There was always a cold emptiness inside of me. A weight constantly weighing me down. Darkness threatening to drag me to the depths of despair.

But despite that coldness, there was a warmth. A shoulder to help me carry the weight. A spark that lit up the dark.

There was Elliot.

He didn't mind when I fell asleep crying in his arms, or when I got snot on his shirt, or when I rambled about all the memories and the pain that came with them. He was always there. And as the days passed, the pain became bearable. It was still there, still threatening to rip me apart, but it was bearable now. I was used to it.

And Elliot wasn't the only one there. Harley was there, as were Aunt Mary and Uncle Harry. They were all there for me. Trying to make me smile at every opportunity. Trying to get me to get my mind out of my thoughts. Trying to make sure I wasn't left on my own.

Eventually, I started going back to work at the café. Seeing as Bridget was the only other employee besides Reed, we started to get pretty close. And on the weekends I joined Elliot when he did dance practice with Jess. They were both great dancers, nailing every step and every manoeuvre. I could never. I had never been a good dancer, but I enjoyed watching them dance, even though Jess was treating the dancing like a strict religion, commenting every time Elliot made a single mistake. I supposed she was stressed about the wedding preparations, but she could have at least let loose a little bit. Even Elliot looked less like he enjoyed the dancing but only did it because he had no choice but to.

Harley had tagged along with us this time because her parents were held up at work, but unlike me, she wasn't watching the dancing, she was on her phone, occasionally looking up from the device to talk to me or when Jess was shouting at Elliot.

They had occasional breaks between the dancing but when Jess got a phone call she called for a break on her own. Elliot came and sat next to me, and his scent of sweat and cologne was an interesting mixture. It was nice, and I hated that I noticed it.

I faced him and asked, "How come Jess is so... serious all the time?"

"I guess it's the stress," he told me, grabbing his water bottle and having a swig.

"I guess so," I agreed out loud, but I thought otherwise. From what I'd seen, Jess seemed like a serious character in general. She was less carefree and more stern, unlike Elliot who was more casual and friendly than serious. "Are you having fun though?"

He chuckled, "not really, no."

"You're just doing this for her?" I asked and he nodded. "That's sweet of you," I commented, offering him a smile that felt a little bit too forced and tense. "You're a nice fiancé."

"Thanks," he chuckled again, and I hated that I loved the sound of his laugh. I hated that I loved everything about him. I hated that I felt something I had no right to be feeling for him. And I especially hated that I would rather watch him with Jess than leave him altogether.

It was only a matter of time until their wedding. Until he was officially Jess' husband. I was pathetic for being attracted to an engaged man. If I cared about my heart, I would leave today, tomorrow, or as soon as possible. But I couldn't. Because I cared about him more than I cared about my own heart. I hadn't even intended on giving him my heart but before I knew it he had a hold of it, even though his heart belonged to someone else.

So pathetic.

"What's your ideal kind of relationship, Zara," Harley asked me out of the blue, looking up from her screen once again.

"What?" I blinked, coming out of my thoughts.

"What kind of person would you want?" She asked me.

I took a moment to think before responding. "Someone I can have fun with," I told her. "I've never been in a relationship because I haven't met someone I can have fun with for the rest of my life. I want someone who I can trust and rely on, but also someone who makes me laugh and teases me and brings out the best in me."

"And you haven't met a guy like that?"

I hesitated but said softly, "No, not yet."

That was a lie. I had met him. But he was taken. And his name was Elliot.

Jess approached us, and I noticed she was holding all her belongings. Apparently, something urgent had come up so she had to leave, but she denied Elliot's offer to come with her and said that he needed to work on the steps.

Once Jess was gone, the choreographer, Kelly, approached us. "What's going on? Where's Miss Jess going?"

"She had to deal with a few things," Elliot told her.

"We have another half hour left, how are you supposed to continue without a partner?"

"I guess it's a wrap then," I said and then stood and stretched, my bones clicking.

"Must you always stretch in front of people like that?" Elliot asked me, his head turned in the other direction. "It's inappropriate."

I snorted, "whatever you say Jess 2.0."

He laughed at that and judging by the way he shook his head he hadn't been wanting to laugh. My lips curved into a smile. I didn't understand why making him laugh made me feel so whole.

