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❝ I thought happiness started with 'H'. Why does mine start with 'U'? ❞

IT WAS NEARLY three in the morning when she got the call.

Her phone was buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, catching her mid-dream (which never happened; she was gradually getting better with sleep) and awakening her from her light slumber.

Her phone was stashed beneath her pillow, the trembling under her head startling her.

It was days after the kiss. A week, actually. Malcolm had been absent from school the whole time, leaving Shane to be the third wheel to shy smiles and side comments.

It had been a weird week. The pair was nowhere near close to a couple; most of the week they just so much as glanced at the other. It was strange. Both of them timid and not really sure of what to do.

Charlotte checked her phone. There had been text messages and voicemails she missed.

Teddy Orion: charlie

Teddy Orion: charlotte

There was a missed called right after that message.

Teddy Orion: charlotte juliet jackson

Another missed call.

Teddy Orion: charlie charlie charlie chrlie chalie chle chslie

She rubbed her eyes.

What the hell? Is he drunk or something?

Charlotte's eyes were all crusty and her short brown hair looked like it had gone through a tornado. She reached for the phone and quietly accepted the call as she put her earbuds on, not wanting to wake up anyone.

Her voice took the form of a whisper as she harshly hissed, "Teddy, please tell me you're not dr..." Her voice faded out when she heard sobs.

Sobs.

Shit. Shit shit shit. Shit SHIT.

"S-s-she was just laying there, l-lifeless a-and it flatlined, and I-I-I... She w-was gone, j-just like that," his rough, blubbering voice came. Charlotte's heart stopped. He was crying and crying and crying, she was shushing him, soothing him, trying to soothe him. His breathing was all choppy and broken, broken, he was broken. "Mal-Malcolm was heartbroken, h-he screamed and screamed, people n-needed to drag him outside b-because people were t-t-trying to sleep."

Charlotte was squeezing her eyes shut, holding her phone tightly to her ear, tears threatening to spill. Her head was sinking into her pillow, a tear leaking out, her hand trembling. All she could picture was the pale girl in the white robes, lifeless and detached from the world, Theodore Orion Higgins breaking down, piece by piece as he meticulously watched her disappear.

His sniffling and shaky breathing was becoming louder and louder, more unsteady and worrying.

"Fucking damnit, why couldn't she j-just... Stay, just hang on... Stay. Why couldn't she stay," he whispered, his voice getting quieter and quieter with each word, and she could almost feel his rage building. Nearly see his eyes almost closed, the tears streaming out from under his eyelashes.  His rosy lips quivering as he bit the bottom one, trying to control it. His blinking uncontrollably to stop the tears but the tears kept coming, coming...

"Teddy," she squeaked, wiping the tear, pressing her phone closer.

A scream shattered her eardums, making Charlotte glad she put earbuds on. It was a horrifying, numbing shriek that shocked all of her nerves, goosebumps erupting on her skin. The sound of something shattering made Charlotte wince, another tear escaping. With each sound, her heart tore a little more, each and every time.

"I've got a w-workaholic mom, a dead d-dad, and no siblings, why couldn't it have been me?"

Rip.

"No one cares about me!"

Tear.

"No one would have cared if I left. If I died!" His voice cracked at the last word, and she could picture it. His face strained, tears rolling down his cheekbones and over his wavering lips. His phone probably left somewhere on speaker phone as he yelled out his emotions.

Crack.

"Don't say that Teddy," she said quietly.

"She has a brother and parents that love... Loved, damnit, had. Had a brother. Malcolm had a sister.  Past-tense. Loved. Was. Loved. Had. Motherf-" he was mumbling. Mumble-sobbing, his words jumbled and his chest probably heaving. "Death is just past tense. Was. Had. Loved."

Charlotte was curled up into a ball, her mind racing. Her heart was thumping and cracking and she couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe. The sound of glass shattering and cries from Teddy and screams was too much, too much. Charlie wanted to curl up into a ball, curl up and forget.

Youaremysunshinemyonlysunshine, she quickly thought between one breath. Youmakemehappywhenskiesaregray.

