I had figured out what the theme of the third set of libraries in the manor was: magic. After Andreas had given me the magic book weeks ago, I had gone back and started paging through books that had made no sense to me before. It was as if something had clicked inside my mind and words that had only seemed like scribbles before now became comprehensive.

Most of my afternoons after my discovery had been spent in those libraries reading. I was determined to learn magic, with or without Andreas’ help. But, while I was able to memorize words on pages, practicing those words was a whole different matter in of itself.

I was sitting in the library, paging through one of the books I think translated to “beginner” when Kalen walked in. “You can read Latin? I’m impressed.”

My eyes didn’t leave the page. I didn’t quite feel like being distracted by him yet. “I couldn’t, but somehow now I can,” I replied, turning a page.

“Ah, so that must be one of your gifts. The fast learner.” I snorted. If only he knew how long it took me to learn things.

I lifted my eyes to him. “I’m anything but a quick learner. I know how to do a total of three spells, and that’s it.”

“For someone who has just started learning, that is quite impressive actually,” Kalen said as he paced around the room, dragging his fingers over the spines of the books.

“Then why does Andreas act like it’s taking me so long to learn simple spells?” I asked, eyebrows raised.

“Because he has absolutely zero experience teaching anyone anything. He is impatient. He sees you as the lovely young lady you are, and not as a beginner. For some reason, his mind does not associate you with someone who has never learned how to harness your magic. It is a wonder you’ve learned anything from him at all,” Kalen explained and came to a standstill. He pulled a book from the shelf, my eyes still on him.

“You have never learned Latin before, right? Yet now you can read it?” I nodded. “Many magic users, although they can learn the language easily, cannot learn it without instruction. You see, Latin is the language of magic, something you have a natural inclination for, and therefore its language comes to you naturally as well.” He sat down across from me and pushed the book in my direction.

He closed the book I was reading and took it from me. “You aren’t ready for this book yet. You need the basics first.” He gestured to the book he had placed before me. “Try that book instead. It starts from the very beginning and will speed up your learning process. I will even assist you should you wish it.”

I studied the cover of the book; it was plain black except for thin strips of gold spelling out the words Praeter Humanus, more than human. “Why the title?” I asked Kalen.

“It was assembled at a time in which magic was persecuted even more strongly than now and the title made it easy to explain the book away as a work of fiction.”

I opened the book and started paging through it. The paper felt old and fragile and I took care not to rip the pages. “Why didn’t Andreas give me this book first?” I asked, curious why he wouldn’t have thought of it as the book was in one of his libraries.

“Like I said, he has had no experience instructing anyone,” Kalen answered simply, standing up to return the other book to the shelf.

“And you had?”

“I had, but for a short time only,” Kalen’s whole body tensed for a second, be he forced himself to relax and slid the book into an empty slot.

“Who?” I asked, suddenly very curious to what had put him so on edge.

Kalen looked rattled for the first time since I’ve met him. He pulled his long fingers through his hair and started pacing again. Finally, he stopped and looked at me, a sad expression on his face. “A young boy… Andreas’ brother. I taught him before he was murdered.” Kalen sank into his chair again.

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. “You… taught him?”

Kalen nodded. “I have known Andreas and his family for a long time. After that incident I showed you that first night I visited your dreams, I needed a place to stay and his mother took me in. I didn’t stay long the first time before I moved in with my aunt… and well… dream number two happened. I took her husband’s abuse for a very long time before I eventually lost control and killed him in a fit of rage. My aunt was disgusted by what I was and I was sent to a foster home… not a very nice one. Andreas’ mother heard about this a couple of months into my stay and she rescued me from it. I was thirteen when I moved in with them and I really liked his little brother. His name was Dylan and he was the sweetest little man I had ever met. His parents were busy, so I offered to help out with his training as a way to show my gratitude.”

Kalen cut himself off, his eyes clouding over. My own were starting to water from what I knew was going to come. “He was like a brother to me. I cared about him just as much as Andreas did, but I doubt Andreas believes that. I think he still blames me after all this time.” Kalen’s voice was soft, like he was trying to hide his emotion, but I could still hear his voice breaking. “I was supposed to be training him that day, but I wasn’t feeling well so I told him I couldn’t. His parents were out of the house, and well, he was five and he was bored. He knew I wasn’t feeling well, so he left me alone. He didn’t tell anyone he was going out. Andreas was in his room doing whatever it is he does – after all this time, I still haven’t figured it out – and Dylan knew never to bother him. So he snuck out of the house. I had gone to Andreas to tell him I wouldn’t be training Dylan that day and that he should keep an eye on him, but I was too late. Dylan had already left the house.” Kalen stopped again and closed his eyes. He tried to keep himself composed, but I could tell the memory deeply hurt him.

