

Isanna rode through the grassy turf, swirls of dust trailing behind Fish's hooves while the rush of the wind slapped her face and blew her tied-up hair behind her; she was heading to the castle ruins where the recruits and squad Levi had been occupying for the past weeks because she had been tasked to discuss with Levi about the position of his squad in the formation, as well as them acting as bait.

When she could see the outline of the castle ruins getting larger into her view, she pulled her reigns to a slow trot while her ride released a brief snort at the action. She scanned the area and saw the familiar faces of squad Levi cleaning the grass yard of the place, including Eren, and based on the accumulation of sweat and the sheer sign of exhaustion in their faces, Isanna made a guess that they had been cleaning the place for a while now; she felt bad since it was a particularly sunny day.

Her arrival caused the soldiers to snap their heads to her direction as Isanna directed her horse closer towards them. They promptly stopped whatever they were doing and thumped their fists against their chests after turning to her.

"Hey, hey, hey, squad Levi," Isanna greeted with a smile and a curt nod, "guess the gremlin's not going easy on you?"

The soldiers weren't sure how to react to that (Levi would have their asses if he heard them laugh at Isanna's nickname for him), so they all just nervously chuckled.

Isanna finally unmounted off her saddles and gestured for Petra to tie it up in the stables for her. "You guys are too stiff. Loosen up a li'l," she said with a chuckle before giving her attention to Eren, "is Levi treating you bad, Eren?"

The teenage boy flinched at the call of his name and vigorously shook his head. "Not at all, Sergeant. The Captain's been treating me well.."

"How much did he pay you to say that?"

Eren didn't want for Isanna to take it the wrong way; because aside from being monotonous, impassive, the occasional offensive language he would mutter, and his insane cleaning standards, Levi was actually a decent squad captain. "H—he didn't pay me, Sergeant."

Isanna pretended she wasn't convinced and brought her face closer to Eren's, who was startled at the close proximity and hesitantly leaned away. First, the Commander, now, the Sergeant Major? What was with these two and invading his personal space?

Grinning, Isanna threw her head back with a laugh. "Chill, Eren. No need to be so formal around me." She then playfully slapped his back. She thought it was playful, but for Eren, it wasn't; he had to refrain from hacking up coughs because of her strength.

"Well, if Levi ever treats you badly, you know where to find me," she stated with a wink at him before she turned to the rest of the squad and placed her hands on her hips, "speaking of Levi, where is he? I came here to see him."

Eld gestured over to one of the castle towers. "He's in his quarters in the third floor, Sergeant. I can take you there."

With a wave of her hand, Isanna shook her head and stalked away from the small group. "I can manage. Continue on with your yard cleaning." She heard a chorus of 'yes ma'am' in reply as she headed to the entrance of the towers.

As far as Isanna knew, the place had been home to dust, spiderwebs, and moss after years of not being in use, but Levi really went all-out in cleaning up the place because it was now comparable to their headquarters. She internally facepalmed for not asking Eld what room Levi was in since she had to knock and open all the doors she could find in the third floor. Getting tired of knocking, she soon decided to just swing the doors open instead to save her the time, and just her luck, she finally reached her destination.

Levi looked over towards the door with his thin brows furrowed together, about to tell off whatever dobe had entered his quarters without knocking, when he saw Isanna. His frown deepened. "Ever heard of knocking?"

"Well yes, it is quite an interesting thing," she answered without wasting a beat as she invited herself inside the room. She briefly peered around the quarters and took note of the lone desk, and a quaint bed at the corner; Levi was seated behind the desk, working on a pile of papers.

"What do you want?"

"I missed you," she joked, jutting out her lower lip and mustered a fake, innocent look.

He was unamused, and his blank face was enough proof of it. "Get out of my office."

Breaking out of the 'puppy' look, Isanna dramatically rolled her eyes while she made her way to his bed and sat down at the side, her weight sinking down on the mattress. "You're so boring."

Levi looked away from her and began stacking the papers. "What do you want me to say? 'I missed you too'? Give you a peck?"

Isanna took a second to imagine it, before she gagged and shuddered. "Please don't. I've dealt with enough trauma in my life."

"Did you just come here to waste my time or do you have something useful to say?"