He was sobbing and sobbing, she couldn't do anything, she couldn't do anything but listen to the hellish shrieks. The dark room was closing in on her, caging her in, silent tears escaping her eyes. Charlie was slowly shrinking into a small ball. She couldn't breathe. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't breathe.

You'llneverknowdearhowmuchIloveyou, deep breath. Sopleasedon'ttakemysunshineaway.

He was coughing as if he had cried himself mute. His shaky breaths were getting worse, his coughing and the sobs and the hyperventilating was too much.

She never wanted to hear Teddy this way. She was crying for Violet, as well as Teddy. And Malcolm. Malcolm...

Charlie wiped her tears on her pajama shirt and grabbed a tissue, quietly blowing her nose.

"I hate this. I hate this. I hate this," said his rough, scratchy voice, sounding far away from the phone, getting softer and softer as if he was moving away from it. She only caught a couple words. "Me... Nobody... Fuck... Come back..."

"Theodore Higgins," she hissed softly through tears. He was angry, hurt, full of sorrow, and ticking, a time bomb ready to erupt. There was a liability he could get himself into serious trouble. She needed to keep tabs on him. "Teddy!"

"Charlotte," he sniffled. "Charlie. I n-need you. I need you, Charlie. T-this is my nightmare. I need you. I need you. I need you. Ch-Charlotte, I'm in my car, I'm in t-the parking lot of the hospital, I need you. I need you, Charlie."

He needs me.

Her throat felt dry and her face was sticky with tears. He needed her.

Violet, dead. With cold, glassy eyes. Hands limp. Body stiff. Past tense, as he said. Past tense. It comes a time where everything becomes past tense.  Now was not Violet's time for past tense. Not had; has. Teddy needed her.  Malcolm needed her.

But no - she was gone. She was gone, and all that was left of her was a lifeless shell amidst this cruel Earth. Tears built up in Charlotte's eyes once more, picturing the little girl (who was older than Charlie, but still) in the cot. Teddy running out that first time they were at the hospital and hugging her. The question game they played. Violet, lifeless and gone.

He needed her.

How would Charlie get there, though? She was terrified of driving. She knew how to drive, she was just deathly afraid of doing it.

But he needed her.

Okay, deep breaths Charlotte. Deep breaths.

J.K Rowling.

Deep breath.

Rick Riordan.

Deep breath.

Suzanne Collins.

Deep breath.

John Green.

Deep breath.

Kay, kpgcatlover.

Deep breath.

Drive. She could drive. He needed her; she would drive.

Oh God.

•|•|•

Charlotte's hands trembled on the steering wheel. Her eyes darted back and forth, to the road, to the few cars that passed by, to the houses lining the streets. She had 'borrowed' Skylar's jeep, because she knew that getting the keys for it would be easier then getting the keys for her parents' cars, which were probably in their room.

Her mind was in overdrive, thoughts of driving and Violet and Teddy crying and Malcolm heartbroken and Teddy's screams and Violet dead and okay pay attention to the road, Charlotte.

Her phone was on the seat beside her as well as a hoodie and money, if needed. She had quickly and quietly slipped on the first t-shirt she saw, along with sweatpants. She had texted Skylar, telling her what was up. She could trust Skylar.

It began to rain as she got closer to the hospital, small pellets hitting the windshield like a meteor shower. Her heart sped up and a couple tears fell onto her lap as she frantically wiped them away, sniffling. Charlie was nearly there.

She was dead tired, her eyes probably red and puffy, her mind exhausted. All her limbs were aching and her hands were still shaking on the wheel. Charlotte finally turned into the hospital's parking lot, the headlights on the jeep the only light source to finding Teddy. He said parking lot, in his car...

She spotted the run down cadillac through the rain and the darkness. It's headlights were on, and she saw a faint outline of a curled up boy in front of the beaten down car. In the very corner of the hospital parking lot, there it lay. Her heart raced. She didn't want to see him like this. She didn't want to see him. 

He needed her. He needed her, and she was already there.

