Everytime I am in pain
I say feeling empty is better
But after the pain passes
And the emptiness settles
It feels worse

The pain felt better
I could feel something at least
But now even the tears that flow don't have any emotions
I don't want to be empty
I become weak

All the pointless voices I hear everyday
They feel louder and clearer
They start winning
It's like they are screaming in my head
And I can't stop them, they won't turn off

"You are toxic,
You are a liar,
You use people,
You hurt people,
You are worthless,
You are not supposed to live,
You should DIE."

I can hear this in my head so clearly,
But I don't want to die yet
I am so selfish
I want to feel something
I want to know if I am alive

I look for the blade
And I use it
I use it like it's the only medicine to cure me
My skin opens up so easily and slashes form
With dots of blood forming

The blood finds it way out and pours on my skin
It doesn't last long
It does not hurt enough
I want more pain
And before I realize my hand is covered with blood and slashes

It still doesn't hurt enough for me to feel alive
Maybe the voices are correct.