//Grab a snack... or two because this is going to be a looong ride. There are also some themes in the chapter that may be uncomfortable or triggering (self harm) when you see this symbol: ~ stop reading then continue once you see it again. Alrighty lights... Camera... Action! Lets begin...//

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12

It had been a couple days since I got the job, and I start Monday!
So 3 days from now!
Since then, all I've been doing is studying, studying, and STUDYING.

I decided to take a break and go to a party with Mary! She said it was a tiny party with some of her friends, so I agreed.

I threw on my favorite oversized t-shirt with a long sleeve under my favorite mom jeans, a black chiffon hijab, and some white vans and headed out the door.

"Where are you going," Mama asked.

I already told her like 2 days ago, but I responded, "Mary and I are going to hang out with some of her friends."

"Is she Muslim?" Mama asked

My parents didn't mind me being friends with non-muslims because it's not a big deal, but it always made them feel a bit better if they were.

"No"

"Can I meet her?" She asked

"Inshallah, another day, Mama, we're running late," I said even though we weren't, I just didn't want Mary to get questioned by my mom.

I was about to leave when she asked.

"Did you pray, Asr?"

"Yes," I lied and walked out the door.

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We walked into the house and all I could smell was Booze
I should not be here
I should leave
But something in my head told me it would be alright I mean, I wouldn't be drinking or doing anything
Right?

As we walked through the house, I could see people making out on the couch, playing beer pong ... and as we walked past the bedrooms, there were some really weird noises...

Astaghfirullah

"I thought this was a small party?" I asked Mary in a somewhat aggressive tone.

"Chill, Saima .. there they are," she said, pointing to a group of girls and boys sitting in a circle.

Mary went over and plopped onto some guy's lap.

I slowly sat down in an empty spot beside this girl.

"Hey, I'm Ashlynn."

"Saima," I said, shaking her hand that wasn't holding a beer can.

"oh... Guys, this is Saima. She's in my study group!"

"Hey"

"Nice to meet ya, cutie," some weird looking boy said

"Beer?" Ashlynn offered

"No, thanks, I don't drink," I politely declined, giving her a small smile, so I don't seem rude.

"Okay, let's play Truth or Dare," someone suggested

Oh gosh, this is not going to end well.

I should leave. I can just call Angie to come to pick me up.

I was getting up, but Ashlynn yanked me down.

"One round....... then you can..... leave," she said, slurring.

"Okay, Saima, Truth or Dare," Mary asked.

"Uh, Truth"

" Out of all the boys here, who would you smash."

I'd smash a plate over all of their heads.

"Uh, no one."

"You have to answer, cutie," the weird boy said

"Or you have to drink," Ashlynn said, passing me her Beer.

"No," I responded, getting up.

And then everyone started chanting.

"Drink Drink Drink"

"Come on, muzzy, just drink it. No one will tell," The weirdo snickered.

And at that, I ran
God, why did I come here?
What the heck is wrong with me

I ran outside, grabbing my phone, about to call Angie when some guy came knocking into me.

"Heyyyyy sexyyyyyyy let's go have some funnnnn," He said, grabbing my arm while spilling alcohol on me.

"Let Go of me," I screamed, kicking him as hard as I could and then ran.

Gosh, it was only like 6pm, and everyone was wasted.

I stood under a tree, free from the Drunks, and called Angie.

"Pick up, pick up," I muttered.

"Hey, it's Angie, I'm not available right now, but leave a message after the beep..."
Of course, voicemail!!!!

At this point, I started crying. I didn't have money on me, so I couldn't call an Uber, and I Couldn't walk because I was an hour away from home.

That left me no choice but to call my Brother...

Oh boy, I'm dead

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"Please don't tell Mama and Baba," I cried

It had been an hour since I called, and thankfully Omar came with Bhabi. I was sitting in the backseat while Omar kept glaring at me and Bhabi was holding my hand.

"Why would you even come here, Saima!! You know better than this. Were you drinking god! you reek of booze!" Omar said, very pissed off at me

"I didn't know! She told me it was a small party! And no, of course not! Some Drunk spilled it on me!!"