She roughly parked a couple parking spaces away (not wanting to ram into him or anything) and turned off the jeep. Holding her head in her hands she took a deep breath, closing her eyes and counting to five. Oh god. Oh god.

The rain only made it worse.

She stepped out of the jeep, running to where Teddy sat, curled in a ball leaning against the front of the car. His knees were bent up to his chest and his arms were wrapped around them.

She shouldn't have come. She didn't know how to comfort people. His cousin just died, for God's sake. What the hell is she supposed to do?

He hadn't looked at her yet. His head was between his knees, his black hair completely soaked.

Tendrils of his flat, ebony hair curled around his ears and swirled down his neck.  All he was wearing was a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He must have been freezing. His shirt was sticking to his skin, and she could see him trembling.

She should go back, she should go home. She wouldn't be able to make him feel any better, she would just make it worse-

"Charlie?" whispered his throaty, strangled voice through the rain. He raised his head.

His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and it was like a pierce to the heart to see the silent tears running down his face like arrows darting through the sky. His wet, raven-black hair was messily covering his forehead, and his glasses were in his hand, drenched in raindrops.

She gulped, her throat dry and scratchy, the rain dampening her clothes and her feelings.

Charlotte crouched down and sat beside Teddy. She wiped her eyes with her sweatshirt sleeve and took a deep breath.

"She..." Charlotte said in a hushed voice, staring straight ahead into the vast, darkening night. The rain drowned down the sound of her voice. "She was special to you."

The headlights illuminated the side of his face. Dark shadows traced below his eyes. His skin was pale and gaunt; the tears kept flowing and the rain kept falling.

He was broken.

He didn't look up. She heard him take a shaky breath. "S-she was practically my big sister. Malcolm, Violet and I were the three musketeers when we were little," he said, brittle and wobbly. "High school came and Malcolm sat with all his friends, and Violet would hang around w-with me. She even thought of..."

He wiped some tears and shook his head like a dog, rain water going everywhere. Not like rain water wasn't already going everywhere. Teddy was shivering, probably from cold and the hellish nightmare he was living.

Charlotte slipped her hand into his.

His body was trembling, unhealthily so, so she dragged him into the driver's seat of his rusty cadillac. She frowned at his shivering, drenched-in-rain body.

He grudgingly turned on the car, along with the heat.  His face was blank and emotionless, his hair still slicked back from rain. She had never seen this Teddy, and she didn't like it.

Quickly darting to Skylar's jeep, she grabbed the hoodie she brought, shielding it with her body as she ran back to the cadillac. The rain splattered her clothes that had just started to dry, her t-shirt sticking to her skin. It was cold rain, little ice pellets, like bullets, piercing her skin.

Clambering back into the old car, she handed him the black hoodie that was, for the most part, dry. "I only wear hoodies that are nearly three times my size, so it should fit."

Teddy glanced at her with the softest of smiles, the first one she'd seen since she'd gotten there.

"I would, um, take off your soaked shirt before putting it on, you'd be more dry," she informed, biting her lip.

"All right," Teddy replied quietly, his voice slightly cracking. He slipped off his drenched Green Day shirt, making Charlotte blush and glance out of the window on her side.

"Okay," he finally said, and she turned around to see him fully clad in her black hoodie.

"Lookin' cute," she mumbled, a slight grin in her face. This is not a time to be smiling, Charlotte.

"Thanks," he said, his voice still scratchy from all the screaming and crying. "For everything, I mean."

The tears had stopped, but his eyes were still blood-red.

"Anytime," Charlie stated, and she realized how true the statement was. It was currently, what, four in the morning? And there she was, sitting in the passenger seat of his Cadillac, making sure he was okay.

She had never done that for a boy. She had never done that for anyone.

Teddy as well.

Whether it be two in the morning or three in the afternoon, he was always there for her when she needed him.

Teddy popped a CD into the car, the heat finally starting to turn on. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

"The Beatles," she mused.

"Obviously."

