trigger warning, mentions of self harm. Stop reading when you see this symbol: ~ and continue once it appears again.

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04

"I FAILED," I wailed as I entered the front door

"I know," Bhai said as he munched on a bag of chips, crumbs all over his clothes. He looked like a mess.

"Mama, I failed," I said as I hugged her from the back,

"You got your results?" She asked as she stirred the pot which was full of my favorite biryani

"No," I mumbled into her dress

"Then shut up," she said, turning around and walking away. 

"Rude," I yelled out

Okay, okay, maybe I was dramatic. The exam wasn't too bad, but I'm still shocked. I didn't pee my pants. The questions were nothing like what I studied for. The results come in 2 weeks, and I have no clue how I'm supposed to wait that long.

"Ughh," I grumbled as my hijab pin was stuck on to the scarf.

I take my hijab and put on some comfy clothes. 

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Curly black hair, which was odd as no one in my family and I mean NO ONE like even my great great great relatives no one we knew had curly frizzy hair. Everyone was blessed with straight silk hair; meanwhile, I have an untamable birds nest. My face had gotten chubbier, my arms meatier, I could still feel my ribs, but my stomach had become chubbier as well the I traced the now fading scars on my stomach. Without thinking, I went into the bathroom in my parents and stepped on the scale. I'm not allowed to keep a scale in my bathroom, so I quickly stepped on it before anyone noticed.

127.9

Since that day, I have gained a total of 13 pounds.

Tears started dripping from my face. I quickly and stealthily walked out of the bathroom without anyone noticing and jumped to my bed. How had I been so careless?

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"SAIMA, DINNER," dad yelled from downstairs.

Oh Allah, please help now I have to eat dinner.

Thankfully the only focus at today's dinner was my exam, how it went, blah blah blah, so no one noticed when I scooped the tiniest bit of rice and salad. My excuse being I already ate today technically not a lie since I had that large coffee in the morning.

"Beta eat more," My dad insisted.

"No, I'm exhausted," I responded, grabbing my plate and walking into the kitchen.

Omar eyed me suspiciously.

"I'm gonna pray Isha and go to sleep goodnight, everyone," I yelled as I went upstairs.

Quickly I prayed and went to bed knowing Omar was going to come and interrogate me. Hearing his steps as he waked up the stairs, I quickly threw the blanket on me and pretended to sleep.

"I really hope you're not doing what I think you're doing," He whispered.

"I love you" He kissed my forehead and walked out, leaving me to drown in my thoughts.

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