"Please, Bhabi, convince not to tell Mama and Baba!!" I begged Bhabi

Bhabi looked at him and whispered something to him, which I didn't hear.

"Fine! But I swear Saima, if anything like this happens ever again, I'm telling."

"Thank you, Bhai; you're the best Brother ever. I love you, I love you," I said, kissing his cheek

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When I got home, thankfully, Mama was in her room, and Baba was still at work. Bhai and Bhabi dropped me off and left. Even though I told them to come inside, they didn't want it to be suspicious of why they were with me. I quickly snuck into my room and hopped into the shower

I was such an idiot!
Why did I even go
God, Allah probably hates me right now!
I put myself into such a compromising situation...
And what if that drunk guy managed to grab me? What if he...
I kept crying and crying.
I couldn't forgive myself, so how could Allah forgive me?
How many prayers have I missed? way too many
When was the last time I even touched the Quran?

~

Grabbing the razor, I did something I haven't done in a while...

cut

cut

cut

I couldn't stop. Seeing the blood pool up made me keep going. I was going insane. I didn't deserve this amazing life, when all I would do is mess it up.

~

I was kicked out of my thoughts when Mama called me.

"Saima! When did you get home? Come out of the shower. We have guests!" Mama said from outside of the bathroom.

Great.
Now was the perfect time for me to throw a smile on my face and talk to people.
Just perfect.

I didn't know who these guests were, but I got out of the shower and threw on a simple maxi dress with little floral designs, and I matched it with a very simple pink scarf. I barely even put it on. Half of my hair was probably showing. But I simply wasn't in the mood to care.

I took a good look at my face. My eyes were puffy, my under eyes were as dark as coal. Gosh, could I look any worse? I quickly threw on some makeup so I wouldn't scare off the guests, and I went down with my best smile.

"Salaam," I mumbled

I looked to, so see Angie sitting beside her mum.
I quickly greeted her mom and took Angie to my room.

"Omg Hi Saima!! I missed you," she said, giving me a hug.

"I missed you too," I said with tears in my eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong," she said, concerned. She grabbed my face, and that's when I couldn't keep in in any longer and started sobbing.

Once I composed myself, I told her everything from the study group, my Fupis, the party and everything else.

To say Angie was livid was an understatement. If she saw any of them, I'm sure she would POUNCE on them like a mama bear.

"I'm so sorry, Saima."

She kept on apologizing even though I told her it was not her fault.

"So, how's Alan?" I asked her

"Dunno doesn't care," She said while sitting at my vanity playing with my lipgloss.

"Oh, I forgot to ask you, Uhm, where do you uhhhbuyaquran."

"What?" she spoke fast than the speed of lightning.

"I said, where do you buy an English Quran i-uh wanna learn more."

At this point, I was beaming.
BEAMING

"Wait here," I said, running downstairs.

My Baba was a book addict. We had basically turned our basement into a library. I went through the books and found the perfect English Translation for her. I ran back upstairs and handed it to her.

"Here"

"But that's yours. I can get my own"

I shook my head. "Take it, you've seen my basement. We have more copies.

"Thank you," she responded.

I was so happy I loved seeing her interested in Islam. I wanted to ask more questions, but I didn't want her to feel pressured.

"Anytime"

After that, we just talked and hung out like we used to do when we were younger.

I felt at peace.
I had finally gotten everything off my chest
It felt good

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Woohoo this is my longest chapter yet!!

let me know what you guys think I was gonna split this chapter but I decided against it. What do you guys prefer?

Anyways fun little facts some of the tangits or minor details in this story are true and about me! For example the bookshelf and father been a book addict that's true true true. My basement is basically a library LOL. And a couple chapters ago the frizzy hair and how no one in Saima's Family has ever had curly/frizzy hair yup that's about me heck me and saima have the same last name LOOL.  There are some more details that I gave Saima based on me but that is for your imagination to ponder on ;) 

anyways what's a fun fact about you?