It was dark and very, very late. I didn’t remember what compelled me to get out of my bed, all I knew was that I could no longer sleep. The way Andreas had accepted Izzy so easily into his home… it confused me. Everything I thought I knew about him was called into question yet again. I walked down the stairs, my arms tightly wrapped around myself and wandered around with no destination in mind.

I froze in my tracks as I started to make out voices, male voices. Andreas and Kalen were locked in conversation. I knew I should turn and go the other way, but I needed to know what they were saying. My curiosity got the best of me.

“It has to be her,” Andreas said, his voice agitated. I paused outside the door, careful not to look inside so they wouldn’t see me.

“So you are just going to disregard my ability entirely? Pretend like I have no idea what I’m talking about?” Kalen fired back in an equally agitated tone.

“You have been wrong before.”

There was a bang, presumably from Kalen hitting a table. “No, I haven’t. You have denied my warnings before and look how those turned out!” Kalen was yelling, losing his patience.

A pause followed before Andreas spoke again. “Don’t you dare. You have no right!”

“I have every right! I was there! I even helped clean up the mess! And now you are going to tell me that the one thing that I have been relying on my entire life, the one thing that has never failed me is wrong? I’m not wrong, Andreas. Not about this.”

There was a hard smacking sound and I flinched. “What was that for?!” Kalen demanded.

“You can be glad it was only one punch. I have more than enough reason to hit you again.”

“Bringing up your past can hardly be one of them.”

I could feel the darkness where I was standing. They were really mad at each other, but about what?

“Both our pasts are something we agreed never to talk about!” Andreas yelled. It was then I realized that I had never really heard him raise his voice. What was going on?

“Well, what if I have changed my mind? What if I think that finally talking about it might be exactly what both of us need? Are you just going to continue lying to Lana? Keep her in the dark about everything?” Kalen demanded. The conversation was taking an interesting spin. They were talking about me. My attention was suddenly acutely focused.

“As opposed to you laying your entire history bare? Tell me Kalen, have you told her everything, or did you leave out the parts that make you look bad? Have you told her about Mary? Janelle? What about that village of people you wiped out without even flinching? Do you really think she’ll still be on your side if she knew the truth about you? You criticize me for hiding my true feelings, yet you pretend to be someone else entirely.” I would’ve hated to be on the receiving end of his tone. Who was Mary and Janelle? And why had Kalen killed a village? Something was telling me that I needed to stop listening, but I couldn’t. If this was the only way I was going to get any information from them, then I needed to hear more.

“Yes, I may have done some bad things in fits of rage before I could control myself, but I never claimed to be a saint,” Kalen replied through clenched teeth.

“Perhaps not, but you pretend to be one. When she finds out who you really are, she will run in the other direction.”

“What? To you? You couldn’t even hold on to her the first time. What makes you think she’d come back to you? I may be bad, but you are a thousand times worse.”

I could feel the tension radiating out of that room, curling around me.

“I do not disagree, but I do not pretend to be good. I don’t pretend to be a hero.”

“Saving her life, that wasn’t you pretending to be a hero?”

“And what do you know about saving a life, Kalen? When have you tried to save anyone but yourself?”

Kalen seemed to think about this for a while. I didn’t like where this conversation was headed. But that didn’t matter. This was the one time neither of them were putting on a mask and hiding things from me. They didn’t know I was listening. The truth was coming out and I had a feeling I needed to hear it.

“You do not want me to answer that,” Kalen finally said.

“And why is that?” Andreas inquired, his voice dangerously low.

“Fine, you want me to tell you the about people I’ve tried saving? You got it. Let’s start with Dylan, your little brother. Neither of us could save him. And I’ve tried to save you too. More than once, but I always seem to fail.”

“My life has never been in danger,” Andreas growled. I assumed the mention of his brother reopened old wounds.

“No, I wasn’t saving your life. I was trying to save you from yourself! When you were standing on the edge, who was there to try and keep you on it? You forget that I tried to stop you.”

Andreas didn’t reply. “Be careful what you say next Kalen. You will push me to the point of no return one of these days and I will decide that I don’t require your help anymore.”

“And what will you do? Kill me too?”

“If I have to.”

Chills spread throughout my body. This was a dangerous conversation to overhear. I didn’t know what either of them would do to me if they knew I was listening.

“I can fight you. If you try to take me down, you will go down with me.”

There was another crash and the sound of someone choking. “I really doubt that, Kalen. As it seems like I have the upper hand here.” Andreas’ voice was so malicious that I nearly didn’t recognize it. I clasped my hand over my mouth to keep my gasp from escaping.

Another crash. “How quickly you forget, Andreas, I’m not some mortal you can throw around at your will!”

