i lean against the door frame, watching him intently from afar.

he looks up from his coffee, and smiles at me.

"come here." he says, in a quiet tone.

i walk over to him, and his arm wraps around my waist.

he sets his coffee mug down gently on the table.

our lips touch for a few brief moments.

as we part, i stare into his eyes with content.

i hear him sigh, and his arms slides back into his lap.

i stand next to him, with a face of confusion.

"something wrong?" i ask, placing my hand on his shoulder.

his eyes roamed everywhere except my face.

"i don't know." he says.

"tell me...what's wrong?" i ask, my heart beginning to beat rapidly.

i could feel the fear. i clenched my jaw. rejection. abandonment.

"its just...what about vertigo?" he asks, refusing to meet my gaze.

i sigh. "what about her? just tell her you aren't interested in her." i say, dully.

i realize what i had just said, and wish to take it back immediately.

i noticed how selfish i sounded.

is that what desperation does?

"its just not fair to her. she's your friend and she thinks we have a date next week.." he says, choosing his words rather quickly.

anger spreads like venom within me.

"oh, but you didn't feel that when you fucking left me for some other bitch. what am i to you? some fucking useless piece of shit that you run to when you get bored?"

my voice was cracking, and i know tears were about to spill. 

he looks at me in shock and his mouth opens to form a sentence but it chooses to close it.

"you really don't understand my side of things, do you? you think i am some cruel bastard but i am really not."

he pauses for a second and i remain quiet. my eyes stay fixed on my socks.

"do you know how many times i have tried to forget you? but no, you always come back.  you always are in my head, my heart, my every waking thought. you're like a incurable plague i can't get rid of and that i don't want to get rid of."

he was now standing over me, our faces close enough to hear our breaths.

"then why did you leave me? why do you have to forget me!!? i don't understand that! why!? i care for you
more than any other could. why can't i be enough for you?!" my voice shook, but there were no tears. i refused to cry.

"its complicated. we are complicated, too difficult. i've never been so serious over someone before you...and after you. nobody could compare to what you made me feel. i don't- i can't handle that. i have to be me. i can't let anyone change me, not even you!" 

his hands were gripping my shoulders, shaking me.

i could feel his frustration he had been bottling up for so long.

i could see his eyes turning red, and sweat rolling down his temple.  

"how is that hard to understand?" he says, his finger on my lips.

"it's hard...because i need you. i love you. and im not afraid of how you make me feel. it feels right."

i pause to collect my thoughts, and i knew his attention was on listening to me.

"i never thought much about love...until you and then i never wanted it to end. but you've made it end so many times and now you tried to light the flame again and right when i thought you were mine again, you are scared to get burnt."

"i'm not afraid to get burnt. i just don't know if all this is worth it."

"but what if it is?"