"Yeah, actually. It's about the expedition." As she finally got Levi's whole attention, she began explaining to him what she had discussed with Erwin previously; squad Levi was to be in the center rear in the formation so that they could be well secured, and they were going to act as the bait to lure the enemy inside the titan forest, as well as release a sound grenade to signal the other veterans stationed in the forest.

"Make sure no one in your squad knows about this," Isanna finished as a precaution. While they inferred that there were higher chances for the traitor, or traitors, to be among the recruits, they should still be wary of the soldiers who had not been with them during the fall.

Levi didn't say anything as Isanna's explanation rolled inside his brain, already imagining possible scenarios that could happen during the expedition. No doubt they were going to lose plenty of lives in this expedition—just like during all their previous missions—but if things go well, they would be able to get their hands on valuable information.

"What exactly are we expecting?" he asked, "is it the colossal or the armored?" Levi wasn't able to get a glimpse of the two titans that had caused the loss of their third and largest territory, and he wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad thing.

Tilting her head, Isanna tried recalling the written reports she had read previously concerning the two titans. "With its size, I don't think it's going to be the colossal. Maybe it's going to be the armored. If their target is Eren, then they'll probably just grab him and make a run for it."

The silence lapsed inside the room as both Levi and Isanna began wandering their thoughts towards the upcoming expedition.

Levi looked at her. "What else did Erwin say?"

She shrugged in reply. "That's it." She had to admit, despite their lack of information, Erwin's plan was well-thought. Now if only the heavens wouldn't be such a dick and would actually be on their side for once. "And in case anything unexpected happens.. we'll just do what the Survey Corps does best."

"You mean bullshitting our way through and hope for the best?"

"No, I mean doing everything we can to look for a way out in whatever difficult situation to achieve our objectives."

"You just repeated what I said but only with unnecessary wordy shit."

Isanna lifted her hands and let them fall back to her side in exasperation. "Okay, fine! Yes, we'll just bullshit our way through, as usual. God, Levi, I was only trying to sound smart."

"Is it hard?"

With a low growl, Isanna reached for the nearest pillow and chucked it towards Levi, who (unsurprisingly) caught it in one hand due to his fast reflexes before it could hit his face. She clicked her tongue in annoyance, inwardly cursing at him. Levi had already stolen her and Mike's title as 'humanity's strongests', and now he was even threatening her other position in their circle as the sassy one. No way was she backing down without a fight; her pride was on the line.

"Dick."

Levi ignored her.

"34-year-old virgin."

He wasn't one to get riled up easily as he had gotten immune to her constant teasing over the years, but that was uncalled for. "Are you a fucking kid?"

"Are you?"

Levi shot a glare at her. "Just to remind you, we're all virgins here."

Isanna parted her lips to retort when she realized he made a point. She slowly closed her lips. Come to think of it, Nile was probably the only one from the same age bracket as them who she knew actually got laid. And the thought did not sit well with her.

"Maybe if you and Eyebrows actually stopped ignoring each other like kids, you can fuck each other then."

Sending a look at him, Isanna was momentarily at a loss of words after his statement. When she couldn't find a good comeback for that, she sighed and let her back fall on the soft cushions of the bed. 

How and why did they even find themselves in a conversation like this in the first place?

Levi saw her position and felt his eye twitch. "Oi. Get off the bed. You're filthy."

She was about to ignore him, but an idea popped inside her brain. Moving her gaze, she made sure to keep a steady eye contact with him, along with the most serious expression she could muster as of the moment. Then, without saying anything else, Isanna began rolling around the bed just to spite him.

To say Levi was outraged was an understatement.

The next thing Isanna knew, she was kicked out of Levi's office. Literally.

She figured she had enough dosage of pissing Levi off for the day, so she decided to head back to HQ. With a grumble, she rubbed the sore spot on her bum where Levi had kicked her, and faced the door to his office.

"For the record, I'm sassier than you!"

A muffled 'nobody gives a fuck' came from the other side of the door.

With a halfhearted roll of her eyes, Isanna rounded her heel and padded down the narrow hallway, down the cemented levels of the castle tower until she reached the first floor. That was a nice way to relieve the stress that had been building up inside her for the past weeks; the veteran Scouts were all so busy and tense with preparations for their 'secret' objectives that there wasn't any space to catch a breather at all.