Crash after crash after crash. They were yelling at each other the whole time, trying to get the upper hand. I needed to do something. I couldn’t stand by while they tried to kill each other. The thought of losing either of them was too much to bear. It was incredible how attached I had grown to both of them. I entered the room.

“Stop!” I yelled and to my amazement both of them froze. They were staring at me, golden and violet eyes wide in shock… or was it horror?

“Lana,” Andreas said, his tone incredulous. It was obvious he hadn’t expected me. His face was the most vulnerable I had ever seen it. For a moment, I too, was stunned.

Kalen shook me out of my daze. “How much did you hear?” he asked, his tone grave.

“Enough to know that you two have issues that need resolving!” I replied. I crossed my arms over my chest. For the moment I tried to ignore my own thoughts about what I had heard. I needed them to listen to me and that wasn’t going to happen if I started screaming. “I get it, okay. Both of you have had crappy lives. But you know what, that doesn’t give you the right to fight with each other over it. If anything, you are the only two people in the world that can even begin to understand the other, so grow up! How old are you, twelve? Incredible. You are supposed to be men – powerful sorcerers at that. Surely there has to be a better way to solve conflict than throwing each other around.”

Neither said anything, but their eyes returned to their usual shades of blue and green. “You didn’t answer his question,” Andreas replied in a monotone, completely unaffected by anything I had just said. Kalen, at least, had the decency to look slightly ashamed by their behavior. He glared at Andreas as if he too couldn’t believe how little he seemed to care.

“I give up,” I said, throwing my hands in the air and turning to leave. “You guys do what you want. I will not get in the middle of it. Next time, try not to fight so loudly in the middle of the damned night!” I left them there, hopefully having made my point.

A couple of minutes after I had reached my room, I heard a knock on my door. “Lana, can I come in?” It was Kalen. I pulled my knees to my chest, debating whether or not I wanted to hear what he had to say. My curiosity got the best of me and I groaned as I got up to open the door.

Kalen’s expression was anxious, carefully judging my reactions. “I cannot go without explaining what happened tonight. You have a right to know.”

I folded my arms across my chest. “Just how much do you plan on telling me? The censored version? As much as you think I can take? Because I’m not interested in hearing it if it isn’t the whole truth. If I let you through these doors, you have to tell me everything.”

He looked wary, but nodded. “I will tell you everything concerning me. But I cannot tell you anything about Andreas. It is not my place. His past is for him to tell you. If you can accept those terms, I will tell you everything I can.”

As much as Andreas’ past baffled me, I wanted to hear Kalen’s, too. So I nodded, letting him tell me his story first. I sat down on my bed and he wordlessly followed, closing the door behind him.

I gestured for him to join me and he did, sitting far enough from me to give me space, but close enough that if either of us reached out we could touch the other.

“Where do you want me to start?”

“The beginning. I want to know what led up to the events of that first dream and how you got in the situation of the second one. I want to know who Janelle and Mary are. And I want to know why you destroyed a village.”

Kalen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Very well. If this is what it will take for you to trust me, then I will tell you everything. Sparing you no details. It’s not pretty, I have to warn.”

I smiled half-heartedly at him. “I don’t care about pretty, I just care about the truth.”

“I never knew my real parents. They abandoned me the day I was born. I think I saw them that first day though, because I keep having dreams about this man and woman with sad, kind eyes, but they could just be the projection of what I wanted them to be like. My uncle, Tomas, kept promising me that they did love me, but for a young boy who never got to see them, that was hard to believe. He didn’t tell me much about them. Just that they had to send me away.”

Kalen paused, to collect his thoughts, before he continued. I could tell by the way his eyes pulled at the corners that he was uncomfortable with telling me all of this, but he did so anyway. If for no other reason than to give me ease of mind. I felt a twinge of guilt. It couldn’t be easy to talk about being abandoned, a feeling I was quite familiar with.

“I lived a rather normal life with him for twelve years. He taught me how to use my magic, telling me stories about how it ran in the family and how it got stronger with each generation. He nurtured my talent, telling me I was the strongest sorcerer our family has produced. I didn’t believe him, but I was a kid. Now, I’m still not sure I believe him even after everything.” He pulled a hand through his hair before continuing. “Just when I got used to the idea of Tomas as my father figure, when I finally accepted my parents were never coming back and that Tomas was all the family I needed, he was viciously taken from me. I showed you what happened in the first dream.”

I recalled the image of explosions and the young boy running for shelter. It still sent shivers up my spine just thinking that he had to experience that. “My village was attacked by dark sorcerers. I wasn’t always one of them,” he added to my surprised expression, “and even though I am now one of them, there are different kinds of darkness in this world. There are those who can draw lines at certain things, and those who can’t. The sorcerers that attacked my village, couldn’t. They didn’t mind killing women and children. They didn’t mind killing my uncle. I don’t even know what they were doing there, what they were looking for, but they destroyed almost everything in their path. My uncle tried to fight them, but you saw what happened to him.