A tiny smile escaped her lips; she couldn't help it. He glanced at her out of the corner of his wide, bloodshot, midnight blue eyes. Staring at her with a familiar look. Face neutral, eyebrows raised, lips taut. The same look he gave her when he told her Malcolm liked her. The same look he had when he told her about Violet in the hospital. But it didn't look right, with the tear-stained cheeks that were supposed to have a dimple appear. Or with the scared, doe-like look to him, as if he was about to shatter like porcelain.

"It wasn't a mistake, you know," he whispered, his hand subconsciously gripping the steering wheel, his eyes cast down.  She knew exactly what he was talking about. "I... I just, with Malcolm having a crush on you, me cousin kissing the girl he liked would only hurt him. And I didn't want to hurt him, he was already at a difficult time in his life. I just said it was a mistake for his sake. Not... Not yours."

She was silent, processing this information as the Beatles played on.

"You broke my heart," she responded stonily, choosing her words carefully. "You toyed with my feelings and confused me again and again and again. I thought about that comment for weeks. Had I done something wrong? Was I a bad kisser? Did I-"

He leaned over the cup holder between them, his cold, delicate fingers flying to her cheeks, and he kissed her. Kissed her, right on the lips. The third time that had happened this week.

Charlotte was not expecting him to cut off her rant with that. Her curly eyelashes fluttered in surprise, eventually settled on staying closed. Her fingers found their way to his waterlogged hair and his hands rested lightly on her puffy cheeks.

His lips tasted salty from tears. Charlie broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his, controlling her breathing. She slid her fingers down his soft cheeks and traced the stained tracks where his tears once lay. Freckles dotted the area beside his nose and down the curve of his cheekbone. Her thumb was stroking his cheek both fondly and sadly, and as if he saw the ghost of her frown, he tentatively gave her a brief kiss.

Charlie wiggled her body into a more comfortable position to face him instead of being shoved into the cup holder.

Teddy wiped his glasses clean and propped then on his nose where they belonged. He gulped and licked his lips, fidgeting in the driver's seat of his beat up cadillac in her black hoodie that was too big for his small frame as With A Little Help From My Friends played on low volume in the background.

It was then that he breathed out, "I like you. I-I like you a lot, Charlotte Juliet Jackson."

a/n

I HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN ON WATTPAD FOR THREE YEARS! since august 18th :-)

thoughts on the chapter please! what did you like/dislike, what you fangirled at, favorite lines, favorite part(s), please, just give me thoughts! every opinion counts towards publishing and improving this book!

o k dedicated to kay, kpgcatlover bc i mentioned her this chapter when Charlie was naming her favorite authors. also, when i asked all of you who your favorite author was, a couple of you said ME. whoa. that's seriously incredible, i never knew i could be [one of] some of you guys's favorite author.

also i'm making this cabinet thing new, it was like pink and disgusting so i spray painted it black and i'm going to completely decoupage it with my favorite books' covers on the top, then marvel comic strips on the first shelf, then parks and recreation quotes on the bottom shelf. and then i found old massachusetts maps and i'm going to put that on the outsides and then on the insides i'm going to have pages from harry potter and percy jackson and ITS GOING TO BE AMAZING OMG. a picture of it is on my instagram, siriusly_fandoms. i'll keep you guys posted

ok, that's it. tell me your thoughts as usual, comment and all that stuff, vote if you liked it, share to people if you want to help make my dream of publishing even more of a reality!

also... didn't this chapter come fast? wow. you have my sister to thank; she made me a schedule that should get me to finish ANAD by September 27th xD

PS. THANK YOU ALL FOR THE 79k hOLY CRAP

PPS. SEVEN CHAPTERS LEFT HOLYYYYY??!?!!,!!,?!?!?'fnsjsiwoemdjiwkxjwjf

PPPS. this is really long sorry but i'm going to HIGH SCHOOL TOMORROW. just like for three hours to get the feel of it before the real thing but OH MY GOD. wish me luck guys, i'm about to pee myself

GOALS:
83k reads in total
180 votes
350 comments

*badly need to edit this. its pretty bad/rushed, idk*