As she reached the doorframe where she had entered earlier, she was about to exit and step into the courtyard when a voice called for her attention. "Sergeant Major."

Isanna sent a glance over her shoulder, her eyes landing on a familiar blond boy with large, blue eyes. "Oh, Armin."

As she turned around to face him, Armin stood straighter and thumped his fist against his chest. Isanna took this chance to scan the teen standing before her who was shorter than her by only a few centimeters, as she took in his physique, she was inwardly amazed at how much he had changed in only a span of five years. Back then, Armin looked so fragile and scrawny that Isanna was sure she could snap him in half with her own bare hands; now, while he still retained some features that made him look innocent (rather, too innocent to be in the military), there was also an underlying sense of newfound bravery and firmness hanging in his appearance. She had heard that the new head instructor of the Training Corps was now her former Commander, so no doubt he was able to sculpt such fine young soldiers for the military.

She wondered how he had been doing for the past years, but she couldn't bring herself to ask that knowing that their first encounter had been through.. unpleasant circumstances.

"Looking handsome as always," Isanna drawled with a grin, wanting to disarm the formal atmosphere between them as she motioned for him to lower his salute, "how's it like in the Scouts? Got used to the fancy life here yet?"

Armin blinked at her casual tone before he hesitantly returned her smile and scratched the back of his neck, a faint hue of pink spreading in his cheeks at the compliment. "Thank you, Sergeant. Um, I've been doing well."

"How's training?"

"It's going fairly well."

"Good," she chuckled and stepped forward, patting him by the shoulder, "learn whatever you can while we're still behind the walls; we'll need all the skills we can during the expedition."

Armin nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

Isanna gave him one last smile and muttered her goodbye before she turned around, about to walk away when he called her again.

"Sergeant, I—about.. four years ago.."

Stopping, she let his words sink inside her for a while. He brought it up; that time from four years ago. She hadn't been expecting that at all. Isanna slowly turned around to face him again. "Yeah?"

Armin averted his gaze from her eyes, looking at his feet as he collected his thoughts in order to phrase his words carefully. He twiddled with his fingers, feeling the shyness seep in, but he was able to overcome it as he lifted his gaze back up to look at her. "I just, want to thank you for back then."

His sudden gratefulness took Isanna aback. She tried recalling for any other instances apart from their encounter four years ago that would cause him to thank her, but she couldn't think of anything except for the time when she returned his late grandfather's coat to him. That wasn't even a reason enough to thank her; she had been a part of the reason why his grandfather died so unfairly. "Why?"

"Because," Armin began, "you apologized."

".. What?"

"You apologized," he repeated, his mind going over to the time when he had been working in the fields, before he enlisted in the Training Corps. He remembered seeing the numerous Military Police soldiers comment so lightly about the fake mission to recapture Wall Maria, as if those lost lives did not bear any meaning to them whatsoever. When his grandfather died, Armin, with his young mind, resented the central government so much and even the military who had led that suicide mission.

But, when Isanna apologized to him back then, he felt the sincerity and remorse in her words; and Armin realized that perhaps not everyone who was associated to the government was selfish.

"You took accountability for that mission," he continued, "... you had no choice. Even then, you still felt bad." A morose smile spread on Armin's lips as he stared at the soldier who had played a part in inspiring him to join the Scouts, so that he could at least thank her. "I understand that now."

Isanna felt her tongue going dry as she thought about all the lost lives she had seen back then. It did feel so wrong, and every time she looked at herself in the mirror she couldn't help but imagine the splotches of blood on her own hands because of it. "An apology.. was the least I could do, Armin." I don't deserve your thanks.

"Still, please let me thank you," he said, "you are.. a good person to me, Sergeant. And at least for me, I forgive you for what happened."

It was like an imaginary arrow pierced her heart at his words, and she had to press her lips firmly together to keep a steady face. She could never forgive herself for what happened that day four years ago, even though she knew they never had a different realistic option. Now that she received those words by one of the victims' families of that tragedy, she felt a heavy burden was lifted off her chest.

"Ah, man," she chuckled with a subtle shake of her head, placing a hand on her hip, "you're making me pretty emotional, Armin. How dare you."