“I lost my self-control that day, exploding with a power I didn’t know I had in me. Everything and everyone around me was destroyed. I didn’t know how I had done it and it took me years to figure out how to tap into that power again.”

“Was that the village you destroyed?” I asked, almost a little too hopeful. If it was, his actions could be written off as a mere accident. I wanted him to be good, I realized with a shock. At least one person in my life had to be good.

“No. It wasn’t. But I will get to that.”

A feeling of dread spread over me. He had wiped out an entire village. But for what reason? I was going mad thinking about the possibilities.

“I wandered around for a couple of days after that, starving. The energy that explosion of power drained out of me was unbelievable. I made it to a small town, where I met Andreas and his family. His mother was a very kind woman and she ushered me to her home to tend my wounds. I told her what had happened and she sent out word to my last living relative, my aunt Esther. It took her a couple of days to arrive and I used that time to get to know the Grigoli family.”

Kalen stopped and looked me squarely in the eye. “Back then, Andreas liked me more, mostly because I think he wanted a friend. Although his parents were caring, he didn’t have many friends his own age. Neither had I, so we grew pretty close. It was hard to leave with my aunt, but I had to.”

He looked away again, his eyes narrowed in thought. “It was then my life took a turn for the worse again. My aunt’s husband was not kind. The only person he would try not to harm was his wife. They had lost their son in the war with Gynae and it had taken a toll on him. He eased his frustrations by using me as a punching bag. He was this awfully big man, and I was twelve. There wasn’t much I could do to fight back. I didn’t even fully know how to use my powers yet. Plus, I told myself that he didn’t really hate me. He was just hurting and needed an outlet, so I let him take out his frustrations on me. That way he wouldn’t turn on Aunt Esther.

“A year later it only escalated. I saw in his eyes that it was no longer a need for him to ease his pain, but that he hurt me for pleasure. The malice in his eyes became too much to bear. He was injuring me more than he had before, breaking my arm in several places once. He wouldn’t even allow a physician to see me. All because he enjoyed it. He was sick and twisted. The day he broke my arm was the day I could no longer accept it. I was still not in complete control of my powers and I snapped. I wanted him to die. Every thought in my head was please let him die. And he did. I had no idea how it happened. One moment he was standing there and the next he collapsed with blood flowing out of his eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. It completely stunned me, but I knew that I had done it. So did Esther.”

His eyes were cloudy. I could tell the memory was painful for him to relive. I couldn’t believe that anyone could do that to a child. It angered me severely.

“Esther banished me from her home, not wanting to believe that her loving husband had used me for a punching bag. And so I was left without a home. Somehow, Mrs. Grigoli had gotten wind of this news and sent someone to fetch me. She once again opened her home to me. By the time I had reached the Grigoli house, my arm had set in an unnatural angle. She fixed it for me and told me she’d teach me how to better harness my magic. I think this was where Andreas’ hatred toward me started. He didn’t like the fact that his mother cared for me.”

He fell back onto the bed, pinching the bridge of his nose. I watched him with a sense of fascination. He was really attractive. I found my mind wandering but quickly forced myself to focus. It wasn’t like me to think of such things amidst such a serious discussion. I blamed the lapse in judgment on my lack of sleep.

“I’ve already told you the story of my stay with the Grigoli family up to when Dylan died, the important parts at least. After his murder the entire atmosphere in the house changed. Mrs. Grigoli retreated into herself and I never saw her husband anymore. Andreas was becoming increasingly violent and angry. I witnessed his transformation into the man you know today. Believe it or not, but he was once a very easygoing, happy, fellow. The change in him was startling and we started avoiding each other. Even I started having trouble which is where Janelle and Mary come in.”

Kalen paused and turned his head to me, sitting up a bit so he could see my eyes. “I didn’t treat them well. I needed an escape and they provided it. I was seeing them both at the same time, different nights. They didn’t know about the other at first and I really hurt them when they found out about each other. I was a bastard, I can admit that. I treated them the way Andreas now treats most women. But I went further. They started nagging me, demanding I choose one of them. I hadn’t realized their affection for me had grown so much. I told them I didn’t want either of them and that I had just been using them. It wasn’t enough for Mary. She didn’t want to believe that what we had had been nothing more than a distraction on my part. She attacked and killed Janelle, bringing me her heart. In her mind, we could finally be together without someone else interfering. When I still refused to be with her, for obvious reasons, she came after me too.

