I remember as a kid, I always thought that somehow I was special. Everyone thinks of themselves as someone special, the hero of the movie, so did I. I thought I was a good person but then I grew up. I turned out to be the very thing that I never thought to be, a villain.

I sighed as a tear unknowingly slid down my cheeks, I quickly wiped it before anyone could see it. I tried to listen to the words the professor said, but there was this droning voice in the back of my mind that kept disturbing me. I felt my throat constrict and it was painful as I tried not to cry. I broke a promise today for my own selfish reasons.

I looked at her but she didn't even look at me, she had put the ring aside that I had given her. I turned my head back to pay attention to the professor. I just stared blankly ahead as the time seemed to pass by. 

It was my time to go home, I was scared and afraid, panicked as I ran after her to explain it to her, to say sorry, to beg her not to leave me alone. She slipped from my grasp and she left. I could just go home alone and ask help from others because I didn't have the courage to text her. Every single minute on my way to home, I could think of hundred ways to die but no way of how I will apologize to her.

What I did, I don't know if I did it for her as I say or was I just jealous? I want her to be happy but I was just jealous of him. He had a irreplaceable place in her heart and I couldn't have that. I was different, I was just a friend she loved. I think I did really want her to be happy even if it hurt me, I just couldn't control myself. 

I wanted to help her but to do that I broke the promise I made to her. I couldn't help it, or maybe I could have not done this at all. I knew I hurt her, I knew she was just putting on a facade as I had cruelly opened up those old wounds, I knew her heart was bleeding. I thought I would have made her happy if I was able to help her, imagining that  smile of hers. How foolish of me. 

I am afraid of being left alone. I need her too much, I feel scared and helpless. What if she never talks to me again? What if she hates me forever for it? All the what ifs swirled around in my head. It was time for me to go to class. As I got ready and looked myself in the mirror, I saw someone I didn't know, I hated the me I saw in that mirror. 

I knew all I could do was hurt others and I never stopped, I couldn't stop. I don't know what love is, no one ever told me about love or explained to me what it really was. I will never know if I truly love her or not but all I knew was that I didn't want to lose her.

I put the ring in my pocket and stepped outside the house, it was cold and the sun shone brightly in my eyes as I walked. Hazy mind and blurry eyes, heart missing, I think I left it with her.