“Andreas grew panicked when he couldn’t find Dylan anywhere. I was back in my room trying to rest and get rid of whatever fever that was trying to take ahold of me. Andreas knocked on my door frantically and I reluctantly got up to open it. He told me he had searched the entire house and that Dylan was nowhere. So we split up to look for him in town. I was slow, so it was Andreas who found him. I caught up to him just in time… just in time to see…” he stopped talking, tears dripping from his eyes. My hand covered my mouth. It was terrible to hear; I could only imagine how hard it must’ve been to witness it. “A knight named John had plunged a sword into Dylan’s heart and he was laughing. There were other knights around him, and no matter how angry Andreas and I were at that time, there was nothing we could do. There was a Follower of Light not far away and just as Andreas was about to attack, he stopped him. He told us ‘All things happen for a reason. This is your destiny.’ He sent us back to the manor with Dylan’s body. I had never seen anyone sob like that in my life. He was the image of a man broken.”

All words failed me. I couldn’t imagine Andreas broken like that. Whenever I pictured something happen to him, I saw him angry, but never sad. How good he had become at hiding his true emotions. Suddenly I completely understood his hatred toward John.

“Afterward,” Kalen continued, his face dark and somber. He was no longer the charming, cocky man I had gotten used to. “Andreas blamed me for what had happened. He kept saying that if I had just trained Dylan even though I felt sick, his brother would still be alive. I had blamed myself already, but realized that I couldn’t have predicted what would happen. I didn’t resent Andreas for blaming me, though. I understood his logic behind it and I would’ve said the same thing in his position. He isn’t as hostile toward me anymore, but I think part of him still blames me for what happened that day.”

I looked away, trying to dry the tears that had spilt from my own eyes. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the hardship both these men had to go through. Andreas had told me that his little brother’s death wasn’t the only bad thing that had happened to him. It chilled everything inside me to think that something else of the same caliber, or even worse, had happened to him. And then there was Kalen who had had a tough life even before this incident. Bad things happened to him, too. I felt an overwhelming sadness for the both of them. I just wanted to hold them and tell them that everything would be okay because it sounded like there was no one around to do that for them. That was probably why they had both turned out as dark sorcerers. Their entire view of the world was darkened by events in their past, and every part within them that was light was overshadowed by the dark shadows that clung to them every day.

“That… is a lot to take in,” I finally said, my voice shaking.

“I know. I’m sorry for just springing that on you. I’m usually not very good with talking about things in my past, but you make it surprisingly easy,” he replied with a sad smile. I returned his smile with one of my own, but it didn’t quite reach my eyes.

He shook his head and the darkness that surrounded him before vanished. His expression returned to the one I had gotten used to. “Enough of depressing topics. Life’s too short to wallow about the past.”

My eyes narrowed in thought. He was right. Life was too short to stay mired in the past. All you could do was move on from it. Learn from your mistakes and try to make things better later on. I needed to put all the bad things behind me. There was no point in worrying about them now. Nothing that had happened to me so far even compares to what they have been through, so I had no right to act like I’d been done this terrible injustice. I realized in that moment how selfish I had been, being sad about all that happened to me. I should move on and learn to be happy.

“You’re right. Life is too short. We need to make the most of it while we can.”

His lips turned up crookedly and I thought to myself how much I was starting to like seeing that. Kalen was so different from Andreas. They shared a dark history, yet Kalen didn’t let that get him down. He still tried to move forward with his life. He seemed to want to let me in; he wanted me to know him. He didn’t try to push me away at every turn like Andreas. Perhaps that was the sign I had been searching for. Maybe Kalen was the knight I had been waiting for all this time. The thought sent a flush of color to my cheeks. I needed to get away from him before I said something I was going to regret later on.

“Leaving so soon?” Kalen asked as I got up from my chair.

“I think I need some air,” I replied with a small smile. The room was getting really hot all of a sudden. His lips were looking more and more appealing by the second. I forced the thought out of my head. I would not make the same mistakes twice. While Kalen appeared more genuine that Andreas in his pursuit of me, he could just be a better actor. Or, that was what I was telling myself. Truth was, I was afraid of getting hurt a third time by trusting a man I really shouldn’t.

Kalen walked closer to me and I could feel my pulse quicken. I wanted to trace my hands over his torso and feel him breathe beneath my fingertips. My line of thoughts startled me and I tried to compose myself, sure I was failing miserably. Kalen was now standing right in front of me and he brushed my hair from my face and let his hand linger on my cheek. Without second thought, I leaned into it.

“You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now,” Kalen said and bit his lip. I could tell that in that moment he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I wanted to slap myself. Don’t give in. Don’t give in. Don’t give in.

“Nothing’s stopping you,” my traitorous mouth said before I could stop it. Kalen didn’t need to be invited twice. His lips found mine and I no longer wanted him to stop. The kiss was sweet, yet passionate. Delicate, yet fiery. I lost myself in it, craving more and more. While a small spark in my mind was reminded of Andreas’ kiss, most remained focused on the man kissing me in that moment. I pushed Andreas from my mind as he became more prominent, when memories of much more started to surface. It helped when Kalen pulled me closer to him, caressing my hips.

I had been right before. Kalen was exactly what I needed. I just hoped I didn’t end up being disappointed by him the way I had been by Andreas and Elijah. The sweetness in the way he held me suggested that I wouldn’t be. And so for that moment I surrendered myself to the kiss, just reveling in the feel of his lips on mine.