"Come on, Harley," I said as I grabbed my stuff. "You've been wanting to leave since we got here."

Harley made to stand but then stopped halfway, pausing in a squat position. She glanced at me and then at Elliot. Then she stood up fully and glanced at us again.

"Why don't you two just practice?" She suggested.

"What?" Elliot and I asked at the same time.

She ignored us and looked at Kelly, "does he have to practice with Jess, or can she be replaced?"

Kelly looked at me then, "I don't suppose you know the steps."

I was about to tell her I didn't even though I did, but Harley beat me to speak, "she's been watching for the past two weeks, I'm pretty sure she knows the steps."

"But even if I do, I don't dance," I stated.

"Well, you dance now," Kelly said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me into the centre of the hall. I shot a glare in Harley's direction but she only smiled at me, raising her phone to capture what was no doubt going to be a cringy memory for me.

"Elliot, come," Kelly called and he obeyed, joining me in the centre. "Jess thinks you're too tense so you dance with her. She's your dummy partner, you guide her with the steps and it will help you with your dancing, it will make it natural for you. Now, get into position," she instructed us, but when neither Elliot nor I moved she mumbled, "must I do everything for you?"

Suddenly, she pushed me closer to Elliot, close enough that I could feel the heat of his body.

"Elliot, her hands," she said and Elliot hesitated before taking both my hands in his.

Close. He was so close.

Finally, she tapped the play button on a little remote and the song started playing, but in slow motion.

"Instruct her," she instructed Elliot.

"Um, step in?" He said before pulling me toward him and then pushing me back out. "Now spin," he said before releasing one hand and twirling me. He pulled me back in and—remembering the steps—I placed my hands on his shoulder while his hands found their way to my waist.

I stiffened.

"Loosen up," Kelly called, but I couldn't seem to. He was too close, and my body was reacting to the proximity. His hands were warm around my waist and his scent wrapped around me.

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

Elliot twirled me again and I ended up stepping on his toes.

"Wow," he commented. "You really are a bad dancer."

"I stepped on your toes once," I said as normally as I could, not wanting to let him know just how much he was affecting him.

"And you even managed to do that stiffly," he teased, and I couldn't help my answering smile. "Why are you so tense?"

"Because I don't dance," I told him, clearing my throat.

"And yet, here you are dancing. You may not be good at it," he added, "but you're still dancing."

He started guiding my movements then, keeping an eye on my feet so that every time I misstepped I didn't step on his toes. I ended up getting a hang of it, recalling the steps from all the time I had spent watching the dance. I got used to the feel of Elliot's hands around me and found myself loosening. I was still stiff but at least I wasn't tense.

"There, you've got it," he grinned at me, and oh, my poor heart. "I'm a better teacher than I thought I was."

I laughed at that and he twirled me again, "you wish."

"You've got the steps right, am I wrong?"

"Because I'm such a quick learner."

"And because you've got such a good teacher."

"Whatever you say, Elliot."

The music was coming to an end and he pulled me in again, his arms wrapping around my waist and mine wrapping around his neck. We only swayed then, and I found myself counting our steps so I didn't focus on the feel of his strong, hard body or how good it felt to be in his arms. I clenched my jaw then and shut my eyes. I couldn't allow myself to feel like this. I couldn't allow myself to enjoy being close to him, talking to him or teasing him. I couldn't allow myself to feel any of the feelings I was trying to ignore and deny because he was engaged.

I stepped away from Elliot before the music ended and met his brown eyes. It was at times like this that I yearned for my friends... yearned for someone to pour my heart out to. Serena would have teased the living daylights out of me. Ally would have told me to take a risk and go for it. Faizah would have told me not to follow Ally's advice but to follow my heart instead. But I feared that if I followed my heart it would only end up getting broken.

I had thought about leaving several times for the sake of keeping my heart intact, about going back to my city even though there was nothing there for me, just so I didn't have to watch Elliot get married, but as much as I knew how much it would hurt to stay, it would hurt even more to leave Elliot and everyone I had grown close to here. So I stayed.

But I didn't know how much longer I could stay.

Or how much longer I could hide my feelings.

Or how much longer I could fake a smile for Elliot and Jess.