The sun was bearing down harshly as Isanna hiked down the dusty streets filled with civilians who were tending to their daily businesses while bustling noises filled the air. Not having much of an appetite, she had skipped breakfast and decided to head out of the headquarters after changing into casual clothes, not wanting to run into anyone that particular day. The Commander had given them a few days of rest after the expedition for recuperation - something Isanna was silently thankful for. 

With blank eyes, Isanna walked down the busy streets, moving side to side to avoid bumping into people. The jovial laughter of children reached her ears and she looked to see a group of young kids running past her, playing tag. 

"Oh, I'm sorry!" A girl mannerly apologized with a respectful bow after bumping into Isanna, before she continued running after her friends. The girl turned her head to watch the group scurry away, the distant laughter fading out as they went farther down the road. 

Her thoughts reminisced back when she had been a kid just like them. Isanna didn't have the perfect childhood; she never knew who her father was, and while she had been blessed enough with a loving mother, the world had been cruel enough to pluck her away from Isanna's life when she was still seven. She remembered how darker her days had seemed after that, constantly relocating from one space to another, sleeping in damp alleyways one night and under bridges the next, pushed around by bullies and looked at disdainfully by adults - life had been tough, and Isanna had done all she could to survive and get through each day. 

And then came Erwin. 

Calling him the light in Isanna's world wouldn't be an exaggeration. The man was indeed her light. A glimmer of hope. The first strip of light that would slither through the clouds after a stormy rain.

Her life had changed drastically ever since she had met the blond. He welcomed her into his home, gave her delicious food, and accepted her as family. In one day, he made her feel important in a cruel world that had shunned her for years. 

The world was cruel. But he made it beautiful for her to live in. 

Isanna wished the time she had spent together with Erwin and his father when they were still kids never ended. Life seemed so much better then. 

Now, it's just shit. 

"Isanna? Is that you?"

The girl was brought back to reality when her eyes landed on a familiar person just a few steps in front of her, right in the middle of the bustling street. A few moments passed by with the two staring at each other, registering their presence. 

Nile. 

He was wearing the standard uniform of the Military Police, that eyesore of a unicorn sewn on his breast pocket. He hadn't changed one bit, Isanna thought as her fists balled tightly at her sides. 

::

Never before was silence so loud. 

Nile had taken the initiative to invite Isanna to a nearby cafe, and the two were now seated on one of the round tables, both friends staring at each other from across the table. Two glasses of water were left untouched before them, with only the light conversations from other customers hanging in the room. 

Isanna had her eyes stuck on the liquid through the transparent glass. She hadn't said a single word to the man before her, the thickening tension only rising. Her fingers were still digging deeply inside her palms, the veins in the back of her hand bulging out at the tension. She bit her tongue in silent frustration. 

How was she going to tell him? 

How was she going to tell Nile that their friends were now gone?

"I heard you guys went on your first expedition," she finally heard him say. His tone was so flat and casual, and Isanna was sure that the dire news still had not reached him. Yet. And she was now tasked on delivering the information to him. 

Nile had his arms crossed leisurely as he stared at the girl who had still not looked at him in the eye ever since entering the cafe. He studied her closely and realized how gaunt she looked. Slightly pale, even. 

"So you haven't kicked the bucket," Nile commented, trying hard to mask the relief in his voice. Even though they had separated on abrupt, sour terms, he never wanted any harm to befall his friends. 

"What about the rest of the guys?"

At the dreaded question, Isanna swore she could feel her heart stopping. She tried to drown out the surrounding noise as she bit her lip, feeling her eyes stinging once again at the haunting memory. She didn't want to say it. She didn't want to have to say it. If she did, she knew she'd break down again. 

".... Dead.."

Nile frowned at the mumble she released, not able to hear her. "What?"

Isanna finally gathered the courage to lift her eyes at him, willing herself not to break apart as she croaked out. "Adrian... Chiara.. Adalaide.... they're dead."

The girl watched as Nile's face froze at her words. The seconds ticked by with the man merely staring at her, probably waiting for her to laugh it off as a joke, or letting the information process in his brain. Isanna figured it was a mixture of both. 

"You're joking."

"Do I look like I am?"

Nile took one glance at the broken look on Isanna's face and realized that she was telling the truth. 

Adrian, Chiara, and Adalaide. Dead. 

With each second that passed, Nile's face slowly fell, despair painting his eyes while he still had them fixated on the girl, not breaking eye contact. He slowly uncrossed his arms. 