“If she couldn’t have me, then no one could. I tried to fight her off without hurting her, but she was making it difficult. And I stabbed her in the process. It was either her or me. After that, I swore never to use women for my own selfish needs again. I had learned my lesson and it’s why I disapprove so strongly of Andreas’ womanizing ways. I know how badly it can end. I have the scars to remind me.”

I knew I couldn’t exactly be mad at Kalen for this. I couldn’t have that double standard, not when part of me wanted to forgive Andreas for using me. But still, I couldn’t help but feel angry that Kalen had done that. I wanted to believe he was different, that he at least was good. What I wanted to believe and what I was forced to accept always seemed to be two entirely different things.

Kalen stopped talking. “What about the village?” I asked when he had remained quiet for a very long time. He sat up rigidly, suddenly very on edge.

“Something happened and I was forced to leave the Grigoli house,” he began.

“What happened?” I interjected, curious.

“Not my place to tell. You will have to ask Andreas for that piece of his history since it affected him more than it did me. All I can tell you is that I left the house a very angry man. I made my way over to a neighboring village, so far over the edge that I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore. Everything in my past came back to haunt me all at once. And I wish I could tell you why.”

“But Andreas should? That hardly seems fair.”

“When he does tell you, you will understand why it wasn’t my place to tell. And you will see why it was the final straw concerning myself. The darkness consumed me. I tried to remain calm as I entered an inn that night, but there were some drunk knights who were looking for trouble. You know how some of them can get. I was a new target they could play with. They chose the wrong night to accost me.”

Kalen paused again. “I didn’t mean to kill all those people. I wasn’t myself that night. The darkness was all I was. I was hurt, destroyed and far gone. Everyone in that village, was dead. All because I could no longer control my anger. I became one of those monsters people use as a myth only to scare their children.

“I’m not proud of myself. It took me three years after that to get to a place of relative normalcy. I was still vicious for a long time after that. You know the stories you’ve heard of Andreas? I did similar things, but not on the scale he did. My reasons weren’t as strong as his. But I did horrible things, some that might even be considered worse that some things that Andreas has done. Things I know I can never be forgiven for, but I’m hoping that I can at least try to redeem myself. I do not claim to be good now, but I really am trying. And I really don’t want this to alter your opinion of me.”

He gave me a sad smile. I wasn’t sure what to think. I knew I was being a hypocrite for being reluctant to believe him when he said he was trying to be different, when I was the one trying to convince Andreas he wasn’t as bad as he thought. Something about them was fundamentally different. Was it because Kalen was actually trying to get back to light and Andreas didn’t care? And if so, why did it even matter?

I looked deeply into Kalen’s eyes, trying to find any hint that he was lying to me. His green, green eyes were cloudy, but sincere. He hadn’t yet lied to me. Andreas had. Several times. Perhaps it was time I started trusting someone who hadn’t abused it. Also, Kalen explained things to me willingly. He came to me. Andreas just kept me in the dark. I made my decision there and then. Andreas had his chance and he didn’t use it. And while he said he wanted me to forgive him, I couldn’t. He wasn’t even trying to win back my trust. Kalen was here, trying. And for that, I was deeply grateful.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned Kalen’s face to me. “It is a lot to take in,” I admitted, “but that person you were talking about isn’t the man that saved Izzy from her brother yesterday. He isn’t the man I have come to know over these last few days. You do seem to have changed. And you’ve always been honest with me, which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of people. I’m grateful for that and for that reason I will give you the benefit of the doubt.”

His hand covered mine. “Thank you.”

I didn’t know if it was the way his eyes could totally disarm me or if it was purely the electric current that flowed through me when we touched, that made the attraction I had to him stronger. He realized the effect he had on me and pulled me into a kiss. I was frozen at first, reluctant after everything I had just heard, but melted into him as the kiss grew longer.

He laid me down on the bed, hovering over me, his lips not once disconnecting from mine. I felt his hunger for me increase. I couldn’t deny the need rising in my belly for him. But I couldn’t go further at this point. Not after last time. When he nudged on the hem of my dress, I gently pushed him away. “I can’t. Not right now.”

He didn’t question me. Instead, he gave me one last sweet kiss and climbed off the bed. I didn’t want him to go, but knew it would be for the best. “I can wait until you’re ready,” he said, ever the gentleman. This version of him didn’t match up with the man he kept telling me about. It was easy to forget every single bad thing he had done when he smiled at me like that. I slid off the bed and wrapped my arms around him. He was surprised, but quickly wrapped his arms around me too.

“You should get some sleep. It has been a long night.”

On cue, I yawned. He was right. I had been up for too long. He kissed me on my forehead and said goodnight, disappearing down the hallway. I stared after him as he left the normal way, almost like he wanted me to follow him, or perhaps he just couldn’t teleport the way Andreas could. I stayed in my doorway until he was completely out of sight.