(flashback)

i remember the first time i saw her with him.

she had curly dark red hair that reached to her hips.

her almond colored eyes glared into mine and i could see why he chose her.

her lips were pursed together, judging me.

judging my frame
judging my hair
judging my posture
judging how i presented myself

his arm was around her protectively and i couldn't help but feel the envy sink deep into my skin.

"let's go. she doesn't matter anymore." he says, as he grips her arm.

she yanks her arm away and comes closer to me.

i watch as she effortlessly shoves me to the ground, my head hitting the cement.

i tried to recollect my sight and process what was going on but my reaction time was too slow.

i watch as her fist collides into my face countless times. i lay there emotionless and not moving.

she kicks me in the stomach and ribs and i could hear the cracking of my bones and the pain pierces through me and up my throat.

i cough up blood and my eyes begin to sting. i try to lay on my side, but she grabs my hair and drags me a few feet closer to the road.

i could hear the cars loudly, and i knew i was about to be killed.

all i could think of was how humiliating this was.

i could hear my heart pounding over the screams of her insults.

she begins to spit on me and her high heel shoes stab into my skin.

i don't make a sound. i don't show any sign of pain. i just lay there and stay emotionless through it all.

i lift myself up enough to see him a few feet away, watching with a unreadable expression.

this was the day that marked that he really couldn't careless and he wouldn't ever bring himself to feel that soft towards me.

i fall back in pain and grit my teeth.

i wince in pain and close my eyes. i squint them so tightly, j hoped i would disappear.

eventually the yelling had stopped, and suddenly it was dark outside.

my eyes open to the moon above me, glaring off the windows of empty shops who haven't had any use in years.

they were all considered useless and empty.

just like me.

this was the day i realized a number of many different things.

one that stood out the most was that,

no matter who promised to be there

wouldn't always be there

even if they insisted so

its just an empty promise

and once i came to that realization

i tried to become more self reliant

but eventually that became difficult

because that just wasn't my nature

to be independent because unlike some people

i needed people more than they needed me.

and in this case he was a perfect example

to perfect in his own imaginable way

and the emptiness of this swallowed me whole

because i wasnt perfect

nor was i flawed

i was just a waste

a single waste in someone's overlooked  2 A.M. thoughts