He couldn't believe it. Dead? 

It seemed like it was just yesterday when they were enjoying dinner in the Training Corps, laughing and teasing each other after a day full of training. The memory of Adrian, Adalaide and Chiara's voice laughing resounded in his head. 

"Are you relieved?"

Nile blinked at Isanna, who was now staring intently at him with a hardened look, a hint of anger, betrayal, and regret in her eyes. "Are you relieved that you chose the Military Police?" She croaked out a question, her shaking voice not going unnoticed by him. "Are you happy that you.. that you're now pigging away behind the walls, wearing that damn unicorn and left your friends behind?!"

Isanna's quaking voice was now gaining volume, her glassy eyes glaring at Nile with both of her fists clenching atop the table. 

As Nile stared back at the girl, he couldn't help but feel a prickling sting in his eyes. He indeed left them. And so abruptly, at that. But..

".. I don't... regret my decision."

The girl blinked at his response. 

Nile gritted his teeth and glared back at her, infusing equal anger in his tone. "It's not my fault you all made the wrong choice!" He leaned forward and slammed a fist on the table in frustration. "We were all in the top 10! If you guys only followed me, this wouldn't have happened - they would have stayed alive - your decision was wrong!" 

His outburst rang through the cafe, causing most of the attention from the customers to transfer to their table. 

Isanna's eyes twitched in anger at his words, her jaw clenching. With a curse, she shoved the table to the side, the wood crashing to the next table and causing glass and other utensils to shatter on the floor with a loud clang. Yelps of surprise from the other customers erupted in the room, but Isanna and Nile were still glaring at each other. 

The girl lunged forward, grabbing the front of Nile's jacket and threw him on the floor. 

"BASTARD!" Isanna knelt and straddled him, one hand clutching on to his jacket while the other gave him hard successive punches to the face, "Take that back! Take back what you said!" 

Some of the workers of the cafe had come over from the back of the store and tried to pull the girl away, but Isanna was too strong for them; she jabbed her elbows to their faces, breaking their noses while her attention was still fixed on the man below her. 

Nile grunted at her weight and the pain she was inflicting on him, but managed to deliver a hard blow to Isanna's cheek, momentarily pausing her series of repeated attacks. At the opening, he grabbed the front of the girl's shirt and kicked her stomach so that she was sent spiraling away and crashing into another table. 

"Bitch," he winced at the copper taste of blood in his mouth and spit out a mouthful. "don't think just because you're a girl I'll go easy on you!"

Isanna quickly recovered and glowered back at him and lunged at the man once again, the two engaging into another series of brawls while the people around them desperately tried to stop the fight. 

Nile threw a punch at her but Isanna was quick to evade it and tackled him back to the floor once more, the man releasing a groan at the force. 

"ASSHOLE!" Isanna screamed at him, launching another messy punches on his face. "How dare you - !"

Nile managed to catch both her wrists before it could hit him again, mildly surprised when he heard her choke back a sob. His widened eyes were now staring at Isanna's glossy ones as a tear fell and landed on his cheek. 

"You," she whimpered, slowly losing the strength from the short burst of adrenaline and emotion. "our friends are dead, and you're... blaming their decision?"

Isanna bit back her tears as she looked at Nile in the eyes. "Don't... you dare.. insult their memories!" 

At a loss for words, Nile could only stare at the teary-eyed girl above him. This was the first time he had ever seen Isanna so vulnerable, so emotional, so broken. 

What the fuck am I doing? He thought with a frown. His friends were dead, and his first response to it was to blame their choices, then picked a fight with another one of his friends who was still alive yet emotionally-distraught. 

Isanna pulled back and furiously wiped her glassy eyes with the back of her hand. The last thing she wanted was to burst down crying into fits of pathetic sobs in a public place in front of Nile. 

The girl turned on her heel and stormed out of the cafe, not shooting one last glance at her friend who was still lying on his back, whose eyes were trailing on the ceiling. 

Muttering a curse, Nile slowly lifted himself up while bending his knee to rest an elbow on it, holding his face in a frustrated sigh and held back his tears. 

Why did things end up like this?

•

The walk back to the headquarters was heavy. 

Isanna had to drag herself through the cobbled pavement, ignoring the curious looks from strangers at her battered-up condition. The already-low mood that had been washing over her since earlier that morning had now taken a more sour turn after her confrontation with Nile. 