Flustered, the boy profusely apologized. "I—I'm sorry! That wasn't my intention, Sergeant—"

"Isanna," she cut him off with a smile, "just Isanna is fine."

Armin blinked at her. "Uh.. then.. Isanna-san."

She grinned and gave him a thumbs up. "Better. Makes me feel closer to you. And less older."

After a few more exchange of words, the two finally bid their farewell, with Armin going away to resume to his training with the rest of the recruits while Isanna headed back to HQ.

•

Armin's words kept on bouncing inside Isanna's head as she leaned against the window frame that overlooked the courtyard below. She was lounging at the library in their HQ, staring at the gloaming twilight of layer that hung across the sky, dimming the earth below it. Dots of stars decorated the space, twinkling and seemingly gleaming brighter the longer she stared at it. The moon was not visible, obscured by the thick night clouds, but it didn't make the scene look less beautiful.

"You are.. a good person to me, Sergeant."

A chuckle escaped her. Good person, he said. Isanna would never have thought she'd ever hear those words directed to her.

If there was one thing she was sensitive about when it came to this world, it was orphaned children. After all, she herself was one, and it was the reason that pushed her to take Lauren in back then.

That was why it amazed her. If she was in Armin's shoes, she would never forgive the people who caused the death of her last remaining relative; she'd tear them from limb to limb, to hell with her morals. So for Armin to forgive her, that was brave of him to do so.

"What a shitty world we live in."

If only those damned titans never existed, maybe they wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. Armin wouldn't have had his grandfather die, she wouldn't have had to see all the parentless children wandering in the streets, her friends wouldn't have been eaten, and even Erwin's father wouldn't have been killed for reasons still unknown to them.

She stared at the bottle in her hand, which was now practically empty; Isanna had once swore that she was never going to drink again, but that was only when in the presence of Erwin—because she didn't want to end up doing anything stupid in front of him.

She was aware she was becoming more emotional with the alcohol in her system and her thoughts were getting hazier, but with the conversation she had with Armin earlier, she thought it wouldn't hurt to get lost in reminiscence for a short while before their expedition.

The door to the library where Isanna was in suddenly creaked open, causing her to turn her face to see whoever had entered.

For a few moments of silence, they stared at each other.

"What are you doing here?" Isanna's voice was slurring, a clear sign of her intoxication. 

Erwin's eyes trailed down at the bottle in her hand and pieced two and two together. 

He wanted to reprimand her for drinking at such a crucial time, but held back his tongue. She probably snatched it from the kitchens. 

"I was looking for a particular reading material," was all he said as he closed the door behind and strode over to one of the shelves. The lamp he held in his hand provided him with a little flickering orange flame as he placed it on the edge of one of the rows and traced his hand on some book spines. 

It was silent in the room as both minded their own businesses. Erwin delicately pulled a book out of its place and flipped it open, the shuffling of pages ruffling in the air and filling in the silence. 

He was supposed to just take the book and go, yet, here he was. Still in his place, unmoving. 

Isanna noticed that he had still not left. "When are you gonna leave?"

Erwin knew it was not his business, but he wondered why she was getting herself drunk at this hour. And on top of that, getting drunk alone.

He closed the book with one hand and glanced at her. "Did something happen?"

"Did you say something?"

When he repeated his question, he observed the way she scrunched her forehead, probably mentally wording her response since the alcohol was slowing down her system.

"Someone said I'm a good person."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah," she replied, surprising Erwin when he heard her giggle a bit after that. He had never heard her make a sound like that before. He concluded she was drunker than he thought.

"It seems you had a good time."

She directed her gaze so that she was staring out through the window. When she made no sign of telling him anything else, he decided to ask her how the meeting with Levi went. He wasn't sure if he could call it a 'meeting', but with her current state of mind, he might as well just simplify things for her.

"Oh, it went pretty well," she stated with a wave of her hand, voice still slurring, "we just talked about.."

Erwin could see her face scrunching up again as she thought about her next words.

"We talked about.. sex.. and the wonders of being virgins in our 30's!" She laughed at the end of her sentence, throwing her hands high up in the air with a gleeful expression as if she just said the funniest joke ever in the history of 9th century comedy. In the middle of her laughing spree was a sporadic series of hiccups.

