I have so many reasons to why I don't like crying.

      I think it is a sign of weakness, I know it is not but I still think it is. But that just applies only for me, I don't think others are weak when they cry but just myself.

      Then there is the feeling of vulnerability I feel. The despair of wanting another's comfort and not having it because most of the time I cry in a silent small room alone.

     The most I dread is that after feeling like a weak person desperate and vulnerable, is when I stop crying. Because when I stop crying, I have nothing left.

     I have nothing left, bereft of most or any feeling, no tears even. It is as if I am a river bed gone dry waiting again for the rain to come. To make it alive again.

     It is so hard that I can't stand that feeling of emptiness and I would rather feel upset or sad or depressed rather than the numbness of that empty feeling.

     And I have to work so hard to fill myself up again step by step, drop by drop but it only takes just an action or a word of yours and it all comes crumbling down again.

I am tired. I can't do it anymore.