The girl limped into the ghostly silent barracks. A disconcerting heavy air had taken place above the buildings of the Survey Corps after their expedition, clearly still mourning the loss of the soldiers who had once occupied those very buildings. 

Upon entering the girls' dormitory building, Isanna staggered through the hallways that felt unnaturally longer than usual, wanting no more than to spend the rest of the day wallowing in the comfort of her bed sheets. 

The sound of footsteps reached her ears and Isanna lifted her face to see Erwin walking towards her from the direction of her room. 

"Isanna, I was looking - " he paused upon registering the girl's condition as his eyes scanned her. "... Where have you been?"

The girl averted her eyes and tried to sidestep around him. "Outside. Took a walk."

Not having any of her excuses, Erwin grabbed her shoulder and spun her around to face him. His frown was evident on his features as he took Isanna's chin with his index and thumb and forced her to look at him in the eye. He wordlessly studied her face, his scrutinizing gaze scanning over the purple bruise on her cheek and left eye, then to the small trail of blood on the side of her lip.

Isanna only stared at him as he used his thumb to wipe the blood off her lip, before Erwin returned his eyes to lock gazes with her. There was a dark glint in his eyes. 

"Who did this to you?"

The girl silently gulped and jerked her head away from his hold. She didn't want him to see her like this. 

"Fell down the stairs."

It was a flat out lie, and Erwin knew it right at the get-go. "Were you picking fights on the street?"

"Please, Erwin, I'm tired." With closed eyes, Isanna pinched the bridge of her nose, before she let her hand fall to her side and walked away, heading to her room.

The blond could only stare at her back as she got further away from him. 

•

Isanna had her body curled on her bed, the sunlight piercing through the window and forming a boxed light on the floorboards. Her bed was one of the bunks that were still filled with her personal stuff, a stark contrast to the other beds that were hollow and empty. With half-lidded eyes, the girl stared at the bunk bed opposite hers, where Chiara and Adalaide's stuff were messily strewn around. 

Before Isanna's mind could go on another string of depressive thoughts, the door to the room opened, and the girl glanced to see Erwin had entered carrying a small aid kit. She was silent as she watched the blond trudged over towards her bed, sitting down on the side as the mattress shifted at his weight. 

He placed the kit on the spot to his side, and opened it. Isanna only stared as Erwin took out a cotton bud and dripped an ointment on it, before his blue irises flickered to hers. 

"Raise your head."

Isanna complied wordlessly as Erwin gently took her chin while his other hand held on to the cotton bud, carefully and lightly dabbing the soft material on the cut on the girl's lips. Her attention was on him, noting how focused his gaze was on her lips as he cleaned it out with whatever thing he had coated the cotton with.

She heard him release a faint sigh. "What am I going to do with you?"

Isanna clenched her fists on her lap. "I'm sorry."

At her apology, Erwin's eyes finally flittered towards hers, a wave of guilt suddenly washing over him as he noted the glistening of her eyes. He didn't say anything, but placed the cotton down and took out a pack of ice wrapped in clean cloth that he had gotten in the medical bay and gently placed it on Isanna's cheek while his other hand cupped the other. 

The coldness caused the girl to wince, but Erwin's gentle touch on her other cheek helped Isanna to settle to the ice that was now pressing on her. 

A few seconds trickled by, with only the feeling of the ice-cold on her left cheek and Erwin's warm touch on her right the only things enveloping Isanna. 

Until Erwin broke the silence. "Quit the Survey Corps."

Isanna blinked at the blond, doubting her ears. She stared at him before she lightly slapped Erwin's hands away and swept her leg off the bed to the other side, standing up and peering at the window where the array of buildings were in view. 

"If you came here just to tell me nonsense, you can leave," she said with her back to him, not caring how harsh she sounded. 

She heard shuffling and guessed that Erwin had stood up, before he replied, "I.. miscalculated," he paused. "I thought having you join with me was enough, since I could still watch over you. But I was wrong. The longer you stay here, the more you'll encounter what you had seen in our first expedition - maybe worse."

The way he uttered the last words was straining his tone. 

"Your decision was wrong!" 

Nile's accusation shot through Isanna's mind and rang through her, causing her to bite her lips in anger. 

"So what?" Isanna countered, turning around to finally face Erwin, who was already looking at her, with only the bed between them barricading the two. The girl's brows were pulled into a frown. "I... already knew the risks when I joined. And I experienced first-hand just how atrocious those bastards outside the walls really are."