Erwin honestly did not know where this conversation was heading to anymore. "I see." Pause. "That seems like a very.. productive topic to discuss about."

"Yeah—" she hiccuped— "but y'know what doesn't sit well with me?"

"What is that?"

"Dok isn't a virgin anymore!"

The longer Erwin listened to her, the more amusing she sounded.

It was a whole different side of her unlocked.

"I don't get it—" she rambled on as she made all sorts of hand gestures— "what does Marie even see in that constipated-looking dickwad? It don't add up!"

"'Doesn't'," Erwin corrected.

"Fuck grammar!"

Erwin didn't have much choice; he listened as she continued rambling on about other topics and wondered if she would even remember all these things in the next morning. He had never seen her this drunk before.

"Marie is soooo pretty," Isanna drawled on, followed by a long sigh, "I wonder what dirty trick Dok did to seduce her... or should I call him Nile now? Because Marie's also Dok.. holy shit that's so confusing.. and it's such an ugly ass last name too... poor Marie.. thank gods I have a cool surname.. thanks mom.." Her monologue went on, words becoming a mumbled mess.

Isanna had her fair share of embarrassing moments in life, but if guardian angels existed, they would certainly have wrote this moment down as her number one, submitted it to the heavenly records, and then ultimately disown her.

Erwin studied her features closely; by now, the bright moon was finally out of the shadows of the night clouds, casting an illuminating glow over them. Elongated shadows crawled on the floorboards below them, and the chirping of forest crickets echoed across the dim meadows of their HQ.

"You're beautiful as well," he muttered, too fixated in staring at the woman that he failed to realize the slip of his tongue. When he finally did, it was too late.

Isanna turned to him with a raised brow. "You said something?"

Erwin pressed his lips together in a tighter line. He hoped she wouldn't remember all this tomorrow.

"I said, you're beautiful."

He observed the way she blinked a few times at him, gauging her reaction. 

Isanna grinned. "Thanks. Your eyebrows are pretty too. And as for your last name... hm.. I'd give it a seven out of ten. Mine's still cooler. But it's okay; your face makes up for the last three points." 

An involuntary twitch in his lips slowly turned into a faint smile at her comment, before it quickly disappeared. 

"Am I a good person to you, Erwin?"

Isanna's sudden question caught him off-guard, a silence lapsing between them as Erwin stared at her for a few seconds, her query sinking inside him. While he couldn't read what was in her mind as of the moment (considering she was helplessly drunk), he could tell by the slight frown on her face that she was contemplating about something.

He looked away from her eyes and gazed through the window, taking note of the nightly silhouettes of the forest trees right across them. Returning his eyes at her, he noticed she was still intently staring at him, waiting for an answer.

Who would've thought Isanna would be one of those types who'd become a bipolar mess when severely drunk; for the past few minutes, her emotions were quite literally jumping from one to the next.

With a sigh, Erwin returned the book back in the shelf and walked over, settling himself on the windowsill right across her. Sitting between them was an empty bottle.

"You are."

He held her stare with his own, a jumble of a mess of emotions suddenly crashing into him that was threatening to burst out of his chest, but he held it back. 

Just as he always did. 

He was so used to pushing his own emotions back and steeling himself into the stern leader the majority viewed him as, that people would often mistake him as a cold person who was devoid of normal human emotions.

Erwin reached over and tucked a few of her locks behind her ear, still looking directly into her eyes. "You are a good person to me, Isanna." Too good, he mentally added. 

He didn't know why he was suddenly saying these things, but he was betting on the chance that she would forget it soon after the next morning and they would be back to being the professional soldiers that they were.

He would never say it out loud, but he actually enjoyed the few minutes of conversation earlier—although she was a drunken mess, it made him relieve the laidback times of the previous years; where he and Isanna used to hold conversations that were not as cold.

"Y'know, Armin and I talked about something earlier," Isanna began, pulling him away from his thoughts as she began retelling him of their conversation, about how Armin never resented her, and that he forgave her for back then.

"He forgave me, but," she paused with a dry chuckle, "what happened still wasn't fair to the victims. You realize that, don't you, Erwin? Armin.. and the rest of the recruits.. they're just.. kids. Says a lot about the shithole we live in, when we have literal teenagers fight for their own lives and die trying."

Erwin wanted to tell her that they had no choice; with the way the world had been treating them, it was the only way for humanity to survive. 

To fight.

A wisp of breath left her lips as Isanna looked out the window. "I just wish that.. someday, I will be able to give those kids a better future. One that won't need all these deaths. I want them to live life as a free person."

A trickling silence filled in the air as the weight of her words drifted away, and Erwin soon found himself staring at her side profile longer than he usually would. Her short-length dark hair that flowed just right past her shoulders, her long eyelashes that would flutter every now and then with every blink of her eyes, to the bridge of her nose, then down to her lips.

He would never get tired of looking at her.

"Keep staring, Commander, and I'm seriously starting to think you want to kiss me."

Erwin blinked out of his thoughts, locking eyes with Isanna who had already turned to him, while the silence fell back again after her statement.

His eyes flickered down to her lips again. Without meaning to, he licked and subtly bit his own, and he swore that for some reason, his heartbeat suddenly picked up its pace at the thought.

After a long agonizing pause, he stood up and decided to ignore what Isanna had just said. "We'll review the finalization of the plan tomorrow when you're sober."

Just as he took one step towards the door however, a sudden pull yanked him backwards, his body whirling around in a quick movement as Isanna stepped down from the windowsill and pulled him back. 

Erwin had to use his free arm to prop himself on the wall beside the window as his eyes slightly widened while he stared down at Isanna's face, his mind still whirring at her sudden actions.

She returned his surprised stare with a straight gaze.

"Kiss me."

Erwin blinked at her sudden demand, her words sinking inside his head as the smell of alcohol washed over his face, and he had to steady his composure for a moment.

He reminded himself that she was just drunk.

When he made no move, Isanna lifted a hand and was about to cup his cheek when the blond instantly grasped both her wrists and pinned them to the wall above her head.

Silence followed after the thump, the tension between the two only thickening as they stared at each other's eyes, breaths fanning.

The strip of the moonlight from the window showered their figures inside the rayless library room, its dimness framing the shadows, and the thickening air pressing heavily against them.

Then, a lopsided grin spread on Isanna's lips.

"That's kinky, Smith."

"Do not test me, Herrmann."

She lowly chuckled as her eyelids slowly dropped in a half-lidded stare, breath fanning over Erwin's lips at the proximity. "Not my fault you look like you were about to kiss me."

Erwin's thick brow twitched at her boldness, and he willed himself to refrain from glancing down at her lips as he tightened his grip around her wrists as a means to hold his impulse.

"You're not thinking straight, and I will never take advantage of a drunk woman."

They stayed like that for a few seconds, until Isanna's head lolled forward. Then, Erwin heard light snores coming from her.

It took the blond a few seconds to realize that she had fallen asleep.

Clenching his jaw, Erwin released a low sigh as he loosened his hold on Isanna's wrists and caught her in his arms when she slumped forward, before he bended down and picked her up in a bridal carry.

One second she was rambling about being virgins, the next second she was rating surnames, then, she suddenly went sentimental. After that, she was drunk flirting with him, and then fell asleep 0.2 seconds right after.

Contrary to his outward composure, Erwin felt like he was going internally crazy just trying to keep up with her.

He stayed in his spot for a while with eyes closed shut, collecting his thoughts at the torture he had to endure a few moments earlier, as well as mentally congratulating himself for sticking to his principles.

His father would've been so proud of his self-control.

Erwin opened his eyes and gazed down at the sleeping woman in his arms.

He sighed for the umpteenth time that evening, pushing his tongue against the inside of his cheek (a habit he had formed every time he was frustrated at something) at how peaceful the woman was while he was suffering because of her (drunken) seductions.

"What have you done to me?"

•

The next day, Isanna couldn't remember a single thing; she tried racking her memories for anything while she was hunched over the toilet in her quarters, suffering under a heavy hangover.

However, no matter how much she juggled her brain, nothing else came to mind.

Maybe I should just give up on drinking for good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: this is by far the longest chapter ive ever written for this fic (i'll try to keep things shorter next time)

(note:try)

and??? 50k????? reads????? and 3k votes?????? im so grateful 🙇🏻‍♀️

enough fluff/comedy,, we're finally getting back to canon next chapter! yey :]