"But I told you, didn't I?" She continued, her voice shaking. "Just focus on your dream. Don't look back. Not even to me. I know I'm a mess right now - " she ran a hand through her messy locks " - but I'll manage - I'll get used to it. I'll get used to this kind of life."

After all, wasn't Erwin already intent enough on pursuing his goal? He didn't need to bother with her. All he had to do was keep on going forward like he always did, and Isanna would just follow him. 

Erwin frowned at her and circled the bed, stopping right beside the girl as she craned her neck at him. 

"Telling me not to look at you," he muttered disapprovingly. "it's impossible. I cannot do that."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're the only one," Erwin briefly paused and looked at her in the eye, "I cannot sacrifice for my dream."

His words hung above them, Isanna staring at the blond with piercing eyes of confusion. She knew he was looking out for her, but she never thought she would actually hear those words come out from his own lips. The girl knew he was more than determined to sacrifice everything for his dream, heck, he even sacrificed his feelings for Marie, but he couldn't sacrifice her?

"You only followed me here. I will not allow my selfishness to drag you to your death," Erwin continued, "so Isanna.. quit the Survey Corps."

The girl bit her lip as she stared at the blond, blue eyes clashing with dark hues. Her thoughts went over towards her lost friends. Adalaide. Chiara. Adrian. 

With a click of her tongue, Isanna grabbed Erwin by the shoulder and roughly pushed him against the wall beside the window, her face lifted to scowl at him.

"Who do you take me for?" She growled at him. "A coward? You think I'm going to turn around, tail between my fucking legs, and run away?"

She raised her other hand to grab on to the front of Erwin's shirt. 

"If I turn back now, it will be mocking our friends' deaths!"

Isanna tried blinking the tears that were threatening to form once again and mentally cursed herself at the tumultuous barrage of emotions she was suffering in the span of a day, before she sighed in defeat and buried her face in his chest with a soft thump, her hold on his clothes loosening. 

"I.. will stay here with Mike... I will stay with you," she whispered as she allowed several tears to fall. "so please... don't push me away."

Erwin was silent as he listened to the girl in front of him, her face buried against his chest as her words penetrated his mind. He frowned and for a rare instance, did not know what to do and how to react.  Letting out a shaky sigh, he placed a soft hand behind Isanna's head while his other arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him and placed his lips on the crown of her head. 

Isanna had refrained from breaking down in front of Nile, but she couldn't do the same to Erwin even if she wanted to, because he was about the only person in the world whom she could be completely transparent with. Feeling the hot tears gathering in her eyes once more, the girl sniffed as she quietly sobbed. 

Her jumble of thoughts went towards her lost friends, towards Nile who was probably now mourning their deaths alone, towards Mike who she knew was always silent but mourned in his own way, towards Erwin who had to stay strong and firm for her sake while she was clinging on to him in sadness. Their circle was slowly starting to crumble after a series of separation; one turning his back on them and choosing his own path, the other three meeting their undeserved grueling deaths.

She stifled back a sob. 

But she had to go on. This was no time to be wavering. 

After this mourning phase, Isanna knew she needed to move forward with the people who were still beside her. For the sake of her friends. 

She was not going to let their deaths go down in vain. 

End of Season 1

: Preview of the Next Arc :

Years of working in the Survey Corps have transformed Isanna and the others into hardened-battle troops as the Scouts continue to fight through the titan infestation beyond the walls of humanity; desperate for freedom from the titan's clutches and the truth surrounding their world.

"Commander Shadis wants me to accompany him to Mitras. Pack your stuffs, we'll be leaving in two days."

"A spy was here last night."

News of the probable disbandment of the Scouts and a trip to the inner walls lead them to a tricky face off with the world of nobility.

"Your plan... does it involve violence?"

"You'll know of it soon."

"Who the hell are you and what do you want?!"

"Nicholas Lovof, I am Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps."

A reunion with old friends..

"Kidnapping me was for the better of humanity?!"

"Yes, actually; killing you would be an even bigger favor for humanity, but that's for another day."

"Take care, Nile."

.. as well as new encounters.

"What is your name?"

"... It's Levi."

Old feelings will have to resurface, and conflicted emotions will soon arise.

"You just look really captivating tonight."

"Don't you start crushing on me, Smith."

"Do you still love her?"

This is just the beginning of a